Collide
by iheartShules
Summary: Joss Carter was beautiful from the inside out with a supremely powerful drive to find and bring justice which made his job a whole lot tougher. :: Rated T, for a long while but will change to M later. Definitely AU!
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Hi guys! I have a new AU story for you that's longish. But as with all my AUs I tried to make sure John and Joss are still who they are at a core.**_

 _ **Elaine, thank you for all the positive support over this story and re-proofing things as I kept changing things on you. XOXOX**_

 _ **Before I let you guys begin I just want to take a moment to shout-out to all my guest readers that have left me reviews on previous stories (and perhaps this one too) as I can't thank you personally, so I'll do it now. Thank you XOXO**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own anything whatsoever as I just enjoy writing about these two.**_

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It had been a long grueling day at work.

Joss rolled her shoulders trying to work the tight knots out but they still felt tense that only a nice soaking bath could exorcise. But considering the time of night it was; she'd just have to settle on a hot shower instead. She had finished a horrific homicide case of an eight year old girl whose father was arrested and received some disturbing news from Fusco that caused her to call FBI Agent Donnelly, all in one evening. Her stress level had increased due to the band of dirty cops known as HR getting their crooked hands into everything. Being a Detective on the Homicide Task Force was tough enough without dirty cops trying to ruin all your hard work at getting justice. No one trusted cops anymore because people simply didn't know if the cop showing up was good or not. Until they could manage to clean up their own precincts they were never going to be able to clean up the streets.

She exited the precinct after opening the umbrella to battle against the raging monsoon; it had rained so hard since late this morning that flash flooding was a serious problem. Joss would need to be vigilant to make sure the 'puddle' she was driving through wasn't a lake in disguise. The scent of rain and moist soil clung in the air causing her to take a deep breath, grateful that Spring had finally sprung. It was late April so the air was cool but not cold and she was looking forward to summer. It would be nice to sit on her back patio in the warm air staring up at the sky with a beer in her hand and just relax after a hard day. When she was a kid she had loved lying in the grass watching the clouds and imagining what they looked like.

Joss headed for her car at a brisk walk with rain water splashing the backs of her pants from the puddles she trudged through as she yawned. She had been up before six in the morning so she could get a jog in before breakfast with her kid, and then she headed out for work. Taylor was living with grandma for the time being. It was easier for everyone involved if he just lived there during the school year with her chaotic hours not usually falling in line with school times. During the summer; Taylor would be back at home with her and they'd go from there. It was tough because she loved her son more than life but it made him happy to not bounce between their place and grandma's all the time; so whatever worked and made her boy happy that was what she'd do. He had a rough time of it, especially with Paul still not straightening up to be a father to him. Taylor tried to put a brave face on but she could see the hurt in her boy's eyes.

If only she could take that pain away. God knows she tried, tried to be mom and dad to make up for Paul letting pain and booze come between him and Taylor. But there was only so much she could do because sometimes sons just needed their father. Her marriage to Paul was over a long time ago and she didn't even care if she ever saw him again; however, Taylor did care and his feelings were what mattered to her and Paul was letting him down. All she could do was love her son the way he deserved and hope that she was enough for Taylor until Paul could get his head out his ass and became the father she knew he could be.

Before climbing into her car she looked around her surroundings as, not for the first time, she felt like she was being watched. It was just a feeling she had for years now which had to be a side-effect of her job of being a detective. Joss shrugged it off and climbed into her car after shutting the umbrella and headed for home. She needed to take that quick shower, nuke a TV dinner, and watch a little TV before collapsing into bed. It sounded like a wonderful evening to her. The only thing to make it better was if she could have her son there, though a night alone with mindless television and bad frozen food sure beat out heading to someone's place and deliver the kind of news no one wants to hear. Those were her most hated times.

She drove home with just the muted sound of her windshield wipers going strong and the rain pelting the car in a steady rhythm. Joss jumped in surprise when a large booming sound of thunder erupted. She chuckled at herself for being jumpy as she was in a middle of rainstorm; the forecast did say an occasional pop up thunderstorm was a possibility. A white flash splintered in the night sky and just as she relaxed, something large and heavy landed on the hood of her car.

Joss shrieked. She couldn't help it. It happened all of a sudden and she watched in a blur as something big rolled up her windshield from her hood, then landed on the top of her car, before she felt the weight on the back of her car and then nothing.

Braking immediately, her tires squealed as they tried to catch the wet pavement and she came to an abrupt halt as her body leaned forward before her seatbelt locked. Her heart beat in time with the wipers going back and forth at the highest setting; while her whole body trembled from startled shock, she clutched the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles turned white. Joss leaned forward looking out the windshield trying to figure out what the hell fell on her car. It had to be a tree branch or some kind of debris from the brewing storm. Her body was slowly recovering from the shock as she slid her car into 'park' before climbing out to see just what the hell fell on her car.

As she rounded the back of her car she let out a muted cry as she realized it wasn't some debris or tree branch but rather a person; a fair-skinned man to be exact, who wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing and getting soaked to the bone. He was on his side facing away from her; his bare ass facing towards her. Joss refused to acknowledge it was the best looking butt she seen in a long time. She nearly made him roadkill and she was going to gawk at his fine behind…nope, no way! Joss dug out her cell phone and called for an ambulance. She rattled off where she was, who she was, and what had happened before attending to the man.

She tugged off her wet coat while keeping her gaze firmly located up as he slowly shifted on his backside, setting it over his lower body to make him decent. "Sir, are you alright?" she asked gently, as she knelt down beside him to check him for broken bones. The guy she hit had a lean muscular body and thankfully she didn't find evidence of a broken bone but she did find a nasty bruise forming on his hip from where he must have collided with her hood. Her clinical once-over took stock of some minor cuts and bruises that he must have accrued in the fall, and bloody palms from where he had tried to protect his head as he landed on the pavement.

Mr. Great Butt finally looked up and Joss was stunned by how incredibly good looking the man was, but it was his eyes that stole the show because they were like in-your-face, heart-stopping blue. Joss couldn't tear her gaze away from them. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut, almost forgetting to breathe and her pulse started racing the moment their eyes connected but it was just coincidental, she attributed her reaction due to the accident and adrenaline, not this man himself.

Joss forced her entranced gaze off his as she sat with him as they waited for the ambulance to arrive which would be any minute judging by the sirens growing louder and louder. "Ambulance is on its way…." she stated before beginning to rub her hands over his muscular arms trying to warm him up; last thing she needed was him going into shock and she had nothing to cover up more of his exposed body. "They'll take you to the hospital to look at you and make sure you are alright, and get you warmed up," she murmured.

The man simply remained quiet; they didn't have to wait for long until the paramedics, cops, and firemen arrived and swarmed them.

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AN: And so it begins. I hope you guys will find this intriguing and a fun story.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Joss paced back and forth in the hospital waiting room. She had talked to the cops at the scene, told them everything that happened, well mostly everything; she had chosen to leave off the fact that the naked guy she hit had stunning pair of blue eyes, had a fabulous body, and the finest ass she ever laid eyes on which had her feeling some kind of way. She didn't see how those observations would help any and she'd never live it down if she admitted to being a woman in their eyes, before they told her she was free to go.

Incredibly, aside from the large dent in the middle of her car's front hood, the man she hit did no real damage to her car. He didn't even crack her windshield not that it really mattered to her, her car could have been totaled and she wouldn't have cared because it was a heap of metal, what mattered to her was the man and his injuries. So instead of heading home which was five minutes away from the scene of the accident she headed straight for the closest hospital to go check on her naked guy. Regardless of the fact that it was a pure accident or not, it would weigh on her conscience if something happened to him because of her. She just needed to make sure he was okay.

She arrived about twenty minutes later after being directed to her guy's room where she watched a cop enter his room and hadn't come back out yet. Neither had his doctors or nurses and Joss was growing a tad impatient. She was hungry. She was wet and tired, and wanted to go home. But she also was worried about the man she hit.

Joss had tried to come up with possible scenarios as to why her naked handsome guy was naked. He could be battling a mental illness or was a man who was high out of his mind, or even drunk. However the moment 'high out of his mind' popped into her head Joss nixed it because his eyes had been clear. They weren't dazed, no dilation, nothing. They had just stared at her in unwavering intensity with some sort of unknown emotion in them that she could only define as awe. It was ridiculous because why would that man be in awe of her? It had to be the dark that played tricks with her eyes. Or she was getting old and needed glasses but she refused to believe it was that; thirty-nine was the new twenty-one or so she told herself. So that left drunk or battling a mental illness.

Joss smiled when she saw the door open to her naked guy's room and out came the cop and it was Officer Brent Mathis, a friend on the force. Joss didn't have many because she didn't get close to many.

He strode over to her looking surprised. "Carter, what are you doing here?" he spoke.

"I'm the one that hit the naked guy," she admitted with slumped shoulders and a heavy heart.

Mathis blinked. "You?—Walsh said it was a detective that hit the naked guy but he didn't say who. But don't worry, this is going to be ruled an accident," Mathis reassured her with hands on his hips. "Walsh radioed me and he still can't figure out how there is no damage to the front bumper making it appear like he fell from the sky or something. The only plausible explanation Walsh was able to come up with is he was on the sidewalk and you just didn't see him; he waited until you were going by and jumped on your car. I asked the guy some questions but he doesn't have any answers so I am going to agree with Walsh. His doctors are discussing moving him up to the psych ward for a mandatory seventy-two hour stay," Mathis explained.

"Figured it would be ruled an accident because I know I didn't do anything wrong," she responded but deep in thought. While the explanation that he was on the sidewalk and just waited for her to drive by to possibly commit suicide made a lot of sense, she hadn't seen anybody though. Surely she would have seen a brazenly naked hot man in her peripheral vision as he was about to jump on her car and he must have had an amazing vertical leap. "How is he?" she asked.

"Awake. Alert. The doctors and I don't suspect drugs were in his system and as far as alcohol is concerned he's bone dry."

Joss nodded. "I think I'll go in and see how he is before I leave. Fault or not, I still hit him."

Mathis simply nodded before patting her on the shoulder as he bid her a goodnight and left. Joss paced the floor again waiting for her naked guy's doctors to exit and when they finally did she rushed over to them. "Hi, I'm Detective Carter; the, well the one that hit him on accident, and I was wondering how he is?" she asked. She knew what Mathis said but he gave cop answers; she'd feel better hearing her naked guy was alright from the people taking care of him.

"Physically…fine, minor cuts and bruises that will heal quickly, I'm concerned with the fact that he has absolutely no signs of head trauma and yet he can't remember things that he should know. He doesn't know who our president is, the year, or even what state he is in. We asked him his name, his age, even his height and weight, but nothing." the doctor said as he looked at a chart.

Joss blinked in surprise. "He's suffering from memory loss?" she questioned. Things were getting weirder and weirder. The guy appeared out of nowhere, naked as the day he was born, apparently hopped onto her car, and doesn't have drugs or alcohol in his system but yet couldn't remember remedial things? Joss frowned. "Can I go in and see him?" she asked.

"Sure, in the morning he's being moved to the psych ward for a seventy-two hour stay there." the doctor said and with that he turned and left to go see more patients.

Joss nodded before moving to enter the hospital room where her naked John Doe was resting. Except he wasn't naked now; he was dressed in a hospital gown. And now without it being dark, without her being upset and worried about him, she could fully appreciate how handsome he was. No, handsome didn't describe the guy right; the guy was downright sexy. He had an appealing and attractive face with sharp cheekbones, nice lips, and straight nose. This guy had the type of face GQ would kill to have for their cover model. He had short hair that was dark with minor gray at the temples that was now dry, some fell over his forehead, and made her fingers itch to finger through that hair to see if it was soft as it looked. And to go along with those insane blue eyes he had, he had full long dark lashes that framed them, that were currently resembling fans on his cheeks as he had his eyes closed…thankfully.

His body was muscular and had nice biceps that she could see; though she knew he had a great body that she reluctantly noticed when he was naked in the rain. He had a muscular chest with a flat stomach and a treasure trail arrowing down to his manhood; which by the time he rolled over he was covered by her coat. Not that she would eyeball his manhood even if it wasn't. Eyeballing his amazing butt was one thing but sneaking a peek at his goods was going a step too far. He was an injured man and it would have been in bad taste.

Joss felt a funny little flutter in her chest as she watched his quiet form. She frowned. She had seen good looking men before, men that looked nearly as good as this man, and none of them made her feel a damn thing. Looks weren't everything and typically it seemed the better looking a man was the worse his personality was.

The man's eyes opened as if sensing her presence and she felt promptly mesmerized by them. They were just so striking. Joss was close enough to see that he had a dark blue rim around his iris and the rest resembled a beautiful ocean.

"Hi," she greeted softly as nothing else came to mind. He remained silent as he just watched her. "We kind of got off on the wrong foot with me hitting you with my car and all," she muttered awkwardly trying for a teasing tone, but it fell flat and the man just kept watching her steadily without cracking a smile. "I want to apologize…" she said before wetting her lips, "…for hitting you with my car," she added when the silence was deafening.

He simply stared at her.

Joss sighed. "So can you tell me why you were out in the middle of the night, in the rain, naked?" she asked. She knew what the doctors said about his inability to remember, but she was a trained detective and would spot someone lying while they might not.

More silence. Well she could if he would answer a question sometime.

"Okay, how about can you tell me who you are?" she tried again.

Uncertainty shadowed in the man's amazing eyes; okay so the memory loss part might not be a trick. You couldn't fake that look. She'd seen many suspects try, but they never tricked her.

Joss would just run his prints through the system and hope something popped up. "Well I'm Joss Carter, I'm a Detective with the 8th precinct," she introduced herself as she moved closer to his bed.

"Joss," he repeated.

Joss didn't know what surprised her more; the fact that he finally spoke or that his voice was a low sexy rumble. It was deep and masculine; just as the rest of this guy was. And the way he said her name it sounded breathy and hot. It made her insides spasm at the sensuality. Great, so the guy she ran over was not only sexy but had an equally sexy voice. And here she had been hoping it would have been high and resembled a squeaky toy you gave a dog to play with. It would have dented his sexy image in her mind a bit, make him more human and less Greek God like; sometimes she had no luck.

She ignored her body's physical reaction to his voice and decided to try to ask some more questions. "Can I ask you the same questions as the doctors did? I know it seems redundant but I'm a trained detective," she murmured. He simply shrugged. "Who is the president of the United States?" she asked and was met with silence. Her gaze watched his face and saw absolutely no recognition. But she continued anyway, lobbing questions at him that he should know like what was the year, what state he was in, what was the date, his full name and age. She had even asked him what color his eyes were and was met with a blank stare. He had no idea any of it and she realized that if he looked in a mirror he probably wouldn't even recognize himself and Joss felt sad.

And guilty.

What if he had his memories before she hit him with her car? What if when she hit him with her car the shock and trauma to his body somehow led to the amnesia?—then it would be her fault, sort of, as he was the one that appeared out of thin air and hopped right in front of her car. But still. It was her car that hit him regardless of any other fact.

Joss felt a headache forming.

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AN: The next chapter is going to be a little different but will offer you plenty of answers. Thank you for reading so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN: The italics is a flashback._**

 ** _EDIT: Did anyone receive the alert to this because I didn't receive one that I posted the damn chapter? Ah, this site is glitchy!_**

* * *

 _Fourteen Fours Earlier…._

 _Joss Carter was beautiful from the inside out with a supremely powerful drive to find and bring justice which made his job a whole lot tougher._

 _John couldn't count the number of times she had headed straight into danger trying to catch a killer or save a life. She was fearless, courageous, and brave; all qualities he admired but because she was fearless, courageous, and brave she entered situations that had a very high potential for peril and that left him stressed. He was her guardian angel after all._

 _He at least took refuge that he died serving his country. Afterward he had thought he would just go up to heaven and that would be that, but, instead he was given the chance to be a guardian angel. So instead of heaven he went on a different plane which mirrored Earth that he left behind but instead of seeing any distinguishing features like skyscrapers or cars, all he saw was a sea of white and some other guardian angels, his charge, and only felt warmth. He was given Joss Carter as his charge after her previous guardian angel had requested to 'retire', apparently he had been a guardian angel for a very long time and was ready to head up to heaven to live in the eternal peace and love._

 _He had infiltrated Joss's life simply because as his charge her human spirit was brighter than any other acting as his beacon that anchored him to her. And what he saw surprised him; Joss Carter had been a stunningly beautiful young woman when he was given to her, she had been a sophomore in college. She had a heart shaped face, intelligent and sharp eyes, and a curvy figure, not that her physical beauty mattered all that much; he was dead and her guardian angel, she was alive and married. He watched his determined charge go from college to the Army and became a Warrant Officer before becoming the Army's top senior interrogator._

 _John got to be there when she gave birth to her son Taylor and helped make sure she lived through the labor as he focused his light on her stomach and chest. He had violated the rules when he extended his light to her son, making sure the boy made it too. Using up as much energy and his light as he had to make sure two lives made it had left him feeling weak and depleted but it had been worth it. John couldn't bear the thought of Joss being devastated over the loss of her child. It would have destroyed her; she was such a giving, nurturing, and caring woman. But the touch-and-go birth of her son was a cake walk compared to the fancy footwork he had to do to make sure she lived through that land mine that went off._

 _Joss had been walking with a military man, John was by her side as always, and with him was the other man's guardian angel; they all became horrified when they heard the click. John had watched as Joss stiffened as she shared a look with the other man she was with and John had sprung into action as he shielded her with his light as best as he could. He didn't know who stepped on the land mine but he chose to protect her head, neck, and near her heart knowing if she was hit there it would be fatal with little chance of survival. John had watched in anguish that while he had protected her in spots, he was unable to shield her totally from shrapnel ripping her stomach to shreds. He wept that he failed to protect her fully from harm as she was rushed into emergency surgery to stop internal bleeding. The only solace he could take was the fact that she survived. He hadn't learned until afterwards that the other guardian angel, Calvin, had lost his charge that day._

 _But she had survived with survivor's guilt and lost her career in the Army when she was medically discharged. He tried to offer her comfort as she cried to sleep on many occasions, often times wondering why she was spared and not her friend too; attempting to reach out and touch her cheek but he knew she couldn't truly feel it but he chose to believe she did because she'd stop crying and fall asleep. She received a Purple Heart for her efforts and worked hard at overcoming what happened, pouring everything into raising her son and heading back to school to become a lawyer._

 _He couldn't shield her from heartbreak as her marriage dissolved in front of her very eyes. Paul's guardian angel had tried as much as he could to protect the man from the horror of war but in the end it didn't work. All John could offer Joss as she filed for separation and then divorce was to make sure she made it home to her son each and every night. Although Joss threw him a curveball by signing up for the police academy instead of becoming lawyer that he figured she would do when she passed the bar exam. Even though it would have been better if she had chosen a less dangerous profession…being a cop made her happy, so it made him happy._

 _However somewhere along the way he had fallen completely head over heels in love with Joss and a guardian angel falling in love with their charge was forbidden. There were three rules he was told when he was offered a chance to become a guardian angel; one, don't extend your energy and light to more than one human spirit. Secondly, never turn your back on your charge, and most importantly don't fall in love with your charge because it could get in the way of guarding the charge's life which could lead to loss of life. There had been three rules and he had broken two which could result in removal as her guardian angel if anyone ever learned the truth or he made a mistake that led to harm to befall on Joss. But John wouldn't let that happen. He couldn't let that happen. Making sure Joss lived a happy full life was all he cared about; it allowed him to be at her side, and he couldn't bear the thought of losing the ability to see her after being reassigned. Joss was his to protect until the end of her life cycle._

 _If only she made protecting her easier._

 _He silently focused on Joss watching her drink her coffee as she walked on the Earthly sidewalk. John sighed when he felt a presence, and saw Joss meet up with her partner: Lionel Fusco. "Good morning, Shaw," he murmured lowly as he spared a glance at the smaller guardian angel for Fusco. Since their charges became partners they talked a lot or rather sparred a lot. Apparently when Shaw was alive she had a personality disorder that she didn't get rid of in the afterlife._

 _Shaw watched her charge before eyeing him. "How come you get a hot chick while I get her fat friend who dresses in cheap polyester?" Shaw demanded, not for the first time._

 _John rolled his eyes. "Bring it up with Harold; he's the one that assigns us to our charges."_

 _Shaw groaned as she watched her curly-haired plump charge drop half his falafel on his tie. "He needs a damn bib!—he drops food on his tie every single time." Shaw growled before growing quiet. "That is the one thing I miss most from being alive…food," she said almost wistfully._

 _John didn't really miss anything from life, well not anything that he could vaguely recall. He had been here so long that the life he led before he died was fading. Bits and pieces remained, like the fact that he knew he never felt like he belonged anywhere…until now, until he died. Because being Joss's guardian angel; being by her side, always, was where he belonged even if she didn't realize it._

 _Shaw glanced up and noticed that John was watching his little charge awfully hard. She rolled her eyes. "Should I also bring up the fact that you love your charge when I bring up my disdain of Lionel's eating habits with Harold?" she asked innocently. Not that she would. She liked John…a little. They had fun trading wisecracks and he was former military before he died like her. They had something in common and, unlike her and most of the other angels, they got along._

" _You could try but I'll deny it."_

 _Shaw laughed. "All they'd have to do is one time watch you watch her and they'd know the truth, John," she rebuked as she fidgeted with her flowing gown that was in all white as his was. She had complained about the outfit since he'd known her._ _ **'Why can't we wear black?—I get we're angels and shit but I like black'**_

 _He looked at her then. "If you do; angel or not, I'll come after you…"_

" _Just calm your wings' feathers down; I wouldn't do that to you, besides you could try but I can float circles around you."_

 _John cocked a brow up. "Only if I'm holding a juicy steak for you, otherwise you couldn't keep up with me," he quipped back._

" _Hey, being in love with food is better than falling in love with my charge like some cliché! It's against the rules and could result in your removal and I kind of enjoy getting to talk to someone that isn't lame. These other guardian angels are dull," Shaw complained._

 _John went back to watching Joss. "Well don't worry, Shaw; I can handle loving her from afar. Loving her is the easy part, it's keeping her alive that isn't," he muttered._

" _Yea, she does have a nasty habit of running straight into dangerous situations thinking she can either save someone or get someone taken into justice...you got yourself a hot tamale."_

 _He made a face at Shaw's comment as he followed Joss, but with being focused on his conversation with Shaw he hadn't heard what Joss was saying to Fusco. He liked to be in the know with what was happening in her life so it made protecting her easier._

 _Shaw groaned as she saw their charges were splitting up. "Talk to you later, lover boy," Shaw snickered._

 _John simply followed and watched Joss._

* * *

Present Day…

Joss's headache from last night turned to a full blown migraine today as she ran the hot naked guy's prints. Things were getting more bizarre with each new piece she learned. The mystery guy's prints matched to a man who died in action back in 1995, which was sixteen years ago. John Reese, Army Ranger, died in Bosnia, only twenty-five years old, after a Serb militant loaded with bags of land mines shot him at point blank range with an AK-47 when he was alone. The Serb militant then was killed by fellow Army Ranger Frederick Glasgow.

After the weird results she called in a favor from a friend in the military to get everything they had on John Reese faxed over as soon as possible and her friend came through. Joss poured over the paperwork and what flabbergasted her further when she received the information on the man it included a photo and John Reese was a dead ringer for her John Doe except her guy looked a little older but not by much. He had barely aged for sixteen years; he was as sexy then as he was now.

So John Reese obviously didn't die that night sixteen years ago but the question became why did the military lie about his death, and what happened between then and now? Perhaps his amnesia was done on purpose, like someone had brainwashed him and erased his memory to keep the secret hidden. But she scoffed at that thought. She had watched one too many sci-fi shows!

Her John Doe was moved to the hospital's psych ward for a three day stay there to make sure he wasn't a danger to himself; she wasn't allowed to go visit him until his seventy-two hours were up, and when they were she'd be there. But for now she had to try to figure things out from here. John's only living relative was his adoptive mother Margaret. His adoptive father died in a refinery accident as he was trying to save lives he was killed. And finding out his biological parents was going to be tough since his adoption was closed, and he had no girlfriend or wife listed. He had been in the Army only for two years before he was killed in action receiving a Purple Heart. Joss felt wistful. John Reese had been so young, so virile and had the rest of his life to live when he supposedly died tragically.

But maybe she could get his adoptive mother to come to New York and positively identify John then she could move onto the next question that needed answered: what the hell happened to him for the last sixteen years?

For the next half hour Joss spent it trying to find information on Margaret Reese. She lived in the state of Washington; never remarried, and lived and worked on a family farm. Joss glanced at her watch to make sure she wouldn't be waking the woman up before calling. The phone rang a few times before a soft spoken and feminine 'hello' sounded.

"Hello, is this Margaret Reese?" Joss asked hesitantly.

"Yes it is,"

Joss smiled. "I'm Detective Carter with the 8th precinct of the NYPD, Mrs. Reese." she explained.

"Please call me Margaret."

"Alright, Margaret; call me Joss. I'm calling because last night a man that matches your son's prints hopped in front of my car as I was driving." she said, giving the limited facts that she had so far. She heard the woman's audible hitch of breath.

"My son is dead, Joss. He was killed in Bosnia serving our country." the woman whispered.

"I know and from all intents and purposes I agree with the stated facts; however, it doesn't change the fact that I hit a man that matched fingerprint identification with John Reese and looks identical to him." she explained trying to remain professional yet it was difficult as she felt like she was ripping open a wound that never fully healed for this woman. "But its past coincidental and I was hoping I could convince you to fly to New York and possibly I.D. him. He doesn't have his memories and I am trying to figure out what happened to him."

"Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to try to accept his death, Detective?" the woman asked softly. Joss truly had no idea what kind of pain this woman had gone through and she wished she never did. "I struggle with it every single moment of every day even now sixteen years later. Connor, my husband, and I were high school sweethearts. Connor was the bravest man I ever knew. He had a kind and generous soul."

"He sounds like a wonderful man." Joss murmured, not quite sure why she was bringing up her deceased husband.

"He was. Connor died when Johnny was eleven; I lost the love of my life. And I thought it was the worst pain I'd ever live through but I was wrong." said Margaret, with her voice cracking. Joss felt her heart break for this woman. "Because losing Johnny was like losing my heart and soul. My world came crashing down around me when they told me my son was dead because Johnny was my world."

"I'm so sorry," Joss said gently. "I have a son and I know I'd feel the same way you do if I ever lost Taylor." she admitted.

"Johnny was such a beautiful boy inside and out. Quiet and shy, intelligent and inquisitive but most of all he was kind hearted. My boy's heart was as big as he was and it got trampled on from time to time. It also led to trouble too. He'd get suspended from school from getting into fights with bullies who would be going after a smaller or a handicapped kid. Johnny didn't like it and let them know it."

Joss smiled. It made sense why he joined the Army and wanted to serve and protect. He would have made a wonderful cop.

"My son was a good boy and a good man all the way up to his death, Joss." Margaret finished. "I'm not sure who you have there but it isn't my son. I buried him along with myself sixteen years ago."

Joss realized that there was no way she was going to convince this mourning mother that the man she ran over last night might be her son. Margaret was resistant to believe it because sixteen years later she still was trying to come to terms with her son's death and here some detective was giving her what she perceived as false hope. If the roles were reversed Joss surely would have hung up by now and she wasn't entirely sure why this woman hadn't.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, Margaret, and if I do manage to positively identify this man as your son then I will be calling you with good news." Joss said sincerely.

The woman was silent, so much so that Joss thought she did hang up on her before the woman spoke; "I hope you do." and with that they bid each other a farewell and hung up. Well that didn't go at all the way she had been hoping.

But not one to admit to defeat she called Army Sergeant Frederick Glasgow, who worked with John, to hopefully get some much needed answers about the man who she believed to be her naked John Doe. "Oh yea, he was a great guy," answered Fred jovially after she managed to get down to the reason why she was calling. "Soft-spoken, polite, and followed orders perfectly; he was going places," he said with warmth. It sounded like Fred and John were friends, but everything he was saying was in the past tense.

"So I take it you believe he's dead."

"Ma'am, I don't take it, I know it; I was there," he answered bluntly. "John had unfortunately wandered off alone to take a whiz in the woods where the bastard was. I killed the son of a bitch that gunned down my friend."

Joss sighed. "Well I hit a guy with my car after he appeared out of nowhere that matches John Reese's prints and is a dead ringer for the guy…only slightly older looking," Joss said, and meant the 'only slightly older looking' part because for a man who was in his early forties he certainly aged like fine wine. From what she saw John was all one hundred and eighty pounds of broad shoulders and sex appeal. She ignored the same little flutter in her stomach at the thought of him; it had to be the coffee she drank earlier, it had tasted like it was brewed last week.

"I'm telling you that my friend died sixteen years ago. Whoever you hit is not him. I wish it was because my friend would be alive but I was there when he died. He didn't survive…he was shot point blank with an AK-47, I was at his funeral." Fred said with finality, though with a touch of sorrow. "His mother took his death hard and I keep in touch with Margaret from time to time, to check up on her; she was everything to John."

Joss frowned. Fred Glasgow was telling the truth. She could hear it in his voice. He wasn't trying to cover up for some conspiracy. He truly and fully believed John died that night. "I know this is a lot to ask but could you maybe sometime head to New York and maybe meet with this guy? I swear to god, he looks exactly like John Reese," she asked.

Fred was quiet for a while. "Alright, just to help you let this go. I'll get a plane ride there as soon as possible. I'm getting bored with retirement already anyway."

She smiled. "That's fine because his doctors currently are holding my John Doe in a psych ward to make sure he's not suicidal. So there is no rush as he can't take visitors yet anyway," she admitted.

"Definitely not John, he was a quiet guy but he wasn't suicidal; he loved life and dreamed of one day meeting a woman to fall in love with just like his old man had."

Joss hung up with Fred after they talked further and she rubbed her aching temples. Just what the hell was going on here?

* * *

AN: Now you guys know why this is AU. And just so everyone knows this story is not supernatural. It's a guardian angel AU but with a twist as you'll learn why in the next chapter. There is recognizable things from the show as I did want to keep John as John, and Joss as Joss though with some little tweaks here and there to fit my story ;D Biggest difference is well the obvious and the fact that John's last name in this is Reese since it was never revealed what it really was on the show. Oh, and his mother is alive because Elaine asked for it.

Anyways I know lots of questions are left unanswered and you possibly have new ones but all I can say is next chapter will have a final flashback that should fill in a lot of gaps.

Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**_AN: As before the italics is a flashback. And you guys are going to be mad at me but when I said 'all' the questions would be answered in this chapter that was true until just yesterday because I removed some of the flashback for creative reasons. (this is why I should never reread anything so my muse can't fiddle with shit) So I apologize that you'll have to wait a little longer for the rest of your questions to be answered.  
_**

* * *

 _Shaw was bored and hungry. Well she wasn't really hungry; when you were dead and a guardian angel you couldn't really feel any sort of anything except warmth because of being in the auxiliary heaven. But she imagined she felt hungry and only a good pastrami sandwich would hit the spot._

 _Shaw watched her short fat charge as he met up with some older and fatter guy that she truly didn't care about before staring out into the sea of white light that surrounded her. She'd been here for about five years now and at least she remembered most things from her life, unlike John. Things were fading for him and Shaw never wanted to forget steak! Or cake or ice cream…or lobster._

" _You wanted to meet," Shaw's attention drifted back to Lionel as he spoke._

" _Yea, we need to talk…."_

 _Shaw watched in utter boredom and everything that was said went in one ear and out the other until John's little detective's name was brought up and she became immediately interested. Shaw would never admit to Reese that she had a crush on his charge too. She cheated by looking in on Carter when her charge met up with the pretty black woman. "Your partner, Carter, is going to be taken care of...soon."_

" _Oh," Lionel sounded in question._

 _Shaw made a face as she realized her charge was a two-timing back-stabbing asshole. But that didn't make sense; she would've been reassigned if he was truly a prick that was going to go straight down to hell. So while she fumed and had no outlet for her anger, she listened…for once._

" _Captain, she's a detective, that'll get real messy real quick," Lionel murmured._

 _Shaw's gaze narrowed on the man her charge was speaking to. Captain, eh…so he was a fellow cop, a fellow dirty cop. Oh, wait until Harold heard this. It was a much better complaint than her charge was a fat slob._

" _Boss wants it clean, Fusco. We're going to make it look like it's one of her suspects from her cases. You're her partner, you can help…"_

 _Shaw heard enough. She turned her back on her charge which was against the rules and had to go find John to warn him._

 _Finding John wasn't tough when you knew where he'd be, but she did have to weave around other angels to get to him. His hot charge must be in the precinct because she recognized some of the other guardian angels around him. "John!" she called out as she floated her angel ass over to him._

 _He turned to look at her in dismay. "Shaw, Fusco isn't with Carter. You left him alone? You have to get back to your charge or…"_

" _Just shut up and listen," she snapped angrily. "Fusco is a back-stabbing bastard. He is working with HR, a band of dirty cops; well, they want to take Carter out for getting in the way. They are going to use one of her suspects as a patsy; I figured you deserved a heads up that your charge is going to have a giant red bullseye painted on her back," she explained in hushed tones, not wanting everyone to hear. Just what she needed a goody two shoe guardian angel blabbing on her to get her in trouble when she was helping a friend!_

 _John froze. No, that couldn't be. Lionel couldn't be Shaw's charge if he truly had a darkened soul. They didn't just hand out guardian angels to anybody. They were given to people who were good, kind, and decent that might make mistakes but only because they were human. John looked at Joss and panicked. He couldn't let them kill her._

" _I'll protect her," he murmured resolutely. No one would harm her. He just had to figure out how he was going to protect her from multiple threats because he only had so much energy and light in him until he could manage to regroup. If she got caught in the cross-hairs that led to an extended attack on her then he'd never be able to save her._

" _Good luck with that, John, this is a group of dirty cops with friends all over the place and you're one damn guardian angel. There's no way in hell you are going to be able to protect her from everything while you are here and they are there."_

" _I have too; I can't let her die, Shaw."_

" _Not saying I want her dead, but if she does die then she'd be here with us," Shaw murmured. Maybe it would work out. John would get to have Carter and she'd be free of her charge who didn't seem to know where his mouth was from a hole in a wall. It was a win-win in her book._

 _John shook his head adamantly as he watched Joss who was sitting at her desk working on paperwork. "No. Joss is needed there. Her son is everything to her. I have to protect her."_

 _Just how?—maybe he could convince Shaw to break the rules a bit and help him protect her by using some of her light to shield Joss too. Two guardian angels protecting Joss with their light was better than one against a whole army of people that wanted to hurt her. He'd deal with whatever consequences there would be. He'd just have to explain to Harold that Shaw was only helping him and if anyone should be disciplined or removed as a guardian angel it should be him._

 _Shaw frowned. "You're a guardian angel, John, not a miracle worker."_

 _John eyed her. "You could help me protect her, Shaw; that is if you don't mind risking the consequences," he murmured._

" _What do you have in mind?" Shaw asked, looking interested._

" _We could combine our light and protect Joss. But it's against the rules for a guardian angel to protect a human spirit that isn't their own charge…"_

 _Shaw grinned. "Risking consequences, saving your hot chick, having you eternally grateful to me…sounds like fun," she acknowledged. "I'm in."_

" _Or perhaps there is another way to protect your charge that doesn't include breaking the rules, John," a voice boomed from close by._

 _John and Shaw whirled around to see Harold there. John immediately stiffened, hoping that he hadn't heard much of their conversation. Some of the things Shaw said could land her in hot water; she might have a hostile personality but she was a friend. He preferred to be the one that was in trouble and not her._

" _Listen, Harold…"_

" _John, I've known about your feelings for your charge for a long time now. I never removed you as you always did your job to the best of your ability," Harold murmured with a smug smile. John deflated. Was he really that transparent? "You weren't going to let anything happen to her, if anything, you were going to protect your charge more."_

 _John let his gaze slide down to Joss, watching as she was getting ready to leave for home with the phone to her ear looking tense. He wished he knew what was upsetting her but right now figuring out a way to protect her was more important than some phone call. "Harold, you said there might be another way to protect her; how?" he asked desperately. He'd do anything to protect her from harm._

" _Simple, you go back to Earth, re-take your human form, and save her."_

 _John looked at Harold. "That sounds like a plan, how come I never thought of it?—oh, that's right; I'm dead," he deadpanned._

 _Harold chuckled. "You are dead. You are a guardian angel who is in love with his charge and wants to protect her from certain death," he agreed with humor sparkling in his blue eyes._

" _So how…?"_

 _Harold dismissed the question. "The how isn't what's important; what is, is that I have the ability to help you fall to Earth and re-take human form so you can save your charge. Isn't that what you want, John?—to save the woman you have fallen in love with or am I misunderstanding you?"_

" _Of course, I'd do anything to save her but…"_

" _But, but what John?—you were willing to risk the consequences and lose being a guardian angel by seeking Shaw's assistance in saving her. Here I am offering you a way that wouldn't result in consequences and you're hesitant. What is bothering you?" Harold asked patiently._

" _How do I get back?" he asked. As much as he longed to remain by Joss's side down on Earth, he didn't belong there._

" _The same way you did before." Harold supplied, full of mirth._

 _John frowned. "Great, so I get to die twice," he muttered. But it was a price worth paying if it meant Joss survived. "Alright, how am I going to protect her?—I won't have my light to shield her."_

" _That will be up to you, John. I can't do everything for you, but you're resourceful, so I assume you'll figure something out to protect your charge."_

 _John sighed. He would, he had too. "Okay, so how does this work? How do I fall to Earth?" he asked._

" _So is that a yes, John? I cannot help you unless it's something you truly want," Harold explained, now fully serious._

" _Yes, it's what I want. I want to protect Joss."_

" _Are you sure?" Harold questioned, one last time._

 _John glared at Harold. "Yes, I want to go down to Earth and save the woman that I love before it's too late," he snapped. "Now tell me: how do I, fall to Earth?!"_

" _It's simple…"_

 _John rolled his eyes. "So far I haven't heard anything you've said that is simple," he complained mildly. Harold floated around him and eyed John's full angel wings._

" _Oh but this is," Harold murmured as he reached out and touched John's wings and light ebbed from them before they disappeared. "Be careful, the landing will be a tad bumpy," he said softly as John looked down and let out a startled cry as he plummeted._

 _Shaw watched as her friend was there and then wasn't and Harold caught the halo in mid-air. "That was stupid easy," she commented dryly._

" _Did you think removing John's wings was going to hurt him?—there is no pain here, Shaw," Harold reminded her._

" _I just thought it would be more intricate than that," she muttered in response._

" _Shaw, please go back to your charge," Harold requested._

" _No can do amigo, he's bad blood. He's going to get his little partner killed. You know the reason John just fell like a human comet," she rebuked as she floated beside him. "I need a new charge, one that's a little less of a slob and a lot less going to hell."_

 _Harold smiled softly, looking at the most surly angel he'd ever met. "Had you not left your charge you would have seen Lionel call and tell Jocelyn the news. Lionel Fusco is not dirty; he just worked himself into the criminal organization HR to be a mole and is reporting back to Jocelyn who then is reporting to the FBI so they can try to bring them down. Your charge is going to need you more than ever to make sure he remains safe," he said and Shaw's mouth dropped open._

" _So wait, John's charge knows that HR is gunning for her?" Shaw demanded, making sure she heard Harold right._

" _Yes. Had you paid more attention to your charge you'd know that by now. John knows Jocelyn is working with the FBI, but doesn't know that Lionel is," Harold explained. "Lionel and Jocelyn weren't brought in by the FBI together because it would have been too risky. They have been communicating via texts so John would never realize the fact that the two were working together with the FBI on bringing down HR."_

" _How the hell do you know that then?"_

 _Harold shrugged. "I know everything there is to know about what is going on with John; he's a special case." he explained vaguely. "So I had been granted freedom to learn more about Jocelyn which extended to her partner, your charge, as well."_

 _Shaw's mind was in a whirl. What did Harold mean that John was a 'special case' and why did he let John believe he was needed on Earth when he really wasn't?  
_

 _"Now I really do suggest you get back to your charge or there will be repercussions, Shaw." Harold advised and with that he turned and floated away leaving her gaping at him._

* * *

Present Day...

Where was Joss? John wished to be free of this psych ward. His body still hurt from his crash landing onto her car. He had taken human form as he fell to Earth and before he knew it his body collided with something very solid and unforgiving. It had hurt and he hadn't missed feeling physical pain. But his pain had fled as Joss rushed to his side. He hadn't cared about anything else; she had been his only focus. She was there, beside him, in the flesh, and John had been enthralled by her. Until he saw the pain and guilt in her eyes over the fact that she had hit him. He wanted to reassure her it wasn't her fault but by then the paramedics had arrived.

It had been difficult to not give her the answers Joss sought as he could see the concern shining in her dark beautiful eyes for him. John didn't see how telling her that he was her guardian angel that came down to Earth retaking his human form to try to protect her was a good idea. For being by her side as long as he had been he had learned that she was a woman of facts and evidence. He had none; since he was back in human form without wings or his halo to show her proof of his angel-ness. And he had no clue who was the current president or what year or month it was. Being an angel you didn't keep up with Earthly things. And he didn't remember the simple things like what his full name was, his eye color, his height or weight when he was alive because when you were dead it didn't matter anymore. His only thought was making sure Joss was safe and sound.

And it still was.

John's attention shifted onto the door as he listened to it open. His hopes that Joss was here were dashed quickly as a nurse with blond hair entered. Intense disappointment avalanched him, nearly stealing the breath he could breathe again away from him. Joss was all he wanted. Lying in this bed while a threat could be coming after her was killing him but he didn't see a realistic way he could escape this place. It was a long time since he walked on two feet and it was going to take some getting used too. Not to mention he had no clue where Joss would be? Just because he watched her every move as her guardian angel didn't actually mean he knew anything about where she was on Earth. He had been watching over her not her surroundings.

"How are you feeling?" the nurse asked sweetly. "I'm Jill by the way; on your chart it says you are suffering from loss of memory. So how about I just call you John."

He remained silent.

"I like a man that listens," she said with a teasing wink before beginning to look him over.

"Where is Joss Carter?" he asked quietly.

The nurse looked at him in surprise. "So you do talk?—of course you say something I don't want to hear, asking for another woman. Ruins my fantasies, you know," she said with a laugh. "But to answer your question; your detective was here earlier but was sent away because there are no visitors allowed here."

John felt his body relax. At least she was alive and that he hadn't failed his only mission. He thought long and hard, as he laid awake through the night, at how he could protect Joss and finally the right plan came to him this morning. It was quite simple: he'd die in her place, he'd shield her with his human form and Joss would be safe while he would be dead and head back where he belonged.

But he brought himself back to his current predicament; he wouldn't be able to find her to protect her by shielding her with his physical body unless she came back here to him. "Can you pass her a message for me?" he asked.

"Sure thing, anything for you sweetheart," the nurse spoke.

"I'd like to see her again. Can you ask her to come visit me when she's allowed?"

"Of course, honey; but it's time for your medicine." Jill said and John frowned. He hated medicine.

* * *

Margaret wasn't sure what compelled her to stop and visit their graves. Perhaps it was to reaffirm to herself that her son was truly deceased unlike what that detective she conversed with claimed. Her stomach had been churning since that phone conversation. Perhaps coming here to visit her baby and her husband would help remind her of everything that she lost.

She crouched down and placed a loving hand to Connor's headstone. "My love," she whispered as she set a lone rose on top of his grave. "Whoa, my love, my darling…" she sang softly as she stared at Connor's name. "I've hungered for your touch, alone," she whispered as she drew silent. She closed her eyes, remembering when Connor used to sing it to her.

She reopened her eyes and Margaret felt her heart break all over again as she moved to the grave beside Connor's, reading Johnny's name before kissing her fingers and touching them to his headstone. She rested another rose on his grave. "Oh my sweet boy; I love you and miss you so much. I miss talking to you. We always had such interesting conversations. But I came here today for you to remind me that you are gone because there is a detective that spoke to me and told me that she thought she came across a man like you. But that's impossible because there is no one that is like you. And you'd tell me that I am biased, well you're right…I am, you will forever be the apple of my eye," she spoke fondly with a wan smile on her face as she absently brushed dried leaves off the tombstone.

Margaret straightened and looked around before looking back down at his grave. "Sweetheart, it just can't be right? You can't be alive. The detective made a mistake and that's it, right?" she asked, feeling her breath clog in her throat as she stared at her son's grave. But no answer came. "Baby I'm scared to believe it but I don't feel like you're gone. I thought I did just a day ago, I felt like you were gone but now…now it feels like my heart is beating again," she said as she dashed a few tears that fell away.

After a few silent moments she bid her boys a 'see you later' before heading back to her truck. She collapsed in the seat feeling physically and emotionally drained. Coming here always managed to do this to her. Margaret ran a hand through her short hair as she just sat in the truck and tried to calm herself. She had hoped coming here would quiet the voices in her head down but it didn't. She didn't feel like her son was gone as she had. It probably was because she couldn't get the words of that detective out of her head, but in her heart she felt like her boy was out there somewhere and in need of her.

"Why am I doing this to myself? My son is gone. My husband is gone. I'm alone," she reminded herself angrily. She cursed that detective for making her question her sanity like this. "That detective probably already fixed her mistake and doesn't even know what she's done to me. I need to forget about it. Johnny is gone and that's all there is to it." she told herself and with that thought in mind she stabbed her key into the ignition and with one last long look to where her son and husband were, she drove away.

* * *

AN: That's the final flashback. You'll get the rest of the answers later now thanks to my muse; I think it's in chapter 7 now. But in the meantime in the next chapter John and Joss finally get a face to face again.

Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I had to rush my dog to the animal hospital at midnight because he cut the roof of his mouth and it wouldn't stop bleeding so they kept him overnight and then after I got him back I had a flat tire in the pouring rain. So yesterday was a shitty day and I didn't feel like posting, but today is sooooooo much better.**_

* * *

"How's school going?" Joss asked in between bites of her omelet. It felt good having breakfast with her son. She hadn't had any with him since the day she hit her naked guy which was exactly four days ago. Oh sure, she had talked to her son on the phone every day but that didn't compare to seeing him in the flesh.

Taylor frowned as he looked up from his own breakfast. "Alright; I got a D on my math test though, and I'm hovering at a C minus for the class," he admitted.

"You got a D?" she asked. He nodded, waiting for the lecture. "So Calculus is giving you a hard time like it did to your old mom, huh?" and he smiled as he relaxed. Grandma had not been pleased when he showed her the test score but he promised to pick up the grade, and he would.

"Yea…"

"If you need a tutor, Taylor, I'll pay for one," Joss murmured as she picked up her coffee, taking a sip.

He shook his head. "I don't think so. I have a couple friends that are in the same class so I might begin a study group so we can all study together."

She smiled as she nodded. "That sounds like a great idea. It better pick up that grade though or you'll get a tutor even if it's uncool," she replied smoothly.

Taylor nodded. "So how is work going?" he asked wanting to get off of school.

"It's going…."

He narrowed his eyes on his mom. Whenever she got evasive then something was up. "What's wrong?"

Joss eyed her kid. "Can't pull a fast one by you can I?" she jokingly asked and he jerked his head quickly in agreement. She sighed. "Remember I told you about that dirty band of cops?"

"Yea…."

"Well, they don't like me getting in their way, so I need you to stay with Grandma on the weekends too; just until I know they are taken care of."

"Are they threatening you?" he asked concerned.

"Yea," she answered, unable to lie to her son. Fear etched on her boy's face and she immediately reached out to lay a hand over his. "But you know me, Tay, no one can take your mom down without a fight. I just need to know you're safe and, with them making threats, I can't guarantee your safety with me at my place," she murmured. She couldn't reassure him about the fact that the FBI was watching over her because you never know where prying ears could be lurking around.

"Please mom; just be careful."

"I will be," she agreed. "And on the first weekend you are back home, we can take in a movie and maybe look into getting you a new phone."

"Seriously?" Taylor asked as he lit up like a Christmas tree.

She smirked. "Yea, but just look; I'm not guaranteeing you a new phone," she replied. Taylor nodded vigorously, maybe he could get his grade up to a B minus and mom would swing from just looking to _getting_ him a new phone!

Joss and her son talked for another half hour before school; as they exited the diner together she hugged and kissed his forehead because he was too adult for that in front of his friends at school.

As she drove him to school she told him about her mystery guy that she accidentally hit. "You hit a naked guy?"

She harrumphed. "You make it sound like I rode up on the sidewalk to take him out, Tay! The guy hopped onto my car!"

"Is he depressed?" Taylor wondered. "It could explain why he tried to jump on your car."

"That's what the doctors and the cops think. But I don't. He doesn't look depressed to me. I don't know what he is but depressed isn't what struck me," she murmured. Though she didn't want to admit to her son any more than with anyone else that what did strike her was that John was the sexiest man she had seen a long time. And being in his proximity had made some unwanted feelings to emerge in her for him. Feelings she had no business feeling in the first place.

"Maybe running down a naked guy is a sign that it's time to start dating again," Taylor suggested with a laugh.

"What?" she commanded as she nearly slammed on the brakes to determine if her son was a mind reader or not.

"Just saying, mom, you and dad divorced a while ago, and you literally had a naked guy throw himself at you," Taylor teased.

She laughed as she relaxed; her son hadn't figured out that she thought a lot about her naked guy in less than professional ways. "More like he threw himself at my car; maybe he felt a love connection with my Chrysler."

Taylor shared the laugh. Joss switched the subject and they talked about _The Walking Dead_ until she pulled up in front of his school. "I love you, Taylor," she said softly.

He smiled. "I love you too, mom. I know you're doing the best you can and maybe next year for school, since I'll be a year older, I won't have to stay at Grandma's." Maybe, his transportation for school was the main crux of why he was staying with Grandma. Joss didn't feel a fourteen going on fifteen year old traveling the subway home from school was safe. Maybe by next year her schedule wouldn't be so chaotic than she could have him stay at home with her like he belonged.

"I hope so. I miss you baby boy," she replied wistfully.

"I miss you too, mom."

Once he was out and waved goodbye, she pulled away. Her mind strayed back to her naked guy who would be released out of the mandatory seventy-two hour stay in the psych ward in less than an hour. She smiled a little as she recalled a phone call she got a couple hours ago from a nice nurse named Jill, who seemed to be sweet on John, and she told her that John had been asking for her to come visit him. It made her stupidly happy that her John Doe was missing her and he truly needn't worry that she wasn't coming for him because he was a mystery that needed solving. But with each new piece to the puzzle that she put together it seemed to only muddy the picture rather than make it clearer.

Joss parked in the hospital's parking lot and exited her car as she thought about that unclear murky picture that was John Doe. Hopefully his confused state of mind had cleared up and he could remember who he was. But she wasn't banking on it; Joss was a glass half empty kind of person by nature. She entered the hospital and headed to wing where the psych ward was. They kept the psych ward on the bottom floor just to remove the risk of suicide attempt by jumping out windows. It was a good idea.

She came up to the desk and stopped. She flashed her badge at the woman. "Hi, I'm Detective Joss Carter and you have a patient being released from this ward soon. He should be listed under John Doe," she murmured.

The woman nodded and immediately began typing on her computer. "Yes, he is to be released from the hospital soon. Jill is with him right now checking him over one last time," the woman agreed with a bored tone.

"Wait. He's not being moved to a private room for further evaluation for head trauma?" Joss asked.

"No. He's being released," the woman said, still sounding like she'd rather be anywhere but where she was currently.

Joss angrily stepped away from the desk and stood in the corner, waiting for this nurse to exit his room, wherever that was. The clerk left, not even sparing Joss another glance and disappeared in one of the nearby doors. Joss anxiously tapped her foot on the tiled floor as she waited for a nurse to show. She brightened when a blond woman walked over to the desk, a woman she recognized from the first time she came here to see John and was turned away.

Joss immediately stepped forward. "Hi, are you a nurse for the John Doe?"

The woman looked up and smiled. "You're the Detective…."

"I am," Joss agreed. "Are you Nurse Jill?"

"Yes, but just 'Jill' please, I'm the one that called you because the cutie was asking for you."

Joss smiled as she nodded, though she didn't think of John as cute. Cute described babies or puppies, not virile rugged men. "I remember. The clerk said that John is being released from the hospital."

The nurse pursed her lips as she looked around before rounding the desk and motioned for her to go stand off to the side. Jill leaned in. "He doesn't have insurance so the hospital wants to get rid of this guy ASAP. The hospital knows that with an amnesiac man who has no one to verify who he is that they'll eat the bill. He's been getting crummy care the entire time. I've been trying to make sure I check in on him often though."

Joss frowned. "I see, the typical BS," she griped and Jill sadly nodded.

"Not to mention they are giving my favorite John Doe scrubs to wear and hospital slippers as they push him out on the street," Jill complained.

Joss shook her head. "Can you buy me some time by stalling?"

"How?" asked Jill with a furrow of her brows.

"Just take a very long time to get the release forms taken care of so I can go get him some clothes and some essentials?"

Jill nodded as she smiled. "I'd be happy to help John," she agreed. Joss nodded in thanks and whirled around and rushed out of the hospital without another word.

With Jill stalling for time Joss raced out, heading to the closest discount clothing outlet nearby. Joss practically sprinted into the store that just opened their doors and made a beeline for the men's section. She picked all the essentials; guessing at his size, buying bigger because too small was a problem, only hesitating in the underwear department blushing the entire time as she imagined her hot naked guy in boxer briefs. Instead of grabbing the kind that were getting her all hot and bothered she found a shelf full of clearance priced ugly boxers with godawful prints on them. Surely smiley face boxers wouldn't turn her on in the slightest but she wasn't going to think about it too long to be sure of that fact.

After charging the purchases and practically running in the parking lot to stuff the new attire into her trunk she made a pit-stop at a nearby CVS Pharmacy and picked up deodorant, his own toothbrush and toothpaste for him too before making a hasty trip back to the hospital in record time. It wasn't until she got there that she had forgotten to get him his own shampoo and razors.

Joss rushed down to the psych ward, panting from the excursion and thrust the bag out to Jill. "Here," she said breathlessly. The blond looked up. "This is for John."

She took the bag and nodded. "I'll go give this to him to change," Jill murmured and turned and was gone in a flash. When she reappeared she smiled. "You can go wait for him in the room if you'd like. He's close to being released and he's happy to know you're here," she offered.

Joss shook her head. "No, I don't want to get you into trouble…"

"It's okay, I wouldn't offer if it wasn't," Jill reassured her, before pointing out which room was his.

"Well if you're sure," Joss said and, when the nurse nodded, Joss took her up on the offer. When she entered the room she found the room empty but a door closed which she presumed was a bathroom that John was changing in.

She paced around the room waiting for him when finally the door to the bathroom opened and he stood in the doorframe as if using it as support. Joss groaned internally as she was physically assaulted with tingly sensations throughout her body as she eyed John from head to toe. He looked so damn good in the soft white t-shirt that reached the waistband of his pants. The shirt didn't hide the definition of his muscles very well or the outline of his nipples which were hard. In fact the shirt seemed to enhance his magnificent body as it clung to his skin and the sleeves seemed to stretch to accommodate his biceps. Perhaps she should have bought a size larger so they'd be baggier and didn't fit him quite so perfectly. The black track pants she got him fit him nicely and she was pleased to see they reached to his ankles as she hadn't realized how tall John was until just this moment. He had to be over six feet tall.

He had a grayish beard roughening his jaws and his hair was uncombed and short, though it seemed like he had more gray in it today than just three days ago. She was sure it was the trick of the lighting.

Their eyes met and those pesky tingly sensations flittering around inside her grew because he looked awfully happy to see her. But more than the physical reaction something tugged at her as she looked at John. It was that something that she didn't understand or could define and definitely didn't like.

"You clean up nice," Joss muttered in way of a greeting, ignoring the feeling altogether as she freed her gaze from his. Admitting to—even to her itty bitty self—an unwanted attraction to him was one thing, but admitting to whatever it was that was between them was stronger than the basic healthy-woman-being-attracted-to-hot-guy wasn't even an option. "Uh, I need to call you something so how about John?" she suggested. If she was right then John was his name anyway. He didn't respond but rather he was focused on walking. Joss watched as he fumbled and looked to be concentrating hard on moving one foot and then the next, while keeping his balance. "Do the shoes fit okay?" she asked.

"Yes," he responded quietly, continuing to concentrate of which should have been the simple task of walking.

She nodded. "Ready to go?" she asked as she grabbed the bag of the rest of his clothing she purchased for him.

He simply nodded pulling on the fleece hoodie after she handed it to him.

Just where were they going was her question. She didn't have the kind of money to foot a motel room for long and he had no clue who he was, so it wasn't like they could take him back to his place. Joss would think up something. Maybe once Fred Glasgow arrived and could verify if this was John Reese or not then they could go from there. And Fred should be here any minute after agreeing to meet her here at the hospital.

Joss walked beside John as they exited the room. He was slow as if he had forgotten how to walk as well as everything else. She was conscious of each accidental brush of his body against hers; his touch induced heat everywhere even through her coat, making her grit her teeth.

"Detective Carter?"

Joss looked up and smiled as Fred Glasgow was approaching them. She had texted him where she'd be and what time, and it was easy to tell he was Glasgow as he still walked and looked military. "Hello!" she greeted with a small smile. Joss watched as Fred drew up short as they approached. John hadn't looked up but rather was focused on the floor.

No one said a word as they stopped in front of Fred and John finally looked up. Fred's face paled instantly.

She shifted her gaze off Glasgow and onto John. "John, do you know this man?" she asked gently.

John looked at the man standing in front of him that was unapologetically gaping at him. He frowned. He seemed familiar but if he had known him when he was alive those details were fast fading. "I'm sorry…" he whispered.

"I'm Fred Glasgow," Fred said as the shock wore off.

Joss watched as there was zero recognition in John's eyes at the name. Frustration churned her stomach; so much for having someone he knew jog his memory. She looked at Fred who was staring at John as if he saw a ghost. "So this is John Reese?" she asked, hopeful.

"At least someone that looks exactly like him. Reese was adopted, so maybe he's a twin?" Glasgow said slowly.

Joss frowned. "But then why did his prints match up with John Reese? Twins or not they would still have unique fingerprints," she explained. She had been hoping this meeting would answer the question or not if this was John Reese. It would be one mystery down. Then they'd have to figure out what happened to him these last sixteen years and why did he randomly show up in front of her car, naked as the day he was born. But now with this meeting there were more questions than answers. Glasgow admitted John looked exactly like John Reese but wasn't him?

Fred looked thoughtfully. "I'm not sure. This man looks identical to John but it just can't be him. My friend died in Bosnia and I know a dead body when I see one."

Joss felt a headache form all over again. So much for her theory that John Reese was really alive and the military faked his death for whatever reason. If this man was John Reese's twin then how did the prints that she ran match up with his deceased brother's?

"I'm sorry I made you fly down here for nothing," she muttered as they both escorted John out of the hospital. Joss was quietly glad that Margaret hadn't made the journey here because it would have devastated her further and Joss would have been the cause of that pain.

Fred smiled as he eyed John. "No trouble at all; it would have eaten away at me had I not checked it out myself. But if you need any help I'll do anything. He might not be John but he could be John's family," he offered.

Joss smiled as she nodded. John didn't seem aware that they were even talking about him. They steered him to her car where he climbed in and she shook Fred's hand. "I'll keep your offer in mind and thanks for coming."

"Anytime, me and the wife always wanted to see New York anyways. We'll be staying for a couple days to see the sights," he spoke warmly as she rounded her car to leave, pausing to put the bag of clothes in her trunk. Joss climbed in, waved goodbye, and pulled away from the hospital with her silent passenger.

* * *

AN: I tried to add a little Taylor in this. He's not in this all that much but he'll make another appearance eventually. Now the real fun truly begins with John out of the hospital :)

Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: Hope everyone had a wonderful and safe holiday. Mine was very busy which is the reason this sort of got pushed back. Hopefully it was worth waiting for.**_

* * *

John was quiet as Joss drove. Not because he didn't want to talk to the woman he loved because he did. He had dreamt of actually being able to meet her and speak with her. Her voice sounded even better in person; tender and feminine, holding a husky quality. And he got to touch her too which was better than any dream he'd ever had. Their hands had brushed as she helped him in the car. She felt soft. He wondered if she was soft everywhere. John had always kept watch over her but dutifully kept his gaze off her while she had been showering or changing. Now he wondered what her body's terrain would feel like?—he bet she was all soft valleys, curves, and subtle hills in all the right spots. John shifted in the seat as he felt a stirring of heat in his groin. He groaned inwardly; stupid human body, he didn't have this problem when he thought about her soft body without his human form.

So John let his mind wander back to the fact that her life was in danger and the more time that went on the more likely the threat would strike, which killed any erection that was beginning to form. That should be his sole focus. Not indulging on thoughts on her loveliness or the fact that she felt soft, she was much tinier in person than he thought she would be, and was even more attractive up close and personal.

Joss wished she knew what he was thinking about. He was quiet and staring out the window as she drove without a single peep. It was as if he was brooding about something. Or he was just lost in deep thought over the fact that he couldn't remember anything and had no clue what to do now. She was right there with him. What was she going to do with an amnesiac man whose prints matched to a dead man? He could be a criminal that somehow got his prints to match up with a deceased man's, or if it was true and he was the identical twin of the John Reese's than a mix up happened which needed to be cleared up. Until he could remember something or she could figure out what was going on, they were stuck in limbo.

She turned on the car's radio and the man jumped a mile in surprise at the sound before looking her way. "Figured to listen to a little music," she admitted. It would drown out the overwhelming silence. The man just nodded. "How about you choose?" she offered.

John wished she'd choose; he always listened to the music that she played as she blasted it loudly while she danced around the kitchen, he would smile watching her and just enjoy the sound of the music. He furrowed his brows as he eyed the car's radio and he smiled as he realized he recognized this. In his previous life he had loved to play music in the car. Little things came back to him; like how to tie the shoes she got him, how to flush a toilet, and so on. John reached over and played with the dial to find a station to stop on as he closed his eyes and just listened to the music that played.

Joss watched in the corner of her eye as she focused on the road seeing a flash of recognition written on his face. He enjoyed music. Good. Maybe one memory would open a gateway to a boat load of them.

She groaned when he stopped on classic rock. "Nu-uh, classic rock puts me to sleep. You don't want that unless you want to try out being a tree-hugger," she retorted jokingly.

He moved on before coming to a stop on something that he was sure he had heard her play before. The woman singing about love had a nice voice and the beat was rhythmic.

Joss grinned as he stopped on a Beyoncé song. "Now this is much better," she teased.

Silence elapsed as they just listened to the music. Joss glanced at her companion often and couldn't stop smiling as he moved his head to the beat. So one thing she learned so far; John Doe enjoyed Beyoncé and Boys II Men!

"So John," she murmured. He looked at her, giving her his sole attention and Joss was just grateful she was forced to keep her eyes on the road rather than into those intense blue eyes of his. She had a feeling she could get lost in them with very little effort. "Do you remember where you possibly live?" she asked, knowing it was a long shot but she had to try.

"No."

That was a firm answer. Not that she really believed he would say yes. She sighed. "Figured, so I was thinking I'm going to take you a friend's place who you can bunk with," she explained. Fusco owed her for doing all his paperwork so he could take his kid to a hockey game. Well, she was cashing in that favor he owed her. "His name is Fusco."

"No!" he responded with again, but this time more emphatically.

She frowned. "This is non-negotiable John, I don't know where else to take you. I can't afford to pay for a motel room for weeks and you don't have any money," she said sternly. And letting him go onto the streets or into some shelter wasn't an option. It was because she knew people would take advantage of him in his amnesiac state and had nothing to do with the fact that she wanted to keep him close. "I know you don't know him but I can't let you stay with me," Joss murmured.

There just was no way she was taking him into her home; where she'd be alone with him for long periods of time, and be confronted with the things he made her feel on a daily basis. Taking him into her home was like playing with fire which could only lead to being burned.

"I won't hurt you," he whispered.

John felt like she just reached into his chest and tried to rip his heart out while it was still beating. She didn't want him to stay with her because she was afraid he would hurt her. He couldn't hurt her ever. Not just because she was his charge but because he loved her. He loved every single inch of Joss Carter; from her beautiful stubbornness to her soft and tender heart as she cried alone for the murdered teens she'd investigate, and everything in between. John tried to remind himself that she didn't know that. She didn't know he was an angel whose sole's purpose was to protect her from harm. But that didn't even wipe the pain that settled in his heart and his soul at the thought that she was scared of him.

"John, I know that. If I was worried that you would hurt me you wouldn't be in this car right now," she explained carefully, feeling like she just kicked a puppy as he didn't even bother to mask the fact that he was upset she believed he could hurt her. The look remained and it made her feel even more guilty if that was possible. Joss exhaled roughly, not wanting to admit to the real reason. She didn't want to say; ' _I don't want you in my home with me because I'm lusting after you in the worst way and you can't tell me who you are so I can know if I'm gonna get hurt or not_.' It would be admitting that he was a temptation that she might not be able to resist. No, she had to protect herself. The last time she got caught up in overpowering passion and lust, mistaking it for love; it fizzled out and left her with broken dreams and a son without a father.

"It's not about being afraid of you or worried you'd hurt me because I can take care of myself," she said gently.

"Then why?" he asked, sounding pained.

"John you're an attractive man whose extremely vulnerable right now and I think it's in both of our best interests that you stay with my friend until we can resolve this mess," she said soothingly.

John looked at her. "So it's not about you being afraid of me?" he asked quietly, tentatively.

"Of course not, probably should be as most women would since you're a complete stranger, but I'm not like most women," she muttered. How could she be afraid of a man who looked physically ill at the idea that she thought he'd hurt her?

John nodded; feeling relieved that she wasn't afraid of him. He couldn't bare it if she thought he was dangerous to her. Though he didn't understand what his looks had to do with why she wanted him to stay with Lionel and not with her? But maybe staying with Fusco, the enemy, was a good idea. Perhaps he could overhear the plan that he and HR were making to save Joss easier.

* * *

"Oh no! Absolutely not!" Fusco bellowed, with an 'are you kidding me' face as he stared at her, in his kitchen wearing a New England Patriots Snuggie.

"Nice Snuggie Lionel," Joss teased, trying to divert her friend.

"Lee got it for me for Christmas," he answered distractedly. "No way, Carter, have you lost your mind?"

She sighed, so much for diverting the attention. "Lionel, I'm calling in the favor I did for you when I stayed late to do your paperwork so you could bail and hang out with your kid," she replied smoothly, reminding him he owed her.

"Yea and I thought you'd want me to repay the favor sometime for you and Taylor, not ask me to have Fruity Pebbles bunk with me for god knows how long!" Fusco retorted bitingly.

"He's not crazy," she defended John.

"Carter, he hopped in front of your car, naked in the rain," Fusco griped, restating the facts that he knew so far.

Joss frowned. She wished she hadn't told him everything. "Look Fusco, I don't know what to do with him. The hospital released him and he has nowhere to go," she admitted.

"So you thought: 'bring him to Fusco?' Have you seen my apartment? It barely fits me. With alimony and a credit card debt the size of Everest this was all I could afford. Seriously, Carter, what am I going to do with an amnesiac nutball?" Lionel complained.

Joss rolled her eyes. John wasn't crazy. She didn't know what John was, but he wasn't nuts. And she had thought Fusco would help her out but apparently not. Her only other option was take him back to her place. Whatever that thing was between them she could ignore it…she'd have to.

"Fine, if you don't want to help I understand. I'll just take him home with me," Joss muttered as she whirled around to exit Fusco's tiny kitchen.

"Wait. Just wait a damn minute, Carter." Fusco griped, his thick Boston accent getting stronger in agitation. "Against my better judgment; Nutter Butter can stay."

"John's not crazy, Lionel," she repeated darkly.

"If John is even his name, and I'm not convinced of his sanity yet," Fusco retorted dryly.

"He has no other name at the moment. I hit him with my car so I'm naming him and I'm naming him 'John.'" she stated. "If you run someone over than you can name him."

"I'd name him 'mincemeat' but that's just me," Fusco grumbled as they filed out of the kitchen to find John standing near the window and staring out of it. "Does he talk?" he asked after a moment. The big guy hadn't said a word since he entered.

"John's a little quiet," Joss answered. "I'll be back later to check on him."

John turned instantly. "You're leaving?" he asked sounding panicked.

Joss refused to feel a flicker of warmth that he didn't want her to go. Since meeting this man she was doing a lot of ignoring of things he stirred inside her. "Yea, I need to get to work and Fusco has today off, so he'll get you settled here. I'll be back later," she promised.

"But what if something happens to you," he whispered.

She smiled. "Nothing will happen to me, John. I promise I'll be back as soon as possible," she said reassuringly. "I'll even bring food; my treat."

"It better be your treat, since taking in 'mincemeat' you run over is well above what favor I owed you," Fusco interjected.

Joss sighed. "Duly noted; now I gotta go, be nice, Lionel," she admonished and with that she turned to rush out of the small apartment.

Lionel turned away from the closed door to his new companion. "So you can't remember squat, eh?" he asked chummily. The guy didn't answer but rather just watched him. Lionel wasn't an idiot and could see the distrust in the big guy's blue eyes. What did he do to make Fruity Pebbles suspicious of him?—Lionel should be the one suspicious as this guy was the type that all the women fawned over. Lionel always was mistrusting of the good looking fellows. They always had some sort of hidden ulterior. He should know, he was always considered the fat friend, who the women ran too when Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome like the guy here broke their hearts. And this guy had his partner all tied up in knots; she was clearly already invested in Mr. Blue Eyes by the way she protected him. Carter was tough as nails but if you managed to work past her impenetrable armor; she had a soft heart.

"No, I can't." John lied. Well it wasn't a full lie. Most things from his previous life before becoming Joss's guardian angel he couldn't remember or were fuzzy that came to him in bits and pieces, but it seemed everyone thought he had memory loss and for now he let them keep on believing that. And he couldn't let Lionel suspect he knew anything about his alliance with HR, so he needed to calm his hostility.

Lionel nodded. "Er…well, do you want to get rid of the dead animal growing on your face?" he asked.

John blinked as he reached up and touched his face and realized a beard was growing. Where he had been shaving wasn't necessary. But on Earth, back in human form, it most certainly was. John frowned as he scratched the now itchy beard.

"Yes, please," he murmured softly.

Fusco nodded and motioned for him to follow. John did so quietly and cautiously, not sure if he was leading him to his demise. But rather Fusco led him to a small bathroom. "I got some cheap disposable razors in the vanity under the sink. You'll find the shaving cream there too. Help yourself to a shower. I'm sure you'd like to feel human again."

John sincerely wished he could get used to _being_ human again. But he simply nodded and politely said thank you.

"No need to thank me, Carter's my friend and I'll help her out even if she is asking me to take in a stray she wants to keep," Lionel said simply before turning and closing the door behind him.

John made a face. If she was his friend then he shouldn't be helping people try to kill her. He looked at the mirror and frowned as he stared at his reflection. He hadn't seen himself until now. Even at the hospital when he used the bathroom he hadn't looked; he was afraid to see himself. Afraid he wouldn't recognize the face staring back at him. But now he had a little more courage to do so. The reflection was vaguely familiar to him, like an old friend you hadn't seen in a long time. The longer he looked the more he recognized himself even with the scraggly graying beard growing. John poked at his face and leaned toward the mirror and stared then smiled. He looked like he had before, though maybe a little older. Being an angel didn't exempt you from aging, but, you aged differently. John fingered the grays popping up in his dark hair. When he died he was sure he had no grays, so that must mean that his human form was catching up with the age he was supposed to be had he lived. Harold hadn't mentioned that when he retook his human form it would be at the age he was supposed to be at, not the one he left Earth as.

He stared at his reflection for a moment longer trying to reacquaint himself with, well, himself before stripping the clothes off, wanting a shower first before the shave. John eyed the cramped shower stall before he entered it. Okay, surely memories of how to work a shower would come back to him. How to work a toilet did after a few seconds of eyeing the contraption.

And it did; though he nearly let out a high pitch shout as ice cold water shot out the sprayer before he instinctively reached for the other knob turning it for hot water. John closed his eyes as he folded his arms across his chest as he waited for the water to warm up. He sighed in relief as it did.

He stepped fully under the warm spray and was surprised by how much it soothed him as the water ran down his body. It just melted the stress away. And he was under immense tension with worry about her safety. How could he keep her safe if he couldn't be at her side? Harold said he'd figure out a way to protect her and he had, but now he had to figure out a way to get to be near her so his plan could work.

John definitely wanted to be near her more and not just to protect her but for himself too, before he had to go back. He could fill a lifetime in the short span he'd be down here. He'd fill up on her laughter, her smile, and he'd try to touch her again at least just once, just so he could remember the feel of her soft skin. John's heart clenched and he ignored the pang of wanting more. He couldn't have more and his heart fractured at the thought. But he stubbornly refused to acknowledge it. John was an angel on a mission; a mission to save her from people who wanted to hurt her. And then he had to go back. It was how it was and there was no point in wanting something he couldn't have.

* * *

Joss called Fusco. She told herself it was just because she plopped John in new surroundings and then left him high and dry.

Fusco answered quickly. "Hey, took you longer than I figured," he said in a way of greeting.

She frowned that Fusco had her pegged. But she simply asked; "How's he doing?" before setting the eraser of the pencil she held between her teeth.

"Fine, hasn't said much although he looks more human with a shave and shower," Lionel admitted.

She groaned; great, now she was going to have that image of John wet and naked in a shower in her head. There was a distinct difference from John being naked and wet from the night they met to the steamy image of him naked and wet now; mainly the fact that she didn't try to make him her hood ornament.

"What's your take on John?" she asked, after pulling the pencil from her lips, banishing another sexy image from her mind. Lusting after an amnesiac man was just asking for trouble.

Fusco exhaled loudly. "Hell, I don't know; I don't think he's faking it. I kind of slid a question at him about the last Superbowl to see if he remembered more than he was letting on…but he just looked at me blankly. Though I think he likes basketball. I flipped through the channels and passed ESPN who were doing highlights and he became interested," Fusco added.

She smiled. "I let him play with the radio and he likes Beyoncé."

"Beyoncé?—sure, it was you that forced him to stop on that. Carter, why are you rotting his ears? He should be exposed to some Ledd Zeppelin or The Rolling Stones, some good ole' fashion rock."

She rolled her eyes. "Uh, he stopped on the music station himself; Boys II Men played along with some old Usher and he enjoyed it just fine."

"He only likes your music because he's attached to you, Carter," Lionel countered. "I took a psychology class in high school; you want to know what that's called?"

"I suppose you'll tell me it anyways, Freud," she replied annoyed.

"Imprinting," he supplied with a laugh. "He's taking on your characteristics because you're the first person he saw, after you ran him over, and now you're like his mama."

Joss glowered. She hoped not. She definitely didn't look at him like a child; how could she when John was all hot and hard man. "I have to go but just keep an eye on him. Don't rot his brain with too much of your nonsense," she teased.

"Got it, Carter. I'll take him to the nearest strip club to see if it can help jog his memory of naked women," Fusco said with a snicker before hanging up on her.

He better not. Oh, she was sure there'd be a stripper named Candy or Chesty or some equally stupid name, with a figure Joss would kill for, and an IQ of a tool, that would love to help John resurrect his memories of naked women. She'd bet they'd even go so far to offer their assistance with helping him recover his memories of sex while they were at it. Joss snapped her pencil in two at the thought. If he wanted to have sex with a woman who'd float on water like her boobs were floatation devices, it shouldn't matter to her. But it did.

She exhaled as she threw away the poor broken pencil and forced such thoughts out of her head. Lionel wasn't going to take John to a strip club to gawk at naked women. He only said it to be his typical sardonic self to get the last word in and she fell for it. Joss shoved thoughts of John away which was harder than it should be and focused on work where it belonged. She had a homicide to solve. Then she could worry about who John really was so she could get him back to his life and out of hers. A twinge echoed in her heart at the thought that she ignored.

Think about Ronnie Middleton. And the moment his name jumped in her brain everything else faded. Ronnie Middleton had witnessed a shooting six months ago in the Bronx and even IDed the shooter. The shooter had been the neighborhood thug: Hector Alvarez, who was promptly arrested. But Hector and his crew must have gotten to Ronnie because he recanted everything and the D.A. dropped the case. Now Ronnie was dead; gunned down two nights ago.

And she had a witness to the shooting; a local man who worked at the bodega he owned. Mr. Castillo, who promised to come down to the precinct yesterday morning to give his statement but was a no-show. Well, if he thought she'd just give up then he was out of his damn mind. She never quit anything. It was why she had her informant, Bottle Cap, aka BC, working the streets, trying to find out anything he could about the shooting and finding out who the head of HR was too. If anyone could find her info about either one it was BC. And the more information she had on HR the easier it would be to know where the possible threat could come from. But she was taking every precaution after Fusco learned that they wanted to take her out. She wore her bulletproof vest underneath her shirt while working, even when she was in the office.

Joss grabbed her things and headed for her car. As she drove to the bodega to visit Castillo; Joss's mind drifted back to John, not unexpectedly. But she kept her thoughts planted firmly on the fact that she needed to figure out where she was going to go with her investigation into his mysterious background. Fred Glasgow brought up an interesting and plausible theory that she hadn't thought of which could explain why her John Doe was identical to the deceased John Reese; however it didn't explain why his prints matched up with John Reese's. Twins had unique fingerprints all of their own, so there was two options for why they were matching if he was a twin: one, an honest mistake happened or two, something more nefarious like he was a criminal and used the deceased twin's prints to his advantage.

Joss sincerely hoped it wasn't the latter. But she wasn't the type of person to wear rose colored glasses; she was more of a pessimist. After she spoke to Castillo she'd get back to the precinct and make some calls to find out more about John Reese's closed adoption.

She pulled up to park on the curb right in front of Castillo's bodega and saw him pulling out his green cart full of fruits and vegetables. He frowned as he caught sight of her before he angrily turned and stormed into his store once more. She sometimes made that kind of impression on people. But she wasn't out here to make friends; she was out here to get justice for Ronnie, and protect others from Hector Alvarez. She knew Hector pulled the trigger, the only problem was proving it. His girlfriend was giving Hector an alibi, but if she could just place Hector at around the scene of the crime it might be enough to throw a shadow of doubt on the alibi and get a search warrant of his garage to search for the gun. But it hinged on Mr. Castillo.

Joss entered the store knowing she was unwelcome. "You didn't come down to the precinct like you told me you would Mr. Castillo," she said, trying to not accuse.

"No help today; I'm a very busy man," he lied as he finished stocking up some bottled juices, before turning to look at her.

Joss felt the 'get out' stare down to her bones, but she held her ground. Joss wasn't scared of confrontation and she was here on official business. She opened her pantsuit blazer and tugged out a picture of Hector's ride out of the inside pocket.

"Did you see this car before the shooting?" she asked as she held it out to Castillo.

She could see he was torn with wanting to help her and wanting her to leave. She hoped his conscience steered him right. But when he looked up at her from the picture she saw nothing but fear. "You didn't tell me the guy that was killed was the witness to another shooting."

Joss hadn't. It wasn't done on purpose but she didn't see the reason in it. Ronnie snitched and then recanted, and he still ended up dead. She shrugged. "He decided not to testify. It didn't save him, Mr. Castillo," she murmured.

"You think that's going to convince me too? It's not helping."

Joss exhaled as her patience waned. She knew he saw something and he could help her, but only if he would. "Point is: if Hector Alvarez thinks you saw him shoot someone he's going to come after you too," she explained. It was something she wanted to prevent.

Castillo looked around, looking nervous. "Please, I have a family," he murmured urgently.

"Exactly; if you help me I can protect you and your family. If you don't, he could still come after you. I just need some answers, please,"she tried again. She pulled out her other picture she had and it was of Hector. "Did you see this guy in your store the night of the murder?" Joss just needed that answer. It would be better if he would give a statement but she'd make do without it.

Castillo was quiet for a while as he looked at the photo before finally looking up. "Yes, I saw him earlier. He came in and got some beer and condoms. But what does it matter, I'm not going to give you a statement." he said growing agitated. "Will you please leave my store?" he demanded.

Joss held her hands up, not wanting to upset the man. And what he gave her was more than enough. She now had a link; something tangible. "Okay, I'll leave. Thank you," she said sincerely, before pocketing the pictures and exiting his store. Her mind was on connecting some of the missing dots. Like why Hector was buying beer and condoms here when his girlfriend, his supposed alibi, lived twenty-five miles away. Castillo hadn't said a peep about the car. Hopefully the security cameras' footage would be in on her desk by tomorrow morning.

Her head jerked to her left when she heard a whistle her way and rolled her eyes as Hector pulled up in his ridiculous purple car, in the passenger seat. "Oh, sorry detective; I didn't realize it was you from behind, a lot of fine girls out today," Hector offered, giving her an once-over, making her skin crawl.

"Keep it moving, lover-boy," Joss muttered unimpressed. Hector lived off of intimidation and she wasn't in the slightest.

"You got to be careful on this block; I heard some kid got popped. Do you have any kids, detective?"

Her back stiffened at the not subtle threat to her son. She stepped forward and was more than ready to punch him in his smarmy looking face. But then he'd file a report of assault and she'd be removed from this case.

"Stay off this block; I see this car roll by one more time I'm going to impound it," she promised tersely.

Hector shrugged and looked past her. "I'll be seeing you around, Mr. Castillo," Hector called out as he made a finger gun, before pretending he was blowing him away.

Joss turned to look and saw Castillo's face go white before looking back at Hector. "Get out of here," she demanded. Hector was going to terrorize Castillo, make the poor man live in fear before he gunned him down just like he did Ronnie. But she wasn't going to let that happened; she'd protect Castillo by getting this piece of garbage off the street. "I'm going to get you Hector," she vowed.

"You can try, detective," he sneered before his friend sped off as they both laughed.

Joss watched them go. "I'm going to get you Hector," she whispered to herself with one last parting look at Castillo, before she headed for her car, determined.

* * *

AN: I know you guys were wondering what John could remember and couldn't. Hopefully this chapter cleared it up because I wrote it with him having his memories fade of his former life because his only main focus as a guardian angel was Joss. A real fun chapter is coming up with John's first attempt at computers ;D

Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

_AN **: Not sure if any of you guys recall me explaining I removed some answers from a flashback because of creative ideas, well you'll see that part in this chapter. I tweaked it so it was happening now rather than a flashback so it's been looked at by only my eyes so be careful of issues LOL. There aren't any italics since it's not a flashback.**_

* * *

Fusco hung up the phone with Carter shaking his head. His take on the big guy was that he was star-struck by Carter. The amnesiac nutball said about five sentences that all dealt about Carter and if she was safe going to the precinct alone. Explaining to the big guy that his partner wasn't a woman that needed coddling or saving was a trip because it didn't seem to satisfy him fully, but it did get him to quiet it up about Carter. Except that seemed to be all that Mr. Tall, Dark, and Lovelorn wanted to talk about because he hadn't made a peep since.

Lionel shifted his gaze onto his newfound companion who was surveying the world's worst view ever…that of a brown bricked wall, as he peered out the living room window. "Carter told me to give you the ins and the outs of the world," Lionel called out with a snicker. If Carter was going to push some random Joe onto him than he was going to make the most of it.

Mr. Fabulous turned instantly to say; "Is she alright?"

"Who?"

"Joss!" said the big guy, exasperated.

Fusco waved a hand to dismiss his concern. "Carter could take down an army of assassins blindfolded and with a hand tied behind her back. She's fine," he said as he moved to the desk in the corner of the room and grabbed a deck of cards.

"But she's alone without anyone to protect her," he whispered.

"Didn't you hear me, Mr. Fabulous?—Carter needs protection like movie stars need another award show," Lionel joked and when the man eyed him blankly, he exhaled. "She's fine, John, don't worry about Carter. She wanted me to give you some pointers until you can regain your memories. We'll start with cards; every guy should know poker."

"Poker?

"Yea, but I'll start you off on something simpler than Poker. I'm going to reteach you Black Jack, John, and we'll go from there," Lionel assured him as he motioned at the big guy to take a seat with him on the couch. After he wiped the floor with Mr. Fabulous he'd then move onto Poker…too bad the guy didn't have any moolah to bet with. "Hey, big guy, let's make this interesting; I win, you clean my apartment."

"And if I win?"

Lionel grinned as those were the first non-Carter related words he said today. "Does twenty bucks sound good?" Lionel offered.

John merely shrugged in answer and Lionel snickered as he began shuffling. He didn't realize he'd get a maid in the process of taking in Carter's stray cat.

* * *

Shaw watched as her charge played cards with Reese and got schooled in the worst way. All seemed well, so that left her the chance to talk to Finch. She side-eyed her friend, who she met up with the moment Carter brought Reese to Fusco. Shaw noticed Carter got a new guardian angel. "Don't you have anything to do other than watch your 'special case'?" she demanded. Harold sighed but didn't respond. "Care to explain some things, Harold?"

"What things, Shaw?"

"Oh, you know, what the hell 'John is a special case' exactly means? And if Carter already knew that HR was gunning for her that meant that John didn't really need to retake human form to protect her." Shaw pointed out.

Harold smiled. "You're right, he didn't need too," he conceded before finally sparing a glance her way. "John wasn't supposed to die in Bosnia at twenty-five, his guardian angel messed up, hence the 'special case,'" Harold explained.

"You still haven't explained why he was led to believe he was needed to protect Carter when he isn't." Shaw stated sorely disgruntled.

"Jocelyn suffered a horrific ordeal in Fallujah where she almost lost her life. And while John saved her, he had been utterly devastated that he hadn't been able to save her fully from harm. Jocelyn's stomach had been torn apart by shrapnel and it had been touch and go for a while as she sustained serious internal injuries. John wept and she felt his love because the first word she said when she awoke was 'John'. It was then that I realized their connection was special; one that reached past space and time, reached past life and death, because their souls were intertwined."

"So Reese and Carter are soul-mates?" Shaw asked dubiously.

"Yes, I was told the truth after I realized it on my own. John and Jocelyn were destined to be together and because of his guardian angel screwing up; both their lives went veering off course. It was why John was given Jocelyn as his charge; her original guardian angel was reassigned. I was given permission to grant John a miracle, but the only provision was he could not be allowed to know the real reason why he was given a second chance at life, so that is why I led him to believe he was needed to protect her. John's sixteen years he lost will be added to the end of his life cycle." Harold finished his explanation quietly.

So far Shaw understood but there was one thing she didn't get. "John's hot charge is a cop now so I'm assuming what happened to her in Fallujah was a while ago, so why wait so long to make this little love connection happen?"

"We waited for the right time for Jocelyn to be ready for true love and for John to believe he was needed on Earth," Harold explained. "Jocelyn's specified time for departure of Earth is in the very distant future; now they will be able to live out that future together."

"But John thinks he needs to die to come back here after she is protected," Shaw reminded him.

Harold nodded. "Yes. It is why John was sent to Earth without knowledge of the true reason because he has to realize the he belongs down there with her himself," he said with warmth and a sincere small smile on his face.

Shaw nodded. "One last question: who was the guardian angel that messed up?" she wondered.

"Me," Harold whispered.

* * *

Joss stuffed the manila folder under her arm before grabbing the case of beer and pizza beside her and exited her car. She had stopped at her place for a quick shower and to change into jeans and t-shirt before heading over to Fusco's place. After her run-in with Hector she had gone back to the precinct more determined than ever to get that son of a bitch.

After pouring over everything she had on Ronnie's case she then turned her attention to John and made some calls to get information on John Reese's closed adoption. What she found out was news she was expecting. John Reese didn't have a twin brother. He was adopted by a Conor and Margaret Reese; who's only other child before adopting John was a Sophie, who died after two weeks of life.

So she was back to square one with her John Doe looking identical and matched prints with a dead man. Joss felt like her initial hunch was correct that her John Doe was John Reese who supposedly died in Bosnia in 95.' Just because Glasgow didn't think so didn't mean she should just abandon it. There could be a reason why Glasgow thought John died but John was saved in a hospital and Glasgow wasn't privy to the knowledge. If only she could just get confirmation that her hunch was right, then she could move on and figure out where he was for sixteen years and why he ended up naked the night she met him and without his memories.

But digging up his 'grave' to prove the bones buried there weren't John Reese's wasn't an option as it would still not prove the man was alive. It would just prove that his bones weren't there. There was no DNA on hand to try to match John's Reese DNA to her John Doe. His biological mother was deceased, having died about a year after giving birth and giving John up for adoption. She had been only seventeen years old at the time of her death. And as for the biological father; he was unknown and could literally be anyone. Her only hope was to help him regain his memories, so she brought the manila folder full of information on John Reese in hopes she could stir John's curiosity to have a look and see if he'd remember anything.

She entered the apartment complex before climbing two flights of stairs to get to Fusco's apartment before rapping on the door awkwardly with everything she was carrying. Thankfully she didn't have to wait long for her friend to open it. Joss smiled as she held up the case of beer and showed off the pizza box. "I bring gifts," she said in a sing-song way.

"C'mon in, Carter," Fusco said as he waved her in, snatching the pizza box out of her hand.

Joss entered and smiled as her eyes landed on John. Warmth suffused her as they stared at each other. Joss was beginning to suspect that these quivers and tingles John created inside her weren't going anywhere anytime soon and she didn't know how she felt about that. No man ever made her feel tingles and quivers from a simple look; it was a little disconcerting that it was happening to her now and with a man who didn't even know himself.

"You're back," he said as he physically looked relieved.

She smirked. "Can't get rid of me that easily," she teased before setting the file down on the back of the sofa chair across from John.

Fusco rolled his eyes as he moved close to his partner. "If it was up to wonder-boy you two would be connected at the hip," he muttered, not bothering to keep quiet so John couldn't hear before walking to the coffee table and put the pizza box down on it.

John frowned while her brows rose as she followed Fusco over to the couch. "Wonder-boy?" she questioned as he eyes shifted between Lionel and John and back.

"Yea, wonder-boy, I felt bad for the big guy having lost his memories so I decided to re-teach him some important games…" Lionel said disgruntled. Joss cocked a brow up. "…. and he won every damn game."

"What games?"

"Every guy needs to know how to play Blackjack and he won every time. He won one hundred bucks from me! Instead of trying to play for free maid services I had to start playing for my money back, so I showed him Poker, and I didn't win that either! I figured that wonder-boy was a whiz at card games so I switched tactics and showed him the game of chess."

Joss kept her smile hidden. "Ah, so it wasn't about teaching him games it was more about winning him at games," she murmured. Boys would be boys.

"I just wanted him to clean my damn apartment but when he won each game of chess it was on! I lost like nearly two hundred dollars, the big guy gave it back to me but that was beside the point," Lionel grumbled and she smiled then. Of course being handed your money back even though John won it fair and square wasn't good enough; Lionel had to _win_ it back. The male species were peculiar. "I decided to take him to Reilly's to play some pool; I'm a crack shot thinking he couldn't beat me at that….WRONG!" Fusco shouted and her brows rose as she fought to laugh at Lionel's irritation. "Wonder-boy beat me at that too, so that's where his nickname came from."

Joss looked at John who had a self-satisfied look on his face at getting Fusco's goat. "I guess I'll have to take you to Reilly's sometime soon and see if you are as good as Fusco claims; I never lose at pool or darts," she murmured as she set the case of beer beside the pizza that was right in front of John's knees.

Lionel grinned as he opened the box to see what Carter brought. The large pizza was littered with meats; pepperoni, Italian sausage, ground beef, and ham. His favorite. He immediately took a slice and took a big bite out of it. He was starving.

"Please tell me you have plates Fusco, I'm not eating without a plate. I'm not a beast like you," she complained while removing her leather coat as she moved toward his cramped kitchen, flinging it on the back of the sofa chair, on top of the file, as she went. First food and then maybe she'd try to get John to look at the file.

"On top of the fridge," he called out, muffled with food. He eyed wonder-boy who watched his partner until she disappeared from view. Lionel shook his head; the guy didn't even bother to hide the enamored look. Lionel watched as wonder-boy shifted his admiring gaze off the kitchen entrance to the pizza and eyed it like he wasn't sure it was food. "You don't even remember pizza. Geez, what happened to your brain, it got scrambled or something? It was aliens, wasn't it?—that's the reason you can't remember anything, including pizza."

Joss rolled her eyes as she exited the kitchen with plates, and napkins she found for her and John in hand. "No. He probably just wants to use a plate like a normal person."

"Us guys don't need plates, Carter," Fusco replied dryly.

John took the plate at Joss's insistence. Lionel was right; he didn't need a plate, but he was wrong that he didn't remember pizza because he did. But he hadn't had it in so long that he was almost afraid to take a slice and have to give it up when he went back. He could almost see Shaw now, salivating. He smiled at the thought. He had to eat so he could fill her in on how good it tasted. His body hungered for food as his stomach rumbled. His eyes took in Joss and the tight jeans she was wearing, and a different part his body hungered for something else entirely. John shifted his gaze away; he couldn't have her but at least he could have food. He took a bite of the pizza and it was as good as he could remember. He sighed as he quietly savored the taste.

Joss chuckled a little at John's inability to hide his expressions because he looked like he just bit into a slice of heaven. "Pizza is much better than that hospital garbage, isn't it?" she asked as she sat on the armrest beside him.

"If what they serve can even be considered food," Fusco chimed in good-naturedly.

The three of them ate amicably and John was quiet while she and Fusco talked about work, but more specifically about her run in with Hector Alvarez.

"Carter, just watch your back," Lionel said gruffly with a look that she understood. She knew that HR was gunning for her and wanted to make it look clean. It was why she had called Donnelly right away; who then placed undercover agents all over her. She had two tailing her as she came over here. When she told them about John; they checked up on him too and were just as flummoxed. But unfortunately for John if it wasn't for her persistence no one would even care that his prints matched a dead man because he fell in no one's jurisdiction, and she was looking into it herself to help him. The accident was ruled just that, an accident, and so the cops just wrote him off as the hospital's problem, and then they got rid of him because he didn't have insurance. The system was a mess where people like John fell through the cracks.

"I can take care of myself, Fusco," she assured and eyed John who looked stiff and upset. "John, are you okay?"

"Fine," he replied shortly.

"Doesn't sound like you're fine." she argued. John had grown increasingly agitated as she told them more of the veiled threats Hector made.

It was because he wasn't. Perhaps this Hector Alvarez was the threat to her that HR was going to use. He needed to find a way to be there with her during her investigation into this man, but just how? John looked at her and realized she was waiting for him to spill what was bothering him. "Just have a headache," he lied, trying not feel guilty for it. He told himself he was lying to her for her safety. She didn't look like she believed him but nodded and dropped it. John realized as she promptly switched the topic of conversation that she knew what was bothering him.

"So I checked into Glasgow's hunch," she murmured taking a tiny bite of her pizza compared to her male counterparts, who were hoofing theirs down at lightspeed. John was eating pizza like he never had it before and Fusco was eating the same way he always did…messily.

Who?" Fusco asked with a furrow of his brows as he licked the greasy goodness off his fingers.

"A guy from the Army that knew John Reese," she explained. Her eyes skirted from John to Fusco and back. "Well Glasgow suggested that John here could have been twins with Reese and perhaps a mistake was made with their fingerprints," Joss murmured.

"And…?" wondered Fusco.

"And it's not. John Reese wasn't separated at birth from his twin because he didn't have one," she responded as she finished her first slice of pizza, before rubbing the grease away off her fingers on her napkin. She watched the men eat for a minute; John was halfway through his second and Fusco was picking up his third.

Joss got to her feet and headed over for her jacket. She'd start off by showing John Reese's military photo to Fusco and John to show the uncanny resemblance between the men. She pulled the photo out of the folder.

"Actually, I brought my file on John Reese; if either of you guys want to take a look," she said casually as she turned back and showed the photo to Fusco first.

"Huh," he sounded as he munched on the crust. "It sure does look like wonder-boy,"he agreed around his food.

She moved close to John as her body prickled with tingly sensations as she bent down, leaning close to show him the picture. He smelled like soap and aftershave that Fusco must have lent him but the question on her mind was why did it take her nerve endings on a fantastical journey when Fusco used the same stuff and she never noticed it before?

"Now tell me that this man doesn't look like you," she said, working double time on not noticing the weird crackle of energy between the two of them.

John stared at the photo and jerked back. Seeing himself before he died, before he became a guardian angel, before Joss Carter, was a shock to the system.

"Did you remember something?" Joss asked, momentarily forgetting that this man's blue eyes should come bearing a warning sign expressing to not look quite so deeply in them because the moment he looked up and she gazed into them she was lost in the beautiful blue depths.

He looked into her eyes and realized she was awfully close. So close that he felt her breath on his lips; it held a twang of beer and pizza but also uniquely her too. An unfamiliar but not unwelcome pull wanted to draw him even closer to her; like an invisible force that he was helpless in the face of. Everything about this woman he loved; from her tough as nails persona, to the soft caring woman underneath, and Joss had the loveliest set of dark brown eyes that were warm, intelligent, and felt like home.

"No," John whispered as his eyes dipped from her intent gaze to her soft lips. The compulsion to brush his against hers was nearly too strong to resist. All he had to do was lean over and end his torment but he didn't. He wasn't here for his desires but rather he was here to save her. Why kiss her when he knew that one kiss would never be enough?

Joss straightened when he broke the spell that bound her to him when his gaze fell to her lips. She almost stupidly leaned forward and kissed him; just to quench the aching desire too. But it wasn't her fault; the damn man's lips were practically beckoning her! They were so close, so tempting, so kissable, and so…so moving.

"Uh, sorry what did you say John?" she asked before looking to Fusco for help.

Lionel's brow arched. "I think you need a hearing aid Carter, you're right next to him; he said he was taken aback by how they looked alike."

She glared at Lionel who shrugged and finished up his third piece of pizza. Joss put the photo away and moved back to a comfortable distance between her and John. Silence followed as the three of them ate. She tried to ignore what just happened but couldn't because John was effectively slipping right past her defenses with very little effort, and that left her unsettled.

* * *

AN: There were some more answers in this one. Tomorrow I'll post another chapter to the 12 Days. I wanted to post two chapters to this but Comcast had to come and try to fix my cable for the third time since they couldn't fix it the first two times.

Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Joss arrived at Fusco's, the next morning, to check to see how John did for his first night there. Or at least that was the story she was sticking with. Last night after she called and talked with her son for about an hour, she had gone to bed and her dreams were filled with kissing John on the lips before a more R-rated dream had her pressing her lips to his neck to find his pulse hammering. And then her mouth proceeded down and kissed his spectacular chest. Her tongue circled his hard nipples before it traced a sexy path down to his naval. She nibbled her way down that treasure trail where she peeled his underwear off and that was when she woke up.

After that she had been awake for hours. The thing between them that she didn't understand nor want was now messing with her sleep. Joss couldn't stop thinking about him night or day. In five short days John had flipped her world inside out. He was her first thought when she got up in the morning and last when she went to bed. It was not good. She tried to lie to herself and pretend it was because he was a mystery that was fascinating her curious mind. But she knew it wasn't the truth. It had nothing to do with the mystery that shrouded him and everything to do with John, the man, and those damn eyes of his. The man that was very pleasing to look at, the man that worried about her safety as if he was her protector or something. The man that evoked feelings in her that scared her because of how potent they were in such a little time of knowing him. Joss suspected that falling for John would be ridiculously easy if she let herself and she didn't trust anything that came easy. Nothing in her past ever had.

 _You've only known him for almost a week_ , she reminded herself. And 'knowing' him was a relative term since he didn't even know himself. There were too many unknown factors so she would have to work harder on keeping some kind of distance between her and John. She needed to detach herself from him since he couldn't from her.

So with that thought in mind, she knocked on Fusco's door and waited until the man answered. "Morning, Carter," he muttered with a yawn, dressed in an old ratty gray robe that had food stains and a few holes in it.

"I think you should retire that poor robe. It needs to be put out its misery, Lionel. Perhaps just wear your Patriots Snuggie," she suggested as she held out a cup of coffee that she got for him at Starbucks. He grunted in response before greedily taking the coffee and let her in. Joss was trying to make up for the fact that the favor he was doing for her didn't match up to the favor she did for him.

She had gotten one for John too. Distance or not, she wasn't bringing her and Fusco a coffee and not one for him too. But she had gotten his black with cream and sugar on the side, not sure how he took it. She thought that he probably wasn't sure he knew how he took it either.

Her gaze sought out John and found him sitting on the couch he had slept on in just his boxers…the smiley face ones. No shirt or pants, hair mussed, barefoot, and he looked so damn fine. That now familiar surge of primal lust that was like to punch her in the gut, swamped her. So much for her theory that John wearing those goofy things would diminish his sexiness, it didn't. Joss nearly crumpled under the weight of her desire for this man; it was absurd. They barely knew each other. He didn't even know himself. Yet he beguiled her with his bedroom eyes that seemed to caress every inch of her body like she was perfection.

"Hi," she mumbled and groaned at how stupid that sounded. "I got you a coffee too."

He stood up so his chest was eye level with her and Joss let her eyes travel over him. Okay, she could appreciate a nice body while still remaining detached. Her gaze slid down from his hard nipples over his muscular chest and flat stomach, noting he didn't have a single extra ounce of padding on him. He had a swimmer's build that was wreaking havoc on her system, with strong hips and she already knew he had a spectacular butt, but his naval looked delicious. Her eyes fastened on that treasure trail that disappeared into his low-riding boxers that appeared too loose and wouldn't take all that much to pull them down. Just as her gaze was ready to try to outline his manhood in those ill-fitting boxers Fusco broke her concentration.

"Carter, give him the coffee," Fusco griped before turning to leave to go get ready for work. He shook his head as he went.

Joss jerked out of her thoughts and realized he was reaching for the coffee and she hadn't yet given it to him. She cleared her throat as heat filled her face and handed him the coffee.

"Thanks," John murmured softly.

Joss's mortification that she was caught ogling John's impeccable body by her friend, but also by the man himself, slipped to oblivion as she watched John take a hesitant sip, and looked like he found euphoria because his eyes rolled in the back of his head and she smiled. Someone liked coffee.

She noticed the wince that John didn't cover as he went to roll his head and work his stiff shoulders. Her eyes shifted from him to the couch he slept on and then back at him. John was over six feet tall by a few inches and that couch was so diminutive that she was sure dwarves wouldn't have fit.

"Rough night huh?" she questioned.

He shrugged as he responded "A little."

It was stupid. She was forcing John to sleep on a small lumpy couch because she was worried about them being alone together and what could happen. They were adults and she could control her hormones. Her son was living with his grandmother except for coming home for the weekends which wouldn't be happening until the threat from HR was over. She had a guest bedroom that would be way more comfortable than this couch.

Fusco came back out wearing his brown suit that resembled a bad couch, with a shade darker tie, and looking ready to go to work. "Fusco, there's been a change of plans," she murmured.

"What?"

"After work; I'm going to take John to my place. I can't force him to sleep on your tiny ass couch. He's too big for it."

"I knew that when you asked but it's the best I could do, Carter. This is all I could afford for now," grumbled Fusco, sounding offended.

"I'm not blaming you Lionel; but I have a guest bedroom that John would be more comfortable in until we can find out who he is and get him back to his own space," she explained. She'd just work harder on detaching herself from John. Sure, they would be together all the time but she'd be cool and professional. She didn't have to get close to him.

"I'd like that," John chimed in gently. Not just because the couch was uncomfortable but he would be close to Joss and could keep an eye on her better. And selfishly he could talk to her and spend more time with her before he had to leave her again.

Fusco looked between Carter and the big guy and back. "Carter, a word…" he murmured as he motioned at his kitchen.

Joss nodded as she followed him into the cramped kitchen. "What's up, Lionel?"

"You think taking him back home with you is such a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?—I have more space than you, I can't make him suffer on that tiny couch you have. His body barely fits on it when he's sitting. I can imagine when he got up this morning he probably needed a chiropractor just to stand," she retorted.

"Not what I mean, Carter, and you know it."

She exhaled. "I'll be fine; John's not dangerous," she reassured him, though she wasn't so sure she wasn't lying because she had a sinking suspicion that John was dangerous alright, dangerous to her heart. "Besides then I can work on getting him to look at that file I brought over last night. Maybe if he's staying with me I can get him to take a look. It might be the key to unlocking his memories."

Lionel didn't respond and let Carter take what he said the way she wanted to. He knew wonder-boy wasn't dangerous to Carter, not physically, not with the way he worried about her safety. The guy kept asking him if he thought Carter had gotten home safely after she left last night. But Lionel long ago realized that Carter did things her way and only her way. There was no point in trying to stop her from taking John home with her. He just hoped she knew what she was doing and didn't end up with egg on her face.

Joss exited the kitchen with Fusco in tow. "We're going," she said.

John turned and looked at her. "When will you be back?" he asked, struggling to remain nonchalant but even he heard the edge to his voice.

A pesky flicker of warmth filled her heart over the fact that he would be waiting for her. _Detach, detach, detach_ , her mind screamed. She wasn't stupid enough to fall for a man who didn't even know himself. It was the perfect way to set herself up for heartbreak and she had her fair share to last her a lifetime.

"Not sure, probably around four," she answered coolly.

"Be careful…."

She smiled at that. "I will," she promised, breaking her vow to remain professional. John was so worried that something was going to happen to her that she couldn't help but soothe him.

 _Could they be any more obvious_ , Fusco thought as he rolled his eyes at them. "Hey wonder-boy, I'm sure you can figure out the TV remote. If you're hungry the leftover pizza is in the fridge," he called out as they headed out the door from his apartment without another word. Once he shut the door and locked up he eyed Carter. "I'm almost afraid of what he's going to do while we're gone."

She sighed. "He's a man Fusco, not a dog; he's not going to pee on your living room floor."

"He better not; I got to get that security deposit back when I move out of this tiny hell hole," he commented good naturedly as they walked side by side downstairs. 

* * *

They rode together to work and as Joss drove them she decided to find out if Lionel and John talked about anything after she left late last night.

Fusco sighed in response. "He didn't say much, Carter. After you left we finished up watching the basketball game and then I headed to bed."

Joss frowned. "That's it?" she asked.

"That's it," he confirmed. "I'm not going to browbeat the guy into talking or eyeballing that file you were painfully transparent at wanting him to look at. If he wants to talk, he'll talk; if he wants to look, he'll look."

"Gee, thanks for nothing, Fusco!"

Lionel shrugged; Carter would probably have more luck than he would at getting wonder-boy to do anything. All she had to do was bat her eyes at the guy and he would jump right to it to do what she asked. The guy had it bad for Carter. He, at first, had been worried for Carter, but now he was wondering if he should be more worried about his amnesiac friend. With the way he watched his partner, not even bothering to cover up the charmed gaze; it could buy him a one-way ticket on the 'Pain Train' if Carter did as she did to all the other guys that showed interest in her: outright ignored them.

Silence filled the car ride as both remained quiet and deep in their respective thoughts. Once they got to the precinct they got busy with working the Ronnie Middleton case. They each watched security footage of about twenty minutes before and after the shooting.

Joss leaned back and rolled her shoulders realizing she had strained them as she sat rigid in her chair. "I didn't see Hector's purple car at all," she muttered.

Lionel leaned back too. "Me neither," he admitted as he got to his feet to move over to her desk.

"And I poured over all of Ronnie's photos and texts from his phone and there is nothing in them to help us either," she murmured as she looked up at Fusco. "So let's start with what we do know: Ronnie was gunned down."

"Probably by Hector Alvarez in retaliation for snitching on him the first time," Fusco added.

"But Hector's girlfriend, who could do ten times better than that loser, gives him an alibi of being with her the entire night during the time of the shooting," she thought out loud. "Though we know from Mr. Castillo that Hector was at his bodega buying beer and condoms before the shooting happened."

"Which is roughly 25 miles away from Girlfriend Tuesdays, place," Fusco colorfully added. "We now know from tediously watching the security cameras' grainy footage that Hector's purple ride was nowhere in the vicinity twenty minutes before or after the shooting."

Joss nodded. "Those are the facts so far. So let's think this through. How did Hector get to the bodega without his car before the shooting?"

"Well he could take a taxi or had a friend give him a ride, or he walked there," Fusco answered.

"Yea, my money is he walked there, so his car wouldn't be seen. It would stand out. And I didn't see him exit a single car which means he must have remained out of view of the street cameras by being on the sidewalk." she murmured. "But that poses the question as to why he was in the bodega getting beer and condoms before the shooting if his only reason for being there was to kill Ronnie."

Fusco smirked. "Maybe he's got a little side action happening,"

Joss nodded. That was her thought too. And she knew just who could help her find out who Hector was stepping out with. "I got an informant that can help us narrow down who the mistress is. I have him looking into Hector for me. Hopefully if we can get a name we can help introduce Hector's ladies to one another," she said as she got to her feet.

"You think if you piss off one of the ladies they might squeal on Alvarez?"

"I hope so. If we can get Monica to retract the alibi she gave him then we can get a warrant to search his garage and place for the gun that murdered Ronnie," Joss said. "It might be the break in the case we need."

"Well let's go talk to your informant to see if we can find out this other leading lady of Alvarez's life, Carter." 

* * *

John was bored. He had showered and got ready which only took thirty minutes after Joss and Lionel left. After being a guardian angel for so long and having wide open spaces around him, being enclosed in this small apartment was making him want to climb the walls. John restlessly paced back and forth, pausing momentarily to scowl out the window as this wasn't working at all the way he was imagining it would. He hadn't known what to expect when he came back to Earth but being told to stay put in Lionel's dirty apartment like he was some kind of pet wasn't it.

He resumed his restless pacing. How was he supposed to protect Joss and die in the process if he wasn't out there with her? At least he was going to get to go home with her tonight. The file she brought over last night sat unopened on top of the sofa chair where Joss left it. He ignored it last night and when she left he saw it before he went to bed and knew she left it here on purpose; Joss wasn't the forgetful type. He knew she was hoping he would look at it. But he was hesitant too, especially in front of her. Joss was a trained detective and surely she would notice his reaction to his own life even if he tried to remain neutral to it.

But now, now he was alone and could read about his life. John walked over to the sofa chair. He reached out and frowned when he realized his hands were shaking. He was afraid to look at a file of himself, to remember, and realize he could never be that man again. John Reese died and he was happy with who he was: guardian angel to Jocelyn Carter. Looking back would do nothing. Yet even though he couldn't be that man ever again nor even wanted too; he still took the file and moved to the couch to sit.

Pensively John sat down and set the file on the coffee table in front of him and slowly opened it. The picture she brought was on top. He picked it up to eye it without her laser focus attention on him. He smiled at it. John didn't know how long he sat staring at his old photo but he set it down after a while and started to leaf through the information that Joss collected on him. He quietly read and closed the file with a heavy heart.

He died in 1995 and it was now April of 2011 if Lionel's magazine subscription to ESPN was correct. He was dead sixteen years; which meant he had been dead a whole year or more by the time Joss had given birth to Taylor. The boy was fourteen going on fifteen. When he read about his adopted parents a small ache formed. How could he have forgotten about them? They had been wonderful and loving. His father died when he had been just eleven, so it had been just him and his mother until he died. He loved his dad but his mother had been everything to him. She was his friend when he had none. She was his mom and dad all rolled up in one. Margaret had been only a meager five foot three and a hundred and five pounds but boy could she run, making their friendly one versus one touch football games interesting.

John smiled at her memory and rubbed away an ache that settled in his chest at the thought of not knowing what happened to her. When he died she had been alive…

John shook the thought away because while reading about his old life did lead to awakened memories it was irrelevant now. He wasn't back to go visit his mother because he had one mission and one mission only: save Joss. Her life was in danger which he would protect using his human form to do so.

He got to his feet and put the file back the way he found it. He didn't want Joss to know that he looked at it. It had been a mistake.

A sudden desperate need to escape and be free filled him. He wasn't by Joss's side where he belonged and he roamed Lionel's apartment debating on just leaving. But just as the urge to bolt grew his eyes settled on Lionel's laptop, on the desk in the corner of the room, and he stopped mid-stride. He had watched Joss long enough to know what that device was. He had been awed that it was a computer. He remembered computers being big and boxy but these things were slim and small.

Perhaps the internet could help him. Before he died the internet had been in its infancy, so he never actually got to use it or a computer for that matter but Joss used both all the time to help her investigate crimes, so maybe he could use it to help him know where she was. That way the next time she left him alone while she was at work he could manage to find his way to her precinct to keep an eye on her. John eyed the ESPN magazine noting Lionel's name and address on it before snatching it off the coffee table and carried it with him to the desk in the corner. He sat down in front of the laptop and stared at it. Now how do you turn it on?

John found a button on the side that looked suspicious and pressed it. He smirked as the screen turned on and read 'starting windows'. Well for not using a computer ever, he was doing a pretty good job if he said so himself. While he waited for it to load he eyed Fusco's home address. He could practice using the internet by looking up Lionel's address. He glanced up and blinked as the screen loaded to a log-in screen. John frowned. You needed a password to get into your own computer? How the hell would he know Lionel's password?! John thought for a while and first typed—one letter at a time using his index finger—Lionel's first name and waited.

Nothing happened. Just the little flashing line sat behind the L of his name. John thinned his lips as he realized he wasn't doing something right. He eyed the laptop and saw a rectangular section that was ridged and had two buttons beneath it. It looked different from the rest of the laptop that was smooth. So it had to serve a purpose. He rubbed a finger across it and watched as the white arrow cursor moved.

John grinned in success as he managed to figure out that by clicking one of the funky little buttons beneath the rectangular patch it made the computer work. Though he didn't log into Lionel's computer successfully because the password he had tried was wrong. He sighed; of course 'Lionel' was too obvious to be correct.

So he tried typing 'Fusco' and then his son's name but both were wrong. He scowled at the computer; he had figured out how to turn it on and how to move the cursor and click on buttons but he couldn't figure out Lionel's password. It wasn't as though Lionel was a complicated man or at least that's his opinion since meeting the man and from Shaw's rather unflattering description of her charge. John began rummaging around in the desk hoping that Lionel had his password written down and grinned in success when he found a sheet of paper titled 'Passwords'. John hesitated though as he looked it over and didn't see a single one for how to log in on the actual computer. Every password was written for something else; Bank of America, Capital One, and so on, but nothing written for the computer log in. But John noticed a theme in all of Fusco's passwords. They were all five characters long. He remembered Joss teasing Lionel once about making easy passwords so he could try to remember them.

He slid the paper back inside the drawer in aggravation. It had to be something simple that Lionel would never forget. In frustration he tried A, B, C, D, E, but when that didn't work he tried 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and was surprised when it did.

"Huh, I was just doing that to be an ass," he muttered to himself.

John watched as it loaded up a screen with Lionel's son in the background and then weird icons popping up covering parts of the background. Everything was foreign to him. But he was determined. If he could figure out how to turn it on and how to log in to get here, surely he could figure out how to find the internet. He eyed the icons and tried one; feeling smug as a webpage loaded called 'Google'. He had heard Joss say to use this site a lot. This internet and computer business wasn't so tough. It took a small learning curve on what to do on this site called 'Google' but once he was sure he knew what he was doing he typed in Lionel's address from the ESPN magazine, to practice.

The results that came up were exactly what he was looking for. It showed him a map of the area surrounding the address with a red dot showing him where he was currently. So John repeated it again but this time by typing out slowly 'where is the 8th Precinct of New York?' When the results loaded John began rummaging around for a slip of paper to write the address down. He would need it if he wanted to find her after she left.

The memory that he was lefty came to him as he awkwardly tried to put the pen in his right hand and he immediately switched hands. He scribbled down the address nearly wincing at how horrible his handwriting was even to his own eyes, but he could read it so that was all that mattered. He pocketed the golden slip of paper and accomplished what he set out to do. Now he was hungry. Lionel said something about pizza. But he frowned as he eyed the webpage and had no clue how to turn it off.

John tried looking for an 'off' button on the keyboard but there wasn't one. So to get off the webpage he must have to click some button the actual page. So he looked at the screen and pressed on one the many buttons.

"Bookmarks?" he muttered. Well that was clearly wrong but he sat unsure of how to get rid of the drop down box and how to get rid of the webpage. He frowned when he looked under the heading of 'Recently Bookmarked'. "Pussies & Cream?" he read aloud.

John clicked it and jumped when he was immediately taken to a different site and it was definitely not cats drinking milk but rather naked men and women having sex….

He watched for a minute and then two before he lost track of time.

* * *

AN: I won't lie trying to write someone not knowing how to work a computer was tough but fun to write. I know you guys wanted to see some Fusco/John living together but I can't pass up having John/Joss living together. I don't think you guys will mind the switch ;D

Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN: Sorry for being MIA but I am back and hopefully will be posting more regularly now. Today is Collide and tomorrow is the 12 Days of Christmas.**_

* * *

Joss walked by Fusco's side as they climbed up the stairs of his apartment building after a long tedious day at work. "So what do you think wonder-boy did today while we chased down Hector's mistress? Those ladies had not been too pleased to learn they were being played," Lionel wondered aloud.

"No, they weren't! But now that Monica retracted her alibi, getting a search warrant is going to be easy. I already sent in the formal request and we should have it sometime tomorrow. Now knowing Alvarez has a warehouse in Queens where he goes when he is expecting a shipment and has one tomorrow, we'll know where he is when we get our arrest warrant. And as for John, I think he was probably bored out of his mind," she muttered while Lionel unlocked the door.

"And missing you," Fusco glibly added.

Joss shrugged. "Maybe," she said trying to not sound happy at the thought.

"But it doesn't matter to you."

"Nope," she agreed, trying hard to believe it. A professional as herself that didn't get emotionally involved with a man who could be god knows who, wouldn't be happy at the thought of him missing her.

Fusco didn't call her a liar instead he pushed his door open and froze as his laptop was on with porn blaring. John was pacing and looked at them and relief flooded his face. "I tried to turn it off," he commented sheepishly, which definitely had not been the first words she figured John would say to her when she came to pick him up. She had been figuring he'd be sitting on the couch and say he was happy to see her, and not be pacing while a woman was going down on some guy playing on the computer behind him.

"Why is it even on?" Lionel growled angrily as he stormed over to the laptop and instantly hit the little red x and the site went away.

John frowned. "How did you do that?" he demanded.

"Never mind that, how the hell did you get on my computer anyway? I have a password!" Lionel bellowed, ripe with embarrassment.

Joss rolled her eyes. "C'mon Fusco; you can't call your pathetic '1, 2, 3, 4, 5' a password. A two year old could crack that by randomly pressing keys," she retorted, eyes on the file and not on her mortified friend. She inwardly sighed because the file with everything she gathered so far on John Reese sat in the same place where she put it yesterday. So much for hoping he'd look at it while everyone was gone.

"I wanted to use the internet to find out where we were. But I pressed a button and I didn't know how to get off of it and I saw a title that read…"

"She doesn't need to know what it read," Lionel interrupted.

"And it took me to that site and I didn't know how to stop it." John mumbled. John felt his cheeks heat. He had watched it and the moment he thought of him and Joss doing the same things as the men and women on the screen were was when he got aroused to the point of having an aching hard on. So with no outlet he had taken a cold shower and reminded himself of his mission to cool himself off.

Joss couldn't help but love the fact that John blushed. It was so endearing to find a sexy virile man as John that could blush. "So I take it you don't know much on how to work a computer or the internet."

"No, I don't think I ever used a computer or the internet," John responded with as close to the truth as possible.

Joss was pretty impressed for a man who didn't know what he was doing and actually searched the web. Not that hacking Fusco's password was all that hard but for a man not knowing what he was doing to actually get on the web and self-teach himself enough to get on, took intelligence. Her interest in him notched up a bit, not that it was low to begin with. John was sexy, vulnerable, smart, and attached to her which made for intoxicating albeit dangerous situation now that they were going to be essentially living together for the next foreseeable future.

 _Detach, detach, detach_ , was her word of the day as she shelfed those thoughts forcefully and looked at John. "Ready to go?—maybe after we eat dinner, I'll show you how to work a computer so when I'm at work you can surf the web," she suggested.

Joss felt like someone slugged her in the gut stealing all the oxygen in her lungs when John gave her a small smile. "I'd like that, Joss."

"Hang on a sec; I need to get wonder-boy a little something before you go," Lionel called out, looking still half embarrassed and half annoyed as he disappeared out of the room.

Joss was left to inwardly groan at how her name sounded rolling off his sensual lips. She didn't think he said her name since the first night at the hospital and it still sounded so hot. The quicker she solved the mystery that was John the better off she was.

"But no porno sites," she stipulated. Joss read her erotica, preferring to be transported inside the action rather than merely watching it. "I think you had more than enough of that."

John frowned. "You won't let me forget this, will you?" he asked with a narrowed gaze.

Joss smirked as she said; "Not on your life."

Lionel reappeared into the room carrying a bag. "It's not much since I'm not made of money, but I have an extra bottle of shampoo and shaving cream as well as an extra pack of disposable shavers so you can take these. I assume you don't want to smell girly like Carter. This should get you by until Carter takes you someplace to get stuff you like." He leaned over to tell him something else was in the bag that he didn't want Joss to know about, condoms. If those two were going to keep eyeballing each other like that then he'd at least wanted to make sure they had safe sex when they took the plunge. Judging from the fact that Carter's last date was like a millennium ago he'd say she didn't have any at her place.

John took the bag and looked at Lionel. "Thank you," he murmured, blushing again. Lionel shrugged. He liked the big guy even if he did raid his computer for his porn stash.

"Thanks Fusco for letting him bunk here," Joss called out as she swiped the folder off the sofa chair and moved to the door as John grabbed his limited clothes before following her.

"You can thank me by forgetting what you saw here today," Lionel called out.

John and Joss walked to the door together but she paused with her hand hovering over the knob to look over her shoulder at Lionel to say "Saw what?"

Lionel grinned and waved at them as they slowly exited.

* * *

"Lionel's right; you are wonder-boy!" Joss stated crossly as she got to her feet from the floor. Although she'd say wonder-man was more of an apt name than boy because there was nothing boyish at all about John.

After she had taken him back to her place and gave him the grand tour; they had eaten Chinese takeout and told him about her case and that she was waiting for a search warrant. John had seemed to stiffen a bit but relaxed when she reassured him that no one unsavory came up to her.

But after they split the fortune cookie and read the generic fortune of 'You will soon gain something you always wanted.' which seemed to distract John; she had decided to try her hand at beating him at a card game, her favorite: WAR. Joss had been sure there was no way he'd beat her as she shuffled the cards and explained the game before divvying out the deck. But no, he wiped the floor with her.

He chuckled as he stood too, towering over her even more with her being barefoot, and she grinned, liking how he was loosening up which is why she suggested the game in the first place. Well that and it would distract her from the fact that they were alone together. But John had seemed so uptight and stoic. She knew it was probably lingering pain from the accident as he was mostly healed and the fact that he couldn't remember anything, but she was glad she could see laugh lines, and see his beautiful smile. It made his blue eyes glitter and sparkle in a different way.

She selfishly wanted to keep it that way for a little while longer before she tried to nudge the file onto him.

"I could let you win next time," he offered.

Joss scoffed. "Oh, you'll let me win next time?" she demanded, as she set the cards down on the coffee table beside the file. His eyes glinted with mischief as he nodded. "It's on now. When you least expect it that's when I'm taking you down!" she guaranteed.

He laughed softly and Joss felt a funny little quiver in her stomach at the sound. His laughter was like the rest of him: quiet, but it shouldn't induce such a response from her. And yet she was fighting with herself to keep from teasing him to hear it more to feel this feeling some more. It made no sense this thing between them; there from the start, and growing at an exponential rate.

John bent and picked up their wine glasses for them, handing her hers before taking a subtle sip from his. Joss smirked as she never figured John to be a lightweight but he was. Yesterday after the second beer he was having a buzz going and promptly stopped drinking. She noticed tonight he was drinking the alcohol much slower. She sat down on the couch drawing her knees to her chest. She dipped towards him as he sat down next to her. From being so close to him she felt every nerve ending in her body crackle and sizzle in response. Joss was stuck between wanting to shift away or move closer. Never in her life had she felt such an immediate physical response to a man. It was unlike anything she ever experienced before. Not that she had much experience as she'd only had two meaningful relationships; Dirk from high-school, who she lost her virginity too, and Paul who she had married and fathered her boy. But neither man induced such reactions or sensations in her like John did.

She set the wineglass down and got to her feet. "Stay put," she called out as she made a beeline for the desk in the corner where her laptop sat.

When she sat back down beside him he hadn't moved. She flipped the top open and pointed out the ON button. "This is the 'on' button," she said and chuckled at John's roll of the eyes. "Of course, you know that by now but if I'm giving you a lesson; I'm giving you a lesson."

"Yes ma'am," he muttered.

John leaned in close to watch what she was doing and that damn electric energy between her and John jolted her. The unseen current flowed through her body as her heart began to race. She plopped the laptop on his lap and hopped to her feet. He looked up in confusion.

Joss stepped behind the couch and stood behind him. "It will be better if you are the one doing it as I instruct you," she said a little breathy, hating the fact that not only did her brain take a holiday but she had to relearn the fine art of breathing normally around John. Once the computer loaded up and the sign in screen appeared he looked up. "What; can't figure mine out?" she teased.

"Is it your son's name?" he asked quietly.

She frowned. "How the hell did you know that?"

"Just a lucky guess; with how you speak about him, I know you love him very much," he replied softly.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. John eyed her questioningly. "I must talk about my son too much if you figured that much out."

It was true she talked about Taylor a lot to him since he came down to Earth; both Lionel and Joss told him about their respective sons when it was clear they were trying to keep conversation going and they knew he had nothing to offer. But he had known Taylor since the boy was born; hell, he was the one to offer his light to protect him, risking the consequences of that action.

"Well it's all lowercase," she muttered still a tad flustered that John had seen into her soul. It was those damn eyes of his, she decided.

For the next half hour she spent helping him learn how to use the internet and ignoring the heat between them. After she shut down the laptop and set it back where she got it from, Joss sat down beside him on the couch leaning her cheek on her fist as she angled her body towards him. She let her eyes roam over him; there was something in his eyes, something she wished to know what it was but didn't dare ask.

Instead Joss leaned over to grab the file and set it on his lap. "Can you please look at this for me?" she asked quietly.

He didn't open it but rather continued to watch her. "Why?"

"I just really need you too," she answered vaguely.

"Do you want me to be this man?"

Joss exhaled. "I want the truth but maybe you don't. Don't you want your memories back, John?"

"Maybe I don't want to remember the man I was before I met you," he murmured. It was the god's honest truth. He didn't want to remember the empty man that had been before her. He never belonged anywhere…until he died and found her. Joss was his everything. He would die again to protect her. He'd do anything for her.

She smiled softly. "Well I'd like to get to know the man before I ran him over," she responded. Joss wanted to know who was stirring this kind of emotional connection and sexual response she was having. She wanted to know who was making her use every single ounce of her willpower to distance herself from him. It defied logic and she wanted answers for herself but for him too. If he was John Reese and disappeared for sixteen years; she wanted to know why and why he had ended up naked as the day he was born on the night she hit him. It screamed that something bad had happened to him and she wanted to get the SOBs that did it to him. "Please, will you look at it, even for a minute?"

John averted his gaze, wishing he could refuse her. But he couldn't. He opened the manila folder as if this was the first time and it didn't jar him so much seeing his picture again. He proceeded to leaf through the file again and read about himself and felt her gaze watching him. Maybe looking it over that time in Lionel's apartment had been a blessing because he didn't physically react to what he read this time.

Joss studied him. His expression for the most part remained unaffected but when he got to the page depicting how he died, he flinched a bit. She wasn't sure if it was because of the gruesome mental image it painted or because he remembered Bosnia.

"Does anything ring familiar?" she asked hopeful.

He looked up at her. Joss looked so hopeful that he felt compelled to tell the truth or at least partial of the truth. "It kind of sounds familiar but…"

"It does?" she murmured optimistically. She moved closer to him, galvanized by the fact that something rang familiar to him, leaning over him to eye the file's contents herself.

John swallowed hard as his entire body reacted as her breasts were being pressed against the back of his arm and her hand rested on his as he held the file open. All of his senses went on full alert and uncomfortably all the blood was flowing south warming up his genitals as he felt a stirring in his groin. She was so soft and utterly female. He closed his eyes; memorizing the feel of her, praying this small touch of her hand on his would be enough while trying to keep his body from betraying him as he tried to shift his focus onto his mission and not on the woman beside him.

Joss looked at him and he stared into her large doe eyes that reminded him of chocolate and he recalled chocolate was addictive, but then so was this beautiful woman. As they were sitting so close that her tantalizing lips were mere inches away. They sat locked in eye contact and John was stuck between wanting to pull away and to kiss her. It had been so long since he kissed a woman, he was dead after all. Now that his memories of who he had been were slowly being revived; he could remember that he didn't have all that much experience with the opposite sex.

But he shouldn't kiss Joss because he'd want more than just one. But he couldn't leave her side and go back up to where he belonged without it either.

She watched him inch closer to her. It wasn't until his lips were nearly upon hers that the realization that this shouldn't happen shrilled in her befuddled mind. Joss lifted a hand to press it on his shoulder. "John," she whispered and he stopped but didn't pull his head back as his gaze met hers. She was sitting with bare inches between her lips and his she could feel his breath wash across her lips in a sensual caress. It was taking everything inside her to not close the gap, putting them both out of their misery.

"This isn't a really good idea," she said instead. John drew back and she saw a shadow cross his face as he sat back. "John, it's okay," she reassured.

No, it wasn't because he had almost kissed her. John needed to remember why he was down here and kissing Joss, no matter how he wanted too, was not it.

She watched in quiet dismay as he snapped the file closed and climbed to his feet. "John…"

"No, Joss, this was a mistake. I'm sorry. This is why you didn't want to be alone with me isn't it?—because you were worried I wouldn't keep my hands to myself," he said lowly as he began pacing. Joss noticed when he was agitated or upset he would pace like an animal stuck in a cage, wanting escape but couldn't go anywhere.

Joss climbed to her feet too. "Honestly, yes, this is exactly why I wanted you to stay at Lionel's," she answered. But she did feel bad that if she hadn't corrected him that she was more worried about her being unable to keep her hands to herself but not enough to admit to that. It wasn't technically a lie but rather just an omission of the truth. So far her resolve to keep her distance from this man had folded quicker than a house of cards in a hurricane. Maybe she would try again tomorrow. "But it is okay, John, nothing happened," she murmured.

He looked at her with a scowl residing on his handsome face. "And it never will." he agreed.

* * *

Margaret paced the kitchen of her farm house, not even her tea seemed to be calming her today. She couldn't stop thinking about the conversation she had with the detective from New York from the other day. If she was honest with herself she had been obsessing about it.

" _I'm calling because last night a man that matches your son's finger prints fell in front of my car as I was driving."_

It just couldn't be Johnny. She buried her son's remains. She got his ceremonial flag. She mourned. She cried. She hated. And then nothing. She felt nothing except an emptiness that could never be filled until she was reunited with her son and husband. That detective, Joss was her name, had to be wrong. She just had to be. It took her nearly twenty years just to come to terms with her son's death and now here was a woman that claimed her son was alive. But even as Margaret tried to convince herself that her son was dead the desire to head to New York to see this man with her own eyes grew. Because what if Johnny had somehow survived; what if the Army made some sort of mistake? What if her son was really alive all these years and something had happened to him? Could she live with herself without checking it out? No. He was her baby. He was her heart, her life and soul.

Margaret glanced at the kitchen door as it opened and her longtime friend Edna entered. Her friend took one look at her and sighed. "You're still obsessing about that conversation with that detective about Johnny aren't you?"

"I can't help it Edna; it's my son we are talking about. Johnny could be out there and needs me," Margaret admitted as she worried her lip.

"Oh honey, Johnny is dead."

"But what if something happened; what if that detective found my son alive?" Margaret demanded as she resumed her pacing.

Edna was quiet for a moment. "You won't be able to rest until you know for sure, Mar,…go to New York and find out for sure," Edna suggested.

Margaret stopped her restless pacing and eyed her friend. "I can't. I can't leave you to run the farm all by yourself…"

"You won't be. My husband and I will run your family farm while you go check out this lead about your son. You and your sister Beverly were gracious enough to allow us to live and work here when we lost our home to the recession. You have been good to us. We can hold down the fort while you go to New York so you can finally put this to rest."

"Are you sure, Edna?—you and Bob are older than me and taking care of the farm by yourselves..."

"Of course, if Johnny is alive and that's a big if…he's going to need his mother. If he lost his memories maybe you are the key at getting them back and we can find out where he has been for these last sixteen years," Edna replied as she drew Margaret into a hug.

Margaret returned the embrace as tears welled up. "I don't care where he's been these last sixteen years. If he's alive then all my prayers have been answered," she whispered.

Edna pulled back and wiped away the tears from her eyes. "Go, get a plane ticket to New York and meet up with this detective. Go find out if that man is your son."

"Thank you Edna,"

"You never have to thank me. You might not be my sister by blood but you are my sister in my heart," Edna said, getting sentimental.

Margaret smiled through her tears. "Blood doesn't matter. I love you as much as I loved Bev. I have to go get a plane ticket and need to pack…"

Edna patted her cheek. "I'll call your travel agent and book you a flight. Does it matter what time?"

Margaret shook her head before whirling around and headed out of the kitchen. She rushed to the back bedroom that was hers. The farm home was renovated six years ago to add more space for Bob and Edna, her, and her older sister. They had also added a large building to house two farm hands for when they didn't want to travel home after a long day on the farm. Margaret moved her things to the bedroom in the back because it had been her son's old room when they moved here after Connor died. Bev, god love her, had immediately opened her home up to them, and allowed her to work on the farm with her sister for income to support her and Johnny. Bev had passed on three years ago.

She entered her bedroom and made a beeline for her suitcase in her closet. Margaret paused in her haste to get ready for the impromptu trip as her eyes caught sight of the framed photo of her and Johnny at his last birthday they ever celebrated together. He had just turned twenty-five and had gone out to dinner where she insisted on taking a photo. Thank god, she insisted because it was less than four months later he died or supposedly died. Margaret swallowed hard as she ran a loving hand over his face.

"I really hope you are out there, Johnny, because I miss you so much."

Margaret lifted the photo up to her lips kissing Johnny's face as she always did every day before setting it back down and rushed to her closet.

* * *

AN: Mama Reese is on the way...


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN: Sorry for the length. It's kind of short :(**_

* * *

It wasn't the non-kiss that was bugging her but the reaction afterward. Joss rolled on one side to the other side and back onto her other side as she struggled to get comfortable to go to sleep. After the non-kiss John's entire demeanor changed. He practically gave her the silent treatment, barely nodding in answer at anything she said. He wouldn't even tell her what was familiar to him in the file. Choosing to stare out her window up at the stars rather than sit and watch TV with her; before asking her where he was going to sleep because he was tired from the night before. She could tell he was lying. She wasn't sure if he knew she could tell he was lying or he didn't care. But she didn't call him on it, but rather showed him to the guest bedroom where he'd be staying, wished him a good night, and he closed the door in her face.

After that Joss had gone downstairs and milled around in her living room angrily surfing for something to watch until she gave up. She called and talked with Taylor for a little while until he needed to go to do homework, then she talked to her momma before going upstairs to her own room where she read a book before turning the light off trying to sleep. But nothing she did to distract herself from the peculiar reaction kept her from obsessing about it. Was he mad that she sent him mixed signals? Because she had wanted the kiss and then stopped it from happening; she was just as much to blame as he was. They were adults and perhaps after they found out who John was and what happened to him they could go from there.

Joss rolled onto her back and glared up at the ceiling as sleep eluded her. "Fucking hell," she whispered to herself. There was no way in hell she was going to get any sleep until she cleared some of the air with John and she needed some damn sleep. She sat up and shoved the covers off her body and stormed to her door. She exited her bedroom and marched to the guest bedroom's door which was between her room and her son's.

Joss lightly knocked on it. "John, I know you're up. I'm coming in," she announced as she grabbed the knob and entered. A different charge was in the air as she saw his silhouette near the window. Moonlight bathed his skin in a milky glow and she could make out that he was stripped down to his boxers as she made her way inside the room. They weren't the smiley face ones but rather the boxers in black with a bunch of bananas on it. He had his back to her and she took note that his arms were folded across his chest and saw that sweet V at the back of his neck that was all John's. She half wondered how it would feel under her fingers.

"You should go back to your room," he whispered.

Joss turned the lamp on and filled the room with light. She blinked a few times trying to let her eyes adjust to the light before allowing her gaze to wander over his rigid back. "I can't sleep," she said dryly, leaving the 'it's your fault' unspoken though felt. He shifted and she could see his profile. He looked good under the moonlight. Shadows kept one half of his face dark and it was quite sexy. But he offered nothing in response and Joss felt her ire rise. "Care to explain your reaction to our non-kiss?" she demanded.

"What reaction?"

Joss scowled as she moved even closer to the man. "What reaction?—give me a break. You are acting like the world is going to end because you almost kissed me."

John turned and she was startled by the flash of anger on his sexy face. It was so damn hot. "I don't care about the rest of the world, I only care about you," he stated brusquely.

She cocked a brow up at that. "Oh yea, so what, you think by almost kissing me my honor would be called into question? John this is 2011 and not the 1920s," she huffed.

"You don't understand," he replied sharply. John could never get her to understand that he was her guardian angel that fell hopelessly in love with her. That with each passing second here he yearned for a lifetime with her; a lifetime of kissing her, loving her, being with her, and it was something he couldn't have. Because he didn't belong here. So he ran away and hid in her guest bedroom and kept trying to remind himself of the real reason he was here. Joss was in danger and he was going to save her. He begged for help from his friends to give him strength to keep his distance but Joss barged right in here and his resolve to stay away seemed to be disintegrating rapidly.

"Then help me understand," she suggested.

"I can't," he whispered as the anger fled and he looked so lost.

She frowned. "No, it's not that you can't but rather you won't explain," she countered as she moved even closer.

He faced her directly. Joss gasped as she recognized the raw and primal hunger in his steady gaze. It was solely for her. She nearly gulped as her body reacted instantly and took a step back, now acutely aware of the fact that she was wearing her little pink satin tank and matching shorts pajamas, and nothing else.

"You really want my help to understand?" he asked lowly, his voice thick with something. Joss slowly took another step back as he took one forward.

"Yes," she whispered.

"I wanted it. I wanted to kiss you more than I wanted breath to live."

Joss lips parted at the admission.

She stopped backpedaling as he closed the gap between them as his arms remained at his sides, but he stared down at her with longing.

John continued; "But you didn't want it and I get it. I understand. But I had to get away and to remember…"

Joss reached up and grabbed his cheeks tugging him down to kiss him. God, he needed to shut up and shut up now. He didn't think she wanted it? How could he think she didn't want it? She only had been battling this thing between them since the night she tried him out as her car's newest decal.

The moment their lips met the fire between them that was smoking and smoldering embers flickering through the air between them ignited, consuming them both. Her eyes slid shut as an explosion of colors erupted behind her lids. Time seemed to stand still as the rapid sound of her heart beating in her ears was the only sound she was aware of. Everything else was hyper-focused on John. She felt an infinitesimal tremble shudder through him as he remained motionless but it was enough to spur her on to deepen the kiss. Joss sighed as she let her lips move persuasively on his to coax him to participate. It didn't take much as he kissed her back desperately. His strong arms encircled her waist hauling her soft body against his hard one. And oh he was hard alright if the thick bulge poking her belly was any indication. Someone was sleepless for the same reason she was.

It had been so long since anyone desired her in such a basic way. She deepened the kiss as she pulled him down more so she could kiss him better. Her hands slid into his hair and moaned as it was as soft as it looked. Joss had meant to just kiss him for his sake—and hers too—but end it after a quick taste. But the more he gave the more she took and the harder it was to remember why she shouldn't be kissing him. The sensations he induced were intoxicating and arousing; eating away at any and all reason to end this. His mouth eagerly opened wide and the moment their tongues clashed, played, and explored; it felt like the world flipped on its axis. Her knees went weak as a sharp spike of pleasure spread through her.

John couldn't get enough of her as he let his hands glide down to her heart-shaped butt and tug her against him harder, enjoying the friction it caused. She fit against him perfectly. Joss was so feminine; he moaned as he felt like he was on sensory overload as all he felt, saw, heard, and smelled was Joss. He lifted her up so he didn't have to bend so much as it felt like she dipped lower and her shapely legs wrapped around his hips and her arms draped around his neck; his throbbing erection pressed against her womanly center inciting a carnal need for more than just her kiss. His mouth roved over hers hungrily as a powerful wave of pure longing crested inside him.

As she got completely lost in the scorching passion between her and John; he wrenched his mouth free of hers as he held her in his arms with hands grabbing her butt and stared at her. Joss swallowed hard as she wanted this to go on and further more than anything she ever wanted before. It was so wrong, he didn't even know his name, but why did it feel so right? It felt so right to be held in his arms like a cherished piece of treasure, to kiss his lips, and feel his skin on hers. Joss stared into his handsome face; into his dark as sapphire eyes that were blazing with desire. His lips were wet and she no doubt knew her lips were equally wet and swollen.

John didn't say a word as he carried her out of the room. Their eyes glued to each other's as he entered her bedroom. All they'd have to do was just move some clothes and he'd be inside her where she was wet and aching for his hard and straining cock. She could feel it pulsating against her. It wouldn't take long to climax for either one of them.

He carried her as if she weighed nothing at all and he set her down on her bed gently, like he was afraid he'd break her if he didn't. And then stepped back and her gaze fell to his crotch, bulge evidencing his desire for her. "Goodnight Joss," he whispered roughly before turning his back on her.

Joss stared in utter disbelief as he closed the door gently behind him, leaving her alone in her bedroom. Her body thrummed with need and he just…left. She flopped backwards on her bed and cursed his name.

* * *

AN: Nothing like some good ole' frustration for these two.

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN: Well this was going to be posted on Friday but since this website wanted to be a glitch filled mess I couldn't. So I guess today it is since it's not too busy for me.**_

* * *

Joss reached a hand out from under the covers and smacked the button on her alarm clock to end the shrilling and obnoxious noise it was making. Her arm snaked back under her comforter not at all ready to get going. She had a lousy night all thanks to John. First the blasted man upset her mind and then upset her body because after he left her high and un-dry; she was frustrated and unfulfilled. Talk about self-restraint because she knew that John had been as ready as she was to have sex after their mutual passion ignited. And Joss had no doubt that sex with John would have been an otherworldly experience if the sensations he caused with doing very little were to go by. All he did was kiss her and she had been submerged in exquisite pleasure she never felt before.

But what the hell was she thinking by kissing him? It was supposed to be just a simple peck on the lips. But no…the moment their lips touched, all rational thought fled, and all she was left to do was feel. And it felt amazing. She should have figured that one kiss was going to lead to wanting more, especially with the undeniable chemistry that was between them.

Joss flipped the comforter from over her head and sat up looking around blurrily. How was she going to face him after last night after he had more common sense than she did? She tugged on a robe and exited her bedroom. Her eyes drifted to the guest bedroom and noted the door was open. Great, he was up already and she had no idea how to proceed. She trudged down the stairs quietly. He wasn't in the living room. Joss rounded the banister and sniffed the air. It smelled like coffee.

She smiled as she found him in the kitchen, dressed, and frowning at her toaster. "Hey," she greeted softly.

He turned to look at her and he smiled. "Morning," he responded. Joss released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She had thought this would have been awkward and weird but it was far from it. It felt, oddly enough, welcoming. "I was trying to make you toast but I keep burning it."

She chuckled as she eyed the four slices of toast that were charred to a crisp. "It's okay; I'll take the coffee." she assured.

John frowned. "I'm not so sure you want to."

"Why?"

His shoulders slumped. "I didn't make it right." he muttered. Joss eyed him trying to gauge whether or not he was trying to be cute to make up for last night. She moved to the coffee pot and looked it over, everything looked right. She flipped the top open and sighed.

"Yea, I see your point." she said with a small laugh. "You just forgot the coffee filter John." she explained as she switched the coffee pot off and proceeded to clean it out.

Once it was clean and making coffee Joss turned and saw he was standing so damn close to watch how she did it. She folded her arms across her chest and pretended her nipples weren't hardening at his nearness. Good god she needed to get her body under control as it responded to even the subtlest look he gave her.

"I guess I found something wonder-boy isn't good at," she teased because he certainly was good at cards, kissing, and arousing her to the point of no return but who was counting. "Is this a cute but pathetic attempt to make breakfast your way of apologizing for leaving me so abruptly last night?"

He stared at her.

She shook her head. "Say something, John; remaining silent isn't going to work this time. You were worked up as much as I was last night," she pointed out. And as much as she appreciated the fact that he was trying to pretend last night never happened for both their sakes, she preferred the more direct approach. Ignoring what happened last night was going to let it fester.

"It's an apology for me forgetting why I'm here," he answered vaguely.

Her eyes narrowed on him. His expression was shuddered and veiled. It was a dead giveaway that he was hiding something. John's eyes always sparkled with something in them and he was deliberately trying to mask them.

"And what is your reason for being here?" she asked, going into detective mode.

"Because Lionel's couch is so small and you were kind enough to take me in," he responded. He couldn't very well tell her he was her guardian angel who fell to Earth to protect her.

Joss cocked a brow up. "So this…" she swept her hand out to motion at the charred slices of toast and almost fully brewed coffee. "…wasn't because of last night and the fact that we both got carried away?"

"No," he agreed.

"Uh-huh,"

John felt a small smile crinkle his lips up at the unbelieving tone to her voice. He couldn't say that he really blamed her because he wasn't being fully truthful with her but not for the reason she thought.

She was sorely annoyed at the moment. But more than that she was confused; she was confused by his situation, confused by the strong feelings that he aroused in her, and confused by him. "It's for the best that last night never happened and I apologize for letting myself get caught up in the moment," she said, though not too apologetic since that had been the best kisses she ever experienced. She couldn't be too sorry for that.

John tried to not feel the slice to his heart but he did. His love for Joss was unrequited and how it had to be. "So did I," he whispered. "It won't happen again."

"At least not until we know who you are and get your life back. Then maybe we can try to figure out what's going on between us," Joss replied. It had felt oh so right being in his arms and being kissed like that by him. Joss realized during the night that ignoring this and her feelings for him wasn't working. But for now it was how it had to be until she was sure of who he was and how to help him.

His heart felt like it was cracked in two. "Maybe," he tried before his throat threatened to close on him. There was no future for her to find out possibly if she could love him because he would be gone by then.

Joss frowned at the look on his face. It looked like someone had reached inside and crushed his heart in their hand. "John…"

He turned away and grabbed the slices of toast. "I'll get better at cooking. I just need more practice." he said softly, changing the subject on her.

"Knowing how quick you pick things up you'll be a master chef by the time I get home from work," she muttered allowing the conversation about them to slip away.

He smiled. "My mother would be upset if I was a terrible cook," he said warmly.

Joss's eyes widened as John froze. "You remembered your mother?" she asked.

John berated himself internally for slipping. He risked a glance at Joss and saw that she was waiting for an answer. And he knew that she wasn't going to let this go. He spent sixteen years watching her and knew she was a bull dog when need be.

"A little," he lied.

"What do you remember about her?" Joss asked, not deterred. If he remembered his mother than there was hope he'd remember who he was.

He swallowed hard. "Just little things like her letting me lick the spoon as she baked cookies," he answered with a tight smile. "I remember her kissing me goodnight every night even when I was a teenager. I remember her love," he whispered.

"Oh John, I'm so happy for you," Joss said warmly. "Do you remember anything else, more specifically about yourself?"

"Not really…."

"It's yes you did remember something or no you haven't," she dug for more.

He needed to throw her off this scent for a bit. John looked at her. "Actually I mean 'not really' I feel like the memories are there but just…out of reach," he said quietly, hoping she couldn't tell he was lying.

Joss sighed. Darn. She had been hoping he had remembered something about himself that could help her know who he was. "Okay, your mother; do you remember if you were adopted or not?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered truthfully. It would give her something without her knowing for sure that he and John Reese were the same man.

"Yes you remember or yes you were adopted?" she asked.

"Yes to both."

Joss grinned. So her hunch could be correct. It wasn't for sure since there were tons of kids that get adopted but it was coincidental that her John Doe that looked like John Reese and matched prints to him, both were adopted.

"This is really good news, John. You're on your way to remembering. But I have got to get ready for work or I'm going to be late for breakfast with my kid," she said, disappointed she had to go. She wanted to help him remember more but she had breakfast with her son to get to and then work.

"I'll make you your coffee when it finishes brewing." he offered.

"Thanks, I take it…"

He waved her off. "One cream, no sugar, I know."

She frowned. "When had you heard my coffee order?" she wondered aloud.

John heard it every morning but he couldn't say that. "Just a lucky guess…."

That was the second lucky guess he had done in less than twenty four hours. Joss shrugged it off and just nodded before turning and hurrying out of the kitchen. She definitely needed that coffee and definitely needed to get her ass in gear.

* * *

"Good news, Carter." Joss looked up at Fusco's jovial tone. He made a beeline for her desk with a triumphant smirk on his face while holding up official papers.

"Please tell me that is what I think it is," she murmured with a hint of excitement.

"If you're hoping this is our search warrant of Alvarez's garage, then yes, and if Hector is as dumb as we think he is than I'd say we'll be getting an arrest warrant lickety-split."

Joss hid a giggle. "Geez, what decade did you get transported from?" she teased as she got to her feet. For having not gotten much sleep last night for obvious reasons she had figured that today would turn out to be crummy; figuring nothing at work would go right and John was going to give her the silent treatment after the night they had, but she had been sorely mistaken.

She had breakfast with her favorite person in the world: her son, before taking him to school and also John seemed to have been slowly regaining memories. It would be no time at all before he got them back and she could finally solve the mystery of his disappearance and then startling reappearance. And once that mystery was solved then maybe they could solve what exactly was going on between them. The sensations and feelings he evoked within her didn't just happen to her.

"It's called broaden your vocabulary, Carter," replied Fusco, drawing her back to the present.

"Are some uniforms going to meet us there?" she asked, getting back to business, which was nailing Alvarez for the murder of Ronnie.

"Yup, already on their way," he responded dryly as they headed for the exit of the precinct before he side-eyed her. "So how did your first night with wonder-boy go?"

"Missing him already, eh?" Joss joked to divert the question.

Lionel chuckled. "A little," he acknowledged.

"Really?—from all the bitching you did when I stashed him there I figured you would have been happy to have your closet back to yourself."

"Hey! My apartment is bigger than a closet." he retorted good-naturedly. She snorted. "Alright, maybe not that much bigger than a closet, but wonder-boy was a good listener and didn't complain once when I ragged about the ex. It felt good to have a sounding board."

"Speaking of John, I finally got him to have a look at the file on John Reese which rang familiar to him and then this morning when he was trying to make me breakfast he made a comment about his mother. His memories are slowly coming back which means we'll have some answers sooner rather than later, so we can take the next step in getting him his life back," she replied, changing the subject.

"Oh, he was making you breakfast?" Fusco said. He'd do anything to know the details.

She exhaled. "I tell you he remembers something from his past and the only takeaway you have is the fact that he tried to make me breakfast."

"Oh I heard everything else and I'm glad for the guy but he didn't try to cook for me. Kind of hurts, you know. I thought we had a nice bromance forming; thought he was the Ethel to my Lucy, Thelma to my Louise," Fusco said, not hurt in the slightest.

She let out a small laugh. "You know those are both sets of women, right?" she teased.

Lionel rolled his eyes. "Fine, I thought he was the Bert to my Ernie. Man enough for you?"

"Those are puppets but that's beside the point; point is if you call four charred pieces of toast and coffee grounds breakfast, than yes, he made me breakfast," she replied with a smile. "But it's the thought that counts."

Lionel debated a bit about saying anything else but he couldn't help it. He liked the amnesiac guy. "All jokes aside Carter, just be careful.…"

"For the last time, John won't hurt me!" she snapped, now angry at the overprotectiveness. She didn't need or want his protectiveness. John was harmless except for setting her body on fire with his gentle touch.

"I'm not so worried about you anymore," Lionel murmured making her stare at him in surprise. "Carter, he isn't exactly hiding the fact that he's got a thing for you; the big guy has excellent tastes, but I like him, so just go easy on him. Every guy that ever was into you; you treated him like he was a suspect or a non-entity."

"I did not!" she exclaimed, following Fusco out of the precinct, but she nearly plowed into his back because he stopped dead in his tracks just outside the door. "Fusco…"

"Don't look now but I think your overprotective lover-boy has taken his desire to connect you two at the hip to a new level."

Joss frowned as she looked away from Fusco's profile to where he was staring and gaped in astonishment as she watched John climb out of a taxi looking sexy and a little unsure of himself. "JOHN!" she shouted and he turned after closing the door.

She stormed down the steps of the precinct and over to him. "What are you doing here?" she demanded incredulously. Joss tried to ignore the fact that John looked ridiculously good in the sunlight. Men and women were walking around him as he stood still like a pillar as she stopped directly in front of him waiting for an answer.

"Well?" she snapped, pinning him with her best glare she had in her repertoire.

"You're here," he answered which was vague at best.

Joss cocked a brow up. "Yea, because I work here, John, but that still doesn't answer why _you're_ here."

"I wanted to be near you so I could protect you."

Joss looked at him startled and saw nothing but honesty radiating in those expressive eyes of his. He came here because he wanted to protect her. "Protect me?" she repeated, trying to understand. What did John want to protect her from? Was he suffering from some sort of trauma that was making him remember something bad that happened to him but was projecting it onto her? If so then that could mean his memories of what had happened to him these last sixteen years were coming back to him slowly and she needed to be there for him when it did.

He nodded. "Yes, that's my purpose…to protect you."

"I do the protecting, John," she assured him before looking at Fusco and motioned at John. "I'll handle the search warrant myself, so you can take him back to my place."

"No!" John cried and she glanced at him at how upset he sounded. "Please, I came here for a reason and that reason is to protect you which I can't do if I'm stuck at your place."

"I don't need protection," Joss snapped, her irritation rising.

"Yes you do," John argued.

Fusco looked between Carter and wonder-boy before siding with Carter. "Come along wonder-boy. Carter can handle herself," he said as he motioned for John to come with him. He was going to have to explain some things about Carter to lover-boy.

John wanted to argue but stopped himself. If he pushed too much then she would get suspicious and he'd lose all hope of protecting her from harm. So he said, "Alright, I'll go. But I can get back to your place without Fusco."

"No." she stated, automatically refusing. "Unless something has changed with your memories.…"

John shook his head.

"Then Fusco is taking you back to my place. I don't need you ending up naked on some other woman's car. I can handle the search warrant myself," she stated tersely. She was going to have to get to the bottom of this protective instinct John had towards her. Joss looked to Fusco. "Use my spare key. It's.…"

"Under the potted plant near your door," John said for her. Joss eyed him questioningly. "Lucky guess," he said weakly.

"Yea, you've been making quite a few of those," she murmured softly. With one last long glance at John she turned and walked to her car without another word but deep in thought.

* * *

AN: Poor John. He really wants to protect her but things are going sideways for him.

Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN: I'm sorry I've been MIA for a little while but I needed a break. I don't like admitting it but I was struggling with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I thank you for being patient with me.**_

 _ **And XOXOXOX to all reviewers, guest and logged in, that left comments thus far (I hope I messaged everyone I was able too) I do appreciate the kind words! Also I know I'm behind on nearly everyone's stories (including my own) and I'm trying to catch up.**_

* * *

"I thought you were taking me back to Joss's place," John commented as they entered Reilly's.

Fusco slung his coat on the back of the chair closest to the pool table. "Carter can handle the search warrant herself so we have time to kill. We need to talk about a few things."

John barely nodded as he left his fleece jacket on. Fusco wasn't even trying to pretend to care for her safety. And he wished he was anywhere instead of with this man.

Lionel frowned when he realized how rigid the big guy looked and that look of distrust was back. Maybe he wasn't as pretty as Carter but he wasn't some ogre with a bad personality. Wonder-Boy could handle a few minutes alone with him.

"I'm going to have a Club Soda what do you want, lover boy?"

"I can order my own." John assured quietly. He didn't trust Lionel to not put something in it to get rid of him. Surely by now Fusco had realized he was going to do whatever was necessary to protect Joss.

Fusco shook his head. Clearly the big guy wanted to exert some independence and didn't like having everything done for him. He held out his hands. They walked together to the bar and he ordered his Club Soda before watching his companion. He smirked as the big guy eyed the selection and waited for him to ask for help.

John could feel Fusco's smugness. The bartender, who was a woman, was smiling at him. "I'll take whatever you suggest," he said.

"Got the perfect thing for you, gorgeous," she said with a wink. Fusco rolled his eyes. She handed John his drink, still with a smile plastered on her face. "Here you go, double scotch, neat."

Fusco sighed. Wonder-Boy was going to be blitzed after one drink judging from his low alcohol tolerance from the one night he was a little tipsy after a couple beers. Hopefully he'd sleep it off before Carter got home and realize he didn't take him straight back to her place.

They carried their drinks to the high-rise table for two, near the pool table, and each took a respective sip. Fusco nearly laughed at the big guy's look as he took that first sip. "First sip is a doozy, it'll go down smoother after a sip or two." he instructed. "I'll rack 'em." he said with a motion at the empty pool table.

Lionel did as he said and decided it was only fair that he got to break since wonder-boy kicked his ass badly the first time. The big guy took another few sips of the alcohol while he shot and sunk in two balls, both solid in color, and proceeded to line up his next shot before saying; "Let me tell you something about women, wonder-boy."

"Aren't you divorced?"

Lionel glared at him as he asked the question the moment he shot and made him whiff. "Yes, but, I was married so I still understand women. Let me pass some wisdom your way," he replied which silenced the big guy up. "Women are like shoes."

"Shoes?" John questioned.

"Yea, some are expensive, some are cheap; some are practical while others make your feet bark. Every shoe is different which is what makes shoe shopping so damn frustrating and interesting. Get what I'm saying?"

John frowned. He was sure there was a point to this but he didn't get it. John took his shot and sunk in his striped ball, before immediately lining up another shot. "I'm not sure what shoes have to do with women," he admitted but not breaking off his concentration on the game he was playing as he sunk in another while scrutinizing the table.

Fusco sighed as wonder-boy proceeded to run the table and not give him another turn. "Have you seen women buy some?—never mind, I'm just saying that every woman is different and some women like being protected. But Carter isn't one of them," he explained as he gave up on trying to beat the big guy on anything and they took their seats to drink after the quick game was finished. Thankfully this time he hadn't attempted to make any bets.

"That's what you want," John muttered under his breath as he took another sip of his drink. Fusco was right about one thing, the alcohol did go down better the more he drank it. And it tasted good, much better than beer.

Lionel set his glass down. "What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"This drink makes me feel weird…."

"That's how you're supposed to feel." Lionel snapped, not about to let Mr. Fabulous know that the beverage he was drinking wasn't for some lightweights, like him, and he was probably already halfway drunk. "Now what did: 'that's what you want' mean?"

John downed the last of the alcohol before looking at Fusco feeling a little lightheaded. "I just mean you want a woman, or shoes, to take care of," he lied.

Fusco nodded. "Maybe a little but we're talking about you, wonder-boy. You obviously like Carter but she needs protecting about as much as a cobra does. I've seen Carter tear down a guy five times her size. Guy was practically crying for his mother!" he said, trying to ease the big guy's fears. John was just nervous about her safety because Carter was all he had that connected him to the world at the moment. Once he regained some memories he would be better off and a little less clingy.

John smiled a little recalling that specific moment. He had been by her side watching as he always was. Joss had impressed him with her unflappable calm. He saw a waitress walking by and motioned at her. "Can I get another double scotch, neat?" he asked.

"Sure thing, honey," the waitress assured with a smile before taking his empty glass and walking away.

John looked back to Lionel who asked; "You sure you want to do that? You are a lightweight, wonder-boy."

"I'll be fine," he assured, not fooled by Lionel's fake concern. What was the harm in having one more of those drinks?

* * *

Joss was almost worried about going home for lunch. Fusco had practically rushed out of the precinct when she said she was going home to have lunch so she could have a talk with John. It made her wonder if Lionel hadn't taken John directly home after his little adventure out. But she had fumed the entire time searching Hector's garage. Because John had left her home, most likely, unlocked and possibly took some cash from her place to pay for the taxi ride. All out of his irrational desire to protect her from what, no one knew. She knew he cared about her, liked her even…well, it was pretty blatant he liked her with the way he kissed her and got aroused by her.

But they needed to have a long talk.

She unlocked her door. "John!" she called out as she entered and closed the door behind her. "I came home to have lunch with you. We need to talk."

"Josshh.…"

Joss frowned at the slurred response she received back. It was coming from her living room and sounded like John but didn't sound like John. She removed her coat and moved from the foyer to the entrance of her living room. She arched a brow up as he was sprawled out across her couch. He had his legs spread apart and arms wide across the couch.

He shifted his head to look at her and smiled so widely that it felt like the breath in her lungs was sucked from her. God he such a beautiful smile. "You're're home," he said, still sounding slurred, but extremely happy.

"Yea, figured we could have a late lunch together." she agreed as she moved into the room and eyed him more critically. "Are you drunk?" she demanded.

"No."

She cocked a brow up.

He sighed. "Yes," he said instead, nodding his head in agreement.

"I take it Lionel didn't bring you here after you two left, huh?" she murmured as she sat down on the arm rest near him.

"You're such a good detective, Joss." he said with admiration, his head bobbing up and down some more.

She chuckled as she eyed him. "Well you'd make a lousy suspect, John. So where did he take you?" she asked.

"Reilly's, I think…maybe….yea, Reilly's," he decided.

"Ah, figured, let me work while you two play hooky for a little while," she murmured, not really upset as she said she could handle the search warrant alone. And she had. Now she was just waiting for the arrest warrant since they had found the murder weapon stashed in the garage. It wouldn't be much longer now until Ronnie got the justice he deserved. "Taking your bromance to a new level."

"Bromance?"

"Never mind," she said waving him off. "I guess we can't have a serious conversation about me not needing your protection."

"But you do. I'm not there by your side now, Joss," he said softly.

"You never were by my side John and I was fine," she countered.

He shook his head. "No. I was by your side. You just didn't know it," he whispered. "But don't feel bad, no one is supposed to know."

She frowned. She was going to have to talk to Lionel about taking him drinking. John was making little sense. "John…"

"And you're worth dying twice for."

Joss gasped as she looked at him. "What did you say?" she demanded.

"I said: you're worth dying again for. I remember the first time; it hurt a lot. Hopefully it won't this time. Hear that, Harold, I don't want it to hurt again!" he called out as he stared up at the ceiling.

She swallowed hard and wanted to chalk this up to delusional ranting of a drunk man but he didn't sound delusional, he sounded sane. "John, do you remember what happened to you? Do you remember where you've been all these years? Did someone fake your death?" she asked.

"I was dead, Joss, there was no faking it," he responded as he shifted his head to look at her and she stared at him. Okay, that was where his drunkenness was coming into play. He wouldn't be sitting here talking to her or breathing if he was dead. "But I got you and you are far better than living my life. You're the perfect shoe."

"Shoe?" she questioned. What the hell was he talking about? She felt like she was on a roller coaster ride as she struggled to keep up with what each new thing he said.

His eyes were drooping closed but he whispered; "I can't lose my shoe, Joss."

Joss stared at him as he fell asleep and was utterly and completely stumped by what he said.

* * *

AN: In the show we knew that John held his liquor well as evidenced in the beat down he gave in the pilot episode. But in this he didn't build up that kind of tolerance so that leaves me some freedom to write a bit tipsy John ;)

Thank you for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

" _John, you love Joss, you want a life with Joss stay with her…"_

John snapped his eyes open as the words floated through his mind that sounded suspiciously like Finch's voice. It couldn't be. Finch was where he was supposed to be and not down here. It was his imagination. It was just his own desperate longing to stay here by Joss's side morphing into Finch's voice because he wanted someone up there to say it was okay. But it wasn't because he didn't belong here. And he latched onto that with a vise grip to keep his longing to a minimum.

He groaned as he sat up and his head hurt. So did his back from falling asleep on Joss's couch. Perhaps Lionel was right about not having that second drink but it had tasted so good. When he had first been alive he hadn't drank much. He only drank to get drunk once and spent the entire night vomiting it back up; his mom even made him clean it all up, and he never did it again.

John sat on the couch waiting for his head to stop spinning before he tried to get up to go bathroom. His bladder was full and he needed to relieve himself. Once the spinning sensation faded he moved to stand and groaned as his headache took offense to the motion. But a handwritten note beside a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin on the coffee table in front of him stopped him from heading to the bathroom.

Instead he picked the note up and it read simply:

 _Take two of these. It will help with the headache. We'll talk later._

 _-Joss_

John frowned. When had she come by? He didn't even remember her being here. He set the note down and decided to take the aspirin after he peed or he was going to have another style of cleanup situation on his hands.

After he used the restroom and took the two aspirin she recommended he tried to conjure up any sort of memory of her coming home to talk. But nothing came to mind. The last thing he truly remembered was sitting with Fusco at Reilly's and being warned not to have the second drink. He began pacing, ignoring his headache, waiting for the medicine to take effect. Drinking that much was stupid; what if something happened to Joss because he had been incoherent? He'd never live with himself if something happened to her that he could have prevented but didn't because he had done something so stupid. Joss meant everything to him.

The shrill sound of the home phone ringing broke him from his anxious thoughts. It kept ringing and he waited for the answering machine to kick on. No one knew he was here except for Joss and Lionel. He smiled when he heard Joss's soft voice telling the caller that she wasn't home and to leave their name and number so she could get back to them. Her voice was so melodic and hypnotic.

"John, it's me Joss, pick up if you're awake…"

He rushed for the phone and frowned at the thing, noting telephones had evolved in the sixteen years he died before answering the phone with a tentative 'hello'.

"Hey," she greeted back. John exhaled in relief. "I didn't know if you'd be awake by now or not."

"I just got up."

"Did you take the aspirin I left?" she asked. He assured her that he did. "Good. The next time you and Lionel head out to have a man's talk, don't overdo it. Fusco claims he told you to not have the second double scotch, neat."

"He did," John admitted begrudgingly.

"I just wanted to call and see if you were alright; I don't know if you ever got drunk before," she said softly.

John smelled the trap from a mile away. She was digging to see if he would slip up again but this time he wasn't going to mess up. "I'm not sure," he lied.

It was quiet on the other end for a while and he smiled. He knew she wanted to press him more and felt like they were locked in a battle of wills and in this he had to come out victorious. "Well, since you were so concerned about me I figured you'd want to know that I was fine during the search warrant as I knew I would be."

"Did you find anything?" he asked quietly. If she could just prove Hector was the killer then maybe the case could be closed quickly so she'd be safe, at least from HR using Hector as the patsy to kill her. And it would be one threat he didn't have to worry about.

"We did. We found the gun used to kill Ronnie and currently are in the process of obtaining an arrest warrant which is actually another reason I'm calling. If the arrest warrant comes in late I'll be home late and I don't want you to worry," she murmured.

"Be careful, I'm not there to protect you."

She let out a heavy sigh before saying; "John, this is my job. I'll be fine. I'm not sure where you have picked up this protective instinct over me from. Lionel seems to think it's due to the fact that you view me as your only connection to the world with your limited memories."

John was glad Joss wasn't speaking to him face to face because he wasn't sure if he could have schooled his reaction to that. Lionel wasn't a half bad detective; Joss was his only connection to the world as he was here only because of her. Too bad Lionel was dirty and wanted to kill Joss or he would actually be someone that the world could use to put away bad guys.

He remained silent though. Joss was the one to speak again, "I have to go now, but we need to talk when I get home tonight."

"About?"

"About how you got the money to take a taxi ride to the precinct; about why you feel the need to protect me, and about what you meant when you said I'm worth dying twice for," she replied concisely. John froze. He said that she was worth dying twice for, to her? "John, I know you're hiding some memories from me. I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened to you."

"Joss…"

"We'll talk later, I really do need to go, John." she responded softly. "Just don't lie to me. I don't trust easily and I trust you, John. Don't make me rethink that decision."

He swallowed hard. "I'd never do anything to make you mistrust me, Joss," he vowed solemnly.

"I believe you," she whispered. "Talk to you later, John."

Once they hung up, he closed his eyes and wondered how in the hell he was going to get out of telling her everything. And if he did, would she even believe him?

* * *

Today was a good day. She finally got Ronnie Middleton justice and Hector Alvarez was going to be locked up for the rest of his life. The arrest warrant came about an hour after she had hung up with John. At the garage, as they searched for the murder weapon, Hector was nowhere to be seen. Some of his cronies were on hand however, so surely Hector would be warned even as some were arrested for obstruction of justice. But thanks to the mistress that Hector was two-timing with, she had known about the warehouse he had in Queens that he got shipments of guns that he was running. The mistress gave them the next date and time he was expecting one which just so happened to be today. There was no way Hector was going to skip town without that shipment so they had set up a sting operation to bring him down. They had surrounded the building and the prick had tried to run her down as he tried to make a getaway but he didn't take into account she had excellent marksmanship skills. She did go to the shooting range weekly for that very reason.

But before she could go home to talk to John or call up her son for their nightly phone calls she had one other small thing to do: meet up with Bottlecap.

She looked up to Lionel as she gathered her stuff and motioned him over. He came over as she stood and she leaned in. "BC just called. He has some info for me. He sounds jumpy and upset. He asked me to meet in the alleyway near Puffy's Tavern, alone," she spoke lowly to keep the conversation between just them.

Lionel frowned. "Why there?"

She shrugged. "Not sure. Maybe whatever he found is related to HR," she whispered, looking around to make sure no unwanted ears were overhearing her. "But while I'm there I'm going to give him a little money that is owed to him. For the big pay out I have to finish filling out the requisition form but he deserves it for his help in bringing down Hector. I couldn't have solved this without him getting me the name of the mistress."

"Just be careful, Carter, something sounds fishy here."

"Now you sound like John," she dismissed. "Speaking of the man, did he say anything while he was impaired that you thought sounded weird?" she asked. Her conversation with John drunk had been unusual and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

Fusco shook his head. "No, nothing that comes to mind." he murmured, hoping Carter let the conversation drop because he didn't want to tell her what the big guy rambled about.

"He didn't say anything about dying?" she prodded. It was dumb to be obsessing about something a drunken man said but it didn't sound like a ramble. John had said it as natural as he drew in breath to live. But what could that possibly mean? Had he died in Bosnia and was saved? Did he remember dying? Did he know who saved his life and where he had been the last sixteen years?

"No." said Lionel assuredly.

Joss cocked up a brow at the way Lionel refused eye contact. "But he said something…"

Fusco exhaled. "Nothing bad; guy was just tipsy and spoke nonsense," he tried to fend her off.

"Tell me what he said and I'll decide what's nonsense and what's not, Lionel," she demanded. It might be the missing piece to the puzzle because so far she had ridiculous theories running through her mind.

He sighed. "Alright, since you beat it out of me. I made the mistake of bringing up your name and he got this sappy looking face on him before he told me how _difficult_ it was for him to leave your room last night. You were making him forget his reason for being alive," Lionel explained with a smirk. "So, you and wonder-boy made out, huh?"

Joss felt her back straighten. "I'm going to teach that man to not kiss and tell," she grumbled.

"Wonder-boy gets loose lips when he is a little inebriated."

"And who's fault is it that he got drunk?" she demanded pointedly, swiftly changing the subject. John wouldn't have gotten drunk had Fusco just taken him back to her place as specified.

Lionel put hands on his chest and looked incredulous. "Not mine! I told Mr. Fabulous that he was a light weight and that he shouldn't have that second drink but he didn't want to listen to me because I'm not a pretty woman named Joss Carter." said Lionel, sounding miffed.

Joss rolled her eyes. "You're just offended because he isn't aware of the bromance you two apparently share. Give him time I'm sure John will warm up to you." she remarked before waving him, and the conversation, off. "I gotta go see BC," she muttered as she stepped away from her desk. Even though Fusco didn't think it was much there was a keyword there that rang similar to what John said to her when she saw him earlier: alive. John had said 'his reason for being alive' and now she was beginning to think crazy thoughts like John was some heavenly or supernatural figure. As if! That didn't really happen except in movies and fictional literature. No, the logical reason for his saying those things to them had to be that John had been horrifically injured, died even, and his life was saved by his captors to try to drag information out of him. However, the question of how he appeared out of nowhere, naked, and in New York still nagged at her.

"I should come with you. Something stinks about this meeting, Carter." Lionel said as he got back to business as the smile on his face faded.

"Your paranoia is showing, Fusco, I'll be fine. See you tomorrow!" Joss called out as she headed for the double doors.

She headed unhurriedly to her car still deep in thought about John although not about the mystery shrouding him but rather the inexplicable connection they shared. It had been there from the very moment she saw him naked in the pouring rain. And it had been such a long time since she felt so out of control with desire and so wanted in return. It was flattering and gratifying to be sexually desired by a man, and a man that was downright gorgeous that aroused more than just sexual feelings inside her. But she couldn't get emotionally, or sexually, involved with John until she knew what she was dealing with.

She arrived at the alleyway that BC wanted and she parked curbside. Joss could see down the darkened alley and see BC anxiously waiting for her, near the dumpster, as he looked up and down. Poor guy, probably been waiting here since he called her. She quickly shut off her car and hurried to get out to go meet up with him.

He watched her walk up towards him. "Where you've been? I've been waiting," he said looking around skittishly.

She frowned as he appeared agitated. "Sorry BC, got here as quick as possible. I got to fill out a requisition form for the big pay out that you deserve." she apologized as she instantly reached into her blazer's pocket. "Look, why don't you take whatever I got here," she murmured tugging out a fifty to hand out to him.

"No, no…don't, it's okay…" BC said as he continued to look around.

"Yes, BC take it. We'll just call it a down payment." she insisted as she pushed the fifty in his hand. And he finally looked her in the eyes.

She saw tears in his. "I'm sorry Carter. You've always been good to me. But I got no choice," he said with a little waver in his voice. Joss was unsure of what he meant. "You told me to find out who the head of HR was, well I found him…" he said as he pulled out a gun and shot her twice, point blank, in the chest.

Joss fell to the ground as her chest hurt and she gasped in strangled breath. "Sorry Carter, he said it's either going to be you or me," BC spoke, tears gone as he aimed the gun towards her head. Joss stared, and for the first time ever, felt helpless as the two other bullets robbed her of her breath. "It ain't going to be me," he promised.

She heard gunshots fired but didn't feel any pain. Instead she watched as BC fell from her vision and an accompanied thud and shout of pain followed. "CARTER, ARE YOU OKAY?!" Fusco shouted.

"Yea," she managed as she weakly called out. Joss tried focusing on dragging in breath as the bullets fired had hit her in the ribcage. She undid the buttons to her blouse and grabbed at the bulletproof vest that saved her life. "Got me twice in the vest." she whispered as she struggled to sit up as Fusco ran over with the undercover agents that were tailing her.

Fusco kicked the gun away from BC's hand. "Something just sounded fishy," Fusco said in way of explaining his sudden appearance.

She watched as the agents slapped cuffs on BC as she sat on the ground waiting for the paramedics and cops to arrive. "I knew my good instincts would rub off on you, Lionel," she tried to tease as she gulped in deep breaths even though her chest felt on fire.

He snorted but offered a helping hand to her which she happily took. As she stood gingerly she looked him in the eyes. "Thank you, Lionel," she whispered sincerely.

"That's what partners are for, Carter," he said with a smile.

Then the paramedics and cops arrived and what seemed like the end of her evening was only the beginning.

* * *

AN: As you can see I twisted 1x9 for my own convoluted needs. I love Elias but it was necessary to erase him from my story or I'd never have finished it LOL. But let's just say that the shit is going to hit the fan when John finds out about this attempt to her.

Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN: Okay, I'm back! My birthday was on Friday and I had three separate get togethers and I was freaking pooped! Anyways, here is the next chapter and it's kind of long...**_

* * *

John paced back and forth inside Joss's place, impatiently awaiting Joss's return from work. Since their phone call and her request to not lie to her he had decided there was only one solution to explain why he needed to be by her side at all times, and that was to tell her the truth of who he really was. Right now she thought he was just an amnesiac man. She didn't know that he was her guardian angel. But she would when she got home and he was sure once she knew he was her guardian angel and only here to protect her everything would right itself.

Today was the first time he felt like he had been actively doing something to protect the woman he loved from danger; even if it was met with failure and being taken back to her place by Lionel, who he didn't trust. John did feel a measure of guilt for pick-pocketing a man on the street to get enough money for a taxi ride to her precinct, but he was glad to see some of his Green Beret training kick in. He had felt even more guilt for leaving her door unlocked for any intruder to steal her possessions she worked hard to buy. But he told himself that those little things were necessary to save her life.

But it was now past eight in the evening and after he realized she wasn't going to be home for dinner he had searched her refrigerator for something to eat. He found two of many TV dinners and ate those while anxiously awaiting her return. John eyed the clock on her wall and felt his worry increase, trying to tell himself that he hadn't failed his only mission.

He dragged in a ragged breath as his body came to a dead halt as he heard the front door open. Utter relief flooded him as he felt his body relax a little. But not much, because while he was relieved she was finally home safe and sound that meant he needed to explain himself.

All his senses went on alert and he felt his palms grow sweaty as he heard her footsteps. His eyes took in her sight avidly as she entered the living room before they narrowed on her as she winced and looked pained.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"Perfect. My C.I. just tried to kill me," she grumbled.

"What?" he growled as he raced over to her and took her arm. He urged her to the couch and practically pushed her down. "What happened?"

Joss gingerly touched her chest where the vest took the gunshots effectively saving her life. Thank god for Fusco giving her the heads up on HR wanting her taken out. She had no clue that BC might be the one to do it.

"Remember I told you about getting an arrest warrant for Alvarez?" she asked quietly. When he nodded his head, she continued; "Hector was arrested without much incident and I was at the precinct doing some follow up paperwork before coming home so we could talk. But I got a call from BC, my C.I., that he wanted to meet which helped since I wanted to give him a down payment on his big payout. He helped me a lot with the case and he was helping me look into HR and I wanted to show him I was good on my promise," she explained.

Joss leaned back into the couch cushion and eyed him wearily. "When I got there he was a little jumpier than usual. Kept looking over his shoulder; I was worried he was doing drugs again. I've been trying to get him clean. And he's been trying too. But I should have known. He was too amped up," she spoke wistfully and John wanted to hold her because she looked so betrayed. "He told me that he found the head of HR and then next thing I know I'm on the ground of the alleyway with two gunshots to my vest and he's got the gun aimed at my head. He told me that they told him that it was between him and me; and guess who he chose: not me. Before he could blow my brains out; Fusco, Hodges and Winters, they're agents from the FBI that are protecting me, took him down," she finished her tale. "Thank god I've been wearing my bulletproof vest."

John swallowed hard as tears filled his eyes. "Yes, thank god," he whispered thickly.

She looked up and was surprised to see the look of relief residing on his face and the tears in his eyes. John was truly upset. "Hey, I'm okay." she reassured as she reached out and snagged his hand. She felt stupidly sentimental over the fact that he was moved to tears that she was alright. It meant a lot to her.

He withdrew from the touch stepping away from her as if she scalded him. "No thanks to me," he snarled. She watched as the relief turned to pain in his eyes before it was masked and anger replaced it, the anger she realized, was at himself.

"Not this again. You don't protect me, John!" she stated as her anger reemerged with a blistering ferociousness. She didn't understand why all of a sudden he felt like he was her savior but it had to stop or he was going to get himself hurt. Joss gingerly got to her feet trying not wince too much. But her chest ached where two large bruises were forming and she had a bruised rib from BC.

"Yes I do. Protecting you is my sole purpose for existence Joss!" he responded, sounding equally angry.

She put her hands on her hips. "John, what the hell are you talking about?" she demanded.

John rubbed a hand through his hair before taking a deep breath. "You said to not lie to you. Well here's the truth Joss: I am John Reese and I died sixteen years ago; when I did I became your guardian angel. I watched over you these last sixteen years and have done my best at keeping you protected. I learned that HR wanted to take you out cleanly, so I re-took my human form, and I'm here to save you," he said. There, he'd said it, told her that he was her guardian angel. Now she'd understand why he had to protect…or so he thought.

Joss stared in disbelief as John spoke. She struggled to find her voice to say; "So you are, were, my guardian angel and you learned my life is in danger from HR, so you came to Earth to save me?" she repeated.

"Yes." he agreed.

"Are you still drunk?" she demanded.

"No. I'm completely sober, Joss."

"Then try again, John, because that is the biggest bullshit I ever heard in my life," she muttered as her anger grew. She had thought crazy theories about him but she refused to believe them. There had to be a more realistic reason for everything.

He exhaled as he ran a hand through his hair again. "This would be easier if I could have kept my wings or my halo," he grumbled. John paced back and forth in agitation. Of course his intelligent and skeptical charge wouldn't believe him. He couldn't really say he blamed her but it didn't help him any. "How can I get you to believe me?" he wondered more to himself. "I'm in human form without my wings…"

Joss watched him and realized he believed every word he just told her. So her sexy John Doe was John Reese, but was crazy as they came. Maybe John lost his mind because of whatever happened between the supposed time he died and now. Or maybe John was battling some form of PTSD from whatever happened and was hallucinating the fact that he was an angel sent her to save her. Either way she needed to find out how he knew about HR wanting to take her out because they wouldn't hesitate to hurt John. Joss felt an unwelcome surge of possessiveness. She sighed inwardly…perhaps she was the crazy one to be still interested in a man that thought he was her guardian angel.

"Okay let's pretend I believe that you're my guardian angel and you came here to save me, explain to me how you aged huh? I figure angels don't age." she said, wanting to see how far this delusion he had ran.

"That's vampires," he said with a soft chuckle.

Joss folded her arms across her chest gingerly. "So you're telling me that angels age, but vampires don't?" she demanded, unsure of why she was even in this ridiculous conversation.

"Joss, vampires don't exist."

"But angels do," she responded dryly.

"Yes," he said simply.

Joss let out an infuriated sigh. "John, this is insane. You have to realize that."

He let out an equally frustrated exhale. "I know, Joss, but I have no evidence that I died and was an angel, your guardian angel, and that I came back here to save you. I just don't," he replied in anguish before he eyed her thoughtfully. "But I do have facts."

"Facts?" she repeated in disbelief.

"Yes, things I know about you because I was there with you."

"Uh-huh, sure you do…" she muttered skeptically. "Go ahead, John, dazzle me."

John heard her challenge and accepted. "When I was first tasked with being your guardian angel you were in college. You were studying law but were taking some criminology courses that interested you. Instead you didn't finish your degree but rather enlisted with the Army where you became a Warrant Officer," he spoke warmly as if he could remember it just yesterday.

Joss hesitated but didn't outwardly show her surprise that he knew that. "You were married and pregnant by then," he went on.

"If you think that impresses me it…"

"I was by your side when you gave birth to your son via C-section because you were losing him and your vitals were growing weak. I broke the rules to help your son survive," he said, spurred on to get her to believe him.

"How did you know—"

"And I was there by your side to protect you when the land mine went off. I shielded your head and neck so you had a chance to survive but I failed to protect you fully when the shrapnel ripped at your stomach," he whispered in pain as his eyes dropped to where her large scar from Fallujah was. Her mouth dropped open as she listened to him. "I felt so guilty and helpless as you cried after you lost your friend and your career. I wanted more than anything to take your pain away."

Joss was uneasy. How the hell did he know any of that?

"When you got back you immersed yourself in raising your son and passed your bar exam until you decided to become a cop," he explained. There. She had to believe him now. Then he could finally protect her the way he needed too.

Joss recovered from her shock. "That still doesn't prove to me that you're this guardian angel. Everything you said you could have guessed at or known through public record. My C-section is in my medical file, so is what happened to me in Fallujah. My law degree and then going into the Army is straight forward too, same with my career as a cop," she reasoned. "As they would say in the court of law: it's circumstantial at best."

John frowned. She still didn't believe him. What could he say to her to get her to believe him? He had to figure out something that he couldn't learn from this public record. And suddenly he knew of something he could say to get her to believe him.

"Alright, I'll tell you a story." he murmured and saw Joss cock a brow up. "It's about this beautiful woman that loves her son very much."

"Uh-huh," she sounded.

"And her son asked her to live with his grandmother because it was easier on him than bouncing back and forth between his grandmother's place and his home. The mother cried the night she was alone without him. And the next morning she put a brave face on so he wouldn't know she was upset that he wasn't with her. And the two talked. The son, who is a good kid, told his mom that he didn't like it that she was alone and offered to keep bouncing back and forth for her. He was worried that she didn't have anyone to watch her back. But you're never alone Joss. Not really, I'm always by your side just up there where you can't see me," he whispered, pointing up to where heaven would be.

Joss knew exactly what conversation that had been. Her son was worried about her. "John, you could have easily overheard us if you were at the diner with us. Is that really what you figure will help you get me to believe your story?" she asked.

Anger flashed across his face. "I could tell you more. I could tell you about one evening after you had to tell a woman that her son was murdered that you came home alone and sobbed in your bed. You wondered how anyone could take a thirteen year old boy's life so brutally. I could tell you that and you still won't want to believe me."

"Because it's ridiculous, John!" she cried. "You want me to believe in something that I've given up believing in. I investigated an eight year old girl's murder and you want me to believe that there are guardian angels," she snapped, angrily. That little girl's death haunted her.

John stepped closer to her and reached out to touch her cheek. Joss gasped at the touch. It was easy enough to pull away. All he was doing was pressing his palm and fingers against her cheek and cupping it. He wasn't blocking her path or anything. But she couldn't pull free for the life of her.

"I know this offers nothing to help you understand or accept her death but she's someplace safe now where no one can hurt her," he whispered.

She pulled free. He was right; his answer didn't offer acceptance. But it did make her heart hurt a little less for the child. Joss looked up into his gaze. "I'm not convinced, John, but explain to me how you expect to save me down here if you figured you couldn't save me as my guardian angel?" she asked slowly. So far she believed that John believed this but what was concerning her was how he knew so much about her, about HR, and who was he really?

He smiled and it literally took her breath away. "Easy, I'm going to die instead. The moment the threat is going to come after you I am going to shield you and let them kill my human body…again."

Joss felt her heart stop because she saw nothing but truth in his eyes. "That is the most insane thing you have said today!"

"Why?—I don't belong here. I only came to Earth to protect you, so giving my human body up for you is right. Now you know why I need to remain close to you so my plan can work. I can't let anything happen to you Joss, I can't lose you."

Joss was at a loss. "Why?"

"Because I love you," he whispered.

Joss stared at him. John loved her? This sexy man who had to be crazy to believe this story was in love with her?

He rushed to add, "Angels falling in love with their charges is against the rules but I was never one to follow rules dead or alive. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It just happened; you're easy to love."

Joss began pacing back and forth. Her heart was still on the 'I love you' part while the rest of her was on the bizarre conversation she was having. But what if it was true? She scoffed at herself. What the hell was she thinking 'what if it was true,' did she really believe John was a guardian angel that came here to save her life?

Yes. It was insane to even contemplate yet there were little things that would add up if it was true. Like how his prints matched up to a dead man's and how he looked identical to him…because he had died and now re-took his human form.

Ludicrous!

She couldn't believe she was even entertaining such thoughts in her head. Yet as hard as she tried to dispel them (again) they wouldn't go away. The 'amnesia' was also explained. If he was dead than of course he wouldn't know the year, or who the president was, or anything…he had been dead.

Joss looked at him again. "Explain to me why you don't remember much of your past life? If you really are a guardian angel I understand why you can't remember the year or president but why not your previous life?" she asked hesitantly. Not that she believed this fully yet but she wanted his answers. Maybe it could help her figure out what truly was going on.

He shrugged. "Joss, I died sixteen years ago and my only purpose was to make sure you were safe. I don't recall much from my old life because I wasn't living it anymore. Things had been fading before I got here and nothing rang a bell until I looked over that file you showed me of myself."

She nodded. It made sense. "What do you remember?" she insisted.

"I remember mostly everything. There are still a few things I can't recall, but I am John Reese. And when I was alive I never felt like I belonged anywhere but when I was by your side making sure you lived…I finally felt like I belonged somewhere."

Her heart did another somersault in her chest. It did it when he said he loved her and now again that he felt like he belonged by her side.

"You said you love me," she murmured feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment and he nodded quietly. "Why is it forbidden for angels to fall in love with their charges?" her inquisitive mind was running wild, and she told herself it had nothing to do with hearing more about the fact that he loved her, it was just idle curiosity.

"It could lead to mistakes which could lead to loss of life. But I was content loving you from afar until I learned that HR was planning on setting you up to die and making it look clean. There are too many threats that could be coming for you and I couldn't risk it. I couldn't stand by and let you die," he said gently before anger formed on his face. "Be careful around Lionel, he is with them."

She frowned. "Lionel's not aligned with them. He is undercover and gathering information to bring them down. He already warned me of their plan, that's why Donnelly has several undercover FBI agents tailing me to make sure I'm safe," she explained.

John stared at Joss. Lionel wasn't dirty? Well, that explained why Shaw hadn't been reassigned. But the more he learned the more he realized he wasn't necessary to be down here.

Joss saw the confusion expressed on John's face. He truly believed Lionel was dirty and it explained his abrupt 'no' when she told him her plan at taking him to stay with Lionel. Joss still didn't believe his story but was open to hearing more. "Why did you believe Lionel was dirty, John?" she asked.

"A fellow Guardian Angel, Lionel's, overheard a conversation he had with an HR member and risked everything to let me know because she knew I loved you and wanted to protect you. The angel that assigns us our charges gave me this opportunity to come here to protect you," he whispered, still perplexed.

Forget somersaults, her heart was beating so hard as he said he loved her so easily, like he was saying he needed water to live, that it threatened to beat right out of her chest. Joss wanted to find out more about when he fell in love with her but the expression on his face cleared up. "But regardless it doesn't change what I will do to protect you. You belong on Earth protecting people, being with your son. I will die to protect you," he said adamantly.

Joss shook her head. "You aren't dying to protect me," she countered.

"Joss, I have too."

"No, I won't let you," she stated bluntly.

John felt his heart leap at that as her words resonated through him. It was as if she cared and wanted him to remain here with her. But she didn't mean it the way he wanted it to mean. She didn't even know if she believed him. He should be just grateful that she listened to him and heard him out.

But how was he going to save her and get back to where he belonged if she didn't let him die to protect her? This was a mess. He should have stayed where he was; Shaw should have paid more attention to know that Lionel was posing as a mole and had she just stayed for a few minutes longer to hear Lionel calling Joss to warn her then he wouldn't be down here but rather up there happily at Joss's side all the time. But even though he longed to feel like being here it was a mistake he wouldn't trade it for the world. He got to see, speak, and touch Joss. He got to remember his mother again.

John had to try to get her to understand why he needed to die protecting her. "Joss, it's the way I can get back where I belong."

She began pacing and he couldn't read the expression on her face. "I said no. I'm not letting you commit suicide. Of course you'd go up to heaven, you'd be dead," she responded darkly.

"It's where I belong."

"I'm not convinced you were ever dead, John. Maybe you are suffering delusions or have PTSD of what happened to you and you need some therapy," she suggested.

He growled under his breath as he was still no closer to getting her to believe him than when he started. "Joss, I'm not suffering delusions and I don't have PTSD; I'm your guardian angel and I retook my human form in the air and fell to Earth and landed extremely hard on your car naked," he muttered, running out of ways to convince her he was actually her guardian angel.

"John…"

"I know you're sensible, intelligent, and skeptical; it's just few of the things I love most about you. And I know this doesn't make sense to you but it's the truth, Joss. I am your angel and I am here to save you. But the only way to get back where I belong; to become you guardian angel once more, is to die," he explained as patiently and gently as he could.

Joss stopped mid-stride as she turned to face him fully. "Make me believe you. Tell me something that can't be overheard at a diner or guessed at. Tell me something that couldn't be in my medical bio or what could be found out by Google, John," she stated. "Because I believe you believe this but I can't…I can't believe this from what you've told me so far. It's otherworldly, it's…please John,"

His gaze was hard on hers. He had to find the perfect moment that would strike a chord with her and something that wasn't overheard. John thought for a few moments when a distinct and pivotal moment in her life leapt out at him. Surely it would help him finally get her to believe him.

"Alright, I thought of something." he said. She didn't say a word but rather waited for him to begin telling her. "You had already graduated from the police academy. It was night. I don't remember if it was cold or not; your surroundings never really mattered much to me, not like you do. But you arrived home in a rush. I remember the look on your face and it was stark fear. I can't overhear phone conversations but whatever the person told you had upset you to the point of tears and I wanted to take your pain away."

Joss remained silent but had an inkling she knew what he was going to say and she wasn't prepared to relive that moment of her life. But she didn't speak a word.

"You entered here," he said with a motion at her living room. "Calling your son's name and you found him with your estranged husband, Paul. The babysitter, whose name escapes me, came rushing in and you asked Paul to go outside and he didn't want to. So you had her take Taylor upstairs so you could have it out with Paul."

She kept her face neutral as he continued, "You wanted to know from Paul what he was doing there besides giving you a good reason to lock him up. I think by then you had gotten a restraining order because he wouldn't leave you and Taylor alone. You wanted him to seek help from the VA which was a source of conflict for you both.

And Paul kept at you about how he saw more action than you did and that you had it easier. You two kept fighting until his anger exploded and in a fit of rage knocked down the lamp which scared you to the point of going for your gun," he whispered watching her softly.

She swallowed hard. "I didn't recognize him," she admitted. "I was never scared of Paul until that moment."

"When you finally got Paul to leave; you collected yourself and then went upstairs to go tend to your son," John spoke quietly and smiled a little. "You told him as long as you two had each other you'd be fine. And you were; I tried my damnedest to make sure you came home to him every night."

Joss remained stone still as she absorbed everything he said. There was no way in hell he could have known any of that. She was in her home. She never reported the fact that Paul was there. The conversation between her and her son had been upstairs in his bedroom. No diner, no prying eyes and ears; just her and her son, locked in a moment together. But perhaps they did have eyes watching her, them, but they weren't prying but rather loving. She had always felt like someone was watching over her but she had figured it was her mind playing tricks on her. Could it be true? Could John be an angel, her guardian angel that came here for her?

She was quiet for a long while before looking up at him. "So I made out with an angel, huh?"

John smiled a little. "You believe me?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes. I can't believe it but yes, I believe you," she whispered. Joss felt a little relieved that she was having such strong feelings for an angel…who loved her. But only a little since she was still struggling with the reality that she was in the presence of a former angel who was hot as hell.

He smiled fully. "Now you know why I have to give up my human form."

Joss felt her heart clench. There was no way in hell she was going to let him do that for her. "I believe you, John, but I'm still not letting you kill yourself for me," she refuted. He looked at her as the smile froze on his face. "I'm sorry; I won't let you."

"But you have to, it's the only way I can get back."

She eyed him before reaching out to rest a hand on his heart that was thundering. "That feels like a very real heart to me," she whispered, enjoying the fact that John wasn't immune to her touch any more than she was to his.

"That's because it is," he whispered.

Joss let her hand glide up his chest and touch his stubble roughen jaw and then trail a finger across his lips. He gasped as he stepped back as if her touch singed him.

"That's very real cheeks and lips that I've kissed. Those eyes are soulful and filled with a vulnerability that takes my breath away," she added.

"Joss, I re-took my human…"

"Yea, you re-took your human form, John," she agreed with him. Re-took his sexy as sin form and had a generous heart, and was in love with her. But she had a point to drive home for him. "You want me to be okay with you playing human shield for me to end that very real beating heart, to feel those cheeks and lips grow cold, and those eyes to go lifeless. No. I won't let you," she said resolutely.

* * *

AN: The cat is out of the bag now! I kept flip flopping over whether or not to split this up but decided to keep this chapter together. Tomorrow I'll post the next chapter, and maybe I'll even post on Friday since you guys had to wait for me. This week I'm light on work and stuff to do so I should get posting to catch up especially since I know Mama Reese is adding a level of intrigue with you guys and she is itching to make her grand reapperance in this story!

Thanks for reading!

Also, thank you to the guest reviewers, I appreciate your kind words and wish I could respond to you privately but since I can't I'll take the moment to thank you guys for the responses for far on this story now. XOXOX


	15. Chapter 15

John paced the length of Joss's guest room. He didn't know what to do. Joss was quite adamant about her desire to not let him protect her and die in the process. They had spent the rest of the evening in a heated disagreement over it. John had ultimately agreed to talk more about it in the more morning when she said she wanted to call Taylor and then relax for what was left of her evening. But as much as he needed sleep he couldn't so much as force his eyelids closed. John roamed his room like a caged animal searching for a way to break free. He stopped to glare out the window up at the sky.

"This is your fault, Harold." he whispered angrily. And Shaw's, had she just listened to her charge for once then none of this would have happened. But it was his fault too because he knew Joss's heart and he had known deep down that his beautiful, intelligent, fierce charge would never agree with him giving his life up for hers. Harold had said it was simple. Nothing about this felt simple. Not his feelings for Joss; he loved her so much that he physically ached for her. It frightened him because he knew his place and yet the longer he remained here by her side the harder it was to remember why he didn't belong with her.

John whirled around and exited the bedroom. He had to make her understand. He just had too before he did something stupid like want something he couldn't have which was a life with her. He didn't bother knocking on her closed door, but rather just entered. Fair was fair; she had done it to him. But the moment the door opened and he stepped over the threshold in the darkened room he decided that this probably wasn't the best idea he ever had. Coming to her room, at night, with her looking so rumpled and natural without makeup on wasn't good for him. John had been struggling with his male anatomy since retaking his human form and being in close proximity with Joss and a bed wasn't helping. He should turn back around and just leave to talk this out in the morning when it was safer. But John always had that devil may care attitude as his feet took him forward towards her in her bed. She was on her side facing towards him. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He paused as he stared down at her.

He couldn't wake her. She went through a lot tonight, almost dying because he hadn't been there to protect her, and his lips thinned. Being selfish would be waking her up and imploring her to understand why he needed to protect her because it was his purpose and she meant everything to him, but, being selfless would allow her the rest she so richly deserved after the night she had. Selflessness won out as he reached down and curled her hair that had fallen over her beautiful face behind her ear tenderly.

"Joss, I love you and want you so much but I can't have you. I can't have a life because I don't belong here with you and the only life worth living is one with you in it." he whispered to her sleeping form. He went to move away when her hand snapped up and wrapped around his wrist.

"Don't go," she whispered. John froze. He hadn't expected her to be awake. Her eyes were now open and watching him in the darkness.

"You should sleep; I'm sorry I woke you, Joss."

She didn't respond to him but rather let go of his hand and scooted onto the other half of the bed and flipped her comforter down.

His eyes widened at the obvious invitation. Was she mad? He couldn't climb into bed with her. But even as he told himself no, his body seemed to have its own mind again as he was climbing in with her. John lied on the pillow she just vacated and it was warm and smelled of her shampoo which was some floral scent. But there was another scent tantalizing his nose and he supposed it was that lotion Joss had a habit of rubbing on her body before bed. John couldn't pinpoint one particular scent but whatever it was left her smelling extremely good causing him to wonder, not for the first time if she was soft as silk. His body reacted at the thought but he struggled for control over his overheating libido. John lied on his side facing her and slid one hand under the pillow and let the other rest between them as a barrier.

Their eyes met.

Joss decided she needed to seek serious help for suggesting that he climb into bed with her. It was a bold move that had consequences because now his body was near hers. He only had ill-fitting ugly boxers on and she had her jammies that felt like they were going to spontaneously combust from his nearness.

But she couldn't let him leave after he confided to her thinking she was asleep that he was in love with her and wanted her quite possibly more than she wanted him. Which she didn't believe could be possible because she had been thinking lusty thoughts since the moment he landed on her car naked. Now knowing exactly who and what John was; made fighting against her feelings and desires for him nearly incomprehensible. How could she fight against falling for John when he gave up his angelhood for her?—and was willing, with no thought to himself, to give up his newly given human form just to protect her? John was a good man and almost too good to be true.

His warmth suffused her and she was like a moth to the flame as she scooted closer to him, wanting to feel that warmth touch her soul.

"This isn't such a good idea," he whispered.

Joss smiled as she got comfortable on the new pillow. She searched his hot gaze seeing the crushing longing in them that she knew John had no clue resided in them so plainly. "Then go," she offered. He remained motionless. "When did you fall in love with me?" she asked.

"Not sure, Joss; one moment you were just my headstrong charge that gave me an ulcer and the next you were the woman I loved," he answered after a moment.

It wasn't exactly the answer she was looking for but at least he didn't give her the silent treatment. She felt a smile tease her lips. "An ulcer, seriously?" she said with a laugh. She could almost imagine him up there pacing as he did down here when he was anxious. But then did angels have legs?

"You scared the hell out of me on more than one occasion with the way you have a single-minded focus on justice," he commented dryly, feeling himself relax even being in bed with her. If he allowed himself to think too much about it then he'd embarrass himself.

"I like to think of it as driven," she retorted.

"More like pigheaded; you rarely took backup with you."

Joss rolled her eyes. "Kind of sound like Fusco with your henpecking about taking backup more often," she muttered in complaint.

"Henpecking?"

She groaned as she slapped a hand over her eyes. "Damn Fusco and his 1930s words."

John chuckled at that. He liked this easy banter that was emerging since she now knew the truth about him, before she had been keeping her distance. He liked getting to see the funny and sweet woman he'd seen before coming down here. Joss rarely let anyone really see the true woman underneath. He was humble to experience it himself in person.

She pulled her hand down and looked at him again. "You call me pigheaded; what do you call a temperamental angel, now all-man, with a one track mind about how he sees to save me?

"Right," he said definitively.

Joss laughed heartily at that. "Oh, you would say that! But I got my own plan, John. In fact I got a name for it. It's going to be called: Operation John." she announced. He snorted. "Hey, I won't win any awards for the name but it's the only thing I can come up with at two in the morning, so cut me some slack."

"So explain to me your plan, Joss?"

She shivered as her name rolled off his tongue in sensual promise. "It goes a little something like this; I'm going to save you from yourself," she vowed and he stared into her eyes as she wiggled closer. The hand he kept between them as a barrier was pressed against her stomach and it was imprinting there. Joss never broke eye contact as his blue eyes that caught in the moonlight showed his desire. He didn't move as she closed the gap between their lips so that just scant inches lay between her lips and his.

"Don't," he whispered and she shivered as his breath washed over her lips as if beckoning her forward even though his words were to the contrary.

"Why?" she wondered as she stared deeply into those eyes of his. That vulnerability in them was glittering bright tonight and she longed to understand it.

"Don't make me want something that I can't have."

And now Joss understood that vulnerability; he wanted her, loved her, but was struggling to stay away because he was determined to kill himself in her name. He was determined to go back to where he came because he thought it was what he was supposed to do. She wasn't so sure and not just because she had him tell her word for word what this Harold guy had to say. But because if he wasn't supposed to be here with her then why did it feel so damn right to be with him?

"Is wanting, a life, and me, really so bad John?" she wondered softly. When he stared at her without verbally responding she continued; "Or are you afraid?"

"Afraid?" he questioned. "I've died Joss. There isn't much that scares me. The only thing that petrifies me is losing you."

Joss felt her heart skip a beat. Did this man really not know what saying things like that did to her? "I meant: are you afraid to be open to the possibility that where you thought you were supposed to be truly isn't where you should be?"

He was quiet. Simply watching her and seemed to be processing her question or trying to ascertain how he felt. She did the same.

Joss felt liberated. She didn't have to push her feelings for John into the corner of her heart and pretend that they weren't there because they made no sense and that it was wrong since they didn't know each other for long, or any other excuse she told herself. She never knew her life to be so empty until John appeared. And now knew what that something that had been tugging at her since she met John. It had dazed her when she went to the hospital to take him home. It was something deep and powerful that tugged at her that she didn't know what it was and quite frankly frightened her to feel. But now she knew: she felt whole, complete, and she'd be damned if she would give him up.

Finally he whispered; "Joss, dreams don't come true."

"Am I your dream?" she asked, breathless from her own realization.

He broke the eye contact and she felt the loss of the connection immediately. Joss's body stiffened as she felt John's fingers pulling at her hem of her pajama top up to slide them over her stomach. Her body reacted to the soft touch, as if he was touching all of her erogenous zones at once, instead of her belly.

"Do you hurt?" he asked instead of answering her. She gasped, but not from pain, as his fingertips grazed her bruised rib. His roaming hand stopped immediately as he looked up searching her eyes for signs of pain.

She swallowed hard. "A little," she admitted honestly. John's been nothing but honest with her tonight so she should reciprocate.

"Roll over," he ordered, out of the blue.

"I beg your pardon,"

He smiled a little as he repeated 'roll over' and she slowly did as he requested whilst muttering she wasn't some damn dog. Joss's body melted as he pulled her up against his chest and his arms wrapped around her. Well now, she could get used to this. She moaned softly as she felt his rather obvious reaction to them being close in her bed.

John sighed as he muttered; "It's been extremely difficult with my male anatomy when you're around."

She chuckled. "You think it's all that easy for me? Uh, who landed on my car naked?!—it sure wasn't me."

"Yea, well, Harold didn't exactly tell me he was just going to take my wings from me and let me fall naked to the ground." he mumbled in complaint.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," she remarked playfully as she wiggled to get comfortable earning a groan from him. She grinned as she spoke again; "Definitely nothing to be ashamed of John."

"Go to sleep," he suggested in her ear.

"Sleep is the last thing on my mind," she purred breathlessly. How could 'sleep' even be in his vocabulary right now? It wasn't as if he could hide the evidence of his arousal.

John made a sound at her and she frowned because evidently she couldn't convince him to make love to her. But he wasn't leaving, so she still got the delight to be in his arms tonight. It would have to be enough tonight, so Joss snuggled in his embrace.

They were quiet as she felt her body hum with need and adrenaline. His breath washed over her ear rhythmically and his body was still hard everywhere but also warm and that warmth was slowly making her drowsy.

"Goodnight, John," she whispered as surprisingly her eyes drooped close.

"Goodnight, Joss." was the last thing she heard him say before sleep overtook her. She didn't hear him say, "I love you."

* * *

AN: Some snuggle times for these two :) I mean they deserve it after that tough conversation they just had. I checked because I forgot when Mama Reese comes back to play in this and you'll be seeing her again in chapter 17.

Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

It was morning as Joss slowly came down the stairs dressed in her skinny jeans and a fitted purple Henley shirt leaving the top two buttons undone. Surprisingly enough she felt rested and after John climbed in bed with her she had figured there would be no way in hell she could fall asleep. But she had. She slept like a baby swaddled in his love.

By the time she awakened in the morning though she found John missing from her bed. Too bad, she would have loved to wake up with him by her side. But maybe for this morning it was best to wake up alone. Joss had called off of work; she rarely ever called in even when she was sicker than a dog. But after nearly being killed by her C.I., who was going to be arraigned this morning, and taking a couple bullets to her vest she didn't think anyone else would really question why she stayed home.

After calling off of work she had quickly called her son before he went to school and then gone to take a much needed shower, brushed her teeth, and shaved her pits and legs. Joss felt refreshed and ready for the day ahead which was good because she and John needed to figure this mess out. He gave up his angel-hood for her, told her he was in love with her, and made her feel things for him that no man before him ever made her feel and she had known him for all of a week! But that might be a little off; maybe she knew him more than she thought; she'd always felt that she had someone watching over her, she never realized it was true. She had felt his loving gaze on her as he watched over her but what did that mean, if anything? Nothing at the moment, and John wanted her to get on board with him ending his very real life to save hers and she couldn't bear the thought.

She entered the kitchen and smiled as she found John by the coffee pot brewing coffee once more. "Did you remember a coffee filter this time?" she asked quietly.

He turned to eye her. "Yes," he answered equally quiet. His eyes looked sleepy to her. Well she might have slept well but he hadn't. "Do you still believe what I told you last night? Or do you still think it's a drunken tale that I made up?"

"Yes. I still believe that you gave up your angel-ness for me," she reassured. "A lot of things make more sense now, like your euphoria over pizza, your amnesia, the fact that your prints matched a dead man's, and your relentless desire to protect me."

"It's my purpose…"

Joss smiled. "Yea, uh, we need to talk about your mother, John." she said. It was actually something she had thought about as she got ready this morning. His mother deserved to know John was alive. How were they ever going to explain how he was alive was another matter altogether but Margaret deserved to know.

He looked away. "What about my mother?" he asked quietly.

"She deserves to know that you're back."

He shook his head. "No, I don't belong here. She'll misunderstand and she'll have to lose me all over again which will hurt her," he whispered, the pain heard in his raspy voice. He would love to see his mother and hug her, speak to her again. She was his only friend for much of his life because he rarely made any; no one wanted to get to know the weird new kid who was much too quiet. But he had to think of his mother here, no matter how much he longed to see her again; it would devastate her when he left again, and no mother should have to lose their child twice.

"John…"

"I said no," he snapped, voice hard and his blue eyes were cold as ice. It looked like she touched on a subject that was just as raw for John as when she brought John's name up to Margaret.

Joss held her hands out not wanting to upset him and decided to work on John about it later. She knew why he was resisting because John thought he was going to die to protect her so why tell his mother just to have her suffer another brutal loss of her only son. But she wasn't going to let him do what he planned to.

She watched him and knew she had upset him with dredging up his mother. "I took today off. After we get some coffee and I finish getting ready we can head out to grab a bite to eat." she suggested, quietly changing the subject.

John remained silent.

Joss went on; "And after that I figure we could head down to the courtroom where BC is going to be arraigned before we head out to go shopping. I need to pick up some more groceries and maybe get you some new clothes. You have to be tired of the same pickings." She'd max her credit card out to just to get him into some jeans. Saliva filled her mouth at the thought.

He narrowed his eyes on her. "Joss, why buy me more clothes when I need to go back where I belong?"

"Because you're not doing that, so you're going to need more clothes to wear and some other essentials," she reminded. Joss had no plans of letting him go anywhere ever.

"I have to," he countered. "Harold didn't say I could stay here."

She shrugged. "But he didn't say you had to go back up either, so as I see it; it's a grey matter," she retorted. John had told her the entire conversation, word for word, that he and this Harold had. Not once did John mention that Harold told him that it was definitive that he had to go back. She grinned up at his beauty; she doubted John even realized how good he looked angry. "Can't be all mad, John, you knew I was a detective before literally dropping into my life."

He exhaled as he ran a hand through his short hair. John refused to confuse her desire for him to stay here to be anything else but that she didn't want him to die in her name. Joss was a caring nurturing woman. It had nothing to do with him even if he desperately wished that to be true.

"But…"

"No buts." she refused as she grabbed the handle of the pot and began pouring herself some much needed coffee and then some for him too. "Besides 'Operation John' is a go."

John frowned. "Joss, I'm the one that's on the mission."

She snorted. "Well you've been reassigned." she retorted.

He exhaled. "You're stubborn."

"You love it." she teased. Joss smiled into her mug as his eyes softened as she practically could hear him agreeing with his eyes. "Anyways, you can't say no to me buying you clothes because you owe me."

"How do you figure that?"

She watched as he set his hands on his hips and looked frustrated that this conversation wasn't going his way. "You stole money from me. It's the only way I can think of how you could afford a taxi yesterday. And being you were my angel you probably saw me stockpiling an emergency fund in my bottom drawer," she explained and saw guilt line his face. She refused to feel bad for using his angel-ness to her benefit.

Joss was right, he did owe her. But not for what she thought. "Actually, I pick-pocketed that money from a man on the street." he admitted. Her brows rose in surprise. "You read my military bio." he reminded. "But you are right I do owe you for not locking your place up when I left. Anyone could have just entered and stole things you worked hard at purchasing. But can't I just apologize?"

"No. You can't. I want to get you just a couple pairs of jeans," she insisted.

"And if I let you get me these jeans you'll forgive me?" he questioned. She nodded. "But you'd be getting me something so what do you get out of it?" he wondered.

Joss smiled wolfishly. "Oh, I'll be getting something out of it, John, trust me!" she assured him with a dreamy look in her eyes.

* * *

After they ate and went down to court where BC was being arraigned they learned that he agreed to give up the name of the head of HR for a lesser sentence. Donnelly and the FBI were keeping mum on who it was. She wanted to be in on who it was since they were targeting her but it seemed she wasn't privy to knowing the knowledge yet.

Once they were done there she took John to Macy's. It was clear he wasn't used to shopping and found it tedious and dull. But right now John was gathering his own personal fan club with her as the president. A few of the female workers were loitering around the fitting rooms since they caught a glimpse of John. Not that she blamed them, John was devilishly handsome that anyone would notice from a mile away.

She straightened as the fitting room's door he was in opened. Joss felt kind of bad for John though not enough to stop. As he exited the changing room—again—and did a little two-step for her to get a nice back view of him in his jeans; she handed him another pair.

"I don't know, try this pair on," she commented lowly, trying to hide her smile as he narrowed his gaze on the jeans and then looked down at the pair he was wearing. Joss happened to do so as well. The denim fit his well-toned body like a glove. He had such long thin legs and the jeans clung to his butt the way her gaze wanted too.

"What's the difference?" he demanded, exasperated. Before she had been giving John different designers to see which pair of jeans was his perfect fit but now…she was just giving him the same pair over and over but in different shades just to prolong this excursion.

"Oh sir there is a big difference," the salesgirl, Suzie, assured. Joss tried not to laugh as the other girls all chimed in agreement over the difference of the jeans, one going so far to explain that the buttons on the back pockets were bigger.

John didn't look convinced but sighed as he turned and entered the changing room for the umpteenth time to try on the jeans for her. Joss felt a little warm inside knowing he was only going along with it to make her happy.

The moment the door shut the salesgirl with the nametag of Suzie, turned to eye her with a smile. "Lady, your boyfriend is H-O-T hot, hot, hot!" she whispered, looking no older than eighteen or nineteen. Joss looked around and wondered if these girls actually had any work to do or was watching John come in and out of the changing room filed under making sure he wasn't a shoplifter.

"Thank you; he's an angel." she replied and swore the ladies swooned.

Joss watched as John exited the changing room and once again ignored all the other women watching him and found her first. She made a motion for him to twirl for her earning a glare and she knew her game was over. He finally caught on; the gig was up and she wasn't going to be able to get him to try on anymore jeans.

"Yep, those are the ones." she said as her gaze stayed on his butt.

"You sure?" he demanded sounding testy. "Or would you like me to try each one the store carries?"

"Would you?" she asked with a smirk.

"We'd sure love it." Suzie piped up, before the girls scattered when one of their bosses came walking around.

John eyed her. "Can I go back in and change now?" he asked.

She nodded as she handed over to the one girl all the rejected jeans and kept the one pair of Calvin Klein that she held and was going to buy him the one he had just tried on. Then he'd have one natural blue-wash denim, white-wash blue, and black. John had tried on the Calvin's first at her insistence knowing he'd look phenomenal in them. What did Brooke Shields use to say: 'you know what comes between me and my Calvin's?—Nothing' well that was exactly her thoughts for John and Calvin Klein jeans.

John exited the changing room in his track pants and looked disgruntled. "Was this what you meant that you'll get something out of buying me jeans?" he demanded.

"Oh come on, John, jeans were made for men like you." she retorted as she carried the two pairs she was getting him, before dragging him back to the selection and found the same size and fit in black. Joss ushered him to the men's underwear area after reminding him that she was doing his laundry so she wanted him to have more pairs to wear than a meager three.

Joss nearly swallowed her tongue when he chose boxer-briefs in place of the boxers. She helped John find his right size; she eyeballed the black pair and would pay to see him in. But after the cashier rang up their purchases and he carried the big brown bag to the car she took him to Walmart which she almost wished she hadn't. But they needed groceries and some male essentials for him. If she wanted to assimilate John to the world she was going to have to reacquaint him to the woes of grocery shopping.

John in the grocery aisles moved about as fast as a snail going in reverse would. He stopped to eye nearly every item in the store looking overwhelmed by the selections. But the worst was right now. She had thought the cookie/cracker aisle was long but nothing compared to the dreaded candy aisle. They've been stuck here for nearly twenty minutes.

"Can we get a move on?" Joss asked impatiently.

He looked at her. "I don't recall there being so many different kinds of Hershey Kisses before."

"There is now, like milk chocolate, caramel, with almonds, double fudge, just to name a few. Now pick something so we can go," she grumbled.

"Just picking one is like picking which kid you have that's your favorite," he commented dryly.

She exhaled as glared at him. "Do you have a chocolate fetish or something, John?" she demanded.

He smiled as he looked at the selection. "Yes," he announced happily.

"You do?"

"I love chocolate." he admitted. He looked at her sparingly. "When I used to be alive I tried to limit the amount I had at my place or I'd eat it all in a day," he admitted. Joss frowned when an older man walking by eyed John like he sprouted a second head as he said 'when I used to be alive'. She was sure the old guy was going to have his hearing aid checked out.

Joss muttered that she be right back and scurried out of the candy aisle in search of a very specific item. When she came back John had finally made his selection and was waiting for her to return. She cocked a brow at the three different bags of candy in the cart: he had chosen Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, KitKats, and the original Hershey Kisses.

"Finally, remind me this is the last time I take you down the candy aisle." she commented as she set the bottle of Hershey's syrup in the cart too. She had decided sometime between last night nestled in his strong arms and at breakfast having him look at her like he wanted to devour her instead of his omelet, to seduce her sexy angel. And this chocolate syrup might just come in handy.

After paying for their items John pushed the cart out of the store and headed beside her for her car that was parked about halfway down even with the exit doors. She popped the trunk as they approached her car.

Joss stood watch as John unpacked the cart full of groceries into the spacious trunk. He slammed the trunk shut and she held tight on the cart's handle when he went to take it from her. "You put the groceries away; I put the cart away," she reasoned.

"I can do it," he stated as he pulled the cart toward him.

"I know you can but you're not because I am," she rebuked sternly and pulled the cart back towards her. "I'm not some fragile piece of glass that has to be taken care of at every turn, John," she reminded. He glared at her and she glared back. They remained that way for a good solid minute until John gave in first.

He exhaled as he relinquished the cart. "When will I win an argument with you?" he demanded.

"Never," she replied quickly which earned her a rueful chuckle from him. She quickly turned and walked across from her car to the space that was designated for the return of carts and as she turned to hurry across to get in her car, she heard squealing of tires.

Joss turned to look and watched as a blue sedan speeding right at her.

"JOSS!"

She heard John's shout of her name but felt his body collide with hers as his momentum carried them just out of the way of the speeding car feeling the whoosh of air as the car sped by them. John took the brunt of the fall but from the collision of their bodies it jostled her bruised chest and rib. She bit her lip hard to keep from moaning in pain not about to let John feel guilty over unintentionally hurting her by helping her avoid from being hit by a car.

John was up and on his knees in front of her touching her face gently. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Adrenaline pumped through her veins as she craned her neck to see over his shoulder to watch the blue sedan speeding away as onlookers watched in horror. She caught sight of a partial plate but frowned when it was a blur as it sped off. John stood and reached down to help her to her feet which she was grateful for. She saw a woman calling the cops and men were rushing towards them to help; hopefully her agents that were following her caught up to the son of a bitch that tried to make her roadkill.

"Thanks for saving me, John." she whispered with a small grimace of pain to her chest that she tried rubbing away before risking a look up into his eyes.

"Next time I put the damn cart away," he growled.

* * *

AN: Ugh, I got a new ship that I've fallen head over heels for. It scares me. The last ship I fell completely in love with was Carter and Reese, and we all know how the showrunners fucked that one up. But anyways HR is trying low-key to do away with their pesky thorn but, at least, John got to be by his lady love's side.

Thank you for reading (and being patient with me)!


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm fine." Joss said for what seemed to be the millionth time since the car nearly ran her over. John didn't seem to have heard her over his overprotective grumblings that he should have been more alert. It was sweet to have someone care so much about her well-being but she was fine, damn it.

He carried at least eight bags by himself and she had one, along with his clothing purchase, and a case of beer in her other hand. Thankfully she was stocked up on milk and eggs from a previous trip, with the length of time they spent talking to the authorities surely it would have spoiled before getting it back home.

"The agents tailing me caught the man and promised to give me details once they have some," she called out to John as he stormed into her kitchen, while she kicked the door closed behind her. Joss frowned when there was no response back. She set his new clothes at the base of the stairs before entering her kitchen where John was tugging their purchases out of the plastic bags. She put the case of beer into the fridge and proceeded to put the stuff she bought away in the pantry.

Joss snatched all the empty bags and put them together in a bigger bag so at a later date she could take them to have them recycled. She slid the laundry room door shut and glared at John as he glared at her. "John, I know you are…"

"Angry, yes," he agreed, cutting her off.

"What the hell do you have to be angry about?" she demanded. "I am the one that should be angry. You're the one that is acting like I tried to get run over on purpose."

"I'm angry with myself; I'm not doing a very good job of protecting you."

She rolled her eyes. "John, I'm fine."

"But you almost weren't, Joss!"

Joss held her hands out, deciding she needed to compromise before their argument became a full-fledged shouting match. "Okay, you're right; I almost wasn't but I can't live my life afraid to go out, John. We are going to catch these guys now that the FBI has the leader's name thanks to BC."

"When?" he bit out as he paced her kitchen. "When will your life be safe?"

"I don't know. But I have faith that this will get cleared up soon without you needing to act as a human shield for me. And once HR is neutralized and the threat to my life is gone we need to figure out what happens with you," she murmured. Joss had been thinking long and hard, perhaps if she agreed to give up having a guardian angel she got to keep John by her side here. But she didn't know how she could make such a bargain?

John stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her wearily. "We already know what happens but you refuse to listen to me," he remarked.

She rounded her kitchen island and trapped John between her and it. "Let me be perfectly clear, John: I will not allow you to end your life in my name. And if you thought I would agree to it then you really don't know me at all even after watching over me for sixteen years."

"I know you," he whispered. "But I wanted to come here because I wanted to be close to you unlike I ever could before. When Harold said I could retake my human form and protect you I jumped at the chance without thinking it through because I'd get to feel you: I've seen and heard you but I wanted to feel you."

Joss drew close as she stared up into his eyes. "And how do I feel?" she asked.

"Like home.…"

Joss felt sucker punched in the gut. It was taking everything inside her to not just reach out and grab him. But she wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to push aside all his reasons for why not and just focus on why he should.

"Well come on home then John," she beckoned.

"Joss…"

She shook her head. "Stop thinking, John. You said you wanted to feel, so feel me," she offered and her breath lodged in her throat as he reached out to cup her cheek, bending down towards her before he jerked away as a large booming knocks broke the moment.

Joss cursed whoever was at her door. He looked at her. "Aren't you going to answer it?" he asked.

"I don't think I should; I'm ready to shoot them!" she retorted, sorely disgruntled at the moment.

"Joss, you should answer it. It could be the agents," John reasoned. Joss knew that but she really wanted that kiss. It was stupid because she never cared about kisses before but that was before John literally dropped into her life and kissed her with his entire soul. It made her crave that feeling he created inside her. When more knocks sounded she sighed, so much for hoping that it was just a solicitor and they'd go the hell away.

She brushed past him and purposely let their hands touch as she went and stormed out of the kitchen to head for her door. "This better be important," she muttered to herself as she went. Joss stomped to her door and tugged it open and glared at Lionel who stood on the other side. "What do you want?" she demanded.

"Oh, it's nice to see you too, Carter," Lionel grumbled as he sidestepped her and entered without really being invited.

Joss kicked the door closed. "It just isn't a good time," she admitted as she swallowed her desire to throw Lionel out so she could get back to John and pick up where they left off.

"Well make time because HR wants you gone like yesterday." Lionel declared. He watched as wonder-boy entered before addressing Carter again; "I heard what happened to you but not from good channels. Lynch told me. He also told me that if running you over failed then they are going to forget about making it look clean and use me to lure you someplace to take you out. They are getting tired of you being alive."

Joss grinned. That was good because impatience could lead to mistakes. "HR is getting antsy; that's a very good sign."

"Yea, well I already filled in Donnelly about their new plans but I needed you to know too. If they ask me to set you up.…"

"You do it," she said for Lionel. "We need to catch these guys or my life will always be in danger. I think the FBI isn't making a move on the head of HR because they lack evidence of putting the bastard away for a long-long time. Maybe their new plan of using you to lure me someplace to kill me could be the break in the case we need. Low level players in the organization will be easy to flip for a lesser sentence."

John broke his silence as he said, "If HR has you lure Joss someplace I want to be there too." Both sets of eyes shifted onto him. Lionel's were disbelieving and Joss's were narrowed.

"No," she refuted instantly.

"Hey wonder-boy, remember what we talked about…shoe shopping, and how _shoes_ are all different!" Lionel groused with a stern glare.

Joss looked between John and Fusco and felt realization dawn on her. "Shoe shopping? Is that what John meant when he was drunk and told me that he couldn't lose his shoe? You compared women to shoes and I'm the damn shoe!" she demanded, not bothering to conceal her annoyance at the moment. She had been about to be kissed, then Fusco interrupted, and now she realized John's drunken rambles were about an actual conversation that he had with her partner.

"Well…" Fusco hedged as he looked away, looking sheepish. "I was trying to come up with analogy that lover boy would understand, Carter. You're like the practical steel-toe work shoe…tough, durable, and can trudge through any kind of terrain."

Joss made a face at the imagery. Is that how John viewed her? She could be a sexy red high heel or a….wait, why was she thinking of herself in line with shoes. She scowled at Fusco, silently blaming him for it before saying; "Thank you for letting me know, Fusco. We'll deal with what happens next when the time comes. But I really need to talk to John alone."

Lionel nodded, looking between the two, noting an undercurrent of some sort of new tension that was passing between them. Lionel was sure it wasn't the typical sexual tension that they were blanketed with, that was ever present, but this new one was a form of strife.

"Ah right, but go easy on the big guy, Carter, he has as much knowledge about women as I do with rocket science," Lionel murmured before leaning close to John. "Remember the shoe thing and you'll be fine," he whispered.

John rolled his eyes as Fusco clapped him on the back before heading out with a little thumbs up as he did. He looked to Joss as the door closed. She was beautifully angry. Joss had her hands on her hips, brows arched down, lips pursed together tightly, and a fire burned in her dark chocolate eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that!" she grumbled.

"Like what?" he asked with a frown.

"Like I'm some goddess that you are awe stricken by," she muttered with a flap of her hand at his face. "It's distracting me from my anger."

"Joss…"

She held her hand up. "No, I go first," she stated tersely and watched as he stood waiting to hear what she had to say. Joss took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I get it, John. I understand where your instinct to protect me comes from. It comes from the fact that you were my guardian angel."

"I still am," he interrupted.

"But that's where we see things differently, John, because to me, you're not this angel but rather a healthy, breathing, with a heart-beating man," she explained carefully.

"Joss…"

"Wait. Let me say everything I have to say before you disagree with me," she demanded. Joss could see he struggled with her request but nodded curtly. "You know from watching over me that I do whatever I need to to bring about justice or to save someone."

"I know," he whispered.

"So you know that I'm going to do whatever I need to do to save you."

"I'm here to save you," he said earnestly.

"But that's just it John, I don't need saving," she said softly.

John wheeled around to pace as he ignored her to force all his desires into the tiny corner of his heart where they belonged.

She watched him brood as he paced back and forth. "I think we should consider telling Fusco the truth," she murmured. That stopped his restless pacing as he looked to her. "Lionel can keep a secret. And you are the Bert to his Ernie but in a more platonic sense," she murmured with a tiny smile lifting up her lips at John's confused look.

"Are you talking about the puppets from Sesame Street?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered. "Apparently you and Lionel struck quite the bromance during your little stay at his place."

John frowned. "I don't understand what 'bromance' means."

She chuckled softly, almost forgetting that John missed out on all of the 2000s and so he wasn't up on the lingo. "I'll catch you up to speed and teach you how to tweet so you'll be in the 21st century," she teased.

"Tweet?" John demanded looking frustrated and it was so damn cute. "But you think that Lionel would actually believe that I'm a guardian angel that fell to Earth to protect you?" he questioned incredulously, getting back to what they were talking about. He might not know Lionel well but from the little interactions they had since he had come here he doubted the man would believe them.

"There's only one way to find out," she replied casually. If Lionel knew the truth then he could help shoot down John's plan to protect her.

John wondered if perhaps letting Lionel in on the truth was a good idea. If Lionel knew the truth, and actually believed them, then he might be able to help Joss accept what he had to do to protect her.

"Alright, we can tell Lionel the truth," he agreed quietly.

Joss hid a grin. With Lionel being in the know it would be one step closer at succeeding in 'Operation John' and she had no plans at failing.

* * *

Margaret exited the airport in New York both physically and mentally wiped. Her flight was delayed twice before it was finally allowed to fly. First time was weather related and the second time it was plane related. But finally after a long boring day at the airport, waiting and flying across country, she landed in chilly New York at three in the morning.

Sadly it was too late to go to the precinct to find Detective Jocelyn Carter. But maybe it was for the best as she was exhausted. Flying wasn't something she liked doing, in fact, she hated it. Connor used to tease her about it but also never complained when she squeezed his hand so tight she was sure she was crushing bones. But coming to New York to possibly identify the mysterious man as her son trumped any fear she had.

With luggage in tow she flagged down a taxi cab. Once encompassed inside the warm, if not, smelly taxi cab, whoever rode in the cab previously probably had ten pounds of cologne on, she asked for the closest hotel to the 8th precinct that he could get her to. First thing in the morning she was heading to the precinct to go meet with Detective Carter and hopefully get an answer to her prayers. Not that she was banking on the mystery man being her son because finding out he wasn't would be a blow that she couldn't recover from if she didn't temper her expectations.

The cab driver got her to the hotel quickly, thankfully, and once her meter was paid and a tip given, she was entering the hotel weary, hungry, and tired. She stepped up to the concierge desk. "Hello, I'd like a room for a night." she requested softly.

The night concierge, Matthew, was nice and efficient as he sent a bellhop to take her luggage up to the third floor where her room was going to be. He offered a menu of their twenty-four room service so she could order before even reaching her room so that her meal could be delivered sooner rather than later. She must look hungry and tired or he heard her stomach growling, which would be embarrassing to say the least.

After the elevator ride she found her room and inserted her room key and entered, feeling the stress of the day fade away as the bellhop had left the light on and she saw the large queen sized bed with her luggage set beside it. Margaret closed the door behind her and locked up. She quickly eyed her watch, figuring she had some time before room service delivered the simple salad she had ordered.

She entered the bathroom after taking her coat off and left it settled on the back of a small chair near an even smaller table. Margaret splashed some cold water on her face to wash off the fatigue. She wanted to eat her salad and give Edna a quick call before she tried to get a little rest in advance of heading for the precinct later this morning.

When a knock at the door sounded she quickly shut the faucet off and hurried out of the bathroom to let room service in. A nice man entered with a cart and set out her salad and bottled water she ordered on the tiny table before leaving after receiving a generous tip.

Margaret ate quietly while deep in thought that; it took her a few moments of trying to scrape an empty plate to realize that she had finished her salad. Afterwards she called Edna and left a message that she arrived safely in New York and she'd call her after meeting the mystery man before hanging up.

But with eating and calling Edna as she promised she was still running on adrenaline and sleeping was the last thing she wanted at the moment. So instead she headed to the window and looked out the hotel and smiled at the glittering lights of New York City. It was beautiful but not as beautiful as the mountains that she could see off in the distance from her farm house. She and Johnny used to love lying out in the middle of the field, at night, and stare up at the stars. When he was little they'd try to find the star where dad was watching them from. When he was older they'd just talk about Connor, or Johnny's day, or hers. It was one of her favorite times where it was just her baby boy and her. It was during one of those times he had told her that he wanted to enlist in the Army.

As she continued to look out the window, her gaze slid up to those stars, the same stars she and her son used to gaze upon together, though dim from the city's lights and she tuned out the obnoxious noises that accompanied New York. Margaret much preferred the sounds of mooing cows and roosters crowing than honking horns and loud chatter from the men and women who apparently didn't sleep.

"Connor, my darling…" she whispered to the night's sky. "Please, please give me the strength to handle meeting this mystery man. Connor, I don't know if I can bear to meet him and learn he isn't our Johnny," she spoke her fear aloud. She closed her eyes and felt the wetness of her tears on her cheeks. "I want this man to be Johnny so badly."

A strong wind gust blew and battered the window which snapped her eyes open. Margaret rested a hand on the cold glass and smiled through her tears. It had to be her fatigue, stress, and pain that was making her conjure up such a feeling but she felt like her husband answered her. Connor was always her rock. She had been devastated to learn she was unable to carry a child. They had just been married and all she wanted to be was his wife and be the mother to his children. Connor picked her up and told her that any child, blood or not, would be theirs. He made her believe and then they were gifted the greatest gift of all: Johnny. And Connor had been right because Johnny was their heart and soul; he was the perfect angel bestowed to them and both she and Connor treasured him as such.

"Thank you Connor," she whispered to the night's sky then softly pressing her fingertips to her lips and then to the glass once more, before turning to head for bed feeling a sense of calm in her heart.

* * *

AN: Poor Lionel, stuck in the middle. Carter wants him on her side but John wants him on his side.

Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

With Carter on her day off, after calling in the day before, leaving Fusco with a stack of paperwork to do by himself, but he couldn't help but hope Wonder-Boy was still intact as Carter had seemed pretty pissed at being likened to shoes yesterday. Maybe at lunch he'd give them a call and see if he could talk to wonder-boy just to make sure he was still around.

"Excuse me…"

Lionel shelved his thoughts and looked up from his computer at the sound of a feminine voice and saw a small attractive woman standing in front of his desk. She looked like a shorter version of Jamie Lee Curtis; with a similar short haircut but with forest green eyes that looked soft but haunted. The woman had very little makeup on, wore comfortable looking jeans and a jean jacket, and appeared to have natural cropped-short nails so she definitely wasn't from around here.

"May I help you, ma'am?" he inquired simply.

"Yes, I was told that you are the partner to a Detective Joss Carter. I need to find her."

Lionel nodded. "Yea she's my partner; I'm Detective Lionel Fusco," he said as he held his hand out which the woman took. "She's on her day off but if you tell me who you are maybe I could help," he offered.

Once she let his hand go she wrung her hands together and looked pained. "My name Margaret Reese and Detective Carter called me telling me that she might have found a man that matched my son's prints. She asked me to come here to I.D. him and at first I refused but since then I've changed my mind."

Lionel hid his surprise that this could very well be the big guy's mother, assuming he and John Reese were one and the same. This woman didn't even look old enough to have a forty year old son but then she appeared to take good care of herself. She was definitely a good looking 'shoe' if you asked him. And if this woman turned out to be wonder-boy's mother he was going to keep that opinion to himself.

"Yea, I know about him," he replied with a smile. Carter would be ecstatic to know that someone could finally I.D. the big guy and let her know one way or the other if he was John Reese or not. Then they could solve the next riddle that was the big guy: what the hell happened to him. "He's actually staying with her until we can figure out who he is," he admitted.

Margaret felt her heart leap at the fact that they still didn't know who this mystery man really was. There was still hope that he was her son then. She struggled with herself as hope surged inside her, even though she told herself to not let it because Johnny being found alive was the slimmest possibility, like a million to one.

"Is it alright if I leave you my cell phone number so she may give me a call? I really need to know if this man is my son," Margaret asked, hating the hitch to her breath.

Lionel now knew why she looked haunted. It was killing her to not know if the son she believed to be dead was alive or not. He had a kid and it would destroy him not to know. "I can do you one better, ma'am, I'll take you to her place," he offered.

"You will?"

"Yea, her place isn't that far from here and I'll just take my lunch break early," Lionel said as he stood, collecting his things.

"Oh, I couldn't do that to you."

Lionel shrugged her off. "It's fine, ma'am. If I know Carter she'll be happy to have someone to finally I.D. him either way. And if the big guy is your kid then we can finally move on to the next puzzle piece."

"Please call me Margaret and I appreciate this so much," she said.

"I have a son and if our roles were reversed I'd want to go see him as soon as possible," Lionel assured her. "To quiet up the doubts, you know."

Margaret tried to smile. "Thank you," she whispered. "Since her phone call it's been eating away at me that my son might be out there and in need of me."

Lionel patted her shoulder sympathetically. "Well if it is your son, you'll know soon enough." He led her to the double doors and decided against texting Carter about the good news. He'd just surprise her with Margaret.

* * *

Joss hurried downstairs after having a lousy night. After they had both agreed to let Lionel in on John's secret they had eaten dinner and tried to ignore the buzzing sexual tension between them. John was determined to keep away and she was determined to wait for him to throw caution to the wind. Joss wanted him to want her. Right now John wanted her and loved her, but his strong sense of duty and fear of wanting more than what he figured he could have was making him reluctant to do anything about it. And it led to an impasse and left them both sexually frustrated, which is why she had another sleepless night. Joss had debated about just entering the guest bedroom to slip into bed and into his arms to sleep soundly like she had the night before.

She yawned. For the first time in almost forever she had two days off in a row and she was as tired as she normally was when she worked nine days in a row. And she was about as busy too because they had to tell Lionel the truth, and he was coming after work so she had all day to obsess about it, which would be as tiring as a full work day. Just how was she going to convince Fusco that John was a sexy angel without him thinking that they both needed to go to the nut house?

Joss found John in the kitchen having made breakfast. As figured, the more he practiced cooking the better he got. "I knew you'd be a chef in little time," she mumbled her admiration as she eyed the small buffet he made. Joss noted with keen satisfaction that John was wearing his new jeans that fit him like a glove. Her eyes regretfully moved on from the sexy man to the delicious looking food: there was bacon, eggs, sausage, and hashbrowns all set on two plates accompanied by small bowls of stewed broccoli.

He smiled as he poured two mugs full of black coffee. "My mother taught me the fine art of cooking. She said that sometimes women liked men cooking for them to show them how much they cared," he explained.

She grinned. "Your mom sounds like my kind of woman," she teased.

John chuckled before a flash of anguish crossed his face. "My mother is one of a kind," he whispered.

Joss reached out and touched his clean shaven cheek which earned her his gaze. "Are you sure you don't want to see your mother?" she asked softly. She'd fly John to Washington herself if she had too.

He nodded curtly. "I can't," he stated stiffly, sounding choked. Even though he longed to see her again that would be selfish and his mother meant the world to him, just as Joss did.

She wanted to push but decided against it for now. She could push him about seeing his mom perhaps after Lionel knew the truth, because she'd have an ally in her fight of getting him to understand he wasn't about to do what he planned on.

They both sat down at the table together and quietly ate in comfortable silence. He looked up after he finished his eggs. "How's your chest?" he asked as his gaze dipped down.

Joss knew what he meant but she chose to pretend stupidity as he eyed her breasts and not her stomach. "My chest?—well my nipples are tight with the way you're staring at them," she answered. He choked a little on his coffee that he was sipping as he looked up at her. She cocked a brow up. "You're the one looking at my breasts and not where I got shot," she retorted, pasting an innocent expression on her face.

The blush that reddened his cheeks made her chuckle and waved off his stammered apology. "I like that you look at my breasts, John," she admitted which quietened him. "Makes me feel sexier than some lousy steel-toe work shoe," she grumbled, sticking the blade in between his ribs and twisting.

"I never thought of you like that," he replied dryly. "Lionel is the one that came up with that analogy."

She scooted her chair closer to him and leaned in towards him. "You said that I feel like home to you. But what about what you see? What do I look like to you?" she wondered.

John stared at her but never had a chance to answer when there was a ring of the doorbell. "Saved by the bell," she whispered.

"Joss…" he breathed as if he needed an answer to his prayers.

She pushed back and stood up. "How about you clean up and I go see who that is?" she suggested and he simply nodded as he stood. Joss stole a kiss because she simply had to, which he responded to wholeheartedly before she stepped back. "After whoever leaves we have a conversation to finish," she promised.

Joss hurried to the door with a smile on her face after leaving John looking a little dazed. She whipped the front door open and looked at Lionel first and then to a petite pretty woman beside him. "Hey Fusco, I thought you were coming by later," she said before eyeing the pretty woman questioningly.

Lionel smiled. "Morning Carter, I am, this is actually business related," he explained. He motioned at the woman beside him. "Uh, Carter, this is Margaret Reese."

Joss froze as she looked at the pretty woman again, stunned. This was John's mother? And there was only one reason that she was here…to see John.

"Where's the man that you think might be my Johnny?" the woman asked, her voice small, like she was afraid that she was going to have all her hopes dashed.

Joss stood frozen, unable to speak and had no idea how long she stayed that way before she heard footsteps behind her. "Joss, who's there?" John called out. She was pretty sure John had gone into his overprotective mode and got worried about how long it was taking at the door; probably thinking HR had come to the door to do away with her.

Joss helplessly watched as John's mother's face went white and her green eyes showed her shock and hope and every other emotion she was feeling at the moment as she brushed past her, not waiting for an invitation in, not that Joss would stop her. How could she stop this mother/son reunion? She was a mom too and would never stand in the way of a mother being reunited with her child.

She turned to witness it and saw John had stopped dead in his tracks as he gaped at his mother. His eyes were wide in surprise. But it was Margaret she felt bad for. The woman had tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Johnny?" she whispered roughly. "Is that really you?"

* * *

AN: I believe Elaine said I was evil for ending it here but it really is the perfect place to stop. I promise I won't make you guys wait too long for the next chapter :)


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN: Meh, I meant to have this up yesterday but I guess today is good too.**_

* * *

Intense joy filled John, followed immediately with anguish as he came face to face the mother who he had longed to see again. How was he ever going to keep from hurting her when he had to leave again?—it was inevitable now. He came here to protect Joss, to save the woman he loved from people that wanted to kill her for no other reason than because she got in their way. But then he spent time with her making him question why he didn't really belong here. Slowly his life that he was living just to protect Joss was getting more and more complicated especially now his mother was here.

"Johnny?" she whispered as tears slipped down her cheeks. He never saw her cry; he knew she must have after his dad died but she never once showed it to him.

"Mom…."

"Oh Johnny," she cried as she raced over to him and he bent down to wrap his arms around her. She sobbed into his chest and he held her as he softly rubbed her back to soothe her. "I never thought I'd ever hold you again," she whispered, muffled against his chest.

John didn't say a word but rather just held her with his eyes closed and basked in feeling her maternal love again. It oozed out of her, she loved so deeply, so tenderly. He held her small frame. When he had been just a kid he used to want to do everything for her because he had been afraid she'd get hurt because she was so tiny. But his mother proved to be stronger than she appeared and taught him an invaluable lesson: that strength came from within.

"I've missed you so much," she breathed as she pulled out of the hug and touched his face and then shoulders as the tears continued to slide down her cheeks, but now she was smiling. "Where have you been, sweetheart?—never mind it doesn't matter, you're here now. Edna and Bob will be so happy to see you again," she said as she grabbed his hands.

"Mom," he said again, this time to get her to take a breath. He could feel her trembling and knew it was from shock and adrenaline. He slid an arm around her shoulders and led her to the couch where he sat down with her.

As she wiped away the tears Margaret looked at the two detectives who were staying off to the side to give them privacy. "Thank you for finding my son for me," she said sincerely. There weren't enough words in the dictionary to express her gratitude at finding her son alive. Sixteen long excruciating years had passed but none of her pain and despair mattered now that Johnny was here. Her gaze shifted to her Johnny, unable to stop looking at him or touching him as she clutched his hand in hers tightly. "Because this is my son…this is my beautiful son."

Joss moved close and nodded. "You don't have to thank me. He literally fell at my feet," she assured her quietly before looking to John whose eyes were hard on her. "Uh, how about you and Fusco sit tight while John and I go get everyone some coffee?" she offered.

"My mother likes tea but I'm sure water will be fine," John murmured tightly.

"Yes, thank you, Johnny," Margaret agreed as she reluctantly let go of John's hand. Joss could almost hear the grinding of the woman's teeth together to keep from offering to help so she could stay close to John.

"We'll be right back," Joss said gently as she rested a soft hand on Margaret's shoulder before following John to her kitchen.

He whirled around on her as they entered the kitchen setting his hands on his hips. "You called my mother and told her I was alive even after I asked you not to?"

Joss held her hands out. "I wouldn't do that to you or to her, John. I called her, yes, but back when I didn't know who you really were. You had just been admitted into the psych ward when I called her trying to identify who the naked guy was that I hit. Your prints matched to a dead man so I called your only living relative: Margaret," she explained quickly and watched as his anger evaporated instantly. "John, I had no idea that she'd come here. When we talked she declined to come identify you and I never gave it a second thought."

John ran a hand through his hair as he nodded. "I'm sorry, it's just I wanted to protect her…but now I don't see how I can protect her from this."

"I understand, John; she's your mother," she reassured him, understanding more than he knew. There was something special between a mother and son relationship, not to mention that Margaret was all John had since he was eleven until he died at twenty-five. It was them against the world just like her and Taylor.

John glared up at the ceiling. This was Harold's and Shaw's fault. If they misled him here they didn't take into account that his mother would be devastated to lose him twice. And for that he hated his friends at the moment.

Joss reached out, touching his face, seeing the anguish etching hard lines on his handsome face. "Hey, whatever is upsetting you…shelve it, because your mother is the priority here. She just traveled across the country and found her son, who she believed to be dead for sixteen years, alive. She's probably out there going out of her mind right now. We need to get this coffee and her water and go talk with her. You should think about telling her the truth," Joss suggested as she began pouring coffee into another mug for Fusco, seeing John had gotten theirs finished before checking on her.

"I can't," John refused.

"You might have to. How are you going to explain where you've been the last sixteen years without doing so?"

He swallowed hard. "Telling her would destroy her, Joss."

"I think your mother would prefer knowing you've been safe these last sixteen years than out there in need of help," she countered. Joss had no doubt that telling Margaret the truth could lead to the woman thinking they were all insane but they had to try. Now that Margaret knew for a fact that John was alive, the missing sixteen years was going to weigh on this mother heavily.

John took a deep calming breath before exiting Joss's kitchen and headed for her living room carrying his coffee and his mother's water. He found her sitting on the couch with her left foot tapping the floor in anxiousness while Lionel kept off to the side leaning up against the wall. Even though he had wanted to avoid seeing her to protect her at all costs he felt selfishly happy to see his mother again after all these years. It looked like the years had been kind to her.

Her foot stopped tapping instantly and a small smile lit her face up. She looked a little less pale too. "I thought you were a figment of my imagination and you wouldn't be coming back," she admitted.

"I'm real," he reassured her as he handed her the glass of water and sat down beside her. She immediately set it down on the coffee table in front of her and reached out to hold his hand instead. Joss sat down on the sofa chair while Fusco stood but moved no closer.

All was quiet as they each took a sip of their respective drinks, that is all but Margaret, hers sat untouched on the coffee table.

Margaret couldn't stop staring at her son; he looked so good. Johnny aged well these last sixteen long years; he didn't look a day over thirty years old but the wisps of gray in his hair gave him away. Johnny had been a gorgeous boy with those big blue eyes with thick full lashes that sent many girls swooning over him when he had just been a teenager; however with age he was all man and even more handsome if you asked her…even if she was a little biased. But his eyes were like windows to the soul and she could see something was troubling him.

She had a million questions for him but decided to go slowly. "Joss told me when we talked that she had a man that matched my son's prints but didn't have his memories. I was petrified to believe it was you, but since that phone conversation it had eaten away at me until I had to come here," Margaret said clearing her throat. "Since you called me mom, does that mean you remember?"

"Yes," he answered. "I remembered my previous life."

Margaret looked into her son's eyes and realized had she not come here then she would still be believing that her son was dead. "And you didn't tell me," she said, trying to keep from being accusatory but failed.

John helplessly watched as hurt flashed in his mother's eyes as she realized he remembered and didn't try to reach out to her. "I was trying to protect you," he whispered as his gaze dropped.

She instantly reached out and lifted his chin to force his gaze on hers. She saw guilt and pain in his eyes but also the honesty. Her son honestly thought staying away would protect her from something. "From what?" she asked, struggling to keep her emotions in check. "John, tell me, I deserve the truth."

A tiny smile tilted his lips up. "I remember that voice; you used to use it on me whenever I got into trouble," he murmured.

Margaret felt a tiny smile flicker on her own cracked lips. "You did manage to get into some sticky situations when you were just a boy," she agreed. She looked around the room and noted that the detectives were quiet and observant. But it was the pretty lady detective's look that interested her. It appeared it was taking quite the amount of her self-restraint to remain silent. This woman knew something and was waiting for John to say it. That gave Margaret hope that whatever was behind John's decision to try to keep her in the dark about him being alive was ill-conceived. "John, please help me understand why you would purposely let me believe you were still dead. I spent sixteen long years mourning you. During those years I didn't feel like I was living. You are my heart and soul, Johnny; losing your father was hard but losing you nearly killed me."

John swallowed hard, unable to lie to her. "Because I wanted to protect you from losing me again," he explained softly.

Tears sprang to her eyes in relief, his reasoning was very John-like and it made her feel good to know that even spending sixteen years god-knows-where, her son remained the good man he was. However his fear was unfounded and she was going to make up for lost time.

"Oh my sweet boy, how I've missed your loving heart; you've always been so protective even though mothers are supposed to protect their children," she admonished. "Now that I've found you again there is nothing on Earth that is going to keep me away from you."

John panicked at that. How was he ever going to save Joss and go back where he was supposed to be without crushing his mother in the process? He told himself that Joss would eventually be okay with what he did to save her but his mother never would be. "Don't say that," he whispered passionately.

Margaret eyed her son and saw the raw pain in his eyes. He was upset by her words. What happened to her baby? "Johnny, I'm not going anywhere. You are my heart. I don't know what happened to you but whatever it is, whoever hurt you…I'll be by your side every step of the way," she reassured.

"No." he rasped as he stood and ran a hand through his hair. "You'll get hurt and I can't live with that. Go home, mom. Please," he begged. John tried to ignore the look on his mother's face before he turned and fled to the safety of Joss's kitchen.

Joss watched John go before she looked to Margaret who appeared visibly upset. "Mrs. Reese…"

"Please call me Margaret," the woman reminded, with voice quiet that didn't manage to hide the fact that she was close to tears.

"Margaret," she responded instantly. "I know this is a lot to ask of you but can you come back tomorrow. Give me some time to work on him. Your coming here is a surprise that he wasn't anticipating," she requested.

Margaret looked up and saw determination in the young woman's eyes. "What happened to my son?" she asked softly.

"That's not for me to tell, Margaret," she said softly. Fusco eyed her questioningly which she ignored.

Margaret breathed in and nodded. "Alright, I'll come by tomorrow. Tell my son for me that I lost him once and I have no intentions of losing him again," she said as she swiped away at her tears, the ones that managed to leak out. She didn't know what happened to her son but he was hurting and she was going to do whatever it took to take his pain away. After all, it was what mothers were for.

Joss nodded. "I'll definitely tell him that." she assured.

"I'll take you wherever you need to go," Fusco offered.

Margaret forced a tired and small smile. "Thank you, both of you," she said and moved towards the door with one last longing look to where John had disappeared to.

Fusco moved close to her. "When I come by later; you need to explain everything because I feel like you know more than I do about the big guy," he murmured.

"We'll talk then," she agreed without adding anything.

Joss waited until Lionel escorted Margaret out before she turned and stormed into the kitchen finding him with his head bent and hands pressed tightly against the kitchen island as if he was in physical pain. "John, how could you do that to your mother?" she demanded.

He looked up and her anger at how he reacted faded as she saw the tears slipping down his cheeks. "I don't want her to suffer," he whispered roughly.

"John, pushing her away is hurting her too," she said gently. "She doesn't know what happened to you because you won't tell her."

"She'll never understand…"

"You don't know that, John; give her a chance. I understood. I mean it took some convincing but I understand now, John," she cajoled as she quietly moved close to him.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'll consider telling her the truth," he whispered, that's all he could promise.

Joss nodded and slid from the kitchen deciding to give John a little alone time to think things over by himself. She had no idea how she'd react under the same circumstances if their roles were reversed. But she was sure John would do the right thing and tell his mom the truth.

* * *

Lionel came by after work, as asked, and felt the tension in the room. He had taken Margaret to her hotel and it had been a long car ride as the poor woman cried the entire way. Lionel wanted to punch the big guy right upside the stupid head for saying what he had to her.

"Okay, I'm here, and after this morning I'd like to know what the hell is going on," he grumbled as he gave a long dark glare at the big guy before looking at his partner.

Joss shared a long look with John before she focused her attention on Fusco. "John's an angel or rather was an angel." she blurted out that even had John wincing at how she said it.

Lionel looked between the two before saying; "Look, I don't want to know what is going on between you two for wonder-boy to be an angel or not. The less I know the better; I just don't want either of you two hurt. You're my friend and partner but I like wonder-boy maybe a little less after this morning."

"I meant what I said in a more literal sense, Fusco," she admitted, waiting for her friend to get it. Judging from the look, he didn't. She quickly tacked on; "My hunch was correct. This is John Reese, the man that died in Bosnia after being shot at point blank range with an AK-47. John is an angel that re-took human form."

Lionel blinked and started laughing…hard, they were pulling his leg! He kept laughing until he realized he was the only one and Carter was wearing a deadly serious look on her face. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me?" he responded meekly. Surely he had an earwax blockage or something or all that horrible noise that his son considered music had caused permanent hearing impairment because he couldn't have heard what he thought he heard. There was no way in hell he heard Carter say that wonder-boy was dead and an angel that re-took human form. "He's like…Michael?"

"Who is Michael?" Joss asked perplexed.

"John Travolta. He played an angel in a movie called _Michael_."

"Oh, well I never saw that movie. But if it's about a guardian angel retaking his human form to come back to Earth to protect his charge then, yes, it's like that," Joss said before taking a deep breath and proceeded to tell Fusco everything that she knew. John filled in things that she was still a little foggy on, but for the most part he let her tell the story to Lionel. She didn't stop until she caught Fusco all the way up to speed and then silence enveloped the room. If a pin fell you'd hear it as Fusco sat down on the sofa chair looking shell-shocked. She could commiserate with him. She had felt just like that yesterday evening.

"You still with us Fusco?" she asked softly.

Oh Lionel was still with them. He wasn't sure they were still with him. "So let me make sure I understand this correctly: the big guy is really a guardian angel, yours, that came here by retaking his human form, to protect you from HR," he repeated.

"Yes," Joss agreed.

"But he thought I was dirty because my guardian angel has the attention span of a two year old," he added with a befuddled look on his face.

John felt the need to defend Shaw. "She might have trouble paying attention but she has saved your ass more than a few times, so she makes up for her lack of caring about your day to day conversations with attention to your life."

"Nice ringing endorsement, Billy Mays, but this is nuts," Fusco snickered. "And I think my original thought that wonder-boy is bonkers is correct, but I didn't realize that craziness was contagious, Carter."

Joss rolled her eyes, knowing how he felt at the moment but she had to help him understand. "It took a lot to get me to believe him too. It's illogical and unbelievable but when he told me something that he shouldn't have known in any way; I realized what he was saying was the truth," she remarked.

Lionel stood and looked at the big guy. "Is there any way you could help me believe you because right now I think you belong in a loony bin and my partner needs some fresh air? I mean, I know how Carter is cut and dry, black and white, and all that but I…" he trailed off as he looked at them for help to understand.

Joss looked at John, who frowned. "I'm not sure I can help you believe us, Lionel. I was Joss's guardian angel so she was my only focus."

"Well you said you know this guardian angel of mine, did she say anything about me that you couldn't possibly know about me?" Lionel asked.

John winced. "She did," he agreed slowly. "Though I'm sure you won't want to know what she has said."

Fusco smiled, liking the idea that he had someone watching over him. "I'd like to hear it."

Joss was worried about the look on John's face. Clearly the guardian angel had said some not so nice things about Lionel. "Fusco, you'll have to remember when she was alive she had a personality disorder. Her name was Sameen Shaw. She was in the Marines," he murmured. Lionel filed that knowledge aside where he'd look her up later.

"I can take it," Lionel assured.

John took a deep breath before saying; "You're a fat slob who needs a bib because you drop your falafel on your tie all the time and you wear cheap polyester suits too much. She says that one suit in particular reminds her of her Grandmother's old couch. Shaw thinks your ties are unflattering and that should be burned to a crisp," he recited some of her less colorful commentary on Lionel. "Oh, and your Michael Jackson impersonation is off key and lame," he added before giving him a compassionate look. "Sorry, her words, not mine."

Fusco's mouth dropped open as Joss hid a wince. What the hell kind of guardian angel was she? Joss was grateful she got John who was so caring and loved so deeply that he was willing to die—again—for her. Her eyes slid to him and smiled warmly; definitely grateful to have him.

Lionel looked at Carter. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" she asked.

"My Michael Jackson impersonation; is it really off key?"

John smiled picturing Shaw up above screaming down at them 'yes' a few hundred times. It was something she complained about a lot.

"Yes," Joss answered and watched as Lionel looked appalled. "but in a good way," she tacked on trying to lighten the blow. She never said anything because she didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"How can being off key ever be in a good way?! What about my Bill Clinton impersonation?—surely that impressed Miss High and Mighty."

John winced. "Please don't make me repeat what she said," he mumbled, feeling bad that he was the messenger.

Lionel looked her way and Joss gave him a helpless look. "It's bad too! Why didn't you tell me Carter?" he griped.

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings," she admitted.

Lionel shook his head. Most of what wonder-boy just said could be figured out by looking at him. He did wear the same suits a lot with just a different tie and he couldn't afford more than the cheap polyester. He had a bad habit of dropping food on his clothes no matter what it was. But there was no way in hell he knew about the Michael Jackson impersonation as he never did it in front of the big guy. He thought back to the day she brought him to stay at his place. John had looked at him with mistrust and suspicion.

"Was that why you looked at me like I was going to murder you?—you thought I was dirty and going to sell out my friend and partner?" Lionel asked.

"Yes. But Joss set me straight."

"Good. I care about her and would never do anything to hurt her," he grumbled, though he felt a little redeemed.

John nodded. "Neither would I," he whispered in agreement.

Fusco nodded as he thought long and hard. "Alright, I kind of believe it. I'm not completely sold on the idea but Carter believing it is enough for me. Besides the little things would make sense like why you were so worried about Carter's well-being all the time. It was downright obsessive but if you are her guardian angel that's your job basically."

"Yes, and to protect her and get back where I belong I am going to die, sparing her life," John answered simply, like he was talking about the weather. Lionel's jaw dropped.

"That's why you pushed your mother away because you are suicidal!" Lionel remarked incredulously.

Joss rolled her eyes as she said; "And this is where you come in Fusco. I have told John multiple times that he isn't doing that. Now you're the deciding vote: yes, or no."

"Wait a min…" John began but Lionel bellowed out 'Hell No' so quick and sure that Joss developed a smug smile on her face as she glanced up at John.

She motioned at Lionel. "See, two nays beat out one yay. You can't kill yourself for me; simple bureaucratic rules, John," Joss stated and watched as his face scrunched into a scowl as he got outplayed.

"It's why I'm here Joss," John said lowly. He eyed Lionel. "I have to protect her and go back where I belong."

Fusco snorted. "From the sounds of things you were misled on purpose so there must be another reason why you were needed on Earth, bucko, and I don't interfere with destiny. It leads to bad karma," Lionel remarked bluntly. "Besides, I think your mother suffered enough loss and deserves to have her kid around."

Joss realized that Fusco was right. Everything that John had said was that he believed she was in danger because of HR. Surely that Harold guy that allowed John to come back to Earth had known what Lionel's guardian angel hadn't, that Lionel wasn't dirty. Or maybe Lionel's guardian angel really did know the truth that he wasn't dirty and riled John up on purpose to want to come down to Earth to save her. But what they really needed an answer to was why? Why would the other angels up there lead John astray?

John stiffened. He didn't think of it that way. He had figured Shaw and Harold had mistakenly led him down here, but, what if he was led astray on purpose? "But why?" he demanded aloud, feeling confused. He used to know what was going on but ever since learning that Lionel wasn't dirty and that the FBI had Joss's back, he was in a constant state of confusion. "Why would my friends lie to me and make me believe the woman I love was in serious danger that I was necessary down here to protect her, when they know I need to be by her side?" he whispered.

Joss watched as John began pacing and she felt bad for him. Confusion, pain, anger, and betrayal all resided on his face without him bothering to mask it. But while he felt that way she didn't. She got the greatest gift of all and she wasn't giving it back no matter if there was a mistake made or not.

* * *

" _This is a fucking mess," Shaw complained as she watched the three squabble and bicker because her charge was now with them. She took offense to the 'two year old attention span' comment but felt her chin tilt up a bit as Reese defended her. Shaw eyed Carter's new guardian angel with mistrust; her name was Susan, or was it Beth or Dianne?_

 _Harold sighed. "As I explained before; it's is how it has to be. John has to realize the truth on his own," he murmured._

" _What truth?" the newbie asked._

" _Keep up Ashley; Harold messed up Reese's life and it's still a gigantic mess," Shaw stated darkly._

 _The woman angel sighed. "My name is Tabitha!"_

 _Shaw shrugged; she was close enough. She shot a steely gaze at Harold though. "It's not fair that he doesn't know the truth, that his death was your fault and wasn't supposed to happen," Shaw commented dryly, uncaring about the flinch Harold made. Reese was her friend and he was getting screwed again._

" _Shaw, he's supposed to realize that he belongs with Jocelyn on his own."_

 _She snorted. "Reese isn't going to figure that out without some cosmic intervention. And your lame idea of whispering encouragements while he's sleeping isn't working. He's scared to even hope for it. It just ain't right," she huffed._

 _Harold nearly smiled at how hard Shaw was fighting for John. "We can't tell him, Shaw," Harold stated with finality. Shaw lifted her lip in a snarl as she glared down at Lionel and John talking with Carter in the room. "But we can tell Jocelyn," he whispered._

 _She looked at him in surprise. "What?"_

" _It is forbidden to tell John the truth which was why I was trying to guide him into admitting he wants to be with Joss forever. John needs to realize where he belongs on his own. But telling Jocelyn the truth isn't against the rules," Harold murmured._

" _Nice loophole, Harold," Shaw remarked with mirth._

" _More like I know how John is."_

 _Shaw nodded. "Okay, so how are we going to tell Reese's hot charge?—whispering it isn't working with Reese and it won't work on her either," she muttered._

" _Yes, about that…I have a plan," Harold murmured with a smile._

* * *

AN _:_ A show of hands: who all is in favor of smacking John upside the head? I was mad at my muse for this. Poor Mama Reese...

Anyways, just a little heads up this is where I must bid farewell to the T rated section as this story is going to be moved into the M section next chapter ;D

Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

After Lionel left, still a little befuddled and sworn to secrecy, John had disappeared to brood and she let him to take the opportunity to call her son and then talk to her mother.

Joss entered her kitchen where John had vanished off to but didn't see him. She frowned as she looked around her kitchen and dining area to see if he was lurking in one of the shadows or by one of the windows he seemed to have a preoccupation with but found nothing. It wasn't like he just left. That would go against his own personal protection code. But what if he was taken back to where he came from?

She ran to her backdoor that led to her modest backyard; it was big enough for a small patio, with a little lawn that needed to be taken care of, and a place for her to plant her flowers. Joss sure wasn't Miss Green Thumb but she wasn't a serial plant killer either; it was just a quiet activity that she got to do during the spring and summer on her days off. But she let out a sharp breath that she hadn't even realized she had been holding as she saw John sitting on her lounge chair, during the darkening evening, with his eyes closed and hands clasped over his midsection.

Maybe he fell asleep; he didn't look like he was sleeping all that well. She should let him rest because she needed to get dinner started anyway.

"Now I know why you come out here when you can to relax," he murmured causing her to jump in surprise.

"It's soothing," she agreed as she folded her arms over her chest to keep warm. "A little nippy tonight but I like coming out here during the summer evenings and just relax and unwind after a long day at work."

"I understand why."

Joss took a seat on the chair next to him and saw his eyes were open now and watching her. "Fusco brought up an interesting possibility, John. You might have been misled on purpose and what if that purpose has nothing to do with protecting me. Maybe you are needed here for some other reason," Joss said, latching onto anything that could get him to change his mind.

"I have no other reason for living except for you, Joss," John refuted and Joss felt her heart skip a beat at that proclamation. He changed the subject. "I don't really think Fusco believes us."

"Regardless if he does or not, what he said has merit," she pointed out.

"What he said changes nothing for what I need to do for you, Joss."

"That's not true, John, it would change everything," she argued.

He watched her with quiet intensity. "What other reason would I have to be here, Joss? I am your guardian angel. Protecting you is my purpose."

Joss angrily got to her feet. "I'm going to make dinner," she snapped, turning and entering her home without another word. There was no point as they would just go in circles yet again. For now they were at an impasse and she was hungry. She no doubt knew that John had to be too. Joss tugged out the necessary ingredients to make spaghetti. Hopefully he wouldn't mind boxed noodles and pasta sauce from a jar.

Joss heard the backdoor open and close softly but refused to look.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he whispered.

She whirled around and saw his expression shuddered which made her suspicious. John didn't hide his feelings well, perhaps because he died young and never perfected doing so, which made the fact that he was trying to do so now suspicious. "Well you did. You can't tell me you love me and I'm your only reason for living but tell me that I can't have you in my life, John. It's not fair to me."

"You're right, I'm sorry," he said gently. She folded her arms over her chest and nodded. "I think maybe it's best if I go back to live with Lionel. I would be with Lionel if he's told by HR to lure you someplace to try to kill you. And knowing you have around the clock police protection guarding you makes living together until my time here ends unnecessary."

And now she knew why his expression was shuddered. "You're running away from me?" she demanded softly.

"No," John replied sharply. "I'm giving you space. This is getting too complicated; you want me to stay and I can't."

Joss narrowed her eyes on him. "I see," she stated flatly with zero emotion as she turned away from him. "Alright, go ahead and leave. I won't stop you."

John frowned as she popped the top off the pasta sauce without another word. Joss never gave up on a fight or at least none that he ever seen. He stared at her back and didn't know what to do. Was she upset? He didn't want to hurt her any more than he wanted to hurt his mother. He was trying his best to do the right thing by leaving her. It wasn't what he wanted; he wanted to stay with her, not just now but for the rest of his life. But his life was given to him for the sole purpose of protecting her. And that's what he was going to do no matter what.

She finished preparing dinner without a single word or glance his way before turning to look at him. "So when are you leaving?—before or after dinner?"

John stared at her trying to gauge what she was thinking but for the life of him he didn't know. "Whenever you want me to," he murmured.

"Oh no, John, I don't get a say in this, remember? You come here, turn my world upside down, and do as you wish," she said with a clearly fake cheery smile. "So eat here or don't; it doesn't matter to me."

John reached out and snagged her elbow, hauling her up against him, angry at her indifference. Her brown eyes flashed as they were pressed together; her hands splayed on his shoulders. "Joss," he moaned helplessly, like her name was a prayer. But she offered him nothing. She said nothing, did nothing, didn't even move away from him, but rather simply stared up at him with her mesmerizing eyes.

He bent his head and kissed her, letting out a ragged breath as her lips were soft under his. He swallowed her soundless gasp as he cupped her face in his hands and lost himself in the moment.

Joss's anger dissipated the moment their lips met and she responded to his kiss with delirious need. Who knew pretending indifference to protect her heart would work so wondrously. She dreamt of John throwing caution to the wind, of actually putting how he felt first and duty second. And it was gratifying to experience it for real.

They shared a mutual moan of need as she let her fingers stroke his jaw, moving her lips on his tenderly while allowing her hands to glide down to the hem of his shirt, to slide underneath it, to search for skin. Joss ran her hands over his hot skin before raking her nails up his back.

He pulled his lips free of hers to moan "Joss" breathlessly as he grabbed her shoulders, determined to stop them before they made a mistake. But then his eyes met hers, those eyes that resembled twilight; glowing with need for him and he felt his resolve crumbling around him.

"Make love to me," she purred as she rose up on her tiptoes and kissed him; pouring all the pent up need she was feeling into it. The feelings he aroused in her were so intense and potent that she thought she was going to rip his clothes off and hers and just fuck him just like this…standing in her kitchen. But she wanted it to be someplace more horizontal for their first time.

John groaned as he helplessly responded to Joss. He couldn't fight her and his feelings too. Not when he didn't even want to. He never dreamed that she would reciprocate his feelings but she was and he groaned inwardly as his erection hardened painfully.

Joss ground her pelvis against his and found the evidence of his arousal pressing hard against her belly. He couldn't hide that. She let her hand fall and cup his manhood through his pants and he quivered in response, so did she because if she had thought he was large the other night, right now he felt enormous. She released his warm lips to press a soft kiss to his jaw running her hand across the length of his penis. She silently cursed the amount of clothes that were still in her way.

He struggled to think with her hand caressing his aching member through his pants. "What about dinner?" he asked, breathlessly.

"Dinner can wait. I need you more than food," spoke Joss throatily before capturing his lips with hers in a searing passionate kiss meant to push him over the edge. It worked as he moaned into it and she felt his sweet surrender in the way he tugged her to him as he responded to the kiss with intensity.

She reluctantly stopped touching his manhood, pulling free of the kiss as she let her hands skim up his belly and up his chest and work his shirt off as it fell to the ground unwanted before adding her shirt along with it.

She drew close but stopped as John cleared his throat. "Joss, may I, uh, touch your, uh,—"he whispered as his eyes were on her breasts.

Joss grinned, liking the fact that he stammering and asking permission to touch her breasts. He really was an angel; she eagerly grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts. He sighed in happiness and so did she because he, at first, tested their weight before he rolled and teased her nipples with his clever hands through her bra. Her back arched hard thrusting her breasts more firmly in his hands and he rewarded her as he rubbed his palms over her aching nipples. She had half a mind to rip her bra off but then she'd have to lose his touch to do so.

A sudden thought struck her. "John?" she whimpered.

"Hmmm?" he sounded, looking content as his fingers were plucking and rolling, generally driving her insane.

"How much experience did you have with sex before you, uh, well you know?" she questioned as she rubbed his chest, loving how his skin felt under her touch. She didn't want to say the 'D' word, it would kill the mood.

John swallowed hard as he forced his eyes up to hers. "Once when I was seventeen there was an older girl who I fooled around with in her car until my mother caught us. Let's just say it was a buzzkill. Not to mention the girl left for college the very next day."

"After her?" she asked, feeling her heart begin to race for a different reason. There was no way, just no way in hell this sexy man was inexperienced. Nope, she couldn't believe it unless he came out and told her so.

He shrugged. "I never met a girl I liked enough to get past a first date and then I enlisted in the Army. I was hoping to meet a girl and fall in love like my dad did with my mom. They were each other's only loves and I wanted that too," he admitted as he dropped his gaze, feeling foolish.

Joss let the implication sink in. "So, you're telling me you're a sexy-as-hell virgin?" she asked. Joss watched as John blushed. "Say it," she demanded, because it was unfathomable to believe it without having confirmation.

"Yes. I'm a…"

She moaned as she greedily claimed his lips feeling possessive of him. Joss felt giddy as she realized he would only know her touch, her love, and only be inside of her. She had no clue that the fact of being his only lover would be such a damned turn on but it was.

Joss needed to be joined with this man soon. She ended the kiss and gently grabbed his hands and tugged on them. "Let's head upstairs."

"Joss…" he protested as he didn't allow her to pull him along with her.

"Let's live in the moment, John, please," she asked quietly.

John stared into her hypnotizing eyes and nodded. How could he ever tell her no? Even if making love to her would simply make him ache more when he had to leave her. And when he had to go back where he belonged the void would be so deep in him that nothing would ever fill him again.

When she gently tugged again he allowed himself to be pulled with her. She smiled before turning, keeping one hand in his and led him upstairs to her bedroom where she closed the door quietly behind them. John was nervous as she was watching him in the darkened room.

Joss moved and turned on a lamp washing the room in a soft glow. "Sorry, I need to see the skin I'm about to kiss," she murmured. Joss wanted to have at John but also take her time too. She wanted his first time memorable. And she had a feeling making love to John was going to be making her feel like a virgin too.

His eyes dipped past her chest for the first time and she froze up instantly fighting the strong urge to cover her scar that she knew he was looking at. John was the first man to see it. Paul had seen it but it wasn't because she was getting naked to have sex. Their sex life had already been failing then.

John swallowed hard as he saw the scar in person. The scar she had because of his inability to protect her fully. "I'm sorry for this," he whispered as he reached out and touched her scar with gentle fingertips, longing to have the ability to erase it for her. "I tried to protect you."

Joss felt a lump form in her throat choking her as tears welled up in her eyes. She gently grabbed his hand at her scar and earned his gaze as she lifted his hand up to her chest where her heart beat strongly. "But you gave me this; I'm alive because you protected me, John. My scar proves that."

He slowly got to his knees in front of her and the tears that had welled up in her eyes slipped down her cheeks as she felt him brush his lips across it. His lips were so soft it felt like a butterfly's wing was caressing her, making her feel beautiful and cherished.

She gently cupped his cheeks and urged him to his feet and kissed him deeply. It moved her to feel his tender touch on her scar. Joss drew him towards her bed and slid onto it, tugging him along. She laid down and he followed on top of her and she wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss morphed from slow and tender, to needy and passionate. It lasted until their lungs were screaming for oxygen which had them parting.

Joss rolled her hips and he groaned lowly. "We need to get naked like right now," she said unevenly and then groaned but not in pleasure. "Wait. I don't have protection. You're all man now and can make babies." Well there were ways around it. She'd just have to be careful to pull herself off him before he came.

"Lionel gave me condoms."

Joss pushed him back and stared up at him startled. "What?"

"Lionel gave me condoms," he repeated.

"Why?" she demanded.

"I think to give me protection," he answered the obvious.

She snorted. "I know that. I meant why did he even give you condoms, did he think you were going to get laid by someone? I know he said he took you to Reilly's, did you meet someone then?" she questioned tersely.

"No. He gave them to me when I came to stay with you."

She could just kiss Lionel. But she tugged John down for one instead. Now they could have a proper first time.

She pushed him back and gently tapped his shoulders. "Go get them," she instructed impatiently.

He smiled and literally stole her breath from her. "Yes ma'am," he replied then kissed her cheek before he slid from on top of her and Joss watched him leave before rolling out of bed. Joss immediately undid her jeans and tugged them down as she hastily undressed. Her panties were uncomfortably wet but she left them on allowing John to peel them off himself. When John came back she was lying on her side of her bed in just her panties and he stopped dead in his tracks as he stared at her.

Joss grinned as she patted the bed beside her. "C'mon here," she beckoned.

John entered the room slowly approaching her. She got to her knees in front of him and rested her hands on his shoulders. "You're so beautiful," he breathed.

"Shouldn't you have already known what my body looks like since you have had the ability to watch my every move?" she wondered.

"I never watched you when you were naked," he countered as he set the stack of condoms on the nightstand.

She looked up into his eyes startled. "Why?"

"I felt like I was invading your privacy, so whenever you were naked I'd look elsewhere," he answered as he dropped her gaze and eyed her bare breasts instead.

Joss felt a fuzzy feeling grow inside her. He looked away to give her privacy which was such an endearing thing to do. Sweet and very John-like as he could have easily watched her but hadn't.

She gasped as he palmed her naked breasts, not asking this time, and took care to tweak her erect nipples. "Do you have any clue how hot it is to know that I'll be your only lover?" she managed after enjoying his gentle touch.

"It is?—so my inexperience won't be a problem?"

Joss laughed. If only he knew how wet she was. "Uh, if you haven't noticed you've been doing a pretty good job already, John. Fusco's porn collection gave you some pointers?" she teased.

"More like I'm taking a cue from you; you seem to like me touching your breasts," he whispered seductively in her ear. She wondered if he even know how his voice alone was turning her on.

"Yes, I do; your hands are wonderful but I crave your mouth on them," she moaned in agreement. Her eyes remained on his as he lowered his mouth down and licked her stiff nipple making her groan at the sinful sensation of his warm tongue on her nipple. Thankfully she was on her bed and not standing or she'd crumple like a ragdoll. The pleasure was so unlike anything she ever experienced before that she felt like she was the one that was virginal. When did a simple swipe of a tongue nearly cripple her with pleasure?

His mouth closed over her breast and sucked gently causing her to let out a strangled cry. She clawed his skin as the pleasure was intense, moaning words of encouragement. He drew on it and she quaked and quivered in his arms. His hands were on her hips unerringly as she twisted in pleasure.

John sucked and laved the nipple until it was a hard point in his mouth. Joss was liberal with her responses which helped him know what she enjoyed. He wanted to pleasure her, make her happy. John released the tender peak to kiss his way down her soft globe to tongue the soft dewy valley before making his trek up her other perfect breast and circled her nipple playfully.

"John," she whimpered as she let her hands wander into his hair, twisting and tugging. The lick of pain in his scalp was ignored as he teased her. "You're sure you're a virgin?" she asked, growing more and more restless over his teasing. Maybe sometime soon she'd get to do some of her own teasing.

In response he let his hot tongue swipe over her aching and neglected nipple which sent a spike of heat straight to her core. She shook as his tongue and mouth was doing wonderful things to her breasts, while his left hand was caressing her large puckered scar from Fallujah.

She tugged on his hair and he released her poor tortured breast and she leaned back undoing his pants, pushing down until they pooled at his ankles. Joss licked her lips as she eyed his manhood that was pretty hard to miss.

Joss looked up. "You are probably the only man that can make these hideous boxers look sexy as hell," she muttered as she eyeballed the polka-dot boxers. Her hungry gaze eyed the generous shape of his penis even through the ugly underwear.

"You bought them," he reminded her with a smirk.

"I only did so because I was getting a little hot thinking about you in nice fitting underwear." she admitted as she grabbed the waistband of his boxers. "But please stop wearing these godforsaken things." she pleaded as she pushed them down to accompany his pants, leaving him fully naked. He stepped out of them both and she stared in hungry pleasure at his fully erect cock. Well now, he was even better and bigger than in her dreams.

"You're bigger than I was imagining," she purred as she reached out and wrapped a hand around him. John's whole body jumped and he softly grunted in appreciation as she stroked lightly. He was soft steel. Long and thick, a vein bulged out a little on his shaft that she traced with her fingers.

John moaned as she continued to stroke and tease him. "Joss," he managed as it seemed like he forgot how to form words. She silently took his hand and placed it against the apex of her thighs and he shuddered at the wetness he found there.

"Feel how wet you make me," she whispered in his ear.

He did and grew impatient to touch her intimately as she had done to him. John grabbed the waistband of her panties and tugged downwards. She reluctantly stopped her teasing strokes of her hand on his cock. She helped get rid of her panties as they were tossed unwanted on the floor. John stared at her, naked from head to toe, and she was stunning.

He didn't say a word as he simply reached out and teased her slit which had her hissing out a breath as her hips jerked. John rubbed her wet nub of desire and Joss moaned his name. Judging from her moans and cries of pleasure he decided Joss really enjoyed it when he touched her there.

If she didn't stop John's meticulous exploration of her pussy she was going to come out of her mind and she was supposed to be the teacher to his pupil. But she had a gut instinct that John was going to be an old pro real quick and she couldn't help but love the idea of him 'practicing' on her.

"Time to lie down, John," she said roughly as she pulled back from his exploring fingers. He slowly climbed onto the bed with her but found himself flat on his back as she settled herself over him, reaching for a condom. "I forgot to mention: I'm on top."

"Lionel's porn seemed to enjoy that position a lot."

"Oh, I plan on showing you all the positions and we'll see which _you_ enjoy," she said with a wink.

He swallowed hard. "Which one do you enjoy?" he asked as he groaned as she rolled the condom onto his throbbing cock.

"Guess."

"Being on top," he answered, panting as she seemed to be taking a long time to get the condom on. "Joss, are you done yet?"

"Sorry, I just enjoy touching you," she muttered with a laugh. "And how did you guess I enjoy being on top."

"You like to be in control."

Joss smiled. "That I do," she agreed as she scooted back so that she was poised over him. "But I have to have you inside me," she whispered urgently, softly wrapping a hand around him as she lowered herself over him. "Watch me take you inside me, John." she commanded.

Joss watched his eyes noting that they were open, and vulnerable, and filled with love as she slowly took him into her. He moaned as his eyes squeezed shut as she took her time taking his massive length inside her; she had to because she hadn't had sex in a while either and John was no small man. She gritted her teeth as his wide girth stretched her and his length filled her to the point of stuffing her full. But once she had him fully sheathed inside her she could breathe again. Joss could swear she felt his heart beat inside her.

"Open your eyes, John…" she requested, gruffly. Joss reached behind her and cupped his balls that rested against her butt and tenderly rubbed them. His eyes opened and she loved the look in them. He was dazed and half-crazed with need.

John struggled to keep his hips still. It felt amazing inside her. She was tight, cocooning his throbbing cock.

Joss slowly rode him maintaining the eye contact and enjoyed the look of sheer bliss on his face as she moved on him. Inexperience wasn't a factor because he met her thrust for thrust; his body following the laws of nature all on its own, and his hands sought to hold her hips to urge her on him harder.

She sped up her tempo at his body's silent command and he met it as their moans mixed together. Joss knew this wasn't going to last very long. She reached down between her legs and began strumming her clit as she arched her back letting him draw her hips back and forth on him. She moaned his name sharply as the heat in her loins grew to an inferno as the orgasm was building so quickly she was helpless to resist it.

Joss cried out as she came a half second before John did as she felt him stiffen under her and she caught his mouth with hers to muffle her scream. They moaned into their mouths as their orgasms rocked them and she slumped on top of him. If sex was this amazing for his first time she couldn't even imagine what sex was going to be like when he had a few more encounters under his belt.

"Are you sure you're an angel John?—because that was devilish." she said breathlessly, after several moments of quiet other than rapid pants of breath.

He chuckled as he panted in ragged breath. "That was amazing. You were amazing." he murmured.

Joss lifted her head which decidedly took too much energy but looked him in the eyes. "I can't believe I was just touched by an angel." she joked and when he looked at her blankly she sighed. "Okay, that reference fell flat."

"Reference to what?" he asked confused.

"It's just an old show, never mind." she muttered. Joss slowly removed herself from her position on John. She sadly felt him slide from her and her gaze fell to his impressive cock even in its flaccid state, which she'd be rectifying soon enough. She quickly removed and disposed of the used condom as she disappeared in the bathroom.

John felt unable to move and when she reappeared she slid onto the bed and flipped the comforter on top of them both. She snuggled up against his chest and smiled at him. "Sleep John, you are fighting it."

"How can I sleep when my heart is racing?" he asked as his breath was still coming in fast pants.

She didn't answer. Instead Joss listened as his breathing evened out and she knew his heart rate had to slow. "John," she called out softly and was met with a soft 'hmm' and she knew she only had a minute or two to say what she wanted to before he fell asleep. "I'm not letting you go." she said gently.

"'kay" he whispered softly, clearly half asleep already.

Joss hugged him to her tighter as she kept her head on his shoulder and rubbed a soft hand over his stomach. She closed her eyes and fell asleep in the arms of the man she was falling in love with.

* * *

AN: My muse could not let John being a virgin go LOL. Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

_**AN: Since they finally consummated their feelings I had to extend the love-a-thon to another chapter too. They deserve it after all the waiting they've suffered through LOL**_

* * *

John slowly awoke to the feel of something wet and warm on his chest. He forced an eyelid open and then two and moaned at the sight: Joss settled on top of him, naked as him, and was licking his chest.

"Joss," he rasped. His cock hardened immediately but his heart lurched in his chest. Joss meant everything to him and the fact that he made love to her last night was something he'd treasure but he wasn't fully sure it should have happened. It would hurt now even more to leave this woman. And the last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her. All he wanted was to protect her.

She lifted her head as she licked her lips. "Morning…."

"Morning," he repeated with a yawn.

Joss smiled in response. "I let you sleep in since we kept each other up much of last night, but now I need to have my before breakfast snack," she purred with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

It was true they had kept each other up last night. They had made love a several times last night and each time he had gotten a little more adventurous as he listened to her cues and learned what she liked. And learned what he liked too. He liked pleasuring her and definitely liked being on top!

He watched as she reached over to her nightstand and his cock stiffened painfully as she picked up a bottle of Hershey's syrup. "As I recall someone here said something about having a chocolate fetish," she purred provocatively as she sat upright on top of him. John moaned a little as she reached behind her to stroke his cock teasingly whilst he stared at her beautiful body.

She slowly, almost reluctantly, stopped her playful touch to turn the bottle over and poured out a copious amount on his chest. "I think it's contagious," Joss breathed, setting the bottle aside unwanted as she leaned over him and began licking everywhere that the chocolate rested.

John moaned as he arched his back a little as her tongue teased his nipples before licking downward, lapping up the chocolate that was tantalizing him. He grabbed a fistful of hair to stop her trek. She lifted her gaze. "I'm hungry too," he murmured as he sat up, with her still straddling his lap, reaching for the syrup. He poured some on her sternum and allowed it to drizzle over her bare breasts and followed the sticky trail with his tongue.

It was her turn to moan as his tongue swirled around her nipple before gliding over it to catch the chocolate there. Her nipple was hard against his tongue as he felt her arms wrap around his neck as she restlessly moved on him. His hands caught her hips, ceasing her movements much to her dismay.

"Mmm," he whispered as he lapped up the chocolate, giving her a gentle suck before moving up to her mouth and kissed her warmly.

Joss found herself flat on her back with John kneeling between her spread legs grabbing for the bottle of syrup again. He drizzled some of the chocolate syrup all over her chest and stomach making her giggle and squirm at the feeling. What she learned over the course of the night was that John was a slow and very thorough lover wanting to please her. She wasn't sure if it was because he was trying to savor every moment he had here with her or an extension of who he was. Joss had a gut feeling it was the latter.

"You know this was my game," she huffed, unable to fully be angry at the fact that it seemed John turned the tables on her.

"You should never have brought chocolate syrup," John said as he smiled, setting his palms near her shoulders as he bent over her to run his tongue across her chest up to between the valley of her breasts making her gasp at the sensations rocking her. "I can never say no to chocolate," he whispered against her skin as he licked up every spot of chocolate off her skin.

Joss sighed in pleasure as his tongue moved surely on her skin before dipping into her belly button. She had introduced him to the joys of oral sex last night because going down on him was such a pleasure. Having him in her mouth and controlling his pleasure had been exhilarating. Bringing him to a climax and getting to see that look on his face afterward was more rewarding than winning the lottery. And, of course, he had reciprocated wanting to pleasure her, and she enjoyed the benefits of a man that took his sweet slow time. He was tentative at first but that just heightened her anticipation, and once he let go…boy did he ever, if the multiple orgasms he brought her to were any indication. The first orgasm he brought her seemed to inspire him to go for another one.

She gasped as he settled between her legs and parted her folds to latch his hungry mouth on her without hesitation; his name slipped from her as she thrust her hips up. He settled a hand on her belly to calm her as he slowly swept his tongue against her.

"Oh god, John," she whimpered as she fisted one hand in the bedsheet beneath her and the other in his hair. For a man having only done this for the second time ever; he was amazing and she was the lucky woman to be the only one to experience it.

He made a soft sound which had her gasping at the sensations ricocheting through her pussy making her toes curl and built a fire in her belly quickly.

John slowly lifted his head and licked his lips, loving her taste. "You said you wanted to help me find out what I liked; well I like making you climax," he admitted a little breathless himself.

She grunted. "Glad I could help," she panted as the tension in her pussy subsided somewhat with his wicked mouth off her but she nearly came at the devilish smile he gave her in response. John was beyond sexy and what made him even sexier was the fact that he didn't even realize it. "…because you make me climax a lot."

John didn't respond verbally instead he lowered his head and proceeded to pick up where he left off. He licked her playfully before sucking gently re-building the fire inside her all over again.

He fingered her entrance before slipping one of his long fingers inside her with ease, moaning as he did so. Joss was wet and already ready. He added a second, recalling her saying something about his width and needing to be careful. John sucked on her hard nub of desire harder as he slowly thrust his fingers in and out of her which had her squirming and moaning loudly.

She felt ready to explode. "John, get inside me please," she begged.

John reluctantly slid from between her legs, unable to say no to her, even though he wanted to make her climax just like this, but he craved being joined with her too. He pressed soft kisses to her belly, breasts, and then her mouth.

Joss groaned as he reached over for a condom and she snatched it out of his hand. She ripped it open and rolled it onto his hot, erect shaft before wrapping an arm around his neck to draw him back on top of her.

He pushed into her slowly and she bit her lip to keep from cursing. John inched his long cock into her until he was gloriously inside her. "You feel amazing," he whispered as he held still, enjoying the joining.

Joss clawed his strong shoulders. "You do too," she managed. His hips slowly began moving back and forth in a slow but steady rhythm. His hands burned her skin as he touched and stroked everywhere he could as he slowly sped up his hips and she matched his rhythm.

She wrapped her legs around his hips, loving the shortened thrusts because she held him deep inside her where she wanted him. Joss ran her hands over his heated skin and urged her hips up meeting his downward thrusts.

He buried his face in her neck at the fierce pleasure of being inside her battered him. John wished to be inside her without the condom, to feel her wet heat enveloping his throbbing cock rather than the latex. Liquid fire raced through his veins as Joss scraped her nails against his back and her heels dug in his butt.

They writhed together in increasingly need; each reveling at the sensation of their skin sticking sinfully together and their own respective climaxes were building to unthinkable highs that when they reached the pinnacle it would leave them both singed from the heat.

"Joss," he rasped as he ground into her as indescribable pleasure rippled through him in waves. His pace quickened as he lifted his face from her neck to stare into her eyes and let his one hand tweak her stiff nipples before sliding down between them and find her slick clit and strum it as she had done last night.

She cried out as she reached her peak first, her entire body seemed to come to a pause before her pussy contracted around his, and her cries of pleasure were like music to his ears. The little bite of her nails in his skin spurred him on as he gripped her slick hips to thrust harder into her quivering pussy as tremors rocked her.

"Oh, John," she breathed again and again.

John's climax hit him like a freight train as he stiffened after a thrust or two more and held himself still, moaning her name loudly as it felt like the orgasm would never cease until finally the intense high faded as he collapsed on top of her as she wrapped her arms around him. His heart was thundering as his breath came in ragged pants.

"That was…" he tried amongst gathering in stuttering breaths. "That was…"

She pressed warm lips against his cheek. "I know," she whispered as she simply held him.

* * *

Joss awoke to the sound of soft snoring and the warm feeling of being thoroughly loved. Her nipples felt tender and her pussy ached just a little. After not having sex in years and enjoying a night of lovemaking she was bound to be sore. Hopefully by tonight the tiny ache would subside so she could enjoy a second night of lovemaking; there was so much more she wanted to show and experience with John.

Her eyes opened and shifted to the sound of the snoring beside her. She smiled as she saw him on his stomach, head on the other pillow, with his face towards hers, and an arm flung on her stomach possessively. Good god he was even sexier in sleep.

His salt n' pepper hair, after their shower they had taken earlier that morning to wash off the chocolate residue leftover, had dried in a disarray looking rumpled. And it was getting longer, making her fingers itch to touch. Knowing John being former military he was going to fuss with it and want to get it cut and she was going to try to prolong it.

Joss carefully lifted his arm off her stomach trying to not wake him. John needed a little rest after the night they had, especially since she doubted he had slept well the last few nights. She got out of bed with an extra spring in her step even with the muted ache between her legs. It was a delightful pain to have. She tiptoed to her dresser and rummaged for some panties and a matching bra. With yesterday her day off and the day before that she had taken a sick day she really needed to get her ass to work.

She side-eyed the bed where her sexy angel was sound asleep, snoring logs, and hadn't even stirred. She wondered if she'd shock him by not wearing any panties under her work clothes. Joss couldn't pass up the idea of getting a cute reaction out of him as he pulled her slacks off to find her naked underneath tonight. Joss eyeballed the clock and saw she had about an hour and a half before work so she tugged the panties and bra on before moving to her closet and selected a pantsuit and blouse closest to her. Dressed in lightning speed gave her enough time to hurry to her bathroom to brush her teeth, tie her hair up, and apply minimal makeup. John seemed to like the more natural look.

By the time she was finished in the bathroom she figured John would be up but no such luck. As she came out of the bathroom he was still snoring and slept on. "Taunting me with that amazing butt is just not nice," she muttered to herself as she flipped the comforter to cover his body. May as well go make coffee and see what she could make for a quick breakfast before heading out.

John awoke startled as he eyes snapped open just as Joss disappeared out of the bedroom. He yawned slightly as he pushed the comforter off his hips and got to his feet. He drew up his underwear from last night and collected his pants off the floor before leaving her room and headed for his guest room to change into fresh clothing.

As he changed he thought about what he had done last night. Making love to Joss was heaven on Earth and he never believed he would get to kiss her, love her as he had been prepared to only protect her. Never did he ever think that Joss could even want to kiss him or make love to him in return. It made the idea of leaving her nearly unfathomable. He felt torn between what he knew he ought and what he wanted to do.

John pulled on new jeans and a white t-shirt before heading into the hall bath to brush his teeth, apply the new cologne, and comb his hair. He'd shave later.

Once finished, he slowly went downstairs and followed the delicious aroma of coffee, entering her kitchen to find her waiting for him in her detective's clothes which signaled she was heading to work today. He felt a tightening in his chest. What if something happened to her because he was left here again?

She smiled, as she saw him, pushing away from her kitchen island. "Figured you'd sleep more since I wore you out," she teased as she looped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a sweet kiss.

After a moment he pushed back and set his hands on her hips and stared into her eyes. "Joss, about last night…"

"What about it?—we decided to live in the moment. That's it," she replied sternly as she let her fingers play at the soft hair at his nape. "Can't we have that? I don't want to think about tomorrow. I want today."

"But what if I can't give you today?" he asked solemnly as he slid from her embrace.

"Why, because you want to die in my place? John, what if what Fusco said is what really happened and you were misled to come here on purpose. Wouldn't that change anything?"

He was quiet for a moment. "If Harold and Shaw misled me on purpose and there is some other reason I am here then yes it would change things," he agreed.

Joss felt a tiny ray of hope that he was open to the possibility. Now how was she going to prove to him that maybe he wasn't necessarily down here to protect her but rather to love her. It was something she had been thinking about. They had such a special connection; she was falling in love with him, and she knew he loved her.

"I take it you're heading to work," he murmured glumly as he eyed her attire.

"Well having sex with you won't pay the bills, but if it did…boy, you'd be pinned to my bed for days. I'd be happy to go to work 365 days a year and even work overtime for free," she purred as she let her fingers slip under his waistband of his jeans. "I'd never complain for a raise either," she added coyly.

He chuckled softly before his mirth faded completely. "Just be careful, Joss," he asked softly.

She nodded. "I'll be fine. Fusco will be there and I promise to call if I'm running late," she reassured him with a tender little kiss to his lips. Joss pulled back and stared up into his big blue eyes. She was going to ask him if he thought about talking to his mother when a doorbell sounded. "I've become popular." she muttered as she stepped back to turn to go answer the door. Joss heard him follow and knew he was on heightened alert since what Lionel said about HR growing tired of her 'living' status.

Joss opened the door slowly and smiled when, not surprisingly, on the other side of the door was John's mother, Margaret. "Good Morning, Margaret," she greeted, not needing to see John to know he flinched before hearing receding footsteps away.

"Good morning, Joss, I hope you don't mind that I came by so early. Your partner, Detective Fusco, was gracious enough to give me your address so I could come by today to speak with my son," she spoke confidently. Joss couldn't put a finger on it but something was different about this woman from yesterday. Yesterday she had been a combination of fearful, hopeful, and agonized. But today she simply looked determined.

"It's quite alright. Come on in," Joss agreed as she stepped back to let the petite woman inside. "John's hovering nearby," she whispered for Margaret's ears. Joss closed the door behind her and led her to the living room where John surely was, brooding and pacing. And he was…doing both, but stopped the moment Margaret entered the room.

Joss stole a quick glance at Margaret, who visibly relaxed at his sight. "Good morning, Johnny," his mother said, sounding extremely happy.

"Good morning, mom," he responded.

Joss looked between the two. "I'm sorry but I need to get going to work," she apologized as she motioned at the foyer. "I've had two days off already and I'm pretty sure if I'm late today my partner is going to make me do all his paperwork."

"Don't worry about us, Joss, my son and I will be having a very long conversation about how no one, not even his father, ever told me what to do or where to go," Margaret stated succinctly and her green eyes never left her son's. "I don't care what reasons you may have for wanting me to leave; I won't. You are my heart, Johnny, and I won't walk away from you no matter what hell is brought upon me. Nothing can be as hard as living without you because that was true hell on Earth."

Joss smiled softly. Margaret Reese went from a defeated haunted woman to a force to be reckoned with. She liked the change.

"Ooh, well on that note I'll leave you two to talk things out," Joss murmured, slowly backpedaling towards the door. Sounded like John was going to get a thorough talking to, too bad she had to go to work or she could have hung back and be a fly on the wall. She looked at Margaret and addressed her, "I hope to see you again real soon."

Margaret spared a look at the pretty detective that seemed to ensnare her son's attention. "Oh you will," she confirmed. "Be safe at work, young lady."

Joss didn't respond but rather gave John one last look before turning and left.

John knew the look that Joss gave him. It was a silent plea to talk to his mother, to tell her the truth, and he hadn't decided yet. He loved his mother so very much but he knew how she suffered losing him once, and wanted to save her from the pain of losing him twice.

"Mom…"

She instantly shook her head. "Absolutely not, Johnny, I am not leaving New York until I'm damn good and ready to," she stated firmly. "I'm an adult and, more importantly, your mother and you will not tell me what to do!"

John looked away and sighed. He motioned at the couch. "We need to sit and talk," he suggested softly.

Margaret nodded, they most certainly did need to talk and she was going to do most of the talking first. They sat down on the couch and she immediately grabbed his warm hand feeling instantly better. He didn't say a word but rather gently squeezed her had in gentle reassurance.

She looked up into her son's eyes before reaching out and rubbed her son's stubble roughened cheek as she smiled. "I love you. I wish I could make up for being unable to tell you that for the last sixteen years," she whispered.

He reached up with his free hand and rested it on hers. "I know you love me, mom." he responded softly. "I just hope you know how much I love you."

She smiled as she felt tears brick at the back of her eyes. "I do, sweetheart, I do," she reassured him as she let her hand slid from under his. "You wouldn't be trying to protect me from the pain of losing you again if you didn't love me. But I need you to understand me Johnny, I am not going anywhere without you."

"Mom, please…."

"No," she refuted. "You're stubborn, Johnny, but I can out stubborn you any day of the week."

John frowned. "I don't remember you being stubborn when I was alive the first time," he muttered, more to himself, but she caught it and was confused. 'Alive the first time' what did that mean? Did he associate the sixteen years of being trapped somewhere as a past life? Was it a coping mechanism? Well, whatever it was, she'd be there to help him every step of the way.

"Well I was. You just never realized it because you never flared it up because you were such a good boy," she replied simply. "Now your father, well he was a different story," she grumbled. They had some doozy fights that led to the best make ups. Connor had always been an amazing kisser. Margaret smiled at the thought.

He eyed his mother questioningly. "I thought…"

"Oh sweetheart, you were just eleven when he died and yes, your father was the love of my life, my soul-mate, but that man tried my patience. We might have been high-school sweethearts but even we weren't exempt from the trials and tribulations of marriage," she explained softly. "And god knows I wasn't a saint; we just loved each other enough to work whatever the problem was out."

John was quiet, taking in what his mother said before asking, "Have you been working at the farm with Aunt Bev all these years?"

"I was," Margaret agreed, letting the subject of his father drop. And for now she was alright with catching up before she hammered home the fact that she wasn't leaving his side. "Until she passed on a couple years back, but since I've been running it with the help of Edna and Bob."

He felt an ache in his heart at learning Aunt Bev passed away. Aunt Bev had been the best and he had entrusted her in being his mother's rock if anything happened to him, which it had. "Aunt Bev took care of you when I died right?" he asked quietly.

Margaret flinched and John nearly cursed aloud at causing the pain to jump into her green eyes. "Yes," she spoke lowly as she averted her gaze but not before he saw tears well up nearly instantly at the mention of his death. "But I don't want to think about that time, Johnny. I want to talk about now," she explained calmly as she looked back at him and all signs of her anguish were veiled. "I want to talk about you and why in hell you think I am going back to Washington without you. Is it because of Joss? You like her and don't want to leave her?"

He watched his mother. Joss was right. Telling his mother was the only way to help her understand, but also give her some peace as she had suffered for so long. If he didn't tell her she'd suffer for a different reason…thinking he had.

John squeezed her hand that was still holding his. "I need to tell you something, mom." he said softly.

Margaret heard the change in John's voice. And hope sprang inside her that she reached her baby. "Sweetheart, you can tell me anything," she reassured.

He was quietly watching her and she didn't know what he was looking for. He finally said; "I need you to let me tell you everything before you say anything. What I'm about to tell is unbelievable but it's the honest truth."

Margaret simply nodded as she gave him a reassuring smile. The minutes seemed to drag on as her son remained silent as if the realization that he was going to tell her what happened to him these last sixteen years rendered him speechless. "Just take your time, Johnny, tell me when you're ready to," she softly encouraged, sensing her son just needed a little nudge. He did always have trouble telling her how he felt.

"I died in Bosnia, mom," he whispered with eyes on hers. "I spent the last sixteen years as Joss's guardian angel."

Margaret sat stunned. Her beautiful baby had died…was killed in action. Half of her felt relieved that he hadn't spent the last sixteen years suffering and in pain but the other half of her mourned the fact that her son had died. But he was here now, so what did that mean? How was it even possible? Maybe he really was a figment of her imagination, born out of desperation to be with her son.

Neither she nor John moved, spoke, or even breathed. She tried to determine if she was hallucinating her son or not. She was holding his hand which felt real and she was staring into those eyes that surely looked real. But Johnny had said 'alive the first time' which had confused her, now not so much because her beautiful son died.

"Mom," he whispered, drawing her out of her thoughts.

She finally found her voice and stammered; "H-how is this miracle happening?" Because having her son back, alive, was nothing short of a miracle, a heavenly gift that she was blessed to be given.

"It's complicated, but I'm here to protect Joss. There is a threat to her life that I didn't think I could protect her from where I was so I was granted the chance to come back here in my human form to protect her."

Margaret swallowed the hard lump in the back of her throat. "Always the protector," she choked, feeling so proud that even after death her son was protecting people.

"Mom, once I save her I have to go."

Now it made sense why he didn't want to tell her he was alive because he was leaving and she'd lose him all over again. "No," Margaret said stubbornly with a shake of her head. "I can't go through that again. I can't mourn you and bury you again."

"Mom…"

She stared at her son and, selfish or not, she didn't want to give him up. "No, Johnny, I can't do it again. It took everything inside me to go on the first time without you. If you leave here before me again I won't be able to survive through it again because I won't want to."

* * *

AN: Poor John, trying to do what he thinks is right and he hasn't a clue...yet, but he will ;D

Thank you for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

_**AN: Sorry for a short chapter but this week has been shit for me. I was sick and then I had to rush my dog to the animal hospital due to an emergency. My dog has kidney disease and it progressed, so I cried all the way home. He's my furry son and I've had him since I was nineteen. I do apologize for taking so long to post something and it's not long. I'll try to post something tomorrow too since I and Cosmo are both feeling better.**_

* * *

It was quiet in the kitchen. Joss had an uneventful day at work and had wondered throughout the day how things went between mother and son. By the time she got off work she was surprised to find Margaret still there and offered pizza for dinner. She was relieved to know that John had finally told Margaret the truth. While they waited for the delivery boy Margaret had told her adorable stories of John as a boy. Joss couldn't wait to get her hands on him, which brought up the interesting prospect of what were they going to do with Margaret now that she knew the truth. Did she tell the woman that there was more going on between her and John than mere protection?

Joss drank her glass of wine as she finished up her crust of her pizza, pondering her newest dilemma while quietly observing Margaret who was tracking John's every movement he made, almost as if she was afraid he would just disappear if she didn't. Given enough time she was sure Margaret would relax a little once she realized her son wasn't going anywhere.

And now was no exception as Margaret watched John exit the backdoor to head out in her small backyard after excusing himself from the table.

"Thank you for the dinner, Joss," Margaret said quietly, finally shifting her attention onto her instead.

It drew her out of her thoughts as she smiled. "Well it's easy to pay the delivery guy," she admitted with a small shrug.

Margaret nodded her head as she was scrutinizing her thoughtfully and Joss nearly squirmed under the intent gaze. She wondered if this was what her suspects felt like when she would watch them. "My son watches you," Margaret spoke finally.

"Uh, well, he was my guardian angel; I don't think he has fully turned that part of himself off."

"It's not surprising that after death my son would still be protecting people. He's been protecting since he's been just a little boy. But I meant my son watches you like my husband used to watch me; like you're his whole world," she said gently. Joss froze and Margaret grinned. "My son doesn't do a very good job of hiding his feelings from me. Joss, I've always known how my son felt which made knowing when something was wrong much easier. Getting him to tell me…now that was the troublesome part, Johnny doesn't like confessing his feelings all that much. He holds a lot in."

Joss saw no point in lying to the woman. She figured it out. "John told me he fell in love with me as he watched over me," she admitted.

"My son was waiting for the perfect woman. I suppose he found her after death," Margaret murmured before taking her own sip of wine.

Joss smiled a little at the backhanded compliment Margaret gave. "He also said that falling in love with a charge is against the rules," she added which made the older woman laugh while drinking.

Margaret held a hand up as she swallowed the wine hard to chuckle softly. "My son and rules never went well together. Johnny wasn't a mischief-maker but he sure wasn't Prince Charming either; he was a typical boy. He broke his arm when he was five because he was told not to climb trees, well he didn't listen and couldn't figure out how to get down so he jumped down and landed wrong."

"Ouch, that's a tough lesson to learn," Joss murmured as she enjoyed hearing stories about John from his past.

"Don't even get me started about him driving a car straight into our neighbor's house at eight because Connor and Johnny loved getting into trouble together," she said laughingly before growing serious. "Is it one-sided?"

"Are you asking me if I have feelings for your son?" Joss questioned and Margaret merely nodded. "Yes. Your son is different from any man I ever met before. He's vulnerable, stubborn, intelligent, protective, and quite possibly the sexiest man I ever met," she acknowledged, though keeping the fact that she was falling in love with him to herself. Joss wasn't the type to overshare and while this was John's mother she was still a stranger.

"My son is one of a kind," Margaret agreed.

Joss nodded her head in agreement. "Just so you know, Margaret, I have no intentions of letting your son get himself killed to protect me," she said sincerely.

"You don't know my son, Joss. If he thinks it's right then it's what he'll do," Margaret said, it was why she felt like she was being smothered at the moment. There wasn't any way she could survive losing her son twice and she didn't know how she could stop it from happening.

"Well I think there is another reason John was led to come down here that has nothing to do with protecting me," Joss admitted hesitantly.

Margaret eyed her questioningly. "I don't understand."

For just a moment Joss contemplated whether or not this was a good idea by telling Margaret her hunch. "From what John had told me; he became my guardian angel when I was a sophomore in college. I had been studying law before deciding to head into the Army but I had a strong interest in criminology. I was married and had a hard birth of my son which was touch and go for a while." she began her explanation.

"And my son saved you," Margaret stated rather than asked.

She nodded. "Not just me but my son too; he saved Taylor. John said it was against the rules for a guardian angel to extend his protection to another human spirit and he broke it to save my son. But that wasn't the only time he saved my life," she murmured as she stood and lifted her shirt causing Margaret to gasp in shock as she saw the scar.

"Oh my god, sweetheart…"

Joss smiled at the endearing name as she fixed her shirt and took a seat once more. "It happened in Fallujah, this Marine was escorting me when he stepped on a land mine. We heard a click and I stared into his eyes before he was dust. But somehow I survived and now I know how…"

"Johnny," Margaret breathed.

She nodded. "I don't remember much of that time. But not a single piece of shrapnel got me in the head, neck, or chest area. Doctors and nurses said it was miraculous but now I know it was because John tried shielding me; while I know it pains him to know he hadn't been able to fully protect me from harm but he saved me so I could go home and see my son again."

Margaret reached over the table and rested a soft hand on hers. "I'm grateful to know that my son, who I lost, was able to save you. Makes these last sixteen years of pain and suffering worth it because I know he was there by your side being the protector he was born to be."

Joss looked away, touched deeply at her words. She wasn't sure she could share that sentiment if their roles were reversed and it was her son that was lost to her. She cleared her throat before speaking, "But I bring all this up because there has been this connection between John and me from the beginning. At first I tried shrugging it off, then it frightened me to feel these things for him when I didn't even know him well enough and now I am wondering if the connection we feel is the reason he is here."

Margaret sat quiet and digested what Joss said. Optimism swirled inside her that her son wasn't here solely to protect Joss and then leave and that meant she wouldn't have to learn how to live without her heart again. She eyed the pretty detective questioningly. "What about this threat to your life?—John said it was complicated."

Joss snorted. "He only said that because he doesn't want to tell you that he was misled," she replied dryly. "John was led to believe that my partner was dirty and was going to help the people after me kill me. But Fusco is working on the inside as a mole and reporting back to me as we attempt to bring this organization down. I had already known about the threats to my life before John even got here. It's why Fusco and I think he was misled here on purpose which leads me to think that John's reason for being here has nothing to do with protecting me."

"How will we ever know what's the truth, Joss? I don't want to give up my son again even knowing he'd be in a better place," Margaret asked, anguish in her voice.

Joss sighed as she leaned back lifting the glass of wine up to her lips. "That's a damn good question; one I'll figure out an answer to."


	23. Chapter 23

After Joss's illuminating conversation with Margaret, the older woman had gone out to her backyard where John was sulking to share a private conversation with him. Joss used the time to go call her own son as she tried to keep her 'curious mind' under wraps. By the time they each wrapped up their separate conversations it was time to extend an offer for Margaret to stay with them instead of staying at the hotel which she promptly declined.

She had been sitting on her couch feigning interest in TV as she struggled with herself to allow John a little alone time. When Margaret left she looked a little haggard which meant the conversation they had was a difficult one. Joss looked up as John entered the living room. "Hey," she murmured as she patted the couch cushion beside her. But stubbornly he remained standing and had a shimmering look in his eyes. John had hands on his hips and looked so damn sexy.. and a little angry.

"You told my mother about your theory," he accused.

Ah, now it made sense why he remained outside for so long…he was upset with her. "Yes," she conceded. But before he could say anything she added, "Because your mother deserved to know everything and not just what you wanted to tell her."

"But there is no proof and now her hopes are up," John said, running a hand through his hair. His mother had been painfully clear what would happen if he left her. "Joss, what if we find out there is no other reason for my being here other than to protect you? What then? Would you let me go? Would she?" he demanded.

Joss eyed him debating of whether or not she should truthfully answer his question. She knew that neither his mother nor she could let him go and that would upset John because of his sense of duty. Joss had no doubt that John would sacrifice his own happiness for what he thought was right. So instead of answering him she decided to try to get him to understand how they felt.

She patted the cushion beside her as she ordered,"Sit."

John must have realized she meant business. He moved to sit down, not beside her but rather on the sofa chair. Ire at how he was acting simmered in her. Did he think if they didn't sit near each other he could build a barrier up between them? Did he really think she'd let him after what they shared last night?

She scooted to the end of the couch to be closer to him. "You've been my guardian angel for sixteen years, correct?" she asked quietly. His eyes narrowed instantly but nodded his head in affirmation. "Then you've picked up on some of my personality traits."

"Yes," he answered shortly.

"I don't ever stop until I have the truth whether it's for a homicide I'm working on or a personal matter," she stated matter-of-factly. Joss knew how she operated and she knew that John knew how she operated.

"I know," he acknowledged and seemed to be weary of where she was going with this but was willing to hear her out.

"Truth is, John, we have no idea why you are here. You thought Fusco was dirty, he wasn't. You thought I didn't know about the threat to my life from HR, but I did. You thought coming here was the only way to protect me, but I already have the FBI tailing my every move. Everything you thought was isn't. Why is that John? Why would this Harold guy purposely let you believe all of this? I don't think people where he is are liars," she explained carefully. She didn't want John to immediately jump to Harold's defense but he sat watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.

So she continued. "That riles up my suspicions, John. It makes me question things. Doesn't it make you question the validity of what they told you?"

"Yes," he agreed quietly. "They knew how much you mattered to me. But to believe that they misled me on purpose so I can be with you doesn't make sense, Joss. I don't belong here. I died. I belong where I was…as your guardian angel."

Joss frowned. And there was the sticking point. John didn't think he belonged here. She had no idea how to prove that he did belong here because she didn't even know if he did or not. All she knew was that she was falling in love with him and she didn't want to give him up. Selfish or not, she wanted him now that she spent time with him.

She looked at him, seeing he had averted his gaze and the sheer longing on his face broke her heart. He wanted to stay with her and his mom but didn't think he could.

Joss stood up and slid onto his lap and he looked at her, startled, as she straddled him resting her hands on top of his broad shoulders staring in the eyes that got to her the very moment she looked into them. "John, I need you to understand me. I am a woman of facts and evidence, so everything that is happening is new to me and I think I've been pretty understanding," she murmured fiercely as she traced his muscles under the annoying shirt; she much preferred skin.

"Joss…" he breathed but trailed off. She wasn't sure even he knew what he had wanted to say.

"I need you to understand where I'm coming from. You're a living…" she paused to press a kiss to his nose gently before gently nuzzling their noses together. "…breathing…" she added as she dipped her mouth to his neck where his pulse was hammering and pressed a soft kiss there. "…sexy man that loves me," she whispered before taking his mouth in a warm tender kiss.

He sighed as she left after a brief moment and he moved forward to kiss her again. His hands under their own volition slid up to cup her neck and cheek as he kissed her. John moaned inwardly as her tongue invaded his mouth and his tenuous grasp on his reasoning was fading fast. He grabbed her butt and stood lifting her before setting her on her feet as he took a step back.

"Joss, I think it's best if we don't make love again," he murmured.

Joss glared at him. "Why?—I think it's natural to make love again since we want each other," she countered. Instead of waiting for his rebuttal she simply began unbuttoning her blouse. He watched her quietly. She arched a brow in challenge. "Seducing you will be a cake walk, John. You don't hide what you want very well. And fighting us is futile. If you're right and all I get is a few weeks with you then I don't want to waste time together. Do you?" she demanded as she let the shirt slide off and stood half naked before reaching behind her as she undid the clasp of her bra. When it loosened she let it fall to the floor without a care. John's gaze fell from her eyes to her chest and her nipples puckered instantly at the perusal.

John swallowed hard as his dick swelled against the fabric of his underwear and was pressing hard against the zipper of the jeans. Joss was the very definition of beautiful. He had been so in awe of her he hadn't even been aware of the fact that she closed the distance between them.

"Do you?" she repeated drawing him out of his haze.

He blinked trying to recall what her question was about. "No," he managed and she smiled, seemingly it was the right answer then.

"Good,"she whispered seductively before she grabbed his cheeks and tugged him down for a hungry kiss. She moaned as he kissed her back as he grabbed her hips tugging her up against him. Their tongues met and warred for dominance that she wouldn't relinquish any more than he would, so they remained in the power struggle. Each asserting their willpower on the other and it was glorious to meet someone that was as equally matched to her.

She broke off the kiss to give him a little love bite at his neck before tugging his shirt over his head to get on more of an equal footing. Her fingers blazed a trail from his naval up his muscular chest, scraping and rubbing, before pinching his nipples in a move he thoroughly enjoyed. Joss loved the goose bumps rising on his skin and she bumped her belly against his crotch, wanting that bulge there to grow.

Joss didn't get a chance to further set him on fire because he bent his head, cupping one breast and hungrily sucked her nipple. She keened out a loud cry as she arched her back as she rubbed her hands across his shoulders. John drew on her nipple before releasing it and moved to the other as he lifted her a little. Joss secured her legs around his hips and groaned heavily at the feel of his thickening erection against her. He carried her to the couch where he carefully laid down with her underneath him, and trailed his tongue over her hard nipple before nipping it and sucking on it until it was a hardened rock.

He leaned his head up and kissed her deeply. Their hips were grinding into each other as their hands raced over skin they could touch. She raked her nails down over his back before tracing his spine as he was once again lovingly trailing his fingertips over her scar. Her belly muscles quivered as his overheated palm brushed her belly button.

"John," she moaned after ending the kiss as she thrust her pelvis up, grinding her aching and wet pussy against his hardness, growing irritated with the amount of clothes in their way.

He sat back and proceeded to undo her dress slacks and hurriedly tugged them down to swallow hard as he found her completely naked underneath. She hadn't worn panties. He flung her pants with their shirts as he knelt between her legs and let his fingers comb through her dark curls. Joss made a whining noise as her legs spread and he smiled down at her. Joss was perfect. He let his fingers dawdle as he inched them towards where he knew she wanted them. He smirked as she fisted the couch cushion beneath her with one hand and the other went to push his hand lower.

He reached down and grabbed her hand and held it as he worked his other hand, which was teasing her, lower. She moaned loudly as he bypassed her swollen clit to finger the creamy lips of her sex. John sighed as his middle finger slid into her heat with ease and her pussy took it in hungrily. After a few teasing moments he withdrew his finger before sliding off the couch to crouch down between her legs and softly brushed her aching clit with his tongue.

Joss hissed out a breath as she wiggled to free her hand but he held it tightly while he used his other hand to spread her more. He latched his mouth hungrily on her and sucked before licking and exploring her pussy in its entirety. When he let his tongue slip between her lips of her pussy where his dick ached to be buried she cried out. He lapped at her sweet liquid nectar that spilt on his tongue before moving back to her clit and sucked on her which had her explode in ecstasy.

Her entire body jerked under him as she came and he sucked her hard, loving the way her little clit quivered under his mouth. He sucked her as she squirmed and screamed his name, feeling the spasms rock her. Her wetness covered his mouth and chin, filling his mouth as he continued to suckle on her clitoris to prolong her orgasm. He hooked a hand around her thigh as he anchored her down to continue his exploration of her pussy as she struggled to free herself. He licked her and she moaned as her body sagged against the couch and she breathed hard.

John licked his lips as he leaned back to stare up at her. Her breasts were rock hard peaks and her entire body looked relaxed. He wiped her wetness from his face and proceeded to lick his fingers where her sweetness clung.

Joss was numb to anything except the intense pleasure that left her still shivering and twitching. That orgasm had left her physically exhausted. John was a devil at oral sex and she was the sole recipient of it. And the fact that he never performed such an intimate act with another woman made her insides quiver in splendor. No woman ever knew him as a lover and she hung onto that fact possessively. He was hers and only hers.

Need surged inside her. "I need you inside me," she whispered as she pushed him back, sitting up and began undoing his jeans carefully and pushed not only them but his underwear down to mid-thigh, far enough for his thick and hard cock to spring forward. John moaned as she wrapped a sure hand around him, he was already wet at the tip, and positioned him right where she was wet and achy as she laid back down on the couch curling her legs around his hips.

John entered her, sliding to the hilt, on one long thrust as he rested his elbow on the armrest behind her head, levering himself inside her. He thrust into her hard as she grabbed at his hips while she moved with him.

"God, Joss, I can't last long," he whispered unevenly.

Joss hissed out a breath as the tension built in her again. They moved in a synchronized rhythm, as if they were lovers for years, rather than just a day. He stared into her eyes as their bodies moved as one, and she refused to lose that contact. She felt the way his dick strained hard inside her and knew exactly how close he was. She reached down between them and strummed her clit to make it there the same moment he did.

"Oh, oh god, John," she gasped as he sped up his hips and was fucking her harder and harder. "God, harder, I want to come, please baby…" she begged, knowing the little instruction would serve to help him know just how good he made her feel.

He moaned her name as his hips sped up even quicker and he thrust into her hard and deep. She moaned his name as she rubbed her clit in time with his thrusts as his dick swelled deep inside her. He was on the precipice of climaxing and she wanted it now. Joss squeezed her vaginal walls around his thick shaft narrowing her channel and she could tell it was heaven as he flung his head back and cried out.

He powered himself into her again and again as the sweat dripped off him and he stiffened as she felt an explosion of wet heat filling her pussy up. His semen came in thick ribbons as his orgasm seemed never ending and the strangled shout of her name sent her over the edge as she climaxed seconds after he did. She clung to him as her orgasm exploded around her as she cried his name as they both writhed together, grinding, and rode out their climaxes until finally they slumped onto the couch in sated bliss.

Her legs were wrapped around his damp hips as she hugged him to her delighting in the heavy feel of his body. Joss didn't want to even release his softening cock from within her. She liked the feel of his warm dick buried inside her thoroughly fucked pussy.

As their bodies cooled and their breathing regulated she fingered his damp hair knowing they were both going to need a shower. But damn that was amazing. Her eyes snapped open as a sudden thought occurred to her; they just had amazing but _unprotected_ sex.

John frowned as he felt Joss go rigid under him. "What's wrong, Joss?" he asked softly as he leaned his head back so he could see her soulful brown eyes.

"I just can't believe we had sex on my couch," she lied as she swallowed her worry. It wasn't like her to forget something so important. Never in her life did she have unprotected sex unless she was actively trying to get pregnant as she had with Taylor. But she didn't want John to worry as he already had enough on his plate.

John frowned. He felt like she wasn't fully being truthful with him. He slowly slid from deep inside her and began redoing his clothes before standing up. He offered her a hand up which she gratefully took. "Joss, are you sure that's all that's upsetting you?" he inquired.

She pulled his shirt on instead of putting any of her own clothes back on. There wasn't much point in doing so because she wanted to get in bed with him. "John, I know you're new to sex but typically sex is had in bed, not on a couch," she admonished softly. "But maybe at some point we can try it in the shower,"she purred, pasting on a cheery smile, trying to move the topic on. There was no point in worrying about the lack of condom now. It wasn't as if they could magically go back and put one on. It was a less than 50/50 chance of becoming pregnant and there was no telling what dying did to his sperm as she struggled to remain calm.

Joss grabbed his hand and led him upstairs while trying to sort out her conflicting feelings.

* * *

Joss awoke, startled by something. It had taken her a long while to even attempt to fall asleep. Her mind had been on the mishap of forgetting about the condom. John didn't seem to realize he hadn't worn a condom earlier even when they used one after their shower and had grown amorous before sleep.

Her eyes shifted to John who was sound asleep beside her so it wasn't him that awoke her. He was snoring gently, lying on his stomach with his arm flung on top of her.

"He snores like a buzz-saw…."

Joss jerked her head and instantly reached for her gun on the nightstand beside her but stopped as she came face to face with a glowing white woman. She swallowed hard as she took in the white gown and the halo, but the woman's face didn't have a serene or peaceful look but rather she looked perpetually pissed.

"Boo," the woman snarled and Joss jumped a mile which seemed to amuse the woman as she cackled. "You should have seen your face; you look like you see a ghost." Joss tried to come up with a retort back but she couldn't as it felt like her tongue was frozen solid to the roof of her mouth. She had to be dreaming. That was the only explanation for this. The woman rolled her eyes. "Look, I don't have a lot of time since Fusco finally fell asleep and the only danger he's in is choking on his own drool, and you two took forever to finish fucking so let's get down to business," the woman spoke bluntly.

"Who are you?" Joss asked quietly as her heart finally stopped pounding while she clutched the comforter to her chest. Joss risked a glance at John, noting he was out like a light or was this all in her mind. She reached over and grabbed John's shirt to at least have something on. Joss dragged the shirt on with the cover of her comforter.

"I'm Shaw and you don't need to dress on my account. You're hot as hell."

Joss wasn't giving a peep show, dream or not, but she glanced at the woman whose name she recognized. "Shaw, as in Lionel's guardian angel and John's friend, that Shaw?" she asked softly, not to wake John if this wasn't a dream.

The woman smirked. "The one and only; I see Reese has been talking about me. I knew he'd miss me," she preened.

"He mentioned you once," Joss retorted, not wanting to stoke this woman's ego that was more alive than she was. "This has to be the worst dream I ever had."

"Hey! I'd be the best dream you ever had!" Shaw growled before her face changed. "But this is no dream, Carter, and I don't have much time. I'm here to deliver a message."

"A message?" she questioned dubiously.

"Yea, think of it as cosmic intervention because Reese thinks he needs to become a pumpkin at midnight after he saves your fine ass; well that is total bullshit," Shaw announced without any preamble. Joss stiffened. This woman enjoyed being crass and it was a wonder how she became a guardian angel in the first place. Shaw seemed to sense where her thoughts were and she glowered. "I'm a kick ass guardian angel. I had a personality disorder when I was alive and in the afterlife it doesn't just go away," she snapped in defense of herself.

"Alright, could you please be a little clearer with your message then, Shaw. I'm new to this kind of stuff and I prefer blunt and to the point then beating around a bush," she requested, trying to keep her voice low so as not to wake John who slept on, oblivious to Shaw's visit.

Shaw's look changed. "I like my women like that too. Alright, to the point: Reese wasn't supposed to die in Bosnia. His guardian angel fucked up big time. How's that for blunt for you?" Shaw asked with a crooked smirk.

Joss swallowed hard. "What do you mean his guardian angel fucked up?" she asked.

Shaw sighed. "You sure ask a lot of questions."

"I'm a detective so it comes with the job." Joss said now in defense of herself.

"Harold was Reese's guardian angel. Every human spirit has an expiration date so to speak and Reese's wasn't up but due to Harold's love for Reese he froze which led to Reese's death," Shaw explained in boredom. "It completely ruined everything since you two were destined to be together and so to make up for that a miracle was granted: Reese came down to you and you two are to live out the rest of your lives together."

Joss stared at the woman speaking to her. John and she were destined for each other?—as in soulmates? "Uh…could you—uh, please back up to the destined to be together, please," she stammered.

Shaw rolled her eyes. "You and Reese are soulmates. Haven't you wondered about the instant connection between you two? Reese doesn't even know that the fact he was given to you as your guardian angel was arranged because you two are soulmates. They felt bad so they gave him you until an opportunity to fix the mistake could be made. Let me be perfectly clear: Reese belongs up here with us but not right now. It's not his time unlike me and Harold. We are where we're supposed to be but John wasn't. He's supposed to be with you. His time to rejoin us is decades from now, just as yours is, so you two have a lot of living to do together," she explained with uncharacteristic softness to her voice that Joss didn't think Shaw had in her.

It felt like a weight was lifted off her. They were supposed to be together. Their connection was special. Her eyes drifted off the ornery angel to John as he slept on. The urge to kiss him was so damn great that she struggled with herself.

"Harold realized you two were soulmates when you felt John crying over you," Shaw added not knowing what she was thinking.

Joss looked up at the woman startled. "What did you say?" she demanded.

Shaw shrugged. "You were hurt in Fallujah and Reese tried to protect you but was heartbroken that he hadn't been able to protect you. He had to rely on human doctors to save you from internal injuries. Reese bawled his eyes out for you and you felt it, I guess. From what Harold claims you woke up saying John's name," she explained.

Joss sat stone still. The nurses had told her that she said 'John' but she hadn't known what it meant back then because the Marine with her hadn't been named John. Now she did. She called out for the man whose love touched her between time and space. Tears brimmed in her eyes as the realization of how monumental this was didn't escape her.

She cleared her throat as she quietly put her emotions behind a veil so she could finish speaking with Shaw who didn't seem keen on emotions. "So, uh," she started but had to clear her throat again as emotions welled up in her. "Fusco and I are right; you and Finch misled him on purpose to grant us this miracle," she managed through a lump in her throat. Joss wanted to burrow into John and profess her undying love for him but she needed to understand everything because she felt that there was still stuff she wasn't grasping.

"I didn't mislead him on anything. I really thought Fusco was a dirty rotten bastard until Harold explained everything conveniently after Reese dropped to you," Shaw stated angrily. "I would never lie to John and I don't appreciate him thinking I did."

"You care about him," Joss whispered.

Shaw's startled look said all that needed to be said. But the angry angel shrugged, "I never liked many people, dead or alive. But Reese was different. So you take good care of him or I'll figure out how to destroy you. I'm supposed to be a pacifist up there but that doesn't mean I wouldn't willing go to hell to hurt you if you ever hurt him."

She smiled. "Duly noted Shaw; he's safe with me," she promised. "Can you tell me why the big charade? Why did John come here without this knowledge?" she asked quietly.

"Reese needs to realize he belongs with you on his own. He's not allowed to know about this conversation so keep your mouth shut or bye-bye to your miracle. I was only allowed to tell you because it was never stipulated that you weren't allowed to be in on the secret."

Joss furrowed her brows. "How the hell am I supposed to do that if I can't tell him that he was misled on purpose?" she demanded.

Shaw smirked. "You're smart; I suggest you figure a way out. Better go before I try to float down to your damn fridge and steal its contents. Stealing isn't an angelic thing to do apparently," the woman muttered, as if she had to be reminded of that fact, and with that she disappeared before her very eyes.

Joss sat in bed staring down at John in wonder and knew for damn sure she wasn't going to have any more sleep tonight.

* * *

AN: Shaw is...well Shaw, even dead :D Now it all lands on Joss to figure out a way to make John understand he belongs with her.

Thanks for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

_**AN: I'm sorry...**_

* * *

Sleep eluded her for the rest of the night. Instead of restlessly tossing and turning that would eventually awaken John with her fruitless attempt to sleep Joss had quickly changed into her own pajamas and gone downstairs to sip some coffee and think. She had gone over every single moment of that bizarre conversation she had with Shaw, John's friend, and Lionel's guardian angel. Whether or not Shaw was a vision, dream, or reality there was one thing for damn sure: John belonged here with her and she had to figure out a way to prove it to him without telling him the truth.

Just how?

And it was that question that kept her awake through the night. Proving to John he belonged here didn't seem feasible; can't prove or disprove something without evidence and they didn't have any either way. So she needed to come up with a different tactic. After her fourth cup of coffee an idea sprang to mind. She was going to make John want to stay by taking him on a date! She was going to show him what life was all about and what life with her would be like. Since John had gotten back here all he had seen was Fusco's tiny ass apartment, her place, two stores, and taken a taxi ride to her precinct. Of course he thought all he was going to do was die in her place because he wasn't actively trying to participate in the world. Maybe if she could show him what he was missing maybe he'd be more open to the idea that he belonged here with her.

Giddy that now she had a plan of action she looked over her shoulder to see that 4:35 AM blinked in bright green on the stove's clock. That left her more than enough time to get ready before leaving to go have breakfast with her kid. And with HR lying low after their latest failed attempt on her life she could meet up with her son without feeling guilty that she was placing him in danger.

Joss sprung to her feet and hurried to the staircase. She should be feeling tired and lethargic but instead she felt ready to face the day. She made a beeline for her bedroom and grinned as she came to a halt in the doorway. John was sprawled out across her bed, on his stomach, spread eagle so that his arms spanned across the width of the bed with his hands hanging over the edges on each side. John was a bed hogger, she thought with a chuckle. What happened if she wanted to lie back down? She'd either have to squeeze under him or lie atop him! Both options held merit but unfortunately she didn't really have time to try either one.

After gawking at the sexy man in her bed she left a line of clothes in her wake as she took them off to change for work. No need for a shower this morning since she had taken one after their last round of lovemaking before they had both fallen asleep and before Shaw made her grand appearance. Joss hummed a tune as she dressed before going in her bathroom to do her hair, apply light makeup, and brush her teeth. Once finished she exited the bathroom and smiled to see John had awakened at some point. He was sitting up in her bed and leaned against the headboard. Her comforter was lying over his lower half below his naval giving her a fantastic view but not spectacular. The imp in her wanted to tug the comforter off him and look her fill.

"Good morning, John," she greeted.

He smiled a little. "Good morning, Joss," he responded gruffly, sounding like he just got up. He looked her up and down. "You're going to work."

Joss giggled at how pouty he sounded about it. "We've talked about this before; sex with you doesn't pay bills," she teased.

"Isn't there any way that you can take some leave? I can't protect you at the precinct." Joss frowned at John's suggestion. HR wasn't going to make her take leave and go hide in some corner. She understood John's fear but she knew that he knew her better than to ever run and hide. She merely stared down at him and he sighed. "It was worth asking," he muttered.

Joss softened her gaze knowing he was just worried about her. He was her former guardian angel after all. "I'll be fine, John. And I know that staying at my place all the time wasn't what you anticipated when you came back here," she acknowledged.

"No, it wasn't," he sighed in agreement.

Joss kind of felt bad for John. It was partly her fault why he had been cooped up here because she had thought he was an amnesiac man who would be taken advantage of. But then much of the fault rested squarely on his shoulders as he let her believe that. Although John was caught between a rock and a hard place because there was no way in hell she'd believed him about being her guardian angel if he just came out of nowhere and told her. She looked at him and tried to ignore how good he looked with his hair rumpled and sleepy eyes.

"If you are getting sick and tired of seeing these walls I have an idea," she acknowledged, implementing her plan. He looked up to her questioningly. "How about tonight you and I go out together?"

"Where?—to see what HR is up to?" he wondered, looking and sounding intrigued.

"Like a stakeout, hell no!" she answered instantly, more than a little annoyed that his first thought was HR.

He had wanted to get a firsthand look at the people threatening the woman he loved so he knew who he was dealing with so he could devise a plan to protect her but Joss didn't seem to share that desire. "Then where?" he asked wearily.

"I thought we'd go to my favorite Thai restaurant for dinner, followed by some dancing or something, and then I'll take you to Reilly's and show you an ass kicking of a special kind. You might be a wizard at 'War' but you can't beat me in a game of pool," she gloated as she proceeded to make a show of blowing her nails with a gleam in her eyes. And if she was lucky…she'd get the chance to peel his clothes off and really blow his mind, she thought lustily. Her hungry gaze dropped to where exactly she wanted to get her hands, and mouth, on.

John swallowed hard at how smoky black her eyes got, nearly erasing the beautiful brown iris entirely; they gleamed and glittered like black diamonds. He wondered if his eyes showed how much he desired her. He cleared his throat as he said; "Kind of sounds like a date, Joss."

"That's because it is," she conceded. Her gaze wandered over him as she thought about his attire. "When you're mom comes over you should ask her to take you shopping because you need some new shirts. I want to see you in something dressy. No offense to those undershirts that only you seem to make look good, but I want something new on you."

"Joss…"

But she didn't give him a chance to argue as she swooped down and kissed him warmly and soundly before pushing away. "I got to go. I have breakfast with my son this morning. Give Margaret a hug and kiss for me will you?" she said quickly so he couldn't think of a reason why they couldn't have this date. And with one more quick kiss to his lips she sped walked out of her room leaving John feeling bewildered.

* * *

"You and Joss are going on a date!" Margaret exclaimed happily!

She sat on the couch of Joss's living room while her son paced back and forth. Margaret was still coming to terms with everything that she had been told. When she talked to Edna and Bob she merely told him Johnny was alive but left off how. There wasn't any way of explaining to them the truth or they would surely send her straight to a padded cell since they were already worried about her. Not that she would blame them. Besides, she didn't know who Johnny wanted to know the truth or not. There were so many questions that came with John's living status too. How were they going to resurrect John Reese? Her beautiful boy had a death certificate and hadn't held a job since he was in the Army. Though the job wasn't really much of an obstacle since her son could come work with her on the farm but she doubted her son was going to want to leave Joss. Which brought up what did she do?—did she go back to Washington and come to New York to visit, or did she move here? Just the thought of seeing her son only when she could spare time off or he could, left a bitter taste in her mouth. Not to mention if her son finally gave her a grandchild she wouldn't be able to dote on.

Margaret would just have to decide what to do once they proved to John that he belonged here with them. But there other big problem was the fact that once it became widely known that John Reese was alive the Army was going to want to know how he survived, especially after they had shipped his body to her. Perhaps she needed to bring up her concerns with Joss, who might have a solution to their growing dilemma.

John shot her a look which drew her out of her thoughts and back to what they were talking about…her baby going out on a date with the woman he loved. "Sweetheart, I think it's wonderful for you two to be going on a date. You love her," she declared.

"I do love her mom. She is my sole reason why I'm breathing," he grumbled. Margaret smiled. Her son and Joss had the makings of one hell of a love story if only her boy would stop getting in the way of it.

"Then stop fighting your happiness," she urged gently.

He sighed. "It's not that easy, mom, I know you are siding with Joss and Fusco about their theory but we don't know if it's true."

"But you can't say for sure it isn't," she pointed out, standing up.

He was quiet for a moment. "No, I can't say for sure it isn't," he admitted.

Margaret watched her son. Sometimes with John, much like Connor, she had to do things the difficult way. "Then is it so bad for me to want you to stay? You're my son who I spent sixteen years mourning. Joss had it easier because she never knew you before you came back here. You can't make me want to lose you because you're asking me to want to lose the best part of me, Johnny," she said, letting tears well up, knowing her son hated to see her cry. Her son's eyes softened immediately and he looked ashamed of himself and she didn't feel bad whatsoever for the guilt trip she just laid on him.

"Mom, don't cry…" he cajoled as he gathered her into his arms. Margaret held her baby. "…I just don't know what to do."

She leaned back to stare up into her son's eyes. "John, sometimes the answer lies deep within us and we just need the courage to realize it," she offered forcefully. "Did I ever tell you about how your father and I decided to adopt after we learned I couldn't conceive naturally?"

"No…."

"I was brokenhearted that I would never be able to carry Connor's child. I wanted to. God, did I want to bear that man's child! He was the love of my life and all I dreamt of since the day we met was to marry him and give him children. Nowadays most women would scoff at that but it was what made me happy. Connor was the one that suggested adoption. I was hesitant at first because the child wouldn't be his blood and that Connor could go find a woman who could bear his children for him, and not someone broken inside, but he didn't want anyone else. He held me as he told me that a child would be ours regardless if it carried our blood or not, because love was all that was needed. To Connor love solved everything; because if you didn't have love in your heart than there was no hope," she explained, looking off into the distance like she was remembering those conversations with Conner.

John smiled. "I didn't realize dad was a romantic…."

"Very much so, but it took me a while to let his words sink in and then I realized, deep within me, that he was right. Love was love, blood or not, our child would be ours because we would love him or her. And then we were blessed when you graced our lives and you forever changed it, Johnny," she murmured softly as she cupped his cheeks. "You are our perfect angel and now your Joss's too, in a more literal sense."

John thought about what she said but didn't do as she suggested. All he would find deep inside was wishful thinking, and pointless yearning. He would still be no closer to knowing what was the truth and what wasn't.

"Where are you two going?" she asked, changing the subject as if knowing he needed time to think it over.

"Some Thai restaurant and then dancing, then she wants to take me someplace where she thinks she'll kick my ass at pool," he muttered, though with a hint of a smile.

Margaret laughed. "Oh that poor girl, I should warn her that you were taught by your father," she murmured softly. Connor loved playing pool and cards, and was very good at both. She should know as she always lost in strip poker but Connor claimed he was motivated to win. And whenever Connor had some free time he was drag their son to bowling alleys not to bowl but rather to play pool. By the time her favorite men came home they'd smell like a chimney from the smokers there, but both had smiles plastered on their faces.

John stopped pacing as he saw a faraway look in his mom's eyes. "What are you thinking about?" he asked gently.

She jumped a little and smiled. "You and your father coming home thick as thieves after playing pool….especially you whenever you managed to beat him."

John smiled softly. "Which wasn't very often; he never let me win."

She chuckled. "He never let me win either. Your father was very competitive," she said with another laugh. After a moment of shared reflection she looked at her son thoughtfully. "So what are you going to wear to this date, John?—because no son of mine is going out with a beautiful woman in jeans and a white short-sleeve shirt."

He frowned. "This is all I have mom. Joss said something about having you take me to pick out some clothes, but that's not happening," he explained.

"And just why not?" she demanded. Johnny had always enjoyed spending time with her.

"Because I'm in my forties and not a kid anymore," he responded dryly, rolling his eyes. The last time he went clothes shopping with his mom he had been eleven.

Margaret smirked, looking relieved and a little playful. "Oh, you think I'll pinch your cheeks and tell you how cute you look?" she teased and he glowered at her.

"You're enjoying this," he accused, teasing back a little.

She laughed for what seemed like the first time since she lost him sixteen years ago. "Very much so because I have my baby back," she agreed. His eyes softened. "But your father let me choose his clothes all the time and he always looked distinguished and dashing."

"I suspect it's because shopping is the kiss of death," John grumbled.

"Men are such babies when it comes to shopping." she agreed. "But regardless, if you find it like pulling teeth we need to get going."

"But you don't know the area…." John tried.

"The men who drive the taxis do," she countered.

He frowned. "I don't have any money and I know you live on a budget."

"I used to but the farm has been doing quite well and I can afford buying my son some new clothes," she countered, waiting for his next reason for why not. "Johnny, whether you're twelve or forty-one you will always be my son and I'll do anything for you. Just because you're an adult now doesn't mean I'm not your mother anymore."

John had absolutely nothing to say to that.

"I promise the shopping excursion won't be too long and perhaps afterwards we can go take in some of the sights of New York together. It'll be fun and like old times, Johnny," she persuaded.

John sighed because he couldn't tell her no. His mother looked so happy and if he only had a few days left here with her then he wanted to make that time happy for her.

* * *

John decided his shopping trip to Macy's with Joss for jeans was a piece of cake compared to this. He loved his mom from the tip of her head down to her toes, but no man should be subjected to this torture.

In and out they went from one department store to another; his mother forcing him to try on a variety of different clothes; he tried on black dress slacks to khaki's to chinos, all in skinny or slim fit, because apparently it was 'in' and his mother bought all of them, and she even had him try on these hideous silk pants from some upscale department store he couldn't come to name. Thankfully, his mother was in agreement with him that the silk pants had no place in his world, much like parachute pants, and didn't purchase them.

His mom picked up several different shades of dress shirts from white to blue to purple and also pink. She claimed it was salmon color but it sure looked like pink to him. As she zoomed off to another rack of shirts to pick through for him, that were more casual attire, he discreetly stuck the pink dress shirt back on the table she took it off of, hopefully never see again, let alone wear. As he turned away he spotted a soft lavender shirt. Not too pink, not too purple. For some reason, he was attracted to it. He slipped it in the basket.

As she picked through the different shirts on the rack he couldn't help but see dollar signs begin to add up and wondered how in the hell she was going to afford the small fortune that this shopping trip was adding up to be. But the moment he voiced his concern he received a 'don't tell me what to do' look and he quieted down because he slowly began to realize his mother had a stubborn streak the size of Manhattan and had no way to do anything about it.

"Johnny," she called and he shuffled his feet forward and groaned at the cart she had, it was full to the top. She looked at the cart too and then back at him. "Sweetheart, you are living with a couple pairs of jeans, track pants, and those shirts meant to be underneath other shirts. Just think of this as a way to make up for all those past birthdays I've missed," she stated, in a mom voice, and one that brooked no further argument from him.

His mom moved forward and put the shirt up against his chest and frowned. "I think you'll need to try this on so we can find your exact size. You're muscular so there's no telling if this shirt is too small. It's an XL," she murmured thoughtfully.

"Mom…" he said, sounding awfully close to whining even to his own ears. She eyed him expectantly and he grumbled as he took the shirt and she smiled in response. He found the fitting rooms, again, and stormed into them. He pulled on the grey long-sleeve Henley on, noting it didn't feel small, and stomped out not bothering to look into the mirror. It truly didn't matter if he even liked it as long as his mother did.

John stepped out with a sour look and eyed his mother who seemed immensely pleased with the selection. His eyes skated around and noticed a couple women gaping at him. Suddenly feeling a little awkward he looked down at himself and realized the shirt was fitted as it was plastered to his body. He looked at his mother again who seemed unaware of the scrutiny he was receiving.

"You look so handsome," she assured him, proud of him and of her selections.

"You don't think it's too tight…?" he asked. He didn't remember clothes being quite so fitted before. Joss found every pair of jeans that were slim fitted and now every single pair of pants or shirt he tried on for his mother were all comfortable but snug. Joss wearing tight clothes was fine by him but he didn't think it was in style for men.

"No, that's in style, honey, and you look good. Men will envy you because of your athletic build and women will gawk at your handsomeness. And just because I worked on a farm doesn't mean I don't know my fashion," she huffed, annoyed he was disputing her, but equally overjoyed to have him back with her. "Here try this shirt on too." she instructed as she handed him another shirt. He stood still unwilling to go back in the changing room, nearly just telling her to take it when she gave him a look and he sighed as he took it. God, he really was a momma's boy wasn't he?

He dejectedly re-entered the fitting rooms and removed the Henley that please his mother to slowly pull on the new shirt his mother found. John perked up as he slid the soft t-shirt on. It had a Nike logo at the top left, different from the basic tees he had been wearing, and instantly liked it. He exited the fitting room and his mother smiled.

"Like this one, eh?" she teased.

"How did you guess?"

"Moms know their children best." she explained simply as she plopped a few more of the same shirt in a couple different colors into the cart.

Finally it appeared his mother was through; he put his original shirt back on, carrying out both the Henley and the Nike shirt to place them in the cart as well, and she walked away from the shirt section.

"There is one last thing I want to get you, John." she acknowledged as she pushed the cart full of clothes towards a section in the back.

He deflated, having thought they were headed for the checkout. "What's that?" he asked wary now. He watched as his mother beamed and followed her gaze to see leather jackets. John looked back at his mother. "It's nearly May."

"Yes, and your birthday is four days away and I'm buying my son his birthday gift early," she stated.

He pointedly looked at the mountain of clothes in the small cart and then back at his mother. "Isn't that what all these clothes and the others we already purchased were for?"

"No. Those were for all the past birthdays I missed. But this is for this birthday now. You wouldn't deny your mother buying her son a birthday gift after she spent sixteen years without him, would you?" she asked, her green eyes enlarging. He melted right in front of her.

John inwardly cursed. She knew how to play the right guilt trip at the right time. He sighed as he shook his head that no, he wouldn't stop her and she smiled happily. It seemed she knew exactly what she wanted as she made a beeline to the black leather bomber jackets in the back.

"This will look exceptional on you, baby," she assured. He let his mother fuss and make him try on a few sizes to see what fit he liked and he chose a little bigger and she clasped her hands together smiling widely and tears loomed in her eyes. "You look just like my Connor," she breathed wistfully.

John smiled now knowing why she wanted this bomber jacket, because his father had one. "Thank you mom," he murmured before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, holding her tight, rubbing her back. He didn't care who saw this sign of affection…of love.

After all the clothes were rung up and purchased John felt himself relax. As they exited their taxi cab was waiting for them, still with the meter running, and it was going to be one hefty price tag once their shopping excursion was over. The cabbie popped the trunk and John settled the bags with the other ones before climbing in after his mother.

"Where to next?" the cabbie, of Indian descent, asked with a heavy accent.

Margaret spoke before he could; "We would like to go sight-seeing so please take us to the Empire State building first."

He looked at her. "Mom, we should head home or this cab ride is going to cost you your bank account." he whispered for her ears only.

She eyed him and he didn't really like the face on her. "I want to go sight-seeing with my son…why not let your mother worry about her own finances. John, I know you are protective but I know what I can and cannot afford," she stated tersely, asserting her motherly authority.

John leaned back and quietly mused that he still hadn't won an argument yet with either Joss or his mother. He decided women were conversational wizards and he was going to have to work on saying 'no' to them…once in a while at least!

* * *

Thanks to Fusco, Joss had gotten to leave work a little early so she could go shopping herself. She was going to owe him for the latest favor but getting out early to wow John was well worth the extra paperwork in the future. With their docket light she knew Fusco would be fine with her bailing.

Joss had found a beautiful and affordable sexy red skater dress. It had a triangle bodice with princess seams and a lace trim for the plunging neckline. The waist was fitted as it fell to the skater skirt and reached to her mid-thigh. And on the back it was just as delicate and beautiful as the straps were thin and curved in almost a razorback look with a zipper closure, and had a sexy cut-out above the small of her back. She nearly shivered at imaging the feel of John's heated palm there. And that was probably the sole reason she chose the dress even though there were many other features of the dress that appealed to her. She had found pretty silver open toe, dress heels with an ankle strap.

She entered her home and called out John's name and he exited the kitchen and she grinned in appreciation. He was wearing black dress slacks and a lavender dress shirt that was tucked into his pants with the top three buttons left undone, and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. John looked good, so damn good that she wanted to grab his hand and pull him upstairs. While he looked so good she physically hurt as she took note that he had shaved and gotten a haircut.

"Where did your hair go?" she demanded in outrage as it was cropped short and styled. Though his cowlick was alive and untamed, still so there was that she supposed.

He fingered it. "It was getting long."

"I liked it longer," she muttered. Well it would grow. Joss carried the hanger with her dress along with the bag of her new shoes towards the staircase. "Give me about an hour and we can go." she said, hurrying up the stairs.

At lunch she had called for reservations and did a little recon to see what was happening in the city. Even though there were tons of things to do or see she decided on taking him after dinner to _The Chocolate Room_ in Brooklyn. She just knew John would appreciate such a dessert bar and hopefully it wouldn't be loaded with people when she only wanted to be with him. Afterwards, to burn some calories she determined they share a stroll taking in the beautiful sights of the Brooklyn Bridge before taking him to Reilley's for a nightcap and an ass-whooping.

Joss showered, with her shower cap on, shaved, and dressed relatively quickly. She selected a dainty gold heart necklace and gold hoop earrings. Joss brushed her hair before adding a faux diamond clip in pin one side back. She dabbed some Jasmin perfume on her neck, hoping it would entice John to lean in. Makeup was applied next before she burst out of the bathroom and proceeded to get dressed. She rummaged through her panty drawer searching for her black thong. Joss smiled the entire time dressing, feeling sexy in the barely there undergarments before pulling on her brand new dress. She snuck a peek at herself in the bathroom mirror and grinned at her reflection. John was going to be wowed, or at least, she hoped so.

Once the shoes were on she was ready to go and was down the stairs in a flash. "See John, I only took forty five minutes." she teased as she entered her living room already knowing his habit of pacing when he was antsy or nervous. This time was no exception and he stopped mid-stride and stared at her.

John couldn't help but stare at her because she was breathtaking. "You're beautiful," he breathed.

She smiled as she turned slowly as she held her hands out letting him have a look at her from every angle. "Thank you," she murmured warmly. Joss narrowed the gap between them as she wound her arms around his neck and stared up into his sparkling blue eyes. "You look good yourself," she added. He reached up and pushed her hair that fell over the front of her shoulder back. He fingered her neck and she shivered in response. "Don't touch me like that or we'll be upstairs in my bed instead of going out and I want our date."

John didn't say a word but let her slip from his arms and allowed himself to be pulled towards the door. Joss stopped when he proceeded to pull on a leather bomber jacket. She eyed him in surprise. He shrugged. "My mother wanted me to have one." he answered her non-verbal question.

"Your mother has exquisite tastes." Joss muttered as John zipped his jacket and it fit him perfectly. John looked good in leather.

He smiled. "My mother had fun dragging me all over the place shopping and sight-seeing. You women have an obsession with it," he remarked dryly.

She laughed but didn't respond as she drew on her long wool coat and they exited. Without knowing it Margaret had aided in her plan of showing John that there was more to his life than merely to protect her. And hopefully after tonight she would make it damn near impossible for John to leave.

* * *

AN: I'm gonna try not to make you guys wait so long between chapters. Time just got away from me. With summer practically beating down the door I always get sporadic during this time of year as I get really busy, so I apologize and hope you guys will bear with me. But this story doesn't have much longer. It actually has about six more chapters so hopefully I can keep myself timely for the next six. But anyways, thanks for reading!


	25. Chapter 25

"That was delicious," John murmured as he walked side by side with Joss, her arms wrapped around his elbow as they strode down the length of Brooklyn Bridge. They had just left _The Chocolate Room_ , both needing to work off the decadent treats they just gorged themselves on. They had enjoyed a very delicious meal at her favorite Thai restaurant before making room for dessert at _The Chocolate Room_. The conversation they had had varied in topics but she kept it well away from what he planned on doing, HR, or anything that could remind him of either. She preferred getting to know the man she was falling in love with. He knew a lot about her but even still he looked interested in hearing details of herself from her.

They had talked at length about their respective time in the Army and she loved the fondness in his eyes as he recalled his time in the service. It truly felt like they were a normal couple out on a date night and she longed for this to be her new reality, where they got to be together and do this all the time. They were destined to be together but she had to figure out just how to prove to John that, without telling him the truth. It would be difficult but anything worth having was never easy, and she had overcome every obstacle ever placed in front of her, and she wouldn't stop now. John's sense of duty and urge to protect was standing in their way so all she needed to do was decipher a clear path to overcome those hurdles. Step one was getting him out on a date in the real world that didn't involve just the four walls of her townhouse. Her next step wasn't known but she'd think up one on the fly. Joss liked being organized and detailed but sometimes spontaneity worked wonders.

Joss drew herself from her thoughts when he looked at her obviously seeking a verbal response so she simply nodded to hide her wistfulness. After a moment when she was sure he wouldn't know what she had been thinking she spoke; "I heard good things about the place but I had no idea how truly divine their chocolate was. Good thing the place was practically empty because with the way you were moaning we had a gender bend of ' _When Harry Met Sally'_ situation happening." she teased.

She grinned as he blushed. Joss bumped into him. "But, let's head to Reilly's since I've been looking forward all day to kicking your butt in a game of pool," she added.

However instead of receiving a response she noted that John wasn't looking at her anymore or even paying her much attention but rather something else was given it. She looked where he was and noticed a commotion. A man was roughening up a woman and it looked like the woman was upset as her face was red and tears were falling. The man had a firm grip on her forearm and was yelling at her. Before Joss could react John stormed over there leaving her to hurry after him. The closer they got the more they could hear the conversation between the two quarreling lovers:

"You think you can flirt with another man right in front of me?!" the man roared angrily.

"I-I didn't, Ben. He just bumped into me on accident and was apologizing. Let go of me; you're hurting my arm!" the woman cried as she wiggled to free herself.

"You heard the lady," John demanded, ceasing the woman's panicked movements and the man let go of her arm as he turned to look at him. The man was about even height as John was but was about ten years or so younger than he was. "Women aren't meant to be manhandled, _sir_." Though he didn't see that 'sir' fit this guy right. No sir would ever treat a woman the way this punk had.

"How about you mind your fucking business? Or did she hit on you too like the slut she is?" the man asked belligerently.

Joss wanted to punch this guy in the face. Clearly he was drunk and was acting like a territorial dickhead while the young strawberry blond looked humiliated and more than a little upset.

"Are you alright?" John asked the girl rather than addressing the man.

"She's fine, old man!" the guy snapped as he punched a finger into John's chest. "Stay away from her. She's mine! Got it?!"

"Better be careful where you put that finger," John threatened as he looked pointedly at the finger pressed hard against him.

"Or what?" the guy sneered as he jabbed him harder in the abdomen.

John rolled his eyes before he grabbed the finger and twisted hard making the man cry out as he fell to his knees. There was much more he could do but settled on proving just how inferior the boy was to him with minimal effort.

Joss swallowed the bubble of laughter as John let the guy go and she dug into her clutch for her badge. "I'm a cop and what you did to this young girl is considered an assault. She asked you to let her go repeatedly and you refused. I can haul your ass to jail," she warned and watched as all the blood drain from the young man's face, even drunk he knew that was bad. Joss so did love making young know-it-alls wet themselves as she dropped them down a peg or two.

John focused his attention on the young woman. "Are you alright?" he asked again but this time the loud mouth boy kept quiet.

She nodded as she wiped away at her tears. "I-I'm fine," she answered shakily.

"See, I didn't hurt her," the guy piped up, sounding a lot less belligerent, as he stood and rubbed his finger.

"Yes you did," the girl stated angrily before looking to Joss. "But I don't want to press charges. He just wrenched my arm a little too hard but I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Joss demanded. "I'll be more than happy to throw his ass in a holding cell and we'll see who is manhandling who there," she said with a dark smirk at the boy who visibly paled further. "Yea, not so tough when it wasn't a girl who weighed half what he did and stood a good solid nine inches shorter than him, are you?"

The girl smiled faintly. "I'm sure."

John looked between the man and the woman before addressing the woman. "Will you be alright? We won't leave if you feel unsafe with him," he asked before shooting the boy a look that literally was making him shake in his boots. Joss never thought of a former guardian angel as frightening but the look John was giving the kid made even her a little uneasy. And a little hot under the collar because John looked good pissed off.

"Thank you, but I'll be fine. Ben is just drunk and when he sobers up he's going to find out that no one puts their hands on me. Although I wouldn't oppose help in retrieving him a taxi to take him home," the girl said.

"But Abby, we could…" the boy began whining.

"No," the girl spoke forcefully. "We're not. You're going home to sleep it off and I'm going to determine if I can handle your jealousy anymore."

After Joss and John helped the young woman find a taxi to put her drunk boyfriend in, they were left alone once more. Joss looked to John and saw that he still looked angry. "How can she even consider being with a man that manhandled her?" he wondered, truly appalled that she hadn't dumped the boy then and there.

Joss shrugged. "Love's a funny thing, John. People will do just about anything for someone that they love." she said gently, the double meaning blatant and felt, but left unspoken. She didn't want to ruin the magic of the night by again pressing the issue, because John was enjoying himself and so was she. "How about we head to Reilly's now after you saved the day with one little twist of the finger?"

The smile that fled when he saw the woman being grabbed reemerged. "You seem eager to try to kick my ass," he remarked dryly.

She cocked her head to the side to eye him. "Try?"

John laughed. "Yes, try, Joss; I don't lose often."

"Neither do I, I guess only time will tell who is going to be victorious."

He nodded as the smile stayed in place. "And when you lose I promise not to rub it in too much." he teased with a wink and it literally stole her breath.

"Oh, now it's on! You're going down!" she guaranteed after she recovered a bit. Her competitive streak kicked in and she was itching to kick his ass now.

John laughed and she shivered as the sound filled her heart. "I like your conviction, Joss, but when you lose maybe I'll be nice and give you a massage afterwards so there aren't any hard feelings. Lionel wouldn't talk to me for hours," he murmured, his voice still full of mirth.

Joss let him tug her towards a taxi as she half debated if the competitor in her would let her throw the game to get that massage or not.

* * *

John smiled as Joss moaned as he ran his hands sensually over her body from her shoulder blades down to her butt cheeks. His body was wound tight with arousal as he had peeled off that sexy dress to find sexy undergarments. Half of him wanted to forget about the massage but couldn't since he did promise, win or lose, he'd give her one. Surprisingly, he lost. But then Joss didn't play fair as she purposely kept him in sight as she bent to give him a very nice view down her dress. She claimed that men were far too easy but he couldn't even feel ashamed of himself for getting sidetracked. He was only human, as of now, and Joss could even make a man who was impotent, hard as a damn rock. And Joss hadn't rubbed it in too much either, so there was that.

He ran his hands up the length of her spine and she moaned lowly again. "Feels good?" he questioned, knowing the answer. John had wanted to leave his clothes on but Joss had steadfastly refused, so he compromised and stripped to his boxer-briefs which seemed to satisfy her. Now he wished he was fully naked because as she moaned and sighed his dick pressed up against the underwear so hard that even the soft cotton felt uncomfortable. But massage first, sex after.

"mmm," she sounded rather than actually answered. "Your hands are made for this. You make my body feel like melting butter," she muttered sleepily, and some of the words sounded muffled.

John wanted to make love but seeing as his detective was tired and practically asleep under his massaging hands he could settle with just holding her through the night. Surely, HR was going to come after her sooner rather than later so he had to savor every moment he had with her before then.

"I love this, Joss," he whispered, feeling his throat constrict with longing. "I love you."

"…then why won't you stay with me?"

John swallowed hard as he had to strain to hear her but the aching vulnerability in her voice nearly crumbled his resolve to do the right thing. She rarely ever showed the vulnerable woman beneath the hard veneer she built to protect her tender heart. But then was leaving this woman really the right thing for either of them? He was so confused because his heart wanted one thing while his head told him he wasn't supposed to have this. Joss was his to protect…not to love.

But he owed it to her to offer an honest response. "I want to stay with you and have a life with you, Joss," he admitted to her as he let his hands curl over her shoulders and work away the tiny knots there.

"…then stay," she whispered.

"I wish I could, Joss. You are everything I ever wanted. I lied to you when you asked me when I fell in love with you, because I did know. I loved you the very moment I looked down at you and saw you studying," he explained softly. She made a noise that was indiscernible. "Joss, you asked me what I saw when I looked at you but I never got a chance to answer you. I simply see you, Joss, there and here, all I see is you. I see your love, but I never see your hate because you don't hate. Not even when you should, you never do," he explained to her as he continued to rub her body. "I see everything you don't want anyone to see, and I love every part of you."

John waited a beat but when she didn't offer a response he decided to ask her something. "But Joss, do you think you could ever love me?" he questioned, even though it felt like his throat was closing, trying to snuff out his voice so he couldn't ask. He was scared to hear her answer but yet hopeful too. He wanted her to want him to stay because she loved him too, and not out of righteousness.

But when all the answer he received was a cute snore signaling she had fallen asleep he felt a mixture of relief and disappointment as he slid from the bed and moved towards her bedroom window trying to cool his libido.

John knew Joss was wary of love and didn't trust readily. She wouldn't fall in love quickly or easily but time wasn't something he had a lot of as he could internally hear the ticking clock as his time here with the woman he loved was coming to a close.

He stared out the window and looked up at the night sky. "Harold, if you can hear me…tell me whether or not I belong here. Tell me so I can stop wanting this life that I shouldn't be living," he pleaded. "If it you can't tell me…then give me a damn sign or something because I don't think I'm strong enough to leave her. I don't think I can let her go, Harold, I love her too much even if she never can love me the same way."

When, again, he received no answer he ignored what he wanted and turned away from the window to head to where the woman he loved lay. John grabbed the comforter that they set on the floor and climbed onto the bed next to her, flipping the comforter on top of them. He pulled her over until she lied curled up into his side, and held her to him as he stared up at the ceiling well into the night.

* * *

"Thanks for meeting with me, Fusco," Lynch said, as Lionel approached the Captain on the rooftop.

He watched as the man smoked. "You know smoking is bad for you?" Lionel asked.

Lynch shot him a dark glare. "I hear enough bitching from my wife, Fusco," he grumbled. "What do you know about Carter's boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" Lionel asked, unsure of whom they meant.

"You know the tall guy that was with her while she was shopping. We had a couple guys watching and they saw him. Guy saved her or she'd be roadkill about now," Lynch grumbled before he began coughing as he took in a puff of his cigarette.

Fusco shrugged a little. "Oh, him…he's not her boyfriend but rather just a stray she wants to keep." Lynch eyed him questioningly. "He's amnesiac and Carter has a soft spot for him. He's been staying with her until she can identify him."

Lynch grinned. That man could be very useful to them; he'd have to call Quinn to give him the good news. He flicked the cigarette out of his mouth and onto the ground. "Keep your phone on; I'll call you once the boss is ready to do away with our thorn in our side. He's being cautious; doesn't want Carter to get suspicious of all the near misses she's recently had."

Fusco simply nodded. He turned to walk away and had a very bad feeling grow in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

AN: Things are beginning to heat up ;D Thank you for reading (and bearing with me)!


	26. Chapter 26

John awoke slowly. It had taken a while to fall asleep. He spent half the night hoping for a sign from his friends to signal what he was supposed to do. But none came, as expected. Did he really believe that Harold could reach him down here? If that was true than Joss would have felt him weeping for her when she nearly died in Fallujah, or when he caressed her face as she cried in bed after investigating the murder of the eight year old girl. So until he had fallen asleep he had spent the time just watching Joss which contented him and lured him to sleep better than any lullaby could.

He looked down at Joss, who laid curled up against him still, and saw she was out cold. He pressed her closer and just continued to lie there. Coffee called to him but holding Joss trumped it. Letting his mind wander, he thought back to the conversation he last had with Harold, before the angel had taken his wings sending him back to Earth, he realized that Joss was correct, Harold never actually said he needed to come back. John felt his heart speed up a little. Harold had explained how he could get back but never actually said he had to. He groaned inwardly as he was letting everyone's theories and desires cloud his judgment.

"What are you thinking about?"

John blinked and looked down and saw Joss wide eyed and staring up at him. "Good morning," he murmured instead of answering her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll go make you some coffee before you go to work." But as he made a move to get up she tightened her hold on him making him look at her questioningly.

"Coffee can wait. What were you thinking about, John?" she asked again.

He didn't really want to tell her. But he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't drop it. So he compromised with himself. "I was thinking about how I wish Harold would give me a sign as to what I'm supposed to be here for, Joss," he admitted. It was only half the truth but enough to satisfy her.

"And…?"

"And I know he can't."

She frowned at that. "Why can't he?" she wondered as she scooted up so that she was half sitting and half lying next to him. He sat up too.

"Joss, he's on another plane…think of it between heaven and down here, so that's quite the far reach he would have to make. And if he can reach me then surely you would have heard me call and cry for you after Fallujah," he remarked dismissively as he looked away.

Joss stared at him with an unreadable expression. "But I did," she whispered.

He looked at her sharply. "Excuse me," he demanded.

"I didn't know what it was, John. After surgery nurses said that I cried out a name, your name, and they thought it was the Marine with me. I never knew who it was until now. Until I met you," she explained softly, as her fingers intertwined with his. "I think I felt you too."

"When?" the question came out ragged, and didn't sound like his voice even to his own ears.

Joss reached up with her other hand to rub his cheek and he shuddered as it was exactly what he had done to her. "That's what I felt when I was crying over the little girl who was senselessly murdered. And I felt lighter after it," she whispered, dropping her hand.

They both were quiet as John digested what she said and she was curiously watching the myriad of emotions flicker in his eyes and his face.

"You okay?" she inquired softly.

"No…."

She smiled at the brutal honesty. "What's upsetting you?—the fact that I could feel and hear you, or, you can't hear Harold."

"Both," he clipped out.

"These one word answers are annoying, John. What about both is upsetting to you?" she asked, thanking that she had boundless patience this morning.

"I don't know," he lied as he pushed out from under her comforter and climbed to his feet. He wanted to escape to think, which he couldn't do clearly with Joss there. Not with those brown eyes of hers watching him or with the way her breasts were nestled against his arm. Touching her in any way even in a clearly unsexual way had an effect on him.

Joss scrambled to her feet not about to let this conversation drop. Judging from the fact that he had the urge to run meant she could be on the cusp of finally making some headway on proving to John he belonged with her.

She stepped in front of his path and set her hands on her hips. His eyes fell to her naked breasts, lust flaring, and she realized she was mostly naked. Joss had wanted to make love last night but that massage he gave her had her so relaxed that falling asleep was fruitless to fight. But if she moved to get dressed John would disappear. Sure she could run after him downstairs to finish what they were talking about but she wanted a bed accessible. Running late was always an option if having sex was the reason.

"What about the fact that I could hear and feel you while Harold can't is upsetting to you?" she demanded.

John exhaled. "Can't you get dressed Joss," he remarked tightly.

"Moment I do you'll beat a hasty exit and leave me to follow you in your wake. I guess you'll just have to talk to me half-naked, I'm doing it to you too." she muttered as she motioned at his body. He was only wearing those beautiful boxer-briefs that left little to the imagination. And clearly a part of him really enjoyed her naked breasts.

"But you're sexier half-naked," he grumbled.

She smirked. "Right back at you," she retorted. "But you're not going to sidetrack me and I'm not dressing until you answer me, John. I'll run around this place naked if I have to!" she threatened.

He looked at her. "So if I say nothing you'd remove your…"

"Spill!" she ordered. Oh, her panties would be dropping alright but not until after he spoke.

"Joss, you could feel me…hear me, we were on different planes of existence," he started. She nodded, patiently waiting for him to get to the crux of what was upsetting him. "That's…"

"That's what, John?" she asked, not giving him an inch.

"Not supposed to happen, Joss. I've never heard of any charge being able to feel or hear their guardian angel before," he explained nonplussed. What did it mean?

"Maybe we have different circumstances," she suggested carefully.

"Joss…"

She stepped closer. "Fine, forget feelings, destiny, and everything else. You want facts; fact is that they can't force you to go back. The only way you go back is if you die, right?" she stated tersely.

"Yes, but—"

She interrupted him; "Then you can stay with me and have a life. You just have to choose to," she murmured before she pressed her lips to his cheek and moved swiftly to his beckoning lips. "Choose me," she demanded as she captured his mouth with hers.

He sighed as he kissed her back, and she let her tongue slip into his waiting mouth to lay alongside his in a blatant seduction. Her hands instantly went to his waist and grabbed the waistband and tugged him with her back to her bed. She pushed him onto the bed and followed him down, climbing on top of him without breaking the connection.

Perching on top of him she sat upright with a brazen smile. "I'll make you choose me, you won't have any choice," she guaranteed before she bent over him and kissed him again. She was going to be so late to work but she couldn't seem to find it in her to care. 

* * *

John restlessly paced the floor of Joss's living room fighting the distinct desire to leave her place and go make sure she got to work safe. He knew she would be upset that he checked up on her but her safety was all he cared about for the last sixteen years it was a little hard to turn off. Not that he would. Regardless if there was some other reason or not for his being here he would never stop caring for her safety, alive or not.

Joss had left for work, late but satisfied, and more than just the physical sense. He couldn't even be upset by her smug smile as she left. He would have promised her anything if it stopped her from delaying his orgasm. But now what did he do? He promised he would choose her. But he didn't know if he could keep that promise. John understood what she meant. There was no way that they could force him to come back to where he belonged and he could choose to stay with her. But was it the right thing to do?

He was sick of the indecision. John wished he had some third party to ask, someone that didn't care one way or the other, and just told him what they thought he should do. Sometimes an objective mind could lead to a clearer path. But he had no one like that. Joss, Lionel, and his mother were set on him staying. He made a couple friends in the Army but he couldn't very well call any of them up as he was presumed dead. But he had met Fred 'Hoss' Glasgow again. He was given the nickname of Hoss because he was big boned and steely eyed, but once he got to know you he was like a large teddy bear. At the time they met again he hadn't been able to recall Fred all that much. He felt familiar but yet John hadn't been able to place him, much to Joss's dismay.

Perhaps maybe he needed someone that thought he was already dead to give him advice.

John stopped pacing and strode over to Joss's desk where the file on him still remained. As he had gone over everything on 'John Reese' that Joss found he had seen Glasgow's contact information in there too. He hesitated only for a second before he dialed the number on her landline. As it began to ring John felt butterflies flutter around in his stomach. It was stupid to feel nervous calling an old friend but he was. Dead men don't make phone calls and he could be making a very dumb mistake.

"H'llo," Fred answered as John debated on hanging up.

John froze.

"Anybody there?" he asked.

John decided the most honest route was the one he'd take. "Are you Fred Glasgow?" John asked. The man was quiet before a hesitant 'I am' came back. "I don't know if you remember me but I am the man that you met just after I was released from the psych ward."

"How could I forget you?—you look identical to my friend," Glasgow stated. "Did you regain your memories?"

"No," he lied, unable to be completely honest.

"To be honest, I was hoping you did and was calling up to tell me that you are my friend and somehow you survived," Fred admitted.

John felt guilty. "I don't know if I am but I was calling to understand this man that everything thinks I am," he murmured gently.

"What do you want to know?"

"If he would choose between love or the job," he said instantly.

"Why would you need to know that?" Glasgow demanded suspiciously.

John sighed. "I want to understand this man," he lied. "Maybe if I know more about him from someone that might know what he thought about, maybe memories will come back. Nothing else has worked."

Fred Glasgow was quiet for several minutes, so long that John thought he had screwed up. "John loved the army. He was a good soldier and did as he was told. He died for his country because he was brave and courageous. But if I had to say if he would choose between love or the job; he most definitely would choose love," he answered.

"Why would you say that?" John forced the words out.

"Just from conversations we shared. I think if John had met a girl in high-school like his parents did then he would never have even enlisted. I think because he struck out in the love department he turned to his love for his country to fill that void," Fred explained.

John nearly collapsed onto Joss's couch. Fred was right. He probably wouldn't have enlisted if he met someone. He closed his eyes as he let what Fred said sink in. Fred had no stake in this; had no clue what this was truly about, but he answered honestly.

He reopened his eyes as he smiled. "Thanks, Hoss, you've been a great help," he said sincerely. Finally, the indecision was over and he felt lighter.

There was a sharp breath. "How do you know that nickname?" Fred commanded. "No one calls me that anymore."

John stiffened, as he realized his mistake. "Bye, Mr. Glasgow."

"Hold on a min…"

John felt bad as he hung up on his friend and jumped as it immediately began to ring. He frowned as it was Glasgow's number. How the hell did he get Joss's number? Or was there some new technology with phones that he didn't know about? John let it go to the answering machine unable to answer his friend's questions.

"John, pick up! You are him, aren't you?! You called me Hoss, only my men called me that, and no one has since I retired. Damn it, I'm your commanding officer…pick the fucking phone up!" John smiled a little at how irate his friend sounded. "You might be panicking about memories; I don't know shit about amnesia or what happens when some memories come back, so if you can't pick up that's fine…because I'm getting the next plane out and I'll be in New York. I thought it was you when I was there and now I know it's you. I'm going to help you John, I promise." he vowed before hanging up.

John bowed his head and cursed, before there was a knock at the door. Good, his mom was finally here and could help him figure out what to do now with Fred coming.

He walked to the door and answered it but instead of it being his dainty mother on the other side, it was three uniformed men with guns drawn and aimed at him.

A blond haired man with ice cold blue eyes said; "You're coming with us, Carter's lover-boy." 

* * *

Joss felt like she was walking on air as she entered the bullpen. After having amazing sex and making John practically beg for his release, while earning a promise he'd choose her she felt really good. She took another big gulp of her pure black coffee wanting the caffeine fuel as she trudged unhurriedly to her desk. She frowned as she realized her day was going to go from amazing to shit in seconds judging by the look on Fusco's face as he immediately stood as he saw her.

Lionel made a beeline to her desk as she moved towards it herself. "Carter, we need to talk now," he said brusquely. No 'Good Morning' or 'how you're doing' or even a smart remark. No usual Lionel Fusco humor. This didn't bode well.

She nodded as she set her keys and coffee down on her desk to follow him to an interrogation room for a little privacy from prying ears and eyes. Suddenly her good mood faded because Fusco seemed amped up about something. After they entered Interrogation Room B he slid the door closed behind them forcefully. He peeked through the horizontal blinds before whirling around appearing frustrated, angry, and scared. Yep, bad news was coming.

"We have a very big problem, Carter," he said instantly.

She sighed. "Guessed as much; what's wrong?" she asked.

"HR knows about the big guy."

Joss stiffened.

Fusco ran a hand through his curly hair looking agitated. "Last night, Lynch called me to meet up so I went. He was asking questions about John. I couldn't lie or they'd know I'm setting them up, Carter. I told him that he's an amnesiac stray staying with you until you can help him regain his memories," he explained hurriedly. Damn it, today was a day he wished he could drink and wasn't two years sober. He could really use a drink to calm his damn nerves. First he was worried about his partner and now he was worried for the big guy. "I tried to downplay his importance but Lynch lit up like a creepy Christmas tree."

Joss cursed, at Fusco, but mostly at herself for belittling the fact that John's safety being near her was at risk. Intellectually she had known this was a possibility but selfishly she had wanted John to stay with her even though she had to send her kid away because of the dangers being near her presented. She cursed again as guilt ate at her.

"Why didn't you call me last night about this, Fusco?! They won't hesitate to use John as either leverage against me or use him as a patsy," she said angrily, though not really aimed at Fusco.

"I didn't want to ruin your date with the big guy. And Lynch said HR isn't going to make a move on you yet so I figured the big guy was safe for the time being. They don't want to go after you too close together with your previous near misses because they don't want your death being led back to them,"h Fusco muttered defensively.

Joss locked away her unease. "I can't chance John's life. We need to tell Donnelly to get some eyes on my place where John is," she stated as she whirled around to head out but stopped when Fusco grabbed her elbow.

"Carter, hold up…" Fusco trailed off. She looked at him impatiently waiting for him to say whatever he wanted to say. "The big guy is your guardian angel, and you're his charge, so maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree about him being misled here and he should…"

"You're not," Joss cut in. She couldn't very well tell Fusco that she met his very ornery guardian angel. "I got it on good authority that John is here to love me and be loved by me in return."

"How do you know that?" he asked incredulous.

"I just do. And now I need to go get Donnelly to send some agents by my place to keep an eye on John because I can't let anything happen to him. He'll do whatever it takes to protect me and I can't lose him," she stated and with that she pushed out of the interrogation room and made a mad dash for her desk to make some calls.

Before she called Donnelly she needed to call John to make sure he knew of the danger that lurked around him. Joss tried to tell herself that John was going to laugh at her being worried about his safety for once. But with each ring of her phone that went unanswered the harder her heart pounded. She motioned with her hand anxiously waiting for her answering machine to kick on. Good lord, she needed to cut the damn length down because she droned on and on.

Finally the beep sounded and she spoke in a rush; "John, pick up, its Joss!"

Joss anxiously tapped her foot as she waited for him to pick up and heart leapt into her throat as he didn't come to the phone. "John, this isn't funny. I need to talk to you. Pick up now," she snapped trying to keep from panicking.

When no answer came Joss whispered his name.

* * *

AN: Er, sorry to end it there.


	27. Chapter 27

Joss practically broke the land speed record to get back to her place. She had called up her place and begged him to answer but got nothing. A bad feeling grew in her stomach that HR had already grabbed him but she tried to remain calm. Fusco pointed out that the big guy could have been in the bathroom or shower and didn't hear the phone. It did little to console her.

"Carter, it's going to be alright. The big guy is fine, you'll see," Fusco muttered as he grabbed the handle as she took a sharp turn at a high speed. "Perhaps you should slow down so we can make it there in one piece."

She didn't bother responding as she hauled ass to get down her street where she stomped on the brakes as she got in front of her place. Joss frowned with her heart in her throat as she saw Margaret at her door practically pounding on it. Joss removed her seatbelt and made a beeline for her front stoop.

"Margaret," she called out.

The woman turned and looked relieved. "Oh hello honey I was just coming to see my son," she explained as she looked at her car and seemed disappointed when she saw Fusco exiting the car and not John. "I just got here and have been knocking on the door for minutes."

Joss bypassed her feeling like a jackass for not answering her. Her heart lurched into her throat as she tried the knob and it was unlocked. John wouldn't have left it unlocked. "Fusco, I need you to take Margaret back to my car," she said softly.

"Wait a minute. What's going on young lady?" Margaret demanded. Joss turned to look at Margaret and watched as her face paled. "What happened?"

"I don't know Margaret. John hasn't answered my calls and my door is unlocked when it shouldn't be. I need you safe because you mean everything to John and I have to go in there to make sure it's clear," she explained calmly.

"I think maybe you should go in the car and wait with Margaret while I check around," Fusco suggested instead. "Never know if they are still here to ambush you," he whispered.

Joss shook her head and gave him a look that made lesser men grab for their crotches to protect their balls. "John's mine and this is my house, I go in," she snarled angrily. "Now take his mother into the car and don't come out until I do."

Margaret looked physically ill but allowed Fusco to draw her away from the house. If John was dead the woman didn't need to see it. And Joss would hunt the bastards down that took the man she loved from her.

She turned to look back and waited until Margaret was securely ensconced in the car. When she turned back to her place Joss withdrew her gun and proceeded in carefully. Joss didn't call out as she entered, not about to give intruders any unnecessary hints as to where she was. She methodically went through her home checking every nook and cranny; first seeing a tiny drop of blood near the door. It was misshapen as if it was rubbed down, and she realized then that there was probably more blood that was wiped clean. They hadn't wanted her to see any signs of struggle and she was afraid of how much blood they erased. As she continued through and found it clear but no sign of John, which might actually be a good thing. If they took John with them then it meant they wanted him alive for the time being, so whatever blood loss he had it wasn't life threatening or at least that's what she latched onto.

Joss holstered her weapon and stormed to the front door and motioned at Fusco. They had to be careful with this. She couldn't call in for the agents tailing her because there was no telling if HR was watching her and then would know that Fusco wasn't loyal to them. Fusco slowly climbed out but Margaret didn't hesitate. Joss led them into her home and closed the door where she immediately pulled her phone out to call Donnelly.

"What's going on Joss?" Margaret asked.

She ignored the woman because Donnelly answered and she began giving him details of what Lynch told Fusco and the fact that John was missing. Joss hung up wearily, knowing Margaret heard every word. "Donnelly wants to meet at a safe location. He's agreed to not send in his agents because it could mess up with the whole operation," she admitted.

"Why would they take John?" Margaret asked, voice calm, and Joss knew how much of a strain she was under to remain that way.

"Because John was there with me at the grocery store when HR tried to have someone run me over with a car, and he pushed me out of the way. HR has tried to use my C.I. as a means to kill me, when that didn't work they hired a desperate man trying to save his house from foreclosure as a patsy and that didn't work. Now they resorted to using John as a means to get rid of me," Joss explained, not wanting to hide anything from Margaret. The woman deserved to know even if John wouldn't agree with her.

Margaret swallowed hard. "And how exactly is using John as a way to get rid of you going to work?" she asked.

"Don't ask me that," Joss snapped as she turned to walk away. She couldn't tell John's mother that. Joss had a suspicion alright and she was going to do everything to prevent it from happening. She felt a hand on her wrist and Joss blinked in surprise as John's mom who was a good couple of inches shorter than her and not at all physically intimidating tugged on her.

"I have the right to ask," Margaret stated, voice tight with emotion but clearly Mama Bear was out in full force. "You might be in love with him but I love him too, he's _my_ son!"

Fusco looked between the two women, Carter was coolly professional but he could see the fear in her eyes, Margaret looked ready to weep for the next decade or two but was holding it together, and decided to diffuse the situation.

"They are going to make it look like wonder-boy killed Carter in a fit of passionate rage. They'll have me plant evidence in here to make it look like John became obsessively infatuated with the woman that gave him a home to regain his memories, and when she didn't reciprocate the feelings he killed her because of the cliché 'if I can't have you no one will' bullshit before turning the gun on himself in an apparent murder-suicide. It won't take much convincing since wonder-boy will be viewed as an amnesiac nut-job who was found naked in the rain and hopped onto Carter's hood," Fusco explained. HR has done similar things to other people that he knew about and couldn't prevent it from happening. But soon this would be all over. He was sure of it.

Margaret sank onto the couch as if unable to remain standing anymore and buried her face in her hands before looking up. No tears, but, just an unwavering trust resided on her face. "How do _we_ get him back safely?" she asked, emphasizing ' _we_.'

Joss sat down next to Margaret or offer some emotional support to John's devastated mom. "We need to keep in constant communication with the FBI and wait for Fusco's signal," she explained quietly.

Margaret frowned as she looked from Joss to Lionel. "Your signal, why?" she wondered.

Fusco heaved a heavy sigh, knowing the big guy's mom was going to view him as a villain in a moment or two. "I'm sure you know by now that I'm working undercover in HR as a loyal member to gain information and evidence against them to bring them down," he began slowly and, when Margaret nodded her head that she knew that much, he continued; "Yesterday they asked me about John and I had to tell them who he was or they'd get suspicious and I would blow not only my cover, which would get me as good as dead, and my family too, but I would blow the investigation to kingdom come." Guilt filled him as he looked at Margaret. He felt bad because this woman spent sixteen years in despair and now she finally had her son back, and because of him her son was MIA.

Joss saw his guilt and immediately shook her head. "This isn't your fault, Lionel. You told them because you had too. If it's anyone's fault it's mine," she said tightly. Both Margaret and Lionel looked at her questioningly. "I offered John to stay here even though I sent my son away knowing how dangerous it was to be near me, and I did it because I selfishly wanted to get to know him," she whispered.

Margaret shook her head as she reached out to pat her hand gently. "It's not your fault either, sweetheart. Knowing my son, wild horses wouldn't have kept him from you," she murmured. Joss clamped tight on the emotions swirling inside her. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked softly.

Joss nodded. "Yea, I think you need to head back to the hotel and stay there. I don't think HR knows you're here but I'll make sure the FBI puts a guard on you too. Stay there until either Fusco or I call you. Can we have the number that we can reach you?" she asked, trying to sound both caring and in control.

While sitting idly at her hotel room wasn't what Margaret wanted to hear there wasn't anything realistically she could do to help. "Of course, I much rather you worried about him than me, and do whatever it takes to bring Johnny home," she agreed. "I can't lose my son again. I just got him back."

Joss moved her hand that was under Margaret's to gently grab it and soothingly squeezed. "That isn't going to happen. Your son isn't getting away from me that easily. He made me fall in love with him and I don't take that lightly. We'll get him back and he'll be staying right by my side because it's where he belongs," she vowed.

Margaret stared up into her eyes as tears welled up. "I believe you."

* * *

John came to with a headache and a sharp throbbing pain in his shoulder. HR had come armed and tried to take him quietly. He hadn't gone willingly, he knew their desired outcome which was completely different from the one he wanted. So he fought, which surprised them because they weren't expecting him to have many fighting skills, having not realized he had more than basic training from the Army. But with three on one and armed while he wasn't, they very unsportsmanlike shot him in the shoulder to gain the advantage before pistol whipping him, knocking him unconscious.

He opened his eyes and looked around. He was in some basement. John tested the ties on his hands and realized quickly on that he wasn't tied to the actual chair. His feet were free and as he stood a little he could easy stand from the chair. The knot in the rope binding his hands together wasn't tight enough and as he wiggled his hands, ignoring the rope burn forming, he could feel it loosening. Whoever was tasked with tying him up didn't do a very good job of it.

John continued working to free his hands, or at least one of them, and realized as he pulled that his hand was nearly free, before freezing and looking up when he heard a door open and close. In walked the same man that came to ambush him along with some men he didn't recognize. "Morning sunshine, glad you're with us," the guy spoke darkly.

"I won't help you hurt her," John said quietly.

The guy smirked before looking to the black man beside him. "This is the guy that will cure us of our pesky problem with Carter, boss. Fusco gave Lynch some good intel on him. He's living with Carter and is amnesiac, even spent some time in a psych ward recently. No one will question that he snapped and killed Carter," he explained.

The distinguished looking black man smiled. "Good, she's been causing us problems since the start. I tasked you with this, Simmons, since everyone else has failed, so do not let me down too."

John eyed the man that was called 'boss' which meant he most likely was the guy that the FBI was trying to pin down as the head to crumble the entire organization. And why they hadn't made their move yet which left Joss's life in limbo.

"So you're the one calling the shots," John murmured.

He nodded proudly. "I am."

"And you would be?" John asked darkly. "If I'm going to die and you're going to kill Joss at least tell me the name of the man that ordered my death."

The man shrugged.

John nodded. "Ah, you're a nobody, I get it now. You run this criminal organization because you have no real power in the real world. You're a nothing," he goaded and watched as a tick started in the man's jaw. Maybe he could piss this guy off into making a mistake and he could take this guy out himself.

"I can assure you, John, that I am not a nobody," the man stated trying to sound regal and unaffected but instead sounded angry.

He snorted. "You can't even kill one lone cop who has been apparently a thorn in your side for a while with an entire army of followers," he stated to needle the guy further. Judging from the fury building in his eyes it was working.

"That's a problem from my men and I will outcast them all. Make them an example that will get results from my men in the future," the man assured him.

"Or your 'men' as you call them will see you as unfit and will band together to outcast your unworthy ass and take over themselves," John countered almost conversationally.

The black man moved close as he moved down to his level as he set his hands on the arm rests of the chair. "I built this entire thing on loyalty. My men are loyal to me. Any one of them would gladly give their life up for me. The FBI and police have been trying to suffocate us by rounding up my men but not one of them gave up my name. And why?—loyalty." he explained patiently. "Carter is like a cat with nine lives, well they've all been used. Her time is up."

John stared into the dark cold eyes of the man that wanted Joss dead. "I guess there is something we have in common. I am loyal too. But my loyalty lies with Carter," he whispered softly for the man's ears alone.

John moved with lightning speed as he immediately removed his hand from the rope swung his arms around and looped the rope around the man's neck as he stood and pulled the black man with him hard. He heard shouts from the other men in the room but John didn't care as he only had one goal in mind: kill the man that was going to kill Joss. Men rushed him and John kicked out pushing them away knowing they couldn't shoot or risk hitting their boss. John didn't let up the pressure as the guy grabbed desperately at the rope at his neck as he made gagging and gurgling noises.

"You son of a bitch!" cried a man but John ignored him as he kept his laser focus on smothering the man he currently had rope wrapped around, until something was rammed into his bullet's exit wound. John's lost some power and someone tugged the black man from him and he collapsed on the ground sucking in ragged air and gasping.

Several men were punching and kicking him but the agony in his shoulder didn't dissipate until something was ripped free of his wound and a bloody screwdriver fell on the floor beside him.

"Cuff him!" the guy identified as Simmons shouted in rage. John felt his hands tugged behind his back and cuffed with handcuffs as they proceeded to wallop his ribs with harsh kicks making breathing nearly impossible. "Don't injure him too much or the coroner will question this! We need him in relative good shape to kill Carter and then himself!" the same man barked before moving to the black man who was lying on the ground still gasping. "Quinn, Quinn!—are you alright?"

"Y-Yes," he managed through gasping pants as he grabbed at his neck. "Make sure Carter pays for what he did."

John lied in pain on the cold hard ground but the agony of defeat was what he was suffocating under. They were going to try to kill Joss and there wasn't a damn thing he could do.

* * *

AN: This summer has been tough for me with work, having a sick dog, and other things going on making my posting sporadic at best. But I'm trying to get more punctual with the updates. Maybe when I start my next story I'll set up a schedule like Monday and Friday or something because I do much better when on a schedule especially during this time. Thank you for reading!


	28. Chapter 28

An entire day went by without anything to go on to find John. Fusco tried to reach out to his contacts in HR to know what was going on but didn't receive a response. Joss didn't sleep a wink and when she met up with her son for breakfast he noticed.

"Are you okay, Mom?" he asked softly.

Joss tried to smile, she really did, but didn't quite manage it. "Not really baby," she answered honestly. She felt like her soul was missing; being one half of soulmates while the other was out there missing and quite possibly in danger was excruciating. John had to be okay. He just had to be.

"What's wrong?"

Joss decided it was time to tell her son about John, not about his former angel status, but everything else. So she did. She started from what he knew about him falling on her car to the fact that she took him in and ended it with the fact that he was taken now because of her.

"Mom, it's not your fault. You were just trying to give him a place to stay as he tried to regain his memories. How would you know that the people after you would view him as the perfect fall guy?" Taylor exclaimed, defending her as she knew he would, but she didn't want to hear it.

"But I should have seen it coming from a mile away, Taylor. There was a reason why I asked you to not stay with me on the weekends because of the danger being near me posed but I didn't exercise that same caution with John," she whispered as guilt weighed her down heavily.

Taylor eyed him mom thoughtfully. "Is there more going on between two you than what you said, mom?" he asked carefully. He didn't want his mom upset but the way she talked about John seemed to him that there was something else going on between them.

Joss looked up from her growing cold coffee, surprised. Then she smirked. "Can't pull a fast one by you can I?" she murmured, impressed.

"No. You just looked happy telling me about him. And you look devastated by his abduction," he answered, though feeling his chest puff out in pride. He was getting good at reading people. His mom made a living of doing it and he wouldn't mind one day becoming as good of a cop as she was. Though he was keeping that information to himself for the time being until he was sure his mom wouldn't pop a gasket at learning he wanted to follow in her footsteps.

"I fell in love with him." she admitted miserably. "And I didn't even get a chance to tell him, thanks to HR."

Taylor reached over the linoleum table and rested his gentle hand over hers. "You will, when you get him back because you will get him back," he reassured. "Uh, does he feel the same way about you?" he asked. He didn't want his mom hurt. This was the first guy since his dad and things didn't end well with his dad at all. He didn't think his mom would ever try again.

Joss smiled a little. "Yes," she whispered. "He does."

"Then have faith mom. You'll find him; if there is anyone in the world that can do it, it's you," Taylor said, having more confidence than she did.

"But what if I find him too late; if he thinks it will protect me he'll let them kill him," she whispered her fear. God, nothing could happen to him or she just ruined not only her life but his too. She should have pressed him harder yesterday. Yes, she forced a promise of choosing her but it was during sex and she was delaying his orgasm time and time again to get it. She should have done more to get him to realize he belonged with her so he would fight as hard as he could to remain here with her.

"You'll save him," Taylor said simply.

Joss swallowed back the tears. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Taylor," she said before forcing the sadness from her. "Now that you gave your old mom a pep talk, let's get out of here so I can go find him and then you can meet him. You'll love him, Taylor, I know you will."

"As long as he treats you right, we'll get along fine," Taylor agreed, speaking as his mother's protector.

He watched his mom's face glow at the thought of the guy and he sure hoped he'd meet someone like his mom met John that made him that happy. "Taylor, you don't have to worry about that. John is an angel," she confessed though knowing her son would never truly understand she was actually speaking literally.

* * *

Fusco felt nerves creep inside his stomach as he headed for the rooftop of the precinct, called there by Lynch. He hadn't heard shit about the missing big guy and Carter looked like someone let all the air out of her tires with him gone. He didn't know if he was made and wasn't privy to knowledge of what was going on or not. But he was sure if HR suspected anything they would have already taken him out. Lionel pushed open the heavy steel door that kept the rooftop door closed and found his captain smoking another cigarette.

"You rang," Lionel called out, keeping his pretenses up.

Lynch turned and smirked. "What, no 'you know smoking is bad for you' comment today, Fusco?"

He shrugged. "Tired of it going in one ear and out the other. You want to smoke that cancer stick, go for it," he muttered.

Lynch flicked the butt down and stepped on it. "Tomorrow we need you to take Carter somewhere to end this."

"Figured. Carter has been going nuts with her amnesiac nutball friend missing," Lionel said, which was actually the honest truth.

"Good. Does she suspect it's us or does she think he flew the coop?"

"Flew the coop, which has her worried since he's still missing his memories," Lionel played up the angle of the amnesia. "She doesn't want to open a missing person's report because she doesn't have much to go on so she asked me to help her find him." he said, giving them a perfect, or so they thought, opportunity to have him lure her to her supposed demise.

"Good going, Lionel, at this rate you'll earn your way up the chain of command and might even get a meeting with the boss, that is if you can pull this off."

"Carter will be good and dead soon enough. I've been working hard and showing my loyalty to HR, Lynch," he said trying to sound sincere, though it was hard when bile rose in his throat. He hated these people.

Apparently it worked. "And it won't go unnoticed, Lionel. The boss will be impressed with your help in eradicating our little problem. He'll reward you for it."

"Hope so…."

Lynch clapped him on his back. "Get the head of Carter, meet the head of HR, and you'll be living the simple life, you and your son, and we can even help you get full custody away from that bitch ex of yours," he said.

Lionel kept his face neutral, having no doubt what Lynch meant by getting full custody from his ex entailed. "Can't wait," he lied. And Lynch grinned.

* * *

At a safe location of the FBI's choosing Lionel, Joss, Donnelly, and the two agents that was her security detail met up. If Joss was the kind of person that smoked to relieve stress she would have smoked an entire carton of them.

"You'll wear a wire when you take Carter to the HR appointed location. It appears that they don't suspect a thing," Donnelly said, business as usual for him, as he handed Lionel a tie clip that looked cheap but held a tiny camera with audio receiver. "Once in, we'll have your location under lock down, get as much information collected to better build our case against Alonzo Quinn and make sure the civilian is safe."

"Anything else, unhook the kitchen sink while I'm at it?" Lionel grumbled.

Joss perked up at the name. "Alonzo Quinn?—where have I heard that name before?" she demanded.

Donnelly sat back. "He's the chief of staff for Mayor Ed Griffin, but more importantly he is the head of HR."

Joss's back stiffened. That guy! She'd seen him on the television a couple of times during the race and after a political scandal rocked Landon Walker, the rival of Ed Griffin, they won in a landslide.

She sat thinking. "It makes sense," she murmured after a while.

"Oh yeah?" Donnelly sounded interested.

"Guy is a political advisor by trade, so powerful figures come and go but he remains. He built HR up and he still has a foothold in the city no matter who is in charge," she explained.

Donnelly nodded. "Yes, your informant that tried to kill you, Nashus Drake, or Bottlecap to most, said that Alonzo Quinn was with two other authority figures; one of which he picked out a picture line-up of Officer Patrick Simmons and another of Detective Raymond Terney. They called him boss. We've had a shit ton of information and evidence on Simmons and Terney for a while but now that we have the name of their leader, we might have enough to flip them and make them squeal on Quinn."

"Doubt it," Lionel spoke up.

"Why?" Donnelly asked, unhappy with being disagreed with.

"They built everything on loyalty. If Simmons and Terney are that high up on the food chain they aren't going to spill on Quinn no matter what you offer," Lionel murmured. "But I know someone that would."

"Who?"

"Our Captain, Lynch, he'd spill in a heartbeat. He's loyal but not that loyal to turn down a lesser sentence for Quinn. He's already stressed judging from the chain smoking he does. Press him the right way and he'll give you everything on Quinn, Simmons, and Terney," he explained.

Donnelly nodded. "Alright, then that's what we'll do if we can't use Simmons or Terney to bring Quinn down along with them. Now head home and sleep well, we need you both rested for this. If we all do our jobs correctly we'll be able to bring down HR while saving Carter and our civilian that's at risk."

"John's first priority," Joss piped up. "He's a civilian caught up in this mess because I made the mistake in taking him home with me to recuperate and try to help him regain his memories."

"Yes, he is. But I don't see why we have to jeopardize our operation. This will work, Carter, just as long as we are all in constant communication. Once we know where everyone is and everything is set up we'll come in and protect you three," Donnelly finalized with an air of confidence.

Joss nodded. And while she trusted Donnelly she was going to have a contingency in place to make sure John survived because he mattered the most to her, not the damn investigation.

* * *

AN: BAMF Joss Carter is coming your way ;D Thank you for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

_**AN: I just have a mild warning to give you guys as this chapter has some graphic violence depicted in here because Carter goes ham on HR...just an FYI.  
**_

* * *

"Rise and shine," came a voice John came to recognize as soulless.

John cracked an eye open. His chest felt like an inferno after the beating he took. It hurt to breathe and when he did it took a lot of effort. His shoulder throbbed with a deep pain from his gunshot wound that had been a source of torture for HR.

He didn't put up a fight as Simmons and a few other men he didn't recognize grabbed his arm and forced him up. John had to bide his time in hopes of protecting Joss from their wrath for his attempt on Quinn's life.

He collapsed in the back of a tinted SUV. Even when he died he didn't feel this sort of pain. It hurt but the hurt was gone after only a few minutes. John hadn't a clue how long they drove and wasn't even aware of if it was day or night, not when he had a black bag over his head. He closed his eyes and didn't open them again until the door to the SUV opened alerting him to the fact that they had stopped. He was dragged out and forced into a building before he was pushed to sit down. The bag was taken off first, then the cuffs. John instantly began fighting. His body hurt with every movement he made but he forced himself to fight. He got some good kicks and punches in before they swarmed him, forcing him onto the ground as they pummeled him.

"Enough!" Simmons commanded and they hauled him up and pushed him into a chair where they proceeded to zip tie his arms and legs to the chair.

John limply sat staring darkly at the men before him. He worked his mouth. "How are you going to make it appear as though I killed Joss with me sitting tied to the chair?"

"You won't be sitting here. But even if you were we have Fusco in our back pocket. He'd help us arrange it." Simmons assured. "It's nearly show time. Fusco is in the process of bringing her to us as we speak so there is only one last formality."

John wished he could do something but he was tied to the chair and weak. All he could do was watch as one of the men with Simmons and Terney pulled out a syringe. John merely cocked a brow at it.

"Sedative?" John remarked.

Simmons laughed. "No, if it was up to me you'd suffer more for the stunt you pulled yesterday with Quinn."

John nodded. "Ah, heroin, to make it look like I was high when I shot her." he murmured. They thought of every last detail.

"You'll be so out of it by the time Carter gets here; even if you try to save her it won't do you any good," Simmons assured him cockily as he sunk the syringe into him and shot the drugs into him system.

* * *

"Mike check, one two, one two," Lionel said as they drove to the location that he was given by HR to take Carter to. He did everything by the book. He went up to Carter at the precinct in front of the Captain to give her the news that he had decided to ask his informants to keep an eye out for John and had a lead. Joss was an even better actress as she literally dropped everything she was doing to demand that he'd take her there immediately, that John could be disoriented and in need of help. Lynch gave him a smarmy grin and Lionel gave one back, no one was the wiser.

But on the down low he informed Donnelly of where and when. The place surely was covered with agents, which would not only make sure that he and Carter came out alive but their angelic friend as well.

"It's a go," Donnelly responded. "Carter?"

"I can hear you," she snapped. She was just nervous. It was finally all coming to an end and she needed to make sure John was alive. Who knew what they've done to him since they grabbed him? She couldn't wait to see him just to make sure he was still with her.

Before she left the house she strapped a small pistol to her ankle as well as pocketed her trusty knife. Donnelly wanted them all taken alive but Joss didn't share the same feeling if it meant saving John. Joss's father had taught her how to throw a knife at a target since the age of five. It had been just something they did together. Her mom didn't even stop it either, not when she realized that their darling daughter was more tom-boy than girly girl. Joss made her dad proud when she hit the bullseye every time. Joss hadn't thrown knives in years but she was sure she could still do it, and if need be, for John's life and hers, she would hit the bullseye but this time it wouldn't be a round piece of wood painted by her father but instead between the eyes of a murderer. She just hoped it didn't come to that.

Fusco looked at Carter. She wore a determined expression on her face and little else but he knew what this was doing to her internally. "We'll get him back, Carter."

"I know. John promised me that he'd choose me and I'm going to hold him to that damn promise!"

He nodded. "We have to play this right, Carter. You can't go in prepared for gun battle. You are coming here thinking John is at this vacant warehouse because he's disoriented and mentally ill." Fusco reminded her.

"I know how to do this, Lionel, it's my job," she barked angrily. Lionel didn't take any offense knowing the strain she was under. "I'm sorry, Fusco," she said after a moment.

"It's okay, you're worried about the big guy. Let's just get him back and call it even. I'm looking forward to getting my head out of HR's ass and not need to look over my shoulder every damn day," he muttered.

"Me too. Plus, after HR is dealt with I can have my son come back home on the weekends."

They both fell into silence as they approached the out of the way vacant warehouse where supposedly an amnesiac nut job had run off to. Lionel had questioned Lynch about why out there that it would be a stretch for Carter to believe John would be out so far, but Lynch told him to convince her that it was wide open and would be easy to take her out there. Thankfully, Carter, the grand actress she was, had questioned it and believed his answer even though under normal circumstances she would never have.

Fusco pulled up to the curb and cut the engine. "We're here," he said for Donnelly.

"My teams have all checked in and have eyes on you. You're good to go." Donnelly responded in true professionalism.

Joss slid out of the car first. "Where is he, Fusco?" she asked, slipping into Actress Carter.

"In here. My informant said she saw a man matching his description with another man head this way. She thought they were doing drugs." he explained, deciding he was the next Kevin Costner.

Joss made a face. "I was hoping he wasn't a druggie. But it would explain why he hopped in front of my car in the buff," she replied as she stormed in front of Lionel towards the vacant warehouse. Lionel felt nervous but instantly shut it down and steeled himself for the fight to come. Wonder-Boy and Carter needed him to.

Joss entered first as they decided to make it look believable. The cry of sheer agony from Carter was anything but acting. John was lying on the floor nearby a chair, bloody, bruised, and clearly not with it. "John!" she called out, biting her tongue to keep in character, as she rushed to him. He was sprawled out, spread eagle and staring at her but not seeing her. She was scared he was already dead.

Joss ran to him and put her fingers to his neck and nearly sobbed in relief when she felt his pulse but it wasn't strong. "John," she murmured as she moved his head and saw his pupils were unnaturally small. Joss recognized the signs immediately; he was shot up with heroin and on the precipice of overdosing. Her eyes took note of the gunshot wound to his shoulder and his face was bruised and there was a gash over his right eye. They not only shot him but used him as a punching bag.

"I'm sorry Carter," Lionel said from behind her.

Joss turned to look and saw that Lionel was pulling a gun on her. For nearly a minute she forgot he was acting. "What the hell are you doing Lionel? I need to call 9-1-1!" she cried.

"You see that's where you are wrong, my dear."

Joss looked away from Fusco towards the voice and she crouched protectively near John as Quinn, Simmons, and Terney approached her.

She turned back to Fusco and made a face. "I should have figured it out sooner that you were dirty. That's what I get for actually believing I had someone to watch my back," she snapped. God, they needed to hurry this up so they could get John to the hospital.

Lionel shrugged. "Sorry Carter, but, I got a kid to pay for and playing by the rules gets me nowhere. If you didn't have the rulebook stuck so far up your ass you might have been quality HR material," he responded.

Ooh, Joss was going to pay him back for that one. She shifted to look back at Simmons, Terney, and Quinn. Quinn was the only one not holding a gun on her. She cocked a brow up at the bruising around his neck.

"So Alonzo Quinn is the head of HR," she said clearly and loudly for the FBI's recording.

Quinn smiled. "At your service, Detective Carter, and I wish I could say it's a pleasure to meet you but you've proved quite difficult to kill, which is why I'm here in person to make sure it's done properly."

Joss shrugged as she kept her fingers on John's pulse to make sure he was still with her. "So this is what?—a setup, John isn't some druggie is he? You nabbed him and took him here knowing I wanted to save him."

Quinn shrugged. "I was told by my men that you had a bleeding heart and when your stray saved your life after, once again, we failed to kill you in an inconspicuous way…I saw my opportunity. He's truly the perfect person to kill you Detective; he is amnesiac and was in a psych ward at one time."

Joss looked down at John making sure he hadn't stopped breathing before looking back up. Time to get this over with so she could save John; who knew how long he was like this and precious seconds mattered. "Do what you want to me but let John go. He's not a part of this," she pleaded.

"Bastard, tried to kill me!" Quinn growled. Joss's eyes widened as she realized the bruises around Quinn's neck were from John. He had attempted to choke Alonzo Quinn to death. "As I figure, he saw it as a way to protect you but his life ends with yours."

"He's got some balls I'll give him that," Simmons spoke up finally. "He didn't come willingly. But we always win and that will never change."

Joss's panic rose as she looked down at John as his breathing became even more labored; to hell with the investigation. "You never lose huh?—think again," she snarled as she reached for her knife inside her coat with a quickness that surprised everyone but her and flung it at Simmons head, and she didn't even flinch when she struck him between the eyes, just where she had aimed.

Quinn shouted, so did Fusco, and Terney aimed for her head and Lionel shifted his focus from Carter's back to Terney and began firing. "DAMN IT CARTER! TEAMS GO, GO, GO!" Donnelly shouted loudly in her ear but she didn't hear it over the roar of adrenaline as she pulled out her gun hovering protectively over John as she fired at any moving target. She didn't feel the pain as she was grazed with a bullet her focus solely on HR and blowing them away.

Quinn made a dash for the exit as a few loyal HR police officers wrestled to get their guns drawn, not having suspected she would go on attack mode or have Fusco at her side. Before Quinn could beat a hasty exit men dressed in black and Kevlar were bursting through doors and windows, out arming HR. They threw Quinn onto the ground.

Joss lowered her gun letting Donnelly's men apprehend HR as more than a few needed medical assistance thanks to her and proceeded to immediately check John over. "Hey, I got you." she whispered as she looked back to Fusco. "Call a god damn ambulance!" she growled.

Fusco nodded as he spared one look at Simmons who had a knife sticking out of his forehead and dialed 9-1-1.

Joss ignored the flurry of people as she stared into John's unseeing eyes. "Just focus on breathing, John. Fight through it. Breathe in and out," she ordered.

"What happened?" it was Donnelly.

"They shot him up with heroin and he's close to overdosing. We need a damn ambulance like a minute ago." she snarled. "And I won't lose him. I won't," she whispered, trying to believe it.

* * *

AN: Okay, I will admit the gruesome death that Simmons suffered by the hands of Joss Carter was because he killed her on the show and very therapeutic for me. Plus, John gets to have his badass moments so why not Joss? In my head canon I always figured Joss was a cross between a girly-girl and a tomboy. She enjoyed dressing up in dresses but did things that were considered not girly.

Now they have one last issue to tackle...making John realize the truth ;D

Thank you for reading!


	30. Chapter 30

_**AN: I just need to say a little something before you guys go on to read this or you can skip it :D As you guys may have realized I've been struggling this summer. It's been a tough one for me. I have anxiety and bad panic attacks and this summer has really flared it up for me because of stressing and crying. I'm generally busier this time of year than any other at work but it's been just one thing after another. My dog who is 13 has become really sickly. He's more of a furry son than just a dog to me. And then most recently it's been my father. My dad is an alcoholic and a heavy smoker. I'm in my early thirties and I've never seen him not with a beer. Everyday he would drink a six pack or more. And for the past two weeks it's been a journey at convincing him that something was physically wrong with him. But finally after having a bunch of people have heart-to-heart conversations with him he agreed to go to the hospital and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. So I've been in and out of the hospital visiting him. He was released on Saturday but he has a long road ahead of him because my dad cannot drink or smoke anymore or he'll end right back in the hospital or worse. So for the first time since I've been born my dad is sober and smoke free. I have been so stressed with fear that we wouldn't be able to convince him to choose us over his alcohol that I've made myself sick to my stomach. But seeing him make an attempt at putting us first for the first time has made me feel better. Anyways, I just wanted to explain rather than keep trying to be vague about things. You guys are so sweet to read my stories or write me a review or write me a message that I wanted to air things out fully.**_

 _ **Thank you for letting me ramble and try to get some of this out and, as always, for reading my stories. If you guys didn't read them I wouldn't post them and just horde them to myself.**_

 _ **Now back to what you really came for...**_

* * *

John didn't feel anything or hear anyone. He wasn't even sure he was attached to his body. There was no pain any longer which he was grateful for. "John…."

He blinked and saw Harold there. "Harold?"

"No, you're not dead, at least not yet. But I saw an opportunity to talk with you and I wasn't going to give it up. As it is I am your guardian angel. I shielded you as best as I could but even I can't shield you from that injection," he explained gently.

John frowned. "I don't have a guardian angel. I am one," he remarked.

Harold smiled patiently. "You already made up your mind haven't you? You spoke to Fred. You clearly know what you want but you resist even now, why?" he asked.

"I'm there to protect her."

"But you love her, John, do you think I would give up a chance to be with the woman that I loved if I received one. Don't give up yours," Harold almost begged.

John frowned. "But what about up there?—I belong there," he wondered if this was in his mind since his body couldn't move.

"You do," Harold agreed, unable to lie. John did belong with them but not at this time. And he couldn't give him further explanation until John chose Joss. So all he could do was wait and guide John.

"So how can I stay with Joss?" he asked softly. Harold merely remained silent. John groaned as he began feeling the pain once more.

"Sorry, John, I can't shield your pain to let you think clearly much longer. I'm using up all my strength to do this," Harold explained.

John looked around and not only saw Harold but now he saw Joss, Lionel, and medical personnel surrounding him. His eyes focused on Joss. He looked back up and Harold was still there. "I don't care how, I want to stay with Joss," he whispered.

Harold grinned. "Good answer, because you two are supposed to be together, John. I couldn't tell you because you had to choose to be with her on your own. Now that you have I can finally tell you the truth."

John frowned. "So you lied to me on purpose."

"More like led you astray because I was giving you a second chance at life, a life you were robbed of because of me. I am your guardian angel, John. I messed up. I loved you as much as a father would love a son and you died because I froze up. So to make up for the error that I made and that sent Jocelyn's life off course as you two were soulmates and meant for each other, we found a way to give you another chance, but the only stipulation was that you weren't to know the real reason why. You had to choose love and Joss. Now you have. You'll be seeing me again in the very distant future John. Give Joss all my love," Harold said affectionately before he disappeared from his sight.

"Harold," he called out.

Joss blinked as John cried out Harold's name but she didn't verbally respond. She simply watched as the paramedics worked on John, having injected him with Naloxone to instantly block the opioid receptors in the brain and body. As they lifted him onto the gurney she wanted to go with him but knew she couldn't, that she was needed to remain here. She had to watch helplessly as they loaded him up into the ambulance and take him from her to the closest hospital. Another pair of paramedics had treated her arm but she pushed them away to be near John.

"Hey, wonder-boy is going to be okay. They stopped the overdose in its tracks and he's lost blood but nothing life-threatening," Fusco reassured her as he stepped by her side to offer comfort.

Joss looked at him. "I know. Finally HR is going to crumble to the ground. Knowing Quinn, he'll squeal on the Russians who he's been working with recently to get a better sentence," she murmured and felt relief flood her. It was finally over and John was still with her and alive.

"So tell me, where the hell did you learn how to throw a knife like that?" Fusco asked incredulously.

She smiled a little as they walked to where Donnelly was waiting expectantly for them with a thunderous look on his face. "My father, he taught me how to throw knives at a young age at a target. I was really good at it. Hit the bullseye every time and I just imagined Simmons was my bullseye," she admitted. "Now let's go get debriefed, give our statements, receive our tongue lashing so I can go call Margaret and see John." she muttered.

* * *

Margaret burst into the waiting room and Joss smiled as she stood. The small woman ran up to her and flung her arms around her and hugged her so tightly. "Oh thank god my son is alright," she sobbed and Joss just merely hugged her.

"He will be. I told you I wouldn't let him go," she whispered in the woman's ear.

Margaret pulled out of the hug and cupped Joss's cheeks. "You are a miracle my darling girl. I love you nearly as much as my son does," she said fondly with a watery smile.

Joss returned it and reached up to wipe away Margaret's tears. "I love you too Margaret," she assured her with a reassuring smile. "John nearly overdosed on heroin but we got to him in time."

"Heroin! They shot my baby up with drugs!" Margaret burst out angrily.

"Yea, they wanted to make it look like John was high on drugs when he decided to kill me. It would be a perfect plan but Fusco was loyal to me and not them. FBI was all over them before things could get out of hand but it was just taking damn near forever to get medical attention to John." Joss explained as best as she could while withholding certain facts that surely would upset the older woman.

Fusco snorted. "Carter's being modest. She's not saying she practically brought HR to their damn knees on her own," he added, his hand on Joss's shoulder.

Margaret already figured that out. "I figured as much. Joss is a doer not a talker," she murmured. Joss smiled at the pride in the older woman's voice. "Now when can I see my son?"

"Not yet. He's being thoroughly checked over. I didn't tell you everything." Joss admitted and she watched Margaret pale. "He was shot in the shoulder and beaten pretty good; they roughed him up because John had gone after Quinn in hopes of protecting me. From what we learned so far that he has two broken ribs that thankfully didn't do any internal damage."

Margaret made a whimpering noise before she toughened up. Then Margaret took note that her sleeve was cut and a big bandage was wrapped around her bicep. "Oh my sweet baby girl you were injured too! Why didn't you say something to me I wouldn't have squeezed you so tight?!" she demanded and proceeded to fuss over her. Joss smiled knowing it was just nerves because she wanted to see John badly.

"I'm okay; it was just a graze. Terney always had a shit shot." she soothed the ache in the elder woman's eyes. The worry was etching harsh lines on the soft face of Margaret Reese.

They both looked up when a nurse entered. "John's alert and awake. He's complaining about wanting to be let go already. The doctor wants to keep him for a couple days to make sure he has no lingering effects of his ordeal. You may go in to see him if you'd like." the woman said. The nurse smiled when both women clamored to immediately go see him. She motioned for them to follow her and they did. Margaret let out a low moan of agony as she saw her son in the hospital bed.

"Oh Johnny," she whimpered as she rushed to his side and cooed at him as she stroked his face before bending to press a soft kiss to his forehead. John had bruises and some cuts on his face, his left arm was in a sling, and his torso was wrapped with bandages. But he was alive. His beautiful eyes were open and staring at them warm and inviting.

"Mom, I'm fine," he whispered embarrassed at all the attention he was being showered with.

"Tell me that when you're not in a hospital bed," Margaret contested hotly, but lovingly.

Joss fell back to let Margaret pester and mother-hen John first. Margaret lost a chance at that for sixteen long years. Once Margaret stepped aside John's eyes sought her out. "Hey," she greeted softly, moving closer.

"Hey," he responded.

She couldn't hold it back even if John's mom was here. "John, I love you. I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me that you chose me. I heard you say Harold. I know you saw him and you chose me." she said fiercely as she bent down and kissed him on the lips gently.

When she pulled back he was staring up at her in awe. "Joss…"

"I do love you John. I'm not just saying it because I almost lost you. I'm saying it because I mean it with every part of my being. I should have told you before but didn't because I was scared to say it out loud. I was scared to be in love with you because you had plans on leaving me and I wasn't sure if I could handle losing you. I held it in but I won't do that anymore; you chose me just as I choose you," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, I can hear wedding bells already," Margaret sighed.

Both John and Joss smiled but didn't look away from each other. "I love you Joss. I never thought you would ever reciprocate my feelings. I never thought I'd get this chance to be with you," he rasped.

"John, you're easy to love," Joss whispered.

"Hear, hear," Margaret retorted.

John looked at his mom. "I love you too, mom. I didn't just choose Joss but you too."

Margaret smiled as tears filled her eyes again. "Sweetheart, I know. I know you love me and I knew you'd choose with your heart. You were just struggling with what you thought you were to do and what was right in your soul. We all need guidance sometimes. I did. I almost didn't come here even though I was in New York. I asked your father for strength and he gave me it." she reassured before moving close to press her lips to his forehead again tenderly. "But you need rest to recuperate and I'm sure you want to talk to Joss privately. I'll go get some tea but I'll be back soon." she said and after another soft kiss his mother left leaving him alone with Joss.

Joss sat down on the bed beside his hip. She grabbed his hand. "I can't stop touching you." she whispered.

"I never want you too." he acknowledged.

She smiled. "Good, because we have lost time to make up for." she said sincerely.

They were quiet for several moments. "You're right; I saw Harold." he whispered. Joss didn't respond but just sat there and held his hand. "He told me the truth after I chose to stay with you. I just couldn't leave you; I love you too much to. Harold told me everything; apparently he was my guardian angel and screwed up because he loved me like a father loves a child, and froze which got me killed in Bosnia."

"Did he tell you that we are soulmates and that's why I could hear and feel you through time and space because we are connected in a way that others aren't?" she asked. John gaped at her. And if this wasn't such a serious conversation or the fact that he was recuperating after being shot and nearly overdosing she would have laughed. "I was given a message from a certain foul-mouthed brunette who seems to have a perpetual snarl on her face." Joss explained.

His eyes widened further. "You saw Shaw?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded. "Yea, she gave me a message and basically told me everything but I was sworn to secrecy and if I told you I'd lose you. So I came up with my brilliant plan of taking you out on dates to show you how good we are together. That we belong together and we do belong together." she murmured.

He smiled gently. "Can you say that again?" he asked gruffly.

Joss leaned close nuzzling her nose to his. "We belong together, John. I love you so much." she whispered near his lips.

"I love you more than anything Joss."

"I already know." she agreed before taking a tender swipe at his lips then leaned back. "Shaw's unique."

John smiled and laughed then grimaced as it hurt his broken ribs. Joss noticed the wince and immediately moved to press the nurse's call button. "No, Joss, please don't have them shoot me up with meds. I've been pumped with enough drugs to save me a lifetime. I much rather you than pain medicine." he pleaded.

"Thankfully, since you're not hooked on heroin you won't go through the painful withdrawals." she murmured but pressed the button anyways against his wishes. He might want to play macho man but she wanted to get him out the hospital as soon as possible. He glared at her even though his face was scrunched up in pain. "Sorry, I want you to feel better even if that makes you mad."

The nurse entered and Joss instantly stood. "He's hurting, perhaps it's time for some pain meds." she suggested.

The nurse nodded as she held out the medicine she carried and moved to his IV while earning a dark glare from John. "I suppose he's not in agreement." the nurse teased as she ignored the look and proceeded to inject pain medicine into his IV.

"It makes me tired." he stated angrily.

The nurse smiled. "That's the point. It's supposed to reduce your pain and help you rest. Sleep is the best remedy for anything." With that the nurse exited after checking him over and John felt the immediate effects.

Joss shook her head as he struggled against it. "Sleep, you took quite the ass kicking though it seems you dished it out quite well too." she cajoled, and waited as John was helpless against the drowsy effect of his medicine as he slipped into slumber against his will. She rubbed his cheek that wasn't bruised affectionately before bending to press her lips against his forehead much as his mom had.

Joss left his hospital room to make a call. She quickly found the person who owed her one and clicked her name. The woman answered on the first ring. "I'm calling in my favor," Joss said in way of greeting.

* * *

AN: I wish I could have included a lot more of Margaret/Joss and Margaret/John because I love her. Thank you Elaine for asking me to make sure mama Reese was alive :)

Thank you for reading!


	31. Chapter 31

John sat on the edge of the hospital bed waiting to be released. He spent two days in the hospital under constant observation for infection and any ill effects from the heroin, and once the doctors were satisfied that he had neither he was allowed to go home. Today was his birthday so he took it as a wonderful gift. Hospital food was terrible. Joss had brought him a change of clothes. His mother had tried to mother-hen him, trying to help dress him, which he graciously declined. But that didn't mean his mother didn't hover around the door asking him if he was alright. He'd never admit to Joss or his mom he still hurt like hell and he was weak as a kitten.

Now as he waited for the release papers and the dreaded wheelchair he was forced to go out in, the door opened. Joss entered carrying a manila folder and he perked up, hoping that was his release papers.

"Am I finally free to go?" he asked.

Joss smirked. "Not yet, which is actually good since we need to talk before you leave," she admitted. He furrowed his brows as she handed him the manila folder. John took it and looked inside before drawing the contents out. He lifted a brow before looked up at her. "Resurrecting John Reese from the dead is too hard especially since the Army would want to know what truly happened in Bosnia," Joss explained. "I called in a favor with someone that owed me one, and she got me everything I needed for you to assume a new identity. So your new identity is John Riley; you graduated from New York University with a business degree but found your true passion: cooking, so you graduated from one of the top of the line culinary schools with high marks. And if being a chef isn't your thing you could always go back to school." she murmured. "I wanted to give you an opportunity to actually get out in the real world and get a job to make yourself happy."

John smiled as she looped her arms around his neck. He set the manila folder beside him and rested one hand on her hip while the other remained in the sling. "Being with you makes me happy," he whispered before kissing her.

She smiled against his mouth before pulling back a little. "If you somehow figure out a way of making sex with me profitable please let me know so I can quit my job," she teased.

"I have a few ideas if you don't mind lending me your emergency funds," he murmured.

She furrowed her brows. "Why? You have a bank account, John."

He frowned. "How do I have a bank account when I've been dead, Joss?" he questioned before an unsettling thought struck him. "Did my mother dip into her savings for me?"

"No. But the money did come from your mom." Joss answered. "Your mother wired all the money from a savings account she placed your money in sixteen years ago. She never touched a dime of your money. It just sat unused." she admitted, forgetting to tell him. No wonder he thought he didn't have any money when he actually had a healthy bank account. John had done well with saving and investing his money when he was alive the first time.

"What?!"

Joss lovingly ran a hand across his cheek. "To Margaret that money was yours and using it meant just another piece of you was gone, and so she put it all in a bank account and left it there." she explained what Margaret had told her the other night.

John sat bewildered. He had done well with his money when he was young. His mother struggled to earn a living after his dad died so he learned the value of a dollar early on. But he hadn't anticipated that his mother hadn't touched a single cent of his money. He felt a little better knowing his mom had been financially sound.

"So I take it that my mother knows about this new name?" he asked changing the subject.

"Wait! What do you plan on doing?" Joss asked when she realized he still hadn't said what he planned on doing.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do, John," she huffed.

He smiled at how irritated his sexy detective was at not knowing what he planned. He sweetly ran his index finger down her nose. "You'll see," he assured softly. Joss tried to scowl at him but couldn't. "So my mom knows about this new name I'm assuming?"

"Yes. She agreed that resurrecting John Reese was too complicated and you'd be interrogated to an inch of your life for what happened with no satisfactory answers. And then the news media would grab a hold of it and you'd be hounded there too. You're still her son but to the outside world you're not. Even my son is going to believe that Margaret adopted you as her own after her only son died in the Army," she explained.

"Are you sure you want to lie to your son? We could try to tell him the truth," John offered.

"I'm sure. Taylor is a good boy but he won't understand since we have no way of proving it to him and it's just easier. Lionel still is on the fence though I think he believes it more than he'd like to admit," Joss said with a sigh. The door to his hospital room opened again and Joss slid from his embrace and a nurse with papers and a wheelchair entered with his mother right behind her.

"Are you ready to go home, John?" the nurse asked.

John nodded as he glared at the wheelchair. "I can walk,' he assured her, knowing the answer already.

"Hospital policy, sir, so sit your butt down and enjoy the ride," the young nurse said saucily with a wink. If he remembered correctly her name was Deanna and she loved busting his balls. He grumbled as he maneuvered himself onto the wheelchair. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long to get out of the hospital; he really was tired of seeing the four sterile walls.

* * *

John was glad to be home, or, at least, what was home for now. Now that the threat to Joss was over and he was still alive, he didn't know where he should go. Just because she loved him didn't mean she wanted him to live with her just yet. But he kept quiet as they needed to talk privately as he no doubt knew his mother would more than willingly want him to come back home to Washington with her. But he couldn't leave New York, not without Joss.

The car stopped by the curb. "Home sweet home," Joss said cheerfully and John could barely smile. Did that include him? Since he was hospitalized both his mom and Joss nearly camped out in his room until he kicked them both out so they could get some real shut eye. He had a feeling that they were still trying to come to terms with the fact that he was indeed still alive and hadn't done what he originally thought he was going to.

John barely reached for the handle before his mom had it already opened. He sighed as both women were still fussing and he preferred them to not. His chest was tender but the pain meds helped him breathe easier. His shoulder didn't hurt nearly as bad as just a day ago. Joss slid an arm around his abdomen very gingerly and his mother slipped under his arm.

"You two do realize I was shot in the arm and I can walk, right?" he asked, unable to hide his exasperation. First the wheelchair and now being helped to Joss's brownstone!

"Hush," his mother scolded. "You went through a lot so let us coddle you. We are entitled, we were worried about you."

"Yea, what she said." Joss chimed in.

The door to her place opened and a good looking young black man stood there as both Joss and his mom hovered by his side. The boy came down the stoop with a big smile on his face. "You must be John!" he said happily as he stepped in front of him.

"And you must be Taylor," he replied. John pulled away from his mom and Joss to hold out his hand for the kid to shake but instead the boy surprised him as he went for a hug.

"You make my mom so happy. I'm just happy to finally meet you and glad you regained some of your memories," Taylor said as he hugged him gently not to cause him any undo pain before pulling back. "And I guess I should say: Happy Birthday, old man!" Taylor teased jovially.

John chuckled, feeling as though he had known Taylor forever even though technically they just met. But then he did see the boy often from where he watched from Joss from above. Taylor was very social and John appreciated the quick camaraderie as it never came easy for him. "Thank you,"

Taylor looked past John to his mom and gave her a nod and a thumbs' up that he approved, and Joss just smiled. She knew her son would like John instantly.

They helped John enter and he blinked as they entered the living room seeing birthday decorations, presents, and other party favors loitering around. But there were other people and people he recognized in Joss's living room as if waiting and when they saw him they sprung up to yell "Surprise!" John was shocked as he didn't expect a party or any kind of celebration. He had been just released from the hospital and grateful to be alive. At least he didn't have to go into the psych ward this time so there was that. But he was more surprised by the people there. There was a frail African American woman that looked like an older version of Joss so he assumed that was her mother. But also sitting on Joss's couch with Fusco, by him was Fred Glasgow and who he guessed was his wife. John had known that Fred was determined to come here but hadn't realized he would stick it out once he realized he had been hospitalized. To complete his shock of guests that Edna and Bob were next to Joss's mother.

He was instantly passed around in gentle hugs, so not to hurt him, by first Edna than Bob, followed by Joss's mother who was happy to meet him, to finally Fred who gave him a very manly but heartfelt hug. "Can we talk, alone?" he asked as he swept the room with an analyzing look before glancing at him once more.

John nodded and tried to stop Joss from putting a birthday crown on his head but she gave him a look that tempted him to defy her just to see what she'd do but he liked the smile she gave when he left the stupid birthday crown on. He knew his mother wanted to live up his birthday since she missed out on celebrating so many. He followed Fred into the kitchen where he knew Joss would keep everyone out, including her son.

"It's good to see you again, Fred, and this time I really do remember you. I'll never forget everything you taught me," John spoke fondly.

Fred ran a hand through his hair. "How the hell are you alive? I don't understand. I was there. You were dead," he asked.

John didn't look away and while he wanted to tell his friend the truth it was easier to not. "I don't know. That part of my life is fuzzy." it wasn't technically a lie. He remembered being shot and the pain that accompanied it then nothing. He didn't remember anything after that until he saw Harold.

"Makes sense, you didn't have a heart beat or pulse. So however you were brought back you probably lost a good chunk of time, and then you went missing." Fred remarked. "Were you captured by enemies and held as prisoner?"

John knew he'd have questions but he couldn't tell him the truth because he'd never believe him. "I'm sorry Fred, can't answer that," he stammered.

Fred exhaled heavily. "Classified shit isn't it?" he replied. John leapt at that and nodded his head. "Alright, I'm just glad that you're here because I've missed you, John."

"I missed you too. You befriended me so easily."

"Not hard to do!" Fred responded with a full-fledged smile. "You better keep in touch too! Gabby wants you and Joss to visit Florida, we both are bored stiff at being retirees."

John smiled. "I would say getting Joss to agree to head someplace warm wouldn't be difficult," he responded as they exited the kitchen.

As the celebration went they ate dinner, he opened presents, and then had dessert. Everything was finally back to normal and John could finally not have to worry about Joss constantly at work; though he would worry as he could not shut that part of him off. Edna and Bob left first, wanting to go back to the hotel to get some rest since they were battling jet-lag. Fred and his wife Gabby left after them, wanting to set up a lunch date sometime soon before they went back to Florida. Taylor and Joss's mom were the next to head out, needing to get back home so Taylor could finish his homework and be ready to go to school tomorrow. Lionel left shortly after. His mom had been the last to leave, wanting to spend every minute of his birthday with him as she could before she also left to go get some shuteye.

It left just him and Joss, and for whatever reason, he was nervous. Joss sat beside him on the couch and her legs on his lap. "You know, if you weren't still recuperating from being shot and beaten I'd take your hand and lead you upstairs and give you a better gift than money could buy," she assured throatily.

He smiled. "We could…"

"Absolutely not! You have a hard time breathing without any physical activity because of your broken ribs. Sex can wait until those are healed and then we are going to make up for lost time," Joss stated with finality. She could wait even though she longed to be joined with him.

John nodded, feeling a little disgruntled. Damn HR! He looked at her as he rubbed his hand over her shin. "Can we talk?" he asked.

Joss narrowed her eyes on him. "Of course," she agreed. She didn't know what this was about but it sounded serious. They had already gotten past the hurdle of him thinking he needed to die to protect her, so that wasn't it.

"Uh, well, since HR has been taken care of I'm assuming Taylor will be coming back here on the weekends to stay with you," he murmured.

Joss furrowed her brows. "Yes," she agreed unsure of where he was going with this. "And what of it?"

John sighed as there was no easy way to ask this. "When he's here do you want me to go back to the guest room to sleep?" he asked quietly. "Or do you want me to move out entirely? I can't leave you, Joss, because I love you but if living together is too quick I'll…" he started to explain but was cut off when she sat up and kissed him silent. The kiss was passionate and meant to make him forget his own name for a while, which he did, until she pulled back.

"Does that feel like I want you to move out?" she demanded before taking his lips captive again and gave his bottom lip a gentle suck. "You're not leaving my bed...ever. I can't sleep without you. There's just something about sleeping in your arms that gives me the perfect night's sleep. I think it's due to our special connection."

He smiled. "I feel like that too. I haven't slept good in days," he admitted almost shyly.

She nodded. "I can tell. You look sleepy right now. And neither have I, so we will be hitting the sack soon to cuddle until cuddling isn't the only thing you can do," she whispered. "John, I love you and there's no going back."

"I love you too. But I had to make sure Joss. I don't want to push you for something you weren't ready for," he murmured.

Joss smiled. "Well, speaking of not wanting to push you for something you aren't ready for I have something to tell you," she murmured as she worried her lip.

John frowned as she looked pensive. "Is this that something you were worried about before?" he asked thoughtfully. She looked at him in surprise. "You seemed upset by something after we had sex on your couch but you wouldn't tell me. Then when we were in your bed making love afterwards you seemed distracted but you claimed you were alright both times. Is there something you were keeping from me?" he asked.

"Caught me," she acknowledged. "I was keeping something from you because we didn't know, at the time, what was the truth or not. And now we do."

"Now we do," he agreed. "So what was bothering you, Joss?"

"When we had sex on my couch…you didn't use a condom." she whispered.

"Okay, so?" he said perplexed. Joss just sat there waiting for him to get it. His eyes widened. "Oh!"

"Yea, 'oh,' I didn't want to tell you that there was a 50/50 chance of getting pregnant because you had enough on your plate. But since you're here you should know that I could be pregnant."

John sat there with Joss thinking it over and how he felt. He could be a father? Something he had always wanted but never believed it could happen. A mixture of emotions welled up in him before looking back at Joss.

"When will you know for sure?" he asked.

She shrugged. "In about another two weeks." she admitted. "How do you feel about it?"

"Honestly?" he questioned. She nodded. "I would love it if you were pregnant," he admitted and her eyes widened. "How do you feel about it?"

"Scared, I'm nearly forty. But having your baby, seeing you as a father is worth the midnight feedings, diapers, and colic again," she whispered feeling a little sentimental as her eyes filled with tears.

He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Then we'll be scared together because if you are pregnant, becoming a father scares the hell out of me."

"You'll be perfect at it," she reassured. "And my mom would love to have another grandchild to dote on."

John groaned. "My mom is going to smother the child." he groaned, making her giggle. He glanced at her as he rubbed her palm. "But my mom is old fashioned…she'll want us to get married."

"I guess if I have to marry you, I have to marry you," she said, feigning anger over it. He chuckled as he slowly pushed her legs off his lap and moved to stand. He sighed as Joss was at his side and helping him. "Be a grump about it all you want. You wanted to take care of me, well it goes two ways," she told him.

As they stood he stared down into her eyes. "If you aren't pregnant…would you still feel like marrying me one day?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe," she answered slowly. "Depending on if you ask or not."

He smiled and so did she before he let her lead him upstairs where they fell asleep quickly in each other's arms as they would for years to come.

* * *

AN: One more chapter to go :) Thank you for reading!


	32. Chapter 32

_Two weeks later…_

John kept asking Joss if she had taken the pregnancy test but he kept receiving the same answer of 'when I get time to' and it was grating on his nerves. But he couldn't even be upset since he knew she was busy working as a homicide detective. With HR in shambles and Quinn turning over state's evidence against the Russians, things were quite hectic at the precinct. Joss and Lionel both were given certificates of going above and beyond duty, but also, offered interviews to become FBI agents themselves which both declined. He knew that both wanted more time at home than what would be offered as an Agent.

Things had been easy on the first weekend with Taylor at the house. No awkwardness and the boy didn't comment on the fact that he was sleeping in the same bed as his mom. John had a few checkups to make sure his ribs and arm was healing fine, which they were. Sling was gone and physical therapy begun, and his arm was feeling much better so that he could already move his arm above his head.

And his idea of work for himself, worked. He bought and sold stocks quite well, making good money, and surprised Joss with it at the same time. It wasn't the typical nine to five day job but it worked for him. He couldn't see himself actively going to work as he'd feel like he'd climb the walls. John enjoyed taking walks through Central Park with Joss, or alone, and eventually he would take jogs there too once his ribs were fully healed. And when he didn't spend time exploring the world around him he spent it with his mom as she moved from Washington state to New York in the short span which created chaos.

His mom sold the old family farm to Edna and Bob, who were blown away at the below market value that his mom wanted to sell it to them for. His mom didn't want to live in the city but found a cute little farm house in the upper New York which was a journey up to, about an hour drive on the expressway, but Joss pointed out that they had a guest bedroom she could stay at whenever she wanted too. John really hoped that guest room turned into a nursery though. He couldn't get it out of his head, Joss pregnant with his child.

"Thank you honey, for helping me paint! I can't even tell you how crazy this has all been," his mom said, breaking into his train of thought. In the two weeks his mother had sold her farm to Edna and Bob, bought this new one in cash under the stipulation that the homeowners could be out in a week so she could move in, and had sent all her things from one coast to the other. All her stuff sat in the pod outside that she used to ship her things until the house was painted the colors she wanted. The only thing inside the house was an inflatable air mattress for her to sleep on.

"Sure mom," he agreed as he put the paint roller back into the ivory paint and proceeded to place it against the wall as he painted the wall with a second coat. "Are you going to like living in New York?" he asked quietly.

"You're here, so of course." she answered instantly. "I know you're doing well with buying and selling stocks already so I wouldn't mind some tips since I depleted my bank account." she joked.

"Of course mom; I want you financially secured," he assured.

"Sweetheart, I was teasing about being depleted. I'm fine. But I'm not joking about seeking your help I wouldn't mind having more of a cushion so I can just relax now in my later years. You've done well with your money and I'd take any advice you can give me."

Before he could respond the door to his mom's new home opened and closed. "Where are you guys?!" called out Joss.

"In the back bedroom, sweetheart!" Margaret shouted as she set the paint brush down, happy to have an excuse to stop. Painting was a chore that was boring and tedious but she hadn't wanted to hire anyone to do it. She liked doing her own work with the help of her son.

Joss entered wearing old jeans and shirt clearly looking ready to work. "Hey! I thought I told you two to let me have this room since I've been MIA the last day and a half," she demanded crossly.

John looked over his shoulder and smiled. "It's good therapy for my arm," he murmured. Joss just scowled. "You are a busy woman Joss. I can handle helping my mom paint her house."

"And I've been a nag about making Johnny take his pain medication for his ribs and take frequent breaks," Margaret replied which made Joss happier. John grumbled under his breath.

"I would have been here sooner if I didn't need to go pee on a stick." she teased making both John and Margaret look at her in surprise.

John swallowed hard before forcing a raspy "Are you pregnant?" out from around the lump in his throat.

"Well, if this thing is as accurate as it claims to be the answer is 'yes.' But I called my doctor to get an appointment to verify it. John, I swear you do everything well. You got me pregnant on one try!" she muttered blithely even though tears welled up in her eyes.

John dropped the paint roller down and swept Joss up into his arms as he crushed her to him. He buried his face into her neck and could swear he heard his mother crying, but right now all he could do was hold onto Joss. After a while he pulled back and kissed her warmly before moving to his mom and she swallowed him up into her fierce embrace.

"I'm going to have a grandchild!" she breathed as she let him go to hug Joss just as fiercely. "Thank you Joss for making my son so very happy and giving him his dream come true."

Joss rubbed Margaret's back. "John is mine." she whispered for Margaret's ears only.

"Mine too," she whispered back.

Joss pulled back and John was staring at her avidly. "I guess this means you have to marry me now," she teased.

"I guess so," he agreed warmly as he stepped to her and took her hands. "Marry me, Joss."

"Yes," she breathed. God, could this be her life? Just a short while ago she was alone and lonely but now she had her son back, had a child on the way, and a man that she loved more than anything. God was good and her life was blessed.

John kissed her softly before pulling back. "Marry me tomorrow."

Her eyes widened. "Tomorrow?" she squeaked. "You must be out your damn mind if you think I can pull off a wedding in one day. I want you in a tux that I can peel you out of…sorry Margaret," Joss said as an afterthought. No mom wanted to hear about her son's sex life. Margaret waved off her apology.

"Marry me soon," he pleaded.

Joss wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled up at him. "Soon I can do," she agreed and kissed him, looking forward to their future together.

* * *

AN: The end! Also if you are wondering why I chose him buying and selling stocks as his job, because I wanted something for John to do that didn't take him away from family life. He lost sixteen years of his life and I wanted him to have something that gave him the freedom to dote on his baby a lot :)

Anyways this story could have been finished like three months ago, if only I could have posted a little better. But my next one I will update better since it won't start until after Labor Day weekend and that signals the end of summer and that means work won't be cray cray. But until then I have a couple little things to post and lots of reading to catch up on.

Thank you for reading!


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